(52) One in a Million

Typically after a closing shift, Makennah could shower and fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

However, the haunting information she carried with her kept her awake until two in the morning. Her mind wandered in endless circles. Although she was tired, she just couldn't fall asleep. That was the worst feeling at all.

Makennah blamed her insomnia on the insane amount of unanswered questions and burdening secrets.

Finally, when she got sick enough of thinking in circles, she tossed back the covers, dressed in some presentable jammies, and tip toed down the stairs. Maybe she could get some help with the inquiries that were pressing on her mind.

Guilt stopped her in her tracks on the verandah at the bottom of the attic stairs. What right did she have to tell anyone's secret? Just because she was feeling overwhelmed didn't mean she had to blab. But it felt like too much. That same feeling that grew in her chest once more felt like it might seize her lungs and force them to collapse. She had to shake the anxiety that controlled her.

And she had to do it without smoking a cigarette. Cause that's what she truly craved deep in her bones.

She knocked on Matt's door. And waited.

He answered quickly, dressed in sweatpants and a Wolverines sweatshirt. "Hey, it's two in the morning," he said quietly.

She nodded. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Matt swung the door wide open and stepped out of her way. She welcomed herself inside and plopped down on the couch where Matt was previously playing video games. Now, the game was paused. "Everything okay?"

She perched on the edge of couch and wrung her hands together over and over again nervously. "Yeah, I just...I have to tell you something."

Matt sat down beside her. There was a beer on the coffee table that he picked up. She wondered where she got it from. "Is it about Cassandra?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No." That was something else entirely that they needed to discuss. "It's about...your grandpa."

A shadow washed over his face. His once peaceful features frowned and turned...angry, almost. She was unsure of what emotion he was expressing but she could sense that he was trying to hide it as best he could. "What about him?"

Makennah breathed deeply. "Listen...I don't wanna do this. I don't wanna tell you because I'm not supposed to. Your grandpa just died and...and I'm so sorry. But people keep...I keep just loading all these secrets on myself. I'm not trying to be selfish. I really tried to be considerate and keep it to myself but I'm not even sure what to do so..."

"Makennah, you can tell me. Whatever it is," Matt assured her, sipping from the bottle.

"Just...don't get mad at me okay?" She lifted her head and made eye contact in the dark room, illuminated solely by the tv. The glow cast shadows over his features. "I don't like when you're mad at me," she admitted quietly.

Somehow, Matt managed a small smile. "I won't be mad, Mack."

"Okay last thing..." Again, Makennah sucked air deep into the lowest portions of her lungs, inflating her chest, sending oxygen surging through her body. That natural reaction did nothing to calm her nerves or steady her trembling hands. "Whatever I have to say and whatever happens, please just remember what you know about your grandpa. Remember how you love him. I don't have family.  I've never had family. I don't have anything like what you have. So you just...you just have to keep loving your grandpa and everyone else no matter what you hear."

Matt's brow puckered in confusion. His forehead wrinkled with unspoken questions. "Alright."

So she dove in. "Tonight, your grandma - Elizabeth Rothair - visited me at work. It was weird...she asked me about myself. Weird things. And then she asked me a favor." Makennah was still wrapping her mind around it. She just didn't understand. "She said at the funeral and calling hours that people might say bad things about your grandma. She asked me to watch out for you guys and specifically Carolynn so that you all don't overhear anything bad about him...since you guys love him and think good things about him. She made it sound like it was a pretty big deal, that people would try to slander his name and all this stuff."

As Makennah spoke, Matt gradually leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He breathed evenly and calmly. When she finished, he swallowed and licked his lips. "You're right. That's weird."

"I shouldn't have told you. I just..." she dragged her hands through her hair. It was stupid to even bring this up. In the wake of his grandfather's death, the last thing Matt needed was to bear the weight of this secret with her.

"Mack, it's okay," Matt assured her again. He scooted closer. "It's okay."

"Do you have any idea what she might be talking about? Have you ever heard anything?" Makennah asked.

Matt shook his head slowly. He was still so calm and collected. She craved that level of peace and comfort. "No, I haven't. We all loved him. He was a great grandpa. He was supportive...came to all of our games and activities. You just never saw him. My parents didn't want you to meet them for awhile because they didn't wanna overwhelm you." Makennah nodded in understanding. Elizabeth mentioned the same thing. "But you would have loved him too. Everyone loved him." Matt picked up his beer bottle again and turned it around in his hands to see the back of the label. "But I guess not everyone. Did she hint at anything he might have done?"

"Not at all." That's what was so annoying. She regretted not pressing Elizabeth for more answers about her husband's apparent wrongdoings. "She just said...she just said..." Makennah replayed the conversation over and over again in her mind. "She said near the end that her husband wasn't himself. He changed and did things he shouldn't have."

Matt sighed. "Grandpa was a businessman. He invested in other companies. Maybe he made some mistakes."

"Maybe." She shrugged. "It didn't sound like that but maybe. It sounded bad, like people hated him."

Matt listened and disgusted everything she said, soaking it all in. "Sometimes that happens in business. Bad business decisions can cost people their jobs, their money, all sorts of stuff. It could have been illegal which is why she doesn't want us to know about it."

Guilt gnawed at her insides and her mind. "I'm sorry for telling you."

"Don't be. It's okay. And I'm not mad at you." Matt lifted his hand and laid it on her shoulder. The physical touched healed a sliver darkness inside of her that she didn't know just needed a little kindness.

"Elizabeth made it sound like this news would crush you all. She just wants to protect you. I'm not sure how to keep this information from getting around to you guys and Carolynn especially."

Matt reclined in his seat and finished off his beer. "It could be difficult."

"I don't want to fail," she said.

"You won't. I'll help you."

Makennah reclined too and twisted her head to look at him. "You don't have to do this with me. I can do it. I just had to tell someone...someone that knew Elizabeth and might be able to give me some insight."

For the first time, Makennah noticed the mini fridge in the corner of the room beside the huge television from which Matt sifted out another beer. He popped the top off and washed back a swig. "Thank you for telling me. Whatever it is...if we find out, we'll keep it from Mom and Dad. And the bros. No one has to know. And if you know or find out, you don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable. That way you'll be doing that favor for Grandma."

Closing her eyes, Makennah sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. Some of the heaviness that dragged her down seemed to be lifting. The anxiety in her chest still dwelled there but not because of Elizabeth or her husband or their secret.

But because of the Sinclair's secret. The secret about trying to be her legal guardians. The secret about taking her away from her mom for forever.

"You kinda look worse not better after telling me," Matt pointed out.

"I feel worse," she mumbled. Fatigue dripped through her body, taking over her limbs.

"Lay down. I'm just gonna keep playing." Matt sat down and picked up his PlayStation controller. The tv went to sleep while they talked but the game continued off of pause with the click of a button.

Without a blanket, Makennah curled up sideways on the couch, wrapping her arms around her knees. Hugging all of her limbs to her chest, some anxiety subsided. When she was little, Makennah would lay on her bed with her back against the wall and her head buried in pillows. To feel totally secure, she would curl into a ball, and wrap herself up in a blanket tightly. Then she tucked pillows all around her legs like a fort.

In times of magnanimous stress, her old habits took over. She pressed her back against the couch and curled up as tightly as possible. She was thankful that Matt invited her to stay longer because she really wanted to. After a day like this, she didn't want to be alone. Not physically. She could handle the not talking and the not interacting. In fact, at two am, she kind of liked it. Texting Theo exhausted her so she faked that she was going to sleep. She thought he might still be awake because sometimes he stayed up late and watched movies or played video games. But thinking about going back to her room all alone and going to bed didn't sound attractive to her.

"Matt..."

"Yeah Mack?"

"I saw this stack of papers on the counter in the kitchen. It was legal paperwork to apply to be a legal guardian in case of improper living situations and stuff like that."

Matt paused the game.

"Did you know?"

He restarted the game.

"Did they talk to you about it?" She whispered.

Buttons clicked. Shooting sounded from the television. The screen flashed red when Matt's character started to die.

"The papers were on the counter?" He asked which didn't really shed any light on the situation for her.

"Yeah. Like someone forgot them."

"Probably Dad. He's been running around like a chicken with his head cut off," Matt explained.

"So...you knew about the papers?" She asked. It sounded like he did.

"I shouldn't tell you anything," he said.

"Matt!" She yelled suddenly very angry. He knew and he needed to tell her now. "I didn't have to say anything about your grandpa but I did. You owe me!"

Matt smirked. "I'm not gonna ruin a huge surprise."

"So it's true! They're trying to become my legal guardians? For like how long?"

Matt shrugged. "Forever I guess."

Forever.

For the rest of her life? Living with the Sinclair's? Coming home to the Sinclair's. Growing old with the Sinclair Brothers. Watching them get married. Watching them have children. Graduating from Braxton High. Getting jobs, growing up, and loving out.

Not to mention, Holidays with the Sinclair's like July 4th, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Plus birthdays and celebrations and promotions. Family reunions and gatherings and feasts.

Makennah Claire Thomas, a girl from the hood, living and sharing life with the Sinclair's.

"Are you serious?" Makennah didn't want to say anything. Didn't want to breathe. Didn't want to jinx it. She was afraid to do anything.

"Yeah," Matt glanced at her. "You have to act surprised when you they tell you."

Mentally, she forced her body to relax every single muscle that clenched tightly in anticipation. "What are they going to say?"

"I don't know." He shrugged while he played his game, eyes on the screen. "They sat us all down and asked us what we thought about making you a permanent part of our family. We all agreed of course."

Makennah sat up straight. "Are you serious?"

Matt pauses the game when he died and looked at her seriously. "Of course. You're family, Mack."

"Me?"

Matt laughed and spawned into the game again. "Yeah who else?"

"Are you serious?" She asked again. She didn't believe it. She didn't believe any of it.

"Mack," he said sternly. "Stop asking that. Of course I'm serious. You saw the papers. Those are obviously serious."

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears as the blood rushes to her head. Lightheaded, she felt like she might pass out. A little. Kind of.

"That is, if you want to stay with us. They won't force you to."

Makennah swallowed past the lump in her throat. How could she ever turn them down? How could she ever tell the Sinclair's that she didn't want to live with them. She couldn't. Ever.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered.

"Yes. You just have to say yes."

"When are they going to ask me?" She asked.

Matt growled and clenched his hand into a fist when he died again. "I don't know for sure. They were going to ask you over thanksgiving but now with Grandpa...I don't know."

She nodded. "Makes sense." She settled back into the couch cushions and laid her head on a pillow. She wrapped her arms around her ribs to protect her heart from beating out of her chest.

She flashed back to that moment in the meth lab in the country where she found her mom on a dilapidated couch crushing pills and snorting white powder. She remembered telling her mother that she never wanted to see her again and that she could rot in hell. Did she mean it? Did she never want to see her again? Did she want the opportunity and the power to turn her mother down if she ever asked for something from her again? Did she want to completely dismiss the responsibility that she held onto for years of taking care of her mother and making sure Candy Claire Thomas stayed alive?

It sounded easy. Like something that was so obvious. And it was. Makennah knew the obvious answer. Of course, she wanted to let go of all of those things. Of course she wanted to stop rescuing her mother from her own mistakes.

Without a doubt, Makennah knew she would say yes to their proposition. She was ready to leave that life behind her. However, she couldn't describe the feeling that settled in her chest. Perhaps it was just shock that she could finally turn her back on the things in the past and look into a brighter future. No other foster family that she ever met wanted to keep her or keep any foster child for that fact.

This opportunity was one in a million.

———————————————————-

Xoxo

W. Carolina