Chapter 30

Adrian's POV

After dinner, me and Derek went back to the dorms and chilled for the rest of the night. He still doesn't know that Devin and Alicia probably saw us kissing in public, and I don't even know for sure if Devin and Alicia saw us, but when I looked up, there they were, staring at us. Maybe I'll try to talk to them at some point, to try to trick them into telling me that they did see me and Derek kissing in the restaurant.

If they did, I'm telling Derek immediately. I want there to be no secrets in our relationship other than him not being out, which I'm fine with because his mom is homophobic. It wouldn't be the best idea for him to be out.

I went to sleep last night with a very cloudy mind. I texted Devin to ask if he and Alicia could swing by tomorrow so I could talk to them. I'm gonna word a few questions in a certain way to see if they actually saw us kissing.

The next morning...

I'm anxiously waiting in my room for Devin and Alicia to get here. I trust them. I know they won't say anything to anyone else. Devin had to deal with this shit with Cameron and Aaron before, and he didn't tell anyone else other than Cam, and that was what kind of screwed some things between Cam and Aaron up temporarily. They're together now though, and happier than I've ever seen people before.

I'm sitting on the couch, biting my nails like crazy, craving a lemonade, and stressing about what they're gonna say. I might be stressing about what Derek is gonna say soon. If Devin and Alicia actually did see us, I don't want Derek to freak out about it. I want to stay with him forever.

I hear the door open and in walks Devin and Alicia, their faces looking pretty awkward. That does not bode well for me. If they walked in super nonchalantly or looking confused, it would've made me more hopeful, but it seems like they definitely know what's up.

"Hey," I say timidly.

"Hi, Adrian," Alicia says.

"So, uh-" I start but Devin cuts me off.

"Listen Adrian, we both saw you kiss Derek yesterday. We are not gonna sugarcoat anything here, we saw you two and just want to let you know that there is not chance we will tell anyone. We understand if Derek is gay or bisexual and doesn't want to come out. We will respect his decision and not tell anyone. We have no need to tell anyone, we wouldn't be getting anything from that. I hope you understand that we won't out him, okay?" Devin tells me.

"Yeah. We respect you and Derek," Alicia says. "By the way, you two are super cute together."

"Uh, thanks. You've dealt with this before, right?" I ask them.

"Yeah. Cam and Aaron."

"Should I tell Derek that you know about us?"

"I think you should let him know. It's better to tell him now then to have it abruptly ruin something in the future. I think Derek cares about you too much, by the way, Adrian. He wouldn't want to hurt you," Devin tells me.

"He really likes you. I don't think it's normal for a guy that hasn't come out to kiss someone in the middle of a packed restaurant. That's basically coming out right there," Alicia points out.

"Yeah. I guess that's true," I realize, still stressing either way. "But I'm still scared. What if he isn't okay with it?"

"Then win him back again. Even if he doesn't want to still date you, you'll probably stay friends, and that's how you guys got together originally, right?" Alicia asks.

"Yeah. He just asked me one day if he could kiss me. I didn't expect it at all. And yes, we've been dating for the last two weeks and he's been so good to me."

"See? I don't think he'll want to leave you, Adrian. You're awesome," Alicia tells me.

"Still, I'm gonna be super stressed about telling him. I don't want to," I state.

"It's okay to stress it Adrian. It's normal. You're falling for someone you really like, and now you have to tell him something that you don't really want to tell him. Just let him know that me and Alicia won't say anything, okay? Please trust us," Devin says.

"Okay. Thanks for the help. I'm gonna tell him now."

"No problem," they both say at the same time.

I take a deep breath and leave my room, walking over to Derek's room. Hopefully DeShaun isn't here right now, that would make things a little bit complicated. Derek did say at some point that DeShaun goes to the main campus early everyday anyways, so he might be gone already. I'm hoping that's the case.

I feel my palms get sweaty and my breathing getting a little more strained. I don't want him to be mad.

I take one last deep breath and pray that I don't freak out as I knock on Derek's door.

The door opens and Derek is standing there, and his face lights up as he sees me, but quickly turns to a look of concern as he notices how stressed I look.

"Adri, what's wrong?" he asks.

"They know," I whisper.

"Who knows? Hold on, come in."

"Devin and Alicia! They know you're gay," I say, a tear falling from my eye. "They know about you and me dating."

"Really? How?" he asks very calmly.

"They saw us kissing last night while we were having dinner." I'm full on crying now, I shouldn't be crying all the way right now, because I do trust that Derek will make the right decision and stay with me even though other people know we're together.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I don't want you to leave me because people know about you being gay," I tell him, my voice cracking halfway through the sentence.

"Oh my God. Adri," he says, wrapping his arms around me. "Do you think I care that two of our closest friends know that we're together?"

"I don't know."

"Well, the answer is, I don't. Our relationship is more than being secret, and I feel like at some point we will have to go public. I don't mind if some people know I'm gay. You mean so much to me, more than other people knowing about me. I wouldn't leave you over something that small."

"Really?" I ask for some reason.

"Yes really. I feel so free when I'm with you. I've literally never felt what I feel when I'm with you before. When I'm with you, I just feel so much joy that I wish I could've experienced earlier in my life, but I was living a lie. With you, I can be myself and finally be with someone I actually like so much. You have no idea how happy you make me, Adri, and I want to feel this forever."

I dig my head into his chest and continue to sob, no longer really sad tears falling. I'm just relieved that he doesn't want to leave me.

"Do you wanna skip class today?" he asks and I nod.

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I wanna spend time with you."

"Thanks," I say.

He pulls me into his lap and rubs my back and kisses my forehead over and over again, calming me down. My crying stops and I wrap my arms around his torso too.

"I'm dumb," I laugh.

"No. You're not. I'm actually glad you were sad about me possibly leaving you. It means I'm important to you. And that means so much to me."

"I care about you so much. I also haven't felt this kind of happiness with anyone else besides you. You make me so happy, Derek," I tell him.

"I'm glad. By the way, Aaron also knows I'm gay. I came out to him when I was trying to figure out a good way to ask you out."

"You were willing to do that for me?"

"Of course I was. I was falling for you, Adri. I was seriously going crazy about you every single day. You're so perfect and happy and your smile makes me want to kiss you so much for hours. My mind was so numb because I couldn't stop thinking about you," he rambles.

"I've felt that way for years."

"I know. And I should've realized that."

I get my head away from his chest and passionately kiss him, closing my eyes and smiling while my mind relaxes and a sense of relief washes over me. Derek wants to stay with me, and he doesn't mind that people know he's gay. This is like a dream come true. Derek holding me in his arms while I kiss him after he just told me that he doesn't care about being super secret anymore.

"We'll be okay. We'll be okay," Derek says, looking into my eyes. "I won't leave you."

"I won't leave you," I say back before putting my lips back onto his. He pulls me even closer to him so our chests are touching.

"You're the reason I want to get out of bed in the morning," he whispers. "You make me want to be great at what I do."

He slowly starts rocking my body back and forth in his arms, rubbing my back and kissing me all over my face. The butterflies in my stomach are gonna start blowing up. Derek is so unbelievably sweet and I am sure I'm in love now. He was so calm in his reaction when I told him that Devin and Alicia know about us.

"You've been through so much, Adri. I want to be a stable part of your life," he tells me.

"Thanks. I want to be a stable part of your life too."

"You've been that for me for a couple months now. Someone I know I can be open with. Someone I can talk to about anything, and I know you'll listen to me, no matter how boring my stories are. I'm falling in love with you, Adri. Very soon, I'll forget what my life was like before you and me started dating. I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to feel alone and helpless again. I want to feel free and liberated the way I am with you. I want to feel what I feel when I'm with you all the time."

"You make me feel genuine happiness. I haven't felt this happy before. I was depressed through most of high school. I just wore a happy face and hoped no one would ask me how I'm doing, because I would just break down in front of everyone. But you can ask how I'm doing and I'll tell you with full honesty without having to be sad about it. You know how to calm me down and feel so precious," I ramble.

"That's because you are important."

He places another kiss on my forehead and smiles down at me. I smile back up at him and kiss his clothed chest. I'm Derek's and Derek's mine. This is just so perfect. I have a caring boyfriend that doesn't actually give a fuck about other people knowing he's gay. As long as his parents don't know about him, he'll be fine.

"Do you wanna take a nap?" Derek asks. "Crying can make people tired."

"Okay," I say, beginning to get up out of his arms.

"Do you wanna sleep in my arms?"

I stop getting up and decide I would love to sleep in Derek's strong hands while he rubs my back.

"Yeah," I answer.

"Okay."

I close my eyes and before I'm about to actually fall asleep, I hear Derek humming the tune to the song Open Arms by SZA. I can't fully hear his voice, but I am sure it's absolutely beautiful. I love that song and Derek knows that. We put each other onto music in the last couple weeks and that's one of the songs I showed him. He cried the first time he heard it and has been listening to it nonstop since the minute I played it for him.

I easily fall asleep in Derek's strong arms, feeling safer than I've ever felt before while Derek continues to hum songs that he knows I love.

When I wake up, Derek is running his hands through my hair as he stares at my face. He sees my eyes open and his lips quirk up. I don't think anyone's ever been this crazy over me. I really still can't process how much Derek actually likes me.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks.

"I slept well," I answer, my voice froggy.

"Do you want to go somewhere for lunch?"

"Sure."

I sit up better, still in his lap because I have no desire to get away from Derek. He makes me feel safe and I don't want to not be safe with someone. He kisses my cheek and I kiss him back, on the lips instead.

"You're gorgeous," he tells me for the 1,000th time.

"Thanks. You're really hot."

"We should start using pet names," he suggests.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. I feel like you would know best what name to call me. I think I already have an idea about what to call you."

"What would that be?" I question.

"You'll figure it out. I'll start calling you the name regularly."

"What should I call you?"

"Again, that's up to you. Any name would be nice coming from you. I call you Adri all the time, you could find a nickname you want for me," he says.

"Your name is not a name that can be made into a nickname."

"I mean. Yeah, but you can figure something out. Like you could call me Big D."

I look at him unamused before breaking out into laughter and hugging him tight. I am betting my life on him packing a superhuman python in his pants. However, I will not be calling Derek Big D because that seems like a nickname someone would have for their best friend, not their boyfriend. I could call him babe or baby, that would work for me.

"I won't be calling you Big D, Derek. It sounds too bro-ey," I tell him.

"True. You can just keep calling me Derek until you come up with someone. I won't go straight to calling you the pet name I have for you, I'll just stick with Adri or Adrian when the situation is serious."

"Okay."

He wraps his arms around my body and holds me again, with me still in his lap. I love when he's holding me and just kissing me repeatedly all over my face except for my lips. It's just so sweet and really affectionate.

"I have an idea for Christmas," I tell him.

"What is it?"

"I could tell my parents about you, and then you could come with us on Christmas depending on if they approve or not."

"Maybe," he clearly ponders. "Where are you and your family going?"

"We go to Hawaii for Christmas every year for like 2 and a half weeks. All my first cousins come as well, it's really fun."

"Do you think I would actually be welcome there? It seems like a family only thing."

"Well, yeah, but my cousin has brought her boyfriend a couple times. I think it will be okay if you come, but I'll still check with my parents. I know we probably can't spend Thanksgiving together, but I would like for our first holiday as a couple to be Christmas," I state.

"Yeah. That would be nice. I can buy you so many things and you can't complain about me spending money on you because it's Christmas," he laughs.

"Why do you spend so much money on me? You're the one that didn't have a good childhood."

"What's saying I didn't?" he asks.

"Your mom probably."

"Fair. But you didn't have the best childhood. You and I both had the fact that we were terrified of coming out in common. Neither of us wanted to be judged by other people, and not coming out was the easiest thing to do," he tells me.

I kiss him on the cheek. "But you grew up with no father and a mother who's only purpose in life was to dislike the community that we can relate to the most. Do you not have that much trauma from her spreading her hate to you? When did you realize that she hates gay people?"

"I realized that she hates gay people when I was around 11. She told me that my cousin was bisexual, and that I shouldn't be talking to him anymore. I haven't talked to him anymore because my mom was worried about him spreading the gay disease to me. It didn't take me long to understand that being gay or bi isn't contagious unless you look like, well, you. Anyways, she would start asking me about if I'm meeting any girls at school when I was like 13, so an 8th grader. She was tweaking out on me every time I would tell her that I haven't met anyone that I like yet. By that time I knew damn well I was gay, by the way. I was so terrified of my mom. She was such an asshole and when she met her asswipe boyfriend Chad, that just bolstered my fear. I knew I had to do something quick, so for my own safety, I did a stupid thing and dated a girl that I knew I didn't like. It was a mistake and I feel kinda bad now. But dating you now really makes me feel so free, Adri. I can be myself for the first time in my life and it's just so refreshing because I hated hiding myself," he tells me. I listen to every word he just said.

"That sounds like trauma, Derek."

He chuckles a little and I look into his eyes, which are watering a tiny bit. I hug him and he digs his head into my shoulder, letting himself cry. Crying in front of each other has actually been a good way to get closer. We've seen each other in vulnerable spots before, and crying is a very vulnerable state.

"It's okay, Derek. You're free," I whisper.

"Thank you, Adri. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you've changed my life for the better. I know real, genuine, romance for the first time, and it's because of you. Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me, Derek. I want to make you feel better. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that shit when you were a kid."

He pulls his head away from the crook of my neck and stares into my eyes before cupping my face and passionately kissing me.

"You didn't deserve what happened to you when you were younger. You've been such a bright spot in my life for so long and you really powered through all of that stuff so well. You still had a huge smile on your face every day in school, I literally had no idea that you were going through tough times. I get where your trauma comes from. You were a kid, and your mom molded your mind in a way that made you hate yourself and I really feel so bad for you," I tell him.

"I wish I had your parents."

"They are great. You'll like them when you meet them in Hawaii."

He grins at me before pulling me into another tight hug. He smells so good and he's all I can smell right now with my face up against his chest. I like our height difference. It's kinda hot honestly. My boyfriend is superhuman height.

"You're a perfect boyfriend, Adri," he whispers. "You have no idea."

"You're better."

"No I'm not."

"Should we do something?" I ask.

"I don't really want to."

"Cool."

We continue to sit there for the next couple hours, him hugging me while kissing the top of my head over and over again while I play with his hair a little bit. His hair is really a work of art in my opinion, and he says the curls are natural, not even permed.

Me and Derek have been a good couple so far. I am so overjoyed by how he's treating me, and I think he is also falling in love with me despite him trying to act nonchalant. I know more about him than basically every other person in the world other than him, and he's totally okay with telling me secrets that no one else knows. Him trusting me is such an important part of this relationship because I want there to be no secrets.

I just hope his mom doesn't try shit to ruin the two of us.

A/N: The lesson here is communication is a good thing. Obviously things went differently when Devin learned about Adrian and Derek from when he found out about Aaron and Cameron. Adrian, instead of just keeping the information from Derek like Aaron did to Cam, he told Derek straight up and Derek was happy about the fact that Adrian was honest with him. I am really loving these two together I think they are really cute and I am excited to start writing smut for them! It's gonna be in a couple chapters, so get excited.

Now, I know a lot of you have been waiting for me to announce who the next book will be on, and I am announcing it right now.

The next book will be Kai and Jax. I really love best friends to lovers books, they are seriously some of the sweetest books I've ever read, and I have been teasing this for a while, especially in this book. Thank you so much for reading, you are all the reason I want to keep writing. Thank you!!!