33a - We could never find any better than her(S1)

IN THE HALL,

"Have you ever thought, Prithvi, what makes us human beings so different from any other mammals?" Abhi posed the question, taking a deep sigh.

"What? Wait, what mammals are you talking about?" Prithvi replied, clearly puzzled. "Sir, I have a reception to attend, and it's tonight," he added, trying to steer the conversation.

"--Coming from the same class, like many of the same species," Abhi continued, completely ignoring Prithvi's attempt to divert the topic. He tapped his fingers against a slim, golden lighter he held, leaning against a pillar. Suddenly, he straightened up, adopting an active posture.

Meanwhile, Prithvi took a puff from his cigarette, turning his face slightly in Abhi's direction as he spoke.

"Have you ever thought about why we humans are so different? Ever given any thought to this idea?" Abhi asked, his curiosity evident as he glanced in Prithvi's direction.

Prithvi opened his mouth to respond, but Abhi swiftly interrupted, raising his hand as if to halt any potential dismissal. "Now, don't you dare cancel out my statement by saying, 'Abhi, I'm not a science prodigy, and neither are you my teacher, nor do I feel any compulsion to answer you,' " Abhi said calmly but firmly, his tone uncharacteristically composed.

Then, in a burst of frustration, Abhi muttered under his breath, "Oh, fuck your excuses, bloody science prodigy," pausing abruptly.

Prithvi looked at him with an expression of quiet acceptance, not shocked but rather accustomed to Abhi's sudden outbursts.

He continued to stare blankly at the floor.

"Because it has nothing to do with your academic background. Now answer with some common sense," Abhi pressed on.

Prithvi remained silent, letting out a weary sigh, which only seemed to fuel Abhi's impatience.

Abhi threw his hands up in exasperation and answered his own question, "It's the consequences, you blockhead."

Prithvi looked up at Abhi, rubbing the tip of his cigarette between his fingers.

"We Humans have consequences for our actions-what we do and what we choose to regret later. This is something that thousands of other species within our class lack." Abhi explained.

Prithvi continued to stare at him, neither interrupting nor showing any emotion, seemingly aware of where the conversation was heading.

"We possess emotional intelligence, EQ," Abhi emphasized with each word, straining to make his point clear.

He licked his lips, which had become dry from talking, while Prithvi continued his motion of rubbing the tip of his cigarette, lost in thought.

Abhi heavlily sighed, his frustration evident as he addressed Prithvi. "And my dear lonely, withdrawn friend, I thought you understood the concept of facing(or)having consequences, for heaven's sake-or whoever's sake. I don't know why we're having the same conversation over and over, but I left you alone in that room to confront your regrets, seek redemption, or whatever else you needed to say. To come to terms with your actions, to be done with it, to not keep anything to yourself," Abhi said, his hand moving quickly as if trying to solve a riddle, attempting to piece together the last part of the puzzle.

"I know," Prithvi replied with a hint of defeat.

"Yes, sir," Abhi retorted sharply. "If I recall correctly -- to make amends for the mistakes you've made."

"Yes, I know. What more now?" Prithvi said, his tone weary.

"Abhi, will you stop now? I get it. You've been talking non-stop for the past half-hour, since I walked out of the room. It's okay; I asked for your help, and you helped me. Now, leave it to me," Prithvi insisted.

Taking a moment to think, he added, "Or do you find my life so fascinating that you can't help but obsess over every detail?" Prithvi questioned, defended himself, feeling slightly caught off guard.

"That's precisely it, Prithvi. My next question was about that, since you mentioned it," Abhi responded.

"Oh, please stop," Prithvi pleaded.

"No, you listen!" Abhi retorted. "Firstly, let's thank God you still have some conscience left," he added sarcastically before becoming serious. "When I left you alone in the room, why did you walk out so soon? Did you think that putting a ring on her finger would fix everything? Did you apologize to her for your past behavior?"

"That actually...I," Prithvi began, attempting to sound casual.

"No, you didn't!" Abhi interjected, cutting him off.

Prithvi sighed.

"Ah, I hate the most those kinds of people, like you," Abhi admitted. "Those who pretend like nothing happened, as if they didn't say or do something that should have definitely consequences. They just expect things to magically resolve themselves."

Abhi scrutinized Prithvi, who hung his head in guilt, listening quietly.

"Prithvi, if you keep clinging to the same old attitudes and memories-" Abhi began but then abruptly changed his approach, asking a completely different question. "How long will you remain stuck in the same old mindset and past memories?"

Prithvi looked up at Abhi, his eyes signaling for him to stop.

Ignoring his plea, Abhi continued, "You haven't moved on from the past yet, have you?"

Seeing Prithvi's face slowly draining of color, Abhi commented, "It's pretty easy for me to say, 'Forget everything.' Well, actually, you should. It's been decades. But if you can't, at least try-"

"Until you don't try to dig deep and unearth those buried feelings, that tunnel of regrets and repentance lurking cowardly inside you will never let you truly live in the present," Abhi advised.

"Remember that." he added.

"However much you fill it with regrets and say, 'That's enough regrets, I'll start acting on my present,now on' no, it won't work! That tunnel will never be fulfilled; it will always be hollow and thirsty."

Prithvi glanced up briefly as Abhi spoke.

"And only until, my friend, this loop will never stop. Until you decide to either put a lid on it, cover it, seal it. Or, on the contrary, fill it with the ashes of hope. Until then, repeat the process until every grain of regret disappears, loses its identity. That way, you'll never get tired, but your past regrets will be minimized. Not only that, but sooner or later, they will ultimately vanish," Abhi explained.

"Otherwise," Abhi warned, "otherwise, if not, then that craving to consume more and more from you will never cease. That gigantic monster hiding inside you will only encourage you to grow more foolish than before, turning your emotions into a raging storm."

"Then those storms will be unleashed on someone much weaker than you, or rather, much younger than you."

"See your face? That's proof of why we keep having to revisit the same issues. I've said my piece; I'm off to work now," Abhi concluded, leaving Prithvi to ponder his words.

"Abhi, by any chance, are you going through any depression or something similar?" Prithvi asked with concern.

"No, why would I?" Abhi replied casually.

"Then why are you talking this way? It doesn't seem like you," Prithvi observed.

"Because you left me no other way. Right, that doesn't sound like me," Abhi retorted.

Prithvi nodded in understanding.

"I'm just telling you as a matter of fact. If you don't take precautions, whatever it is that's affecting you will start draining the color from the 'Healing Angel' who tried to heal you, leaving her colorless like you," Abhi pointed towards his room, then paused.

Prithvi followed his gaze.

Then, Abhi withdrew his hands from his pockets and made an interesting sound.

"Think about it," he continued, lowering his hand. "It's obvious she's scared of you, and why wouldn't she be? And if you think any girl in her position would voice her opinion..."

"Then?" Prithvi echoed, trying to follow Abhi's line of thought.

"No, man, if you're thinking that way, sir, I suggest seeing a psychiatrist. I have someone in mind for you. Get checked out as soon as possible. You need to be the one solving things your way. By having conversations, by making moves, intimidating her-yes, but within limits, sir. You know what I'm referring to-"

"want the number now?" he added casually.

Prithvi looked at him in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"No, I'm serious," he insisted.

"Abhimaan, please stop trying to annoy me with your antics," Prithvi responded, exasperated.

Abhi, with a casual yet cutting tone, remarked, "Man, you must be good at your CEO job; I'm assuming that. you must excel in that craft, No doubt. Or let's put your job as a hotelier, you must excel in that craft too, and welcoming guests must be second nature to you. But you don't seem to me like someone who has yet welcomed his own wife into his life."

"I've already done that, what you're saying is complete nonsense," Prithvi retorted, clearly irritated. "Bullshit, totally. Now you're just saying anything,"

"Oh, you have? Then indulge me a bit more, my dear friend," Abhi said sarcastically. "If you've officially welcomed her into your life and are giving her your name tonight, I'll suggest you to, also welcome her into your heart. Because, believe me, if you forget, I'll put some facts for you,the risks we all face just for existing? They apply to her too, now that she's one of us."

Prithvi fell silent.

He remained quiet for much longer than expected.

Abhi commented, "Now that I've finished my advice, you're free to do whatever you will. And Will you comment or try to speak some-THING?" He eyed Prithvi, noticing his friend's lack of response, before his gaze was drawn to a lady descending from the staircase. Turning back to Prithvi, he raised an eyebrow in surprise, realizing his friend's intense focus on the approaching young beauty.

Observing Prithvi's body language, Abhi's expression became one of realization. He approached Prithvi, his arms folding across his chest as he commented, "leaving everything asides;Why did you put your hand in your pants pocket?"

Startled, Prithvi broke his gaze from the lady and looked at Abhi with a mixture of shock and disgust.

"What?" Abhi said, feigning innocence. "That wasn't there before, was it?" he added casually." if I remember correctly."

Stopping abruptly, he later remarked, "Are you starting to get aroused around her... feeling hard?"

Prithvi, taken aback by Abhi's words, responded sharply, "Do you even think about the consequences of what you say?"

Abhi shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, no! Or maybe. Answer," he teased.

"What?" Prithvi asked, confused. Abhi gestured toward Prithvi's hand still in his pocket.

"Your hand," Abhi clarified.

"It's nothing," Prithvi said, pulling his hand out of his pocket and tossing away the cigarette he held in his other hand.

"Hmm," Abhi murmured, eyeing him with a critical gaze. "Such a disappointment. I would have felt good if things were aligned with my assumptions."

"Sometimes, Prithvi, it feels good to be lost. You don't always need to win. Sometimes, there's victory in losing. The sooner you realize that, the better," Abhi said cryptically.

"What?" Prithvi questioned.

"Meet you tonight. You'll definitely come with her. You don't need me anymore," Abhi said, tapping Prithvi's shoulder before walking away.

Prithvi took a deep breath, his eyes once again drawn to Niharika. He adjusted his tie meticulously, striving for perfection. Just as he began to take decisive steps toward Niharika, a voice called out to him from behind, causing him to halt in his tracks.

***

Niharika's POV:

Was everything I just witnessed merely an act of generosity? I ponder aloud. His sudden change of heart and actions catch me off guard. Just like it was- yesterday, he said so many hurtful things to me. Now, he's trying to act as if nothing happened. Does he always forget so easily? How can he behave so out of character?

I glance down at the floor, lost in thought.

He was so close to me earlier, I can still feel his presence. My hand unconsciously moves to my heart, as if trying to protect it from the memories of his closeness. I rose up from the bed where he had seated me. Where, I moved back, creating a tangible distance between us. He was just inches away, yet for some reason, the familiar fear that usually gripped me was conspicuously absent that time.

Instead, my heart behaved erratically, flickering like a faulty tubelight, its rhythm disrupted and sporadically pounding against my chest. It felt as if the switch controlling it had malfunctioned, making it flicker on and off uncontrollably.

"W..why w..aas my h..heart beha..ving like tha..t?" I whispered to myself, swallowing hard as I tried to make sense of my own reactions.

That time,My words get caught in my throat, I couldn't find my voice. "Th..e.ese beads o..f..f s...sweat..."

"W..w..hy w.w.was I sweating?"

I wiped my forehead, puzzled. How could sweat form in a room so cold that it could make anyone in regular clothes shiver? "T..h..hey're n..n..n..ot there anymo..re," I whispered, realizing there was no trace left of sweat at all-as if it had never been there to begin with, just my imagination playing tricks on me.

Then again, why did I feel an unusual warmth spreading across certain areas of my face and ears, which seemed to grow hotter under his piercing gaze. It felt as if he possessed some sort of enchanting power, drawing me in and casting a spell over me, making me lose my usual composure and self-control.

It was as if he knew some sort of black magic and was casting a spell over & over on me.

"I..s..s he t..t...trying to ma...nipu..late me? To toy with me like so..m..me sort of pu..p..ppet?" A skeptical thought crossed my mind. 'They say that to gain control over someone, you first need to make them feel insecure, and then suddenly make them happy to take control of their life. It's like saying something hurtful and then whispering sweet words to ensnare them. To make other person at a fair loss.'

"y..yes, I've r..e..ead that," I said to myself.

Was he employing this tactic on me? Had he identified my vulnerabilities and was he now using them to break me down, to gain control over me? But why would he want to do that? I already felt powerless in front of him. Was his desire for control insatiable?

And if that wasn't his intent, why was he suddenly doing things that could deeply affect me to a certain extent? Easily moving my heart. Those fanning breaths-I didn't feel disgusted, but it was like if they fanned on my neck for a little longer, it could be the declaration of my death right there.

"L..e..eave eve..r...rything," I said to myself, shaking my head vigorously, not finding any peace.

Looking down at my hand, I questioned the significance of the ring. "W-w-what do..e.es this ring me...a.an?" I muttered, puzzled.

Recalling his exact words, "We are a real couple," I subconsciously touched my cheek, which began to heat up again as I remembered. My cheeks felt warm and flushed, as if they were burning from the inside, although not as intensely as before.

"D...o..oes this m..a..ean a-a-any promise fro..o..m his side?" I said I was still looking at the ring.

"O..r..r just no..t..t..thing-just meani..ngless?"

He could buy ten of the same or a thousand like that, and it would mean nothing. I want to believe in his words, not this. Whether they were real or fake, they matter.

I want to believe that this meant something ordinary to him. Just a small, simple promise. Not something grand, then only it could mean anything to me. Otherwise, it's just one of those things I despise, something I have to wear again and act like his wife, all the while being careful not to cross that invisible line drawn by him. Saying, 'not to act like his wife,' and if I mistakenly cross it and start acting like one.

This ring, if it's not a promise, will become yet another burden to handle. Feeling its weight drowns me. It will be just a piece of stone.

I stared at my finger, with no feelings towards it as I remembered. Like with no meaning, like I need to carry it on the same finger where before him, there was someone else's name's ring, and at that time I felt nothing. Now, his name.

I don't know, I'm feeling afraid that if that comes out, one of his ways to enslave me. If this piece is here to remind me to stay in my limits. Not to talk back. But this sudden urge of need coursing inside to ask so many questions, yet I simply can't. I'm simply in no position to show that disappointment.

And yet again, his face, I can't sway from my forefront. It keeps playing in a loop. When he turns to excuse himself, I'm not wrong, I saw his lip curving, and then next, I heard a low voice of humming as he was chuckling?

However hard I try, I excuse my mind with different ideas, but still, my mind keeps holding onto the same idea: Could this hold something?

"Yuvrani, grace your presence downstairs in the hall; Yuvraj is waiting with his friend," the helper informed me, coming in. "For you," she added at the end.

I sat back, taking my place on the bed. Again, my thoughts started disturbing me. 'For me? Another unexpected event from his side,' I thought.

Then sudden realization hit me. I got up again from the bed. 'Is that all welcoming treatment before I get slaughtered tonight?' That doesn't make sense; I tried to defend. 'Like a goat,' but my mind continued to make comments, which I couldn't seem to just wave off.

'Yes, that makes total sense. Why he behaved like that. He is not manipulating me but thinking of just directly eliminating me from his life. That's why he was suddenly so nice, and those elite families-they sound evil. What if it's your last day on earth, Niharika?' my mind questioned. I gripped my saree in fear, which I later realized I was holding, ruining its pleats. when the same helper's voice rang in my ears again, and I looked up in response.

"Yuvrani, please come-"

I nodded with a nervous smile, and she left. 'Niharika, do not go,' my mind warned. I stood still in my position, contemplating whether to heed the warning. 'Just let's not go,' it persisted.

Then another thought surged within me, filling me with confidence. 'No, let's go. Okay, if this is what... if I would be in danger, I would push him in front,' I resolved.

"Y..yes," I said aloud.

Not everywhere do I need to act nice. Sometimes, I need to be selfish. It's about my life. As Vanshi said, it's his duty to escort me. Then he should shield me, simple.

I started walking towards the door, but another uninvited idea halted me in my tracks.

'What if this is all his plan? He's the mastermind behind everything, like the head? Then how will I move him forward when it's time to face danger?'

Shaking my head, tapping my hand against it to shake off all the ideas, I finally walked out of the room while whispering to myself, "I-i-it's o..o..kay! Nothing's hap...p..pening. Let's s...ssee if-what happens, w..w..what the sit..u..uation re..a.ally c..calls for."

I walked out near the balcony and moved towards the stairs. There he was, busy standing and talking with his friend. As I adjusted the plates of my saree and looked up, I noticed his friend was gone, leaving him alone. He stood there, his hands in his pockets, directly looking in my direction. Taking a deep breath, I took my first few steps downstairs.

Now, I stood in the hall, torn between thoughts of whether I would be alive tonight or nervous about why he was looking towards me so openly, making it more obvious. Both feelings overwhelmed me simultaneously: one out of fear and the other of something unknown.

I looked down; it seemed the best option when I couldn't address the situation or understand,

what I should do next. Should I walk towards him or stand here still? I heard his footsteps; his shoes made a sophisticated sound as they collided with the floor, the same sound from that day(muh dikhai) he came towards me. I could distinguish it from other sounds very well now, but abruptly, the sound stopped, and I looked up to see him turning towards the entrance and leaving.

"To..o..w..ards?" I whispered to myself, confusion clouding my thoughts. "The e...entrance? And le..aave?"

Was he not coming here for me? Why did he leave me alone here? It felt like he had already begun to betray his true colors to me.

My brain didn't stop with the effortless comments. 'It's not even the beginning of the night; how could he-'

"Le...e.ave me a..alone to f..f.fight in this ba..t..ttleground," I muttered the next words to myself.

My brain continued to make comments: Welcome, treacherous, for making it obvious to me with your first move.

He was gone, no trace of him left. But those cigarettes discarded by him or his friend, which I told him to never touch again, were there. And as soon as he left, the helpers started cleaning them too, leaving no trace that he was ever waiting for me here.

'I shall see it through this coming,'another comment. Everyone would leave me alone, but these thoughts would never. They would always keep making hasty comments.

I inhaled a large amount of air, closing my eyes.

'Now I shall think about some of the few good things that ever happened to me before I depart from this world,' I thought, then exhaled the same air as I took, opening my eyes.

The helpers were doing their work. I could hear their sounds; there were still people present in the hall, even though it's not even the place where today's event is taking place, it's somewhere else.

Event? ---Did I call it an event? Why am I calling my own reception an event, as if it's some formal gathering and not something that should be close to my heart, and his too? He, who left me here alone, without any consequences. It's not always sad and hurtful, but sometimes it's just utter disappointment, like now. I feel, I hope, I try to make some belief, but somehow they get broken.

Yes, that's not totally wrong to call my life an event too; it's just a mere event.

A slight wobble, my head made subconsciously, which I had no control over, another opinion passed through my mind: 'Now you shall carry on, Niharika, your last duties and sacrifice yourself tonight.' He would definitely send someone else to pick you up. I'm not that naive. Even if I call it an event, he needed me by his side tonight, it's still our reception

"To..o..night, m..m.y life will be of..f..fered, and t...h..hat too n..not to Shivji (God), b..but to Satan," I said to myself in a low voice, self-aware.

'Because these people don't look like all good God followers. I mean, not all, but some are very sweet, some for no reason choose to be sour,' I reminded myself, addressing him.

'Should I go back and hide?' once again, the idea proposed by my brain, but later dismissed by reminding of the threats it involves. 'But then I will be labeled as a traitor to these people. Anyway, death is near, but I just need to choose the one with less pain. The one I could endure.'

"W..h..here do..e.es my mind ke..e.ep going?" I said to myself.

My thoughts keep getting so wild; why is my mind thinking about death and near-death scenarios? I just need to go and stand, sometimes smile, and face the people. That's what's frightening me the most. I don't want to face anyone, anymore, especially now that I know he's one of those betrayers who would leave if he felt uneasy around me.

'Hey Shivji, please come with me or go and squeeze the devil; make him go weak at his knees for your devotee,' I silently pleaded.

'Wait, am I by chance praying for my own husband's downfall, as he is the host of all of this? No, no, Shivji, just save me tonight. I'm not hoping for anyone's wrong; just my safety is what I'm asking for,' I made it clear in my plea.

'That's not a lot to ask for, right?' I defended myself, feeling caught in the middle of guilt for being greedy. 'I have never witnessed such a good-looking death before me,'I continued, looking down. 'So do I never witness death this near itself, ' I confessed in my mind. 'With such charm,' I then took a deep breath, resigning, 'Be gentle on him, Shivji.'

'I hope it's enduring. I never thought death could be this attractive as I see it through my eyes-' then I moved, as I needed to not stand there the whole night. I should at least look out for someone or maybe return back to the room, but not stand here feeling so out of place.

"Ah!"

"Sorry!" a voice came, as I felt a sudden push while moving. His Bua Sa, she collided onto me, by the bad luck of fate.

"Sorry, we were going this-this helper couldn't just see," she commented.

And all I did was look down, with a wave of shock, as sudden realization hit me with wide eyes, feeling some wetness. My saree, it got artistically ruined by whatever dark red-colored liquid she was holding, and spilled all over my supposed-to-be-today's event clothes, in what I was supposed to be present tonight.

"Your saree, it's got ruined," she said.

I opened my hand in free air, analyzing the velvet shawl attached to it as a statement piece. That, too, was not spared, leaving the saree alone, both of them ruined as a whole.

"It wasn't intentional," she said as I halted at my position.

"We seriously got no clue. We would send something to you, as new," she said.

I nodded in understanding; I didn't have any choice. Her phone rang in midway as she analyzed the aftermath, she picked up the call. "Yes, we are coming. We know some rituals to be done. Maa Sa, we aren't dodging, we swear to ourselves," she said on the phone call.

I waited for her to end the call.

"Wait, what more do we need to come with-now?" she said.

"We are sending something for you, to make up for this. Wait in the room," she said to me, keeping the phone at a little distance. With that, she moved, rolling her eyes as she replied on the phone, "Why would you go first,This stubborn you're Maa Sa, if you have so much to be done here? What's the medicine's name now? Tell or give it, Baba Sa."