Vol. 1: Twenty-Two

+ LOVING ELIJAH MCCAY +

VOL. 1: CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Elijah is walking in front of me, and I've got my hands stuffed deeply into my sweatshirts pockets, watching as he walks both confidently and nonchalantly. Once we've made it over to his car, he pulls the passenger side door open, and waits patiently for me to sit.

Just like he had done when we hung out for the very first time. And the gesture never fails to leave me breathless, as cliche as it is.

I whisper a soft, "thank you," and hide my face into the crook of my sweatshirt, while sliding into the seat. The door is shut behind me, and he's rounding over to the drivers side.

Once we're on our way, I catch myself glancing over at him every few seconds, trying to get a reaction out of him. Was he nervous like I was? Or was he just fine? And for the life of me, I couldn't tell a thing.

The car is quiet for almost an entirety of twelve minutes—I had been counting—when he finally turned toward me, and began to speak.

"Fair warning," the car stops completely, when we reach a red light. "My closest buddy, KJ, can be a lot at times. But he's a good guy, once you get to know him."

I nod quietly, wondering if this so-called KJ and I would get along. I could only hope. "Is that all who'll be there?"

He shakes his head. "No, no. My cousin, Jenny and her girlfriend, Taylor will be there. They're really cool, I think the three of you will hit it off. But be ware, they're very prone to PDA." Elijah chuckles softly toward the end of his sentence.

I can't help the smile that overtakes my face when I hear that his cousin's got a girlfriend. It's nice to hear that I won't be the only one there, who's attracted to the same sex.

"A girlfriend, huh? That's pretty cool." I lean onto my left side, knees pointed toward Elijah as he drives, now indulging into conversation.

He only nods, "yeah, they're good together."

I can't help but ask one more question. I want to know more about him, more about his friends, his life—and I want him to feel comfortable sharing these things with me. "And do all of you go to Michigan State together?"

And my heart becomes joyful when I realize he's speaking again. "Yeah, I'm in my second year there. KJ, too. But Jenny and Taylor are freshman's."

I nod, gathering whatever information he's feeding me, so that I'm able to contribute to upcoming conversation later in the night, and not sound like a complete idiot.

My eyes catch sight of the Ferris wheel first, and there's lots of children and adults riding it, with joyous smiles on their lively faces. I watch as Elijah struggles to find a parking space, flipping someone off in the process.

It gravels a laugh from my belly.

He's finally able to park, pulling into the closest available spot there is. He pulls open the glove compartment, and in there, lies two water bottles, and a box of what seems to be condoms.

He doesn't acknowledge the condoms, only hands me one of the bottles, and unlocks the doors swiftly. But my heart sinks slightly at the thought of him doing things with other people.

But only a second later, it occurs to me—that I have no reason to be jealous or standoffish, because that would never be me.

Elijah notices my expression, and leans in slightly, green eyes catching mine. "Are you good? You nervous or something?"

Yes, very nervous. And jealous.

I shake my head, conjuring up the biggest smile I can muster. Though, it isn't entirely real. "I'm okay, and no, I'm not nervous. Just a little tired."

He doesn't seem to believe me, but takes the answer anyway, sliding out of the drivers seat slowly. Once again, the door is being pulled open for me, and I thank him.

I've brought money with me, but he doesn't allow me to pay for any of my tickets. And it sort of reminds me of whenever Terrance and I would go out—and he's insist on paying for everything.

Although, with Terrance, those were dates. And with Elijah—this was so not a date. And he'd made that perfectly clear that night at the diner.

We walk through swarms of people, and almost all of them find their way to bump into me in the process. Never once gracing me with an apology. But when I look over, Elijah hasn't run into anyone, and is walking vastly.

His steps are quicker than mine, and once I've finally caught up, he seems to find himself ten steps ahead, once more.

A little ways before us, is a guy, who's beauty I can definitely acknowledge without hesitation. He's got dark hair, and the bluest eyes I've ever seen. A cigarette is hanging from his slightly parted lips, and there's a bandage around one of his closed fists. Which I'm guessing is from fighting, or a freak accident.

His eyes catch mine, and his expression drowns in distaste. Oh, god.

Beside him, is a blonde girl, who I can swear I've seen before. And when I look to her right, and see a short, dark-skinned girl—I realize that they are the same girls from the photo with Elijah.

The photo that seemed to be at a lake, and I had always wondered if maybe he was seeing one them. But I know now, that they are seeing each other.

Elijah greets the boy first. "Hey, man, long time no see." There's a sadness to his words. Like he misses him.

The blue-eyed boy smacks his teeth together, flicking the butt of his cigarettes, and giving Elijah a harsh shove. "Fuck you, dude. You disappeared without telling anyone. Where the hell did you go?"

Elijah heaves a heavy sigh, leaning back onto a brick wall, that seems to be leading into the men's restroom. And I wonder why they've picked this place to meet up. "I went home. Had some shit to sort through."

The other boy nods in understanding, and I'm assuming that this is infamous KJ that Elijah was warning me about. But what I didn't understand, was why there was a warning in the first place. Considering, he hadn't even acknowledged my existence yet.

Elijah seems to suddenly remember that he hadn't come alone, and is pulling me forward to finally meet everyone. "This is Gage, a friend of mine from back home."

The title seems fitting for our friendship.

The shorter girl, whose features drastically match Elijah's, is the first to jut her hand toward me, ready to introduce herself. "I'm Jennifer, but you can call me Jenny." She pushes the blonde toward me, who looks a little hesitant to come towards me for whatever reason.

"And this is my girlfriend, Taylor." Taylor finally shakes my hand, and grants me a small smile.

And after meeting the two of them, majority of my awkwardness seems to float away. They're very easy people to feel comfortable with.

KJ has still yet to introduce himself, and I wonder if for whatever reason—he doesn't like me very much. And I'm beginning to realize, that I don't think I like him very much either.

The five of us, find a bench just beside a cotton candy booth, and right to the left of a popcorn machine. My senses intensity with all of the smells overwhelming my nose. And I make a mental note to grab a bag of popcorn before I leave.

Elijah sits beside me, and the girls takes the opposite side of the bench, leaving KJ to sit beside me.

In the corner of my eye, I can see that he's rolling his, fingers dropping his cigarette on the ground, and loudly stomping on it before sitting.

"So, Gage," he begins, and I grant him with my full attention, trying not to let my distaste for his attitude to outshine my gratitude for everyone else's kindness. "How did you meet my buddy here?"

I think of the moment at the candy store, the night of Terrance's party, and my freshman orientation, which was actually the first time we ever officially spoke to one another.

I settle with the candy store moment, hoping Elijah follows suit. "Well, I was just getting candy one night from some local store, and we ran into each other—"

"Oh, you ran into each other?" Both of KJ's eyebrows raise on his pale forehead, and my cheeks flush when I realize he's mocking me.

"Y-Yeah, we ran into each other."

Elijah finally jumps into our conversation, brilliant eyes rolling in annoyance. "Leave him alone, KJ." He says, not bothering to look up from his cellphone.

I look over to Taylor and Jenny, only to find them in their own little world, whispering sweet nothing to one another, as KJ continues to interrogate me.

"And how long have you known Elijah?" He stares for a moment too long, and I can feel the panic rising in my chest.

The stuttering never stops. "I-I um, it h-hasn't been that l-long—"

"KJ, walk with me." Elijah abruptly stands from his seat, jaw clenched with a lot more than just annoyance this time. He stuffs his cellphone into his pocket, and walks off with a smug looking KJ.

Once the two of them are out of sight, my heartbeat finally begins to slow.

Jenny leans away from Taylor, coming in close to say something. I lean in to meet her halfway, waiting for her to speak. "He isn't always like this, you know? He just doesn't do well with newcomers."

I want to make a joke about how someone could have warned me, but technically Elijah had in the car. I had just hoped he was joking. "Yeah, I can see that." I laugh.

She sends a sorry smile, "but for what it's worth, you seem like a cool guy. And I hope you've been taking care of Eli, while he's been in Chicago."

I frown mildly. "What do you mean?"

She shrugs, fingers tangled with Taylor's, who simply watches our conversation flow. "After everything happened with his mom and dad, he's been in kind of a rut. And he hasn't been answering anyone's messages or calls. It was a miracle we got him to hang out today. Even if it meant driving all the way out here to Chicago, to check on him."

I nod understandingly, happy that Elijah has people who would do something like this for him. And I realize that I would the exact same for Rick—as he would for me. It's what you do for the people you love.

She leans back over to Taylor, the two of them getting lost in one another again. And I take it upon myself to stand, and find something to preoccupy myself with.

I stop at the popcorn stand, ordering a small bag of kettle corn, and a light soda. The popcorn isn't as good as expected, but while holding it, I realize that I won't look as silly as I did, when I was empty handed.

I wander for a little while longer, making my way over to the photo booth. A couple cones emerging out, smiles on their faces. I watch as the strangers walk away, as happy as can be.

Without a moments hesitation, I slide into the booth, paying for a basic set of pictures. Of just myself, my popcorn, and my soda. And I assume that this is as good as tonight can get.

The sun begins to set, as the photos are being taken, and I laugh at my own ability to spice up lonesome photos with weird facial expressions.

I swipe the photos from the slot, and just as I'm about to pull the curtain back, two people leak themselves against the photo booth, engaging in conversation.

I halt, listening intently when I recognize one of the voices to be Elijah. Where had he been all this time?

"KJ, seriously, don't be a dick, he's just trying to have a good time." Who was he talking about?

KJ laughed spitefully, and I could almost hear my heartbeat in my ears. The fear of getting caught eavesdropping clear in my overworked chest. "He's trying to have a good time with you, Eli. Don't act like you didn't see it. He was all batting his eyelashes and shit."

"He was not."

"Oh, please—I could clearly make out his heart eyes whenever he looks at you. Oh, Elijah, please fuck me!"

A lonesome tear slipped down my heated cheek, as I waited for Elijah to say something—anything. And when he did, my heart officially stopped it's beating, effectively skipping a few. "Oh, come on, as if that would ever happen."

His words remind of what he said at the diner, and the tears never stop coming. "Stop crying, stop crying, stop crying." I whisper to myself, shoulders heaving in regret.

The two of them continue on, speaking on the fact that Elijah and I would never happen, and that I'd just kill to have a moment with him. A moment of weakness, where he would look at me, and say the words that I'd always dreamt of hearing him say.

I like you, too.

They laughed about that, too. And although Elijah never insinuated his own crude comments, he laughed along with KJ, as he seemed to know things that I had never, ever said to anyone else.

Maybe my facial expressions had been too pure, too open—and Elijah knew how I felt.

I was so humiliated, the tears never stopped falling. And when the two of them finally walked away, I let the sobs seep out from between my parted lips, hugging my knees up my chest with frightening might.

I'm not sure how long I stayed in that position. How long I allowed myself to cry over someone who would never look at me the way I looked at them, over the fact that he could laugh about it with his friends.

And I wondered if that was the only reason he brought me here—to break my heart.

I reached into my pocket, dipping into in search for my cellphone. My fingers dialed that same number I was always familiar with.

And I prayed he would pick up.

And of course, he did.

Rick seemed surprised at the sobs leaving my throat, voice firm on what was going on, and why I was crying so hard. "Gage? Gage, what the hell is going on? Why are you crying?"

"R-Rick, I need your help, could you come pick me up?"