Chapter 49

The sun had set hours ago. The moon was nowhere to be found, lost in the sea of dark clouds that covered the sky in an endless blanket. Ren faced the opening of the cave, his back to the farthest wall. He looked like he might have been keeping watch while Ashton laid on the floor a few feet away from him, but he wasn't at all focused. He was staring into the darkness of the forest while his mind was still going on about the kiss.

The second kiss.

The first one had been chaste, something he might have been able to forget about in time. The second one, however, had been fierce, rougher than Ren knew a kiss could be. It was muddled by the blood lust after Ashton had drank from him. A sort of high that probably made things seem better than they actually were.

Not probably. It most definitely made the kiss better than it was. After everything, it made him feel guilty. He didn't like having these feelings. It was awful to look at Ashton now and see something he wanted, to not have it, and be shamed for wanting it.

It couldn't make up his mind what was the worst thing about having a thing for Ashton Mantel, but there were too many things wrong with it in the first place that it didn't seem to matter.

Two kisses. Two times that Ashton had pressed his lips to Ren's. Two times Ashton got mad at Ren as if it was him that had done it.

He groaned, dropping his head down onto his arms folded over his knees.

This was what he was going to do. He was going to pretend that none of it happened. Or rather, he was going to pretend that he didn't like the kisses.

Because that was the bigger issue. Maybe it was wrong of Ashton to go around kissing him like he had permission. Actually. It was wrong of him. There was issues with consent and all that though Ren wasn't really hung up on it.

He wasn't angry that Ashton had kissed him out of the blue. He should be. Ashton had no right.

He wasn't though.

He liked it. He wanted to do it again.

That was the big problem and he couldn't do shit about it. His feelings weren't an off and on switch that he could go fiddling around with. He wasn't some machine that had feelings only when it was convenient for him.

He let out a dark chuckle.

It would be nice to have that power. He'd do anything to be a mindless robot that didn't think about everything and just did what was right.

His pitiful laugh died off. He turned his head so that his cheek was pressed to his forearm.

Ashton had his back turned to Ren. He was asleep. His body rose up and down in a steady rhythm. His clothes were in a disarray. There were streaks of mud all over the back of his shirt, the bottom of his pants were torn on the left leg, and his shoes had most definitely seen better days.

Ren was surprised he'd managed to fall asleep after the ordeal the two of them had gone through. But he must have been exhausted. While feeding had healed him, he still needed to rest.

Ren couldn't help it if he watched Ashton far longer than he should have. There was something about the way he looked, even with his back facing Ren, that made it seem like maybe Ashton wasn't really all that bad. It was wishful thinking. Ashton had shown time and time again that even if there was something happening between the two of them, it wasn't going to work out.

He turned the other way.

He had more choices to decide.

Did he really mean it when he said that he would save Ashton?

What was he willing to do to keep Ashton safe?

He squeezed his eyes shut, praying that the answer would come sooner rather than later.

***

Ren would have been more than happy to let Ashton keep on sleeping, but it was sunrise and he was tired of sitting in the muggy cave. His ass had gone numb hours ago. He felt like complete shit.

He trotted over to where Ashton was still laying and crouched down. He hesitated for a moment, his hand reached out to touch Ashton's shoulder.

He shook off the strange and awkward feeling. The kiss hadn't changed anything. Nothing was going to happen.

He shook Ashton's shoulder hard. "Hey, wake up. It's daylight."

Ashton mumbled something. He swatted in Ren's direction and scooted away from him.

Ren frowned. "Get up. I'm not going to wait here all day just so they can actually find us."

Sooner or later they were going to find out where they were hiding out. He didn't have the fight within him right then. He felt like nothing more than a bag of bricks.

Ashton turned over roughly. He glared up at Ren. "Then go. I don't give a fuck what you do."

His eyes were slightly lidded.

Ren snorted.

Ashton frowned. "What are you laughing about?"

"You look like you're going to pass out. I'm not going to leave you here just for the Society to find you."

Ashton rolled his eyes. "So, you're starting to care about me? Wow. Don't think that's going to get you anywhere."

Ren clenched his fists. He shook his head again to get the angry thoughts out of his head. Ashton really knew how to get under his skin.

"I will drag you out of here if I have to."

His gut clenched when Ashton got to his feet. Ashton dusted himself off. The care that he took to try to make himself look decent was wasted. His clothes were a mess. He scoffed in disgust as he looked over them, but he gave up when it was clear that they were just going to stay dirty.

He stood with his hands on his hips and cocked his head as he looked at Ren. "There. I'm up. Are you happy?"

Ren opened his mouth as if he were going to say something though there were no words he could come up with. He stared, blankly, back at Ashton. Ashton had a look on his face that said "Well?" and Ren had nothing good to say back.

Ashton marched away. He didn't glanced back at Ren. Not even when he stopped at the opening of the cave. He placed his long limb onto the dirt wall that had dried during the night. The mud that had made up everything was now parch dry and felt like chalk when Ren walked.

Ren could feel him again. He'd tried to cut off their connection completely when Ashton was down under in pain. He didn't need to know how it actually felt. He could see it as plain as day written all over Ashton's face and his body language.

"This was a mistake," Ashton said. He turned his head slightly as if he was going to look at Ren, but he wasn't. He was staring off into space, not at all seeing the world around him.

His thoughts seemed so loud in Ren's head. Though he knew it was impossible to actually hear them, the emotions that struck him like a chord felt so clear. But when he tried to grab onto them, they disappeared.

"They're going to ruin us."

Ren looked down at the ground. His shoes were covered in dirt. The dried mud was cracking, falling off, and leaving behind mounds of dirt they wouldn't get off him. He scraped his heel on the other shoe to get the scale like pieces off.

As he shifted, he felt the gun he'd unconsciously put in the back of his waist band when he got up.

He grabbed it.

The silver was dull into the cave. There was no sunlight to glint off of it. Nothing to bring it alive like he'd seen when the Hunters had used it.

An image of the man Cipher pointing it in his face flashed before him. The memories of last night came to him—image after image—reminding him that he was never going to be safe until this was actually over.

He turned the gun over. The safety was on. That was the only thing he knew how to do besides pulling the trigger.

It was heavy in his hand. The surreal feeling of having something so powerful in his hand made his heart tighten. He liked this feeling. He liked knowing that he had something that could kill someone in a second.

That was what he was afraid.

He had an addiction. He loved this. He felt like he couldn't live without this power sitting in the palm of his hand. And the thing within him didn't want to let it go. It wanted this to last forever.

To grow into even more power.

This was going to go too far. He didn't need to think on it. It was there already. The thrumming need to see the world burn. He didn't know where it had come from. It was like when he met Ashton the world had burned and started again. He'd been transported to a dimension where he was nothing more than anger in a shell of a body.

He felt like that too.

Slowly, he turned his head up from the gun heavy in his hand to Ashton standing like a statue.

With the flicker of his gaze, Ashton rendered Ren into a fluttering mess. If Ashton tried hard enough, he could command Ren to do whatever he wanted. If it involved blood and mayhem, the thing would gladly go along.

That was another thing he didn't understand. He didn't get why the thing was so obsessed with Ashton. What was there to be interested in? He was good looking, he was arrogant, and he made Ren angry with just a look. He didn't get it. Not at all.

Ashton turned. It was another one of those looks. Ren was getting used to them. They sent butterflies through his stomach, but he wasn't fooled by them anymore. He ignored them just like he ignored the ridiculous hopes that one day he would fall in love.

"What are you doing with that?"

Ren had been caught up in how good Ashton looked even when he was caked with dirt before he realized what he was talking about. He floundered as he looked at the gun and then back up at Ashton.

He attempted to hide it, but decided that Ashton had already seen it. Hiding it now just made him look dumb.

Instead, he lowered it to his side, finger off the trigger just in case. He didn't know how good safety locks were anyway. He didn't doubt that he would somehow find a way to shoot himself even with it on.

He shrugged. "Just in case."

Ashton furrowed his brows. "Is it necessary?"

"I'm not going to leave it here." Ren began to walk toward him. Just as he did, Ashton took a couple steps back.

Ren stopped and cocked his head.

"Are you—" He held the gun up a slightly higher. Ashton flinched.

His eyes widened in disbelief. "Are you scared of guns?"

Ashton crossed his arms. "I'm not scared of them. Just weary. You should be too after being chased down with them."

He had a point there. Ren had a slight aversion to them, but it was heavily weighed out by the power he felt when he had it on him.

He was most definitely compensating.

"Just...keeping it pointed away from me." Ashton made a waving motion.

Ren hid it out of Ashton's sight, but he didn't put it away. He'd rather have it drawn if they ran into anyone.

Ashton gave him a sideways look as he exited the cave. Ren pretended like he didn't notice it.

It had been a long night. The whole time he'd sat at the back of the cave, thinking about all the ways things could go wrong. Ashton had slept through it all, not waking up once. Ren hadn't expected it to be so lonely. He was used to being on his own. His mom was always working and even when she was home, she was too exhausted to spend time with him.

He didn't blame her. He wished it didn't have to be that way. He wished she could go out and do what she wanted. Not work all day and then still care for him. That had changed when he was older and he knew that he had to start doing things for himself.

Last night had shown him that he was good at being alone. He'd thought a few times he would be the sort of people to break down. It was one night though. It wasn't even close to what it was going to be like when he went away to the Mines.

Hours and hours of relentless working in a dark shaft. That was going to be the rest of his life.

He was lucky that he got to enjoy his life here. He was glad that he had a mom who cared about him.

The morning light struck him like lightening. He shielded his eyes from the bright rays. His skin immediately warmed as the sunlight washed over him.

He felt like he could breathe again. The cave had been small. The walls had felt like they were one push away from crumbling on top of them. And while he was assaulted by his dark thoughts, he couldn't reach out to anyone. Having the power to sense people's emotions wasn't helpful when he couldn't turn it into something tangible. It didn't matter if he felt closer to any of these people by being a creeping Tom.

Everyone was a stranger to him.

They didn't care about him.

He might have said his mom was the only one who loved him, but was it really love? Or was it the guilt that made her care for him? Did she really love him or was she simply acting on the cruel instinct of motherhood?

His thoughts were running in circles again. He couldn't get himself to worry about one thing at a time. It was all muddling together in his head to become one tangled mess that was unmanageable.

"Where should we go?" He asked. He needed to get his mind off everything else. One foot in front of the other. That was how he was going to make it through this.

Ashton stared out into the closely grown trees. The storm had flourished the greenery all around them. There wasn't a spot that wasn't touched by moss or other lively plants that had been fed well.

The air felt lighter. Ren breathed it in, filling his lungs to the maximum capacity. He held it for a moment too long, releasing it back with a somewhat better clarity.

The tips of his fingers twitched with restlessness. His legs ached to run until they couldn't run anymore. The swell of energy fizzled to almost nothing when he took a step out.

It was a sharp contrast from inside the cave. The rain had dampened the ground, but inside the cave was dry as a desert.

Ashton turned his head left and right. Slowly, his thoughts just as slow. Ren could see how hard he was thinking about something. Furrow lines wrinkled the skin above the bridge of his nose.

"We have to tell my parents. They've been watching us. I think even before that dead girl showed up."

Ren didn't know if that was the best thing to do. He didn't know if he wanted to go back to the Mantel house. They all hated him there.

And they had history with his mom. He didn't know what it all meant, how far back they all went, but doubted it was good. His mom would skin him alive if went back there. She would skin him anyway for leaving.

But he had to get past that. He was changed. Things weren't going to be the same.