Chapter 40

He didn't know for how long he was running. The soles of his feet ached and there were blisters on his toes. His shoes were already in bad shape. The strain he was putting them through now was going to be the end of them.

He wanted to make sure he was as far away from Darrien and Regan as possible. It really didn't matter where he ended up. He just wanted to be alone. He wanted to suffer in piece.

He was gasping for breath by the time he felt like he could stop. He doubled over, hands on his knees, and his head spinning. The forest floor was a blur. He staggered to the side and leaned against one of the many damp trees.

When he tilted his head, raindrops hit his face.

He should have let Regan kill him. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? He wanted to be taken out of this world. He wanted nothing to do with vampires, witches, and hunters. Normal wasn't going to happen. Ever.

He'd finally stopped hoping and all it took was for everything in his life to go to shit.

Ren screamed at the top of his lungs. It didn't matter if Regan or Darrien found him again. The thing was at the surface, he could feel it giving him the strength to do whatever he wanted. Morality vanished and all that was left was his want to destroy everything. No one deserved to be happy. Not when he was in agony.

His head was spinning. He was out of control. He frantically looked around the forest. There were hundreds of eyes on him. He could feel them looking down at him from the tops of the trees. There were whispers from the distance that he was somehow able to hear. He pressed his hands to his head, squeezing his eyes close until he saw sparkling stars in the dark midst. He was going crazy. There was no one here. He was sure of that.

Or was he?

He clenched his jaw. His teeth ground together and his gums ached. The throbbing caused an even worse headache to form at the front of his forehead. With his eyes closed, it wasn't much better. The pain was still enclosing, circling him like a vulture, just waiting for him to give up. The thing wasn't in control either. They were both floundering, but while he was panicking as if the world was crashing down around him, the thing was quivering in the background.

There was something about it that he couldn't understand. Well, there was a lot about it that he didn't understand, but he really couldn't understand this. Things were changing too fast for him to comprehend. One second the thing had fully control over his body and was making him do things that he would never do in a million years and then the next second it couldn't do anything to him.

But the anger was there. That hadn't changed. The main difference was that he wanted to give in. The hunger clouded his judgement and it would be so much easier just to let himself become the monster that everyone already thought he was.

Nothing would change. Nothing was ever going to change in the first place.

He sagged to his knees. He groaned, dropped his hands from his face. He wrapped his arms around his body, huddling as close as he could. A gust of wind slammed into his body. He rocked to the side. The wind was cold on his face, burning his already chapped lips. He licked them, tasting salt.

Dried tears from who knew how long ago remained on his skin. He cracked his eyes open. The forest was finally quiet. He couldn't enjoy it though. He was spiraling. His thoughts were going a hundred miles a minute. He couldn't grasp on just one for more than a second before it was replaced with another. Thoughts that were so deranged that it was clear that something had cracked within him.

The damp dirt soaked through his pants.

So hungry. He should have drained both Darrien and Regan. He was going to die anyway. His life didn't matter. He might as well just do whatever he wanted before everything ended.

He stared and stared, stomach growling and the thing getting angrier and angrier.

Something had to give. He was going to snap soon.

He didn't know how long it was before he felt and heard something.

Please , he thought, not someone else.

He slowly moved back. He made not a sound. Holding his breath, he sat up against the tree. The footsteps were light against the silent forest. He could barely sense them, the person that was coming closer to him.

Then, there was silence once more.

He furrowed his brows and tried to listen for them once more. The thing was agitated. It was pounding and scratching at the invisible cage it was locked behind. Ren ignored it as best as he could when it was like this. He was getting better at it and he was seriously surprised that he hadn't lost his cool so far.

He was on the edge of doing something horrible. As much as he should have been worried, he wasn't. He didn't care anymore.

He looked around the large tree. There was nothing.

However, as his vision cleared somewhat, he saw a small slope that led to what he thought might be a revine.

There was a moment of hesitation. It was the old Ren creeping back in, the one that was scared of everything and was trying to please everyone. He banished the old Ren away, forcing him back with the thing until the worried thoughts were gone.

He walked out. Twigs and brush crunched beneath his feet. He was as loud as he wanted to be as he casually made his way to the slope. Someone was there. They were standing in the middle of it.

Ashton.

Ren recognized him before he could get a good look at him. The connection they shared was enough to identify him, but it wasn't just that. The thing within Ren almost perked up when he got closer to Ashton. It was quite obvious what it was now when he wasn't bombarded with so many emotions or when he wasn't trying to fighting the thing off all the time.

Ren stood there. He took in Ashton's form. There weren't many times where he got the chance to just look at him. Most of the times that he was with Ashton, they were fighting things or arguing. And it would have been weird if he'd just openly stared at Ashton. Even if he had a good reason to do so.

Ashton was good looking. Ren could admit that. Anyone with eyes would be lying if they said that he wasn't. But this was the first time that Ren started to see just why he was so attractive.

He couldn't see his face, but he was thinking about it. The slope of his nose, the plushness of his cheeks, and the angle of his jawline. His eyes were slightly turned down and his brows were lower, making him look like he was always glaring. Ren traced the outline of Ashton's hair with his eyes. It was a dark and almost dirty blond, but it became lighter in the sunlight. He could see the golden highlights in the strands now. The sun was shining down on Ashton now, making his hair glisten.

And he was fit too. He was always wearing something that made him look right and high class. He was of course, but he was almost showing it off like it was something that he was proud of.

Ren hated that. Well, resented. Ashton always looked good and it was annoying that Ren would always look far worse next to him in his casual clothes, but that wasn't at all important.

It was a couple minutes that he simply looked at Ashton. He couldn't look away. He was rooted at the spot as his eyes drank in every inch of Ashton so that he wouldn't miss a single detail. He was so lost in the at of memorizing everything that he didn't realize Ashton had turned until it was too late.

Hunger lurched in his gut and in his gums. His stomach growled and so did the thing. Ren didn't fight the hunger. He let it consume him. He licked his lips as his eyes fell on the base of Ashton's neck.

Something about that spot called to him. The place right where the crook of his shoulder met with his neck. He just knew that the fresh blood that flowed from that certain spot would be the most delicious he would ever taste.

His eyes locked with Ashton's. They were honey brown—the natural color when Ashton wasn't using his powers.

Ren's lips parted. He took in a steady breath, filling his lungs to the point of bursting.

The thing was quiet. Still. It wasn't going crazy like it would have been when he was hungry and there was a meal right in front of him. The thing had been scratching at his insides to get out when it was Regan and Darrien, but that wasn't the case now.

He walked down the slope of the revine. Their eyes never parted. Ren wondered if Ashton was just as hypnotized as he was. It was like he'd been put under a spell, one that he didn't want to be freed from because he knew at the end he would no longer be hungry. He would be sated and that was all that he wanted right now.

Ashton didn't look like he understood what Ren was doing. He didn't look like he was weary or skeptical about Ren's actions. He was still as the trees. His wavy hair ruffled by the soft wind. Poised like a statue, Ren was hit once more with how perfect Ashton was. Everything about him seemed like it had been crafted with a purpose.

Had he always thought about Ren this way? Or had something changed?

It had to be the thirst. Though it didn't seem to be the case right now, the hunger made him think things that weren't at all what he would have thought before. It warped his mind so much that he was starting to wonder why he'd ever hated Ashton so much.

But he could still feel the anger and resentment. It was buried alongside the thing, trapped underneath layers of sorrow that he couldn't access because it would be he would have to care. He was done with all of that. He just wanted to blindly take what he wanted. Fuck what others thought and fuck it if he hurt people in the long wrong.

Each step—every time he got closer to Ashton—he doubted himself even more. But the hunger couldn't be sated by turning away right now. Ashton wasn't running. He must know. Ren's eyes had to be glowing with how much he was struggling to hold himself back. That was one other thing that he couldn't understand.

He should have been balisstic being around Ashton. He should have thrown himself at Ashton, sunk his teeth down until he hit bone in his throat, and taken what he'd wanted. But he hadn't. He didn't understand why he could be so calm around him when he'd been so out of control the other times.

He stopped a foot away from Ashton. Ren stood as still as possible. That was a lot harder than he thought it would be.

Ashton stared back at him. His eyes looked deep into Ren's, searching maybe, Ren couldn't be sure. And then, he looked slowly down. Over Ren's throat, his chest, and down his legs. He took his time, mapping out Ren's body with no shame. Ren had done the same, but it felt wrong when Ashton was doing it. Ren wasn't good looking like Ashton was. He felt like he didn't deserved to be looked at like that.

And he almost couldn't believe that Ashton was actually looking at him like that.

Ren reached out without thinking.

He grabbed Ashton's hand. His fingers wrapped around his delicate wrist and pulled it up. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do. He just wanted to feel him, to touch him.

He pressed his fingers to Ashton's pulse point. The soft beating of his pulse caused Ren's mouth to water more. He remembered the taste of Ashton's blood. It was a faint memory, but it was one that he couldn't get out of his head. There had been a sweetness to it that had been nothing like the artificial blood in the vials.

"Were you looking for me?"

Ren was startled. He clenched harder on Ashton's wrist as if he was going to pull away. Ren had looked away just briefly to marvel at the way his hand looked against Ashton's. He was just as mesmerized by how different they looked as he was when he looked at Ashton's eyes.

Ashton's voice was soft. It was strange to hear him speak without putting some kind of edge to it. He had to know that Ren wasn't like his old self anymore. He was hardened, no longer the softy that let people push him around. There was, of course, that small part of him that wanted to treat people better than they treated him, but he wasn't listening.

And his hunger must have been shown in his eyes. If Ashton didn't know just by the way he was acting.

Ren gazed back at Ashton. He glanced down at Ashton's mouth and then his neck once more. He licked his lips again and leaned forward.

Ashton leaned back.

"Think about this, Ren."

Ren paused. He was right there. Another few inches and he'd be able to press his lips to Ashton's neck.

He tilted his head, catching Ashton's worried eyes. There was confusion as well and it looked so good on him. This was something Ren hadn't seen before. He'd done that. He didn't know why that filled him with joy, but he wanted so badly to make Ashton feel ways that others couldn't.

"I have."

It was torture. As many times as he thought about it, the pain when he never got what he longed for never once lessened. It was the same and constant, draining him just the same as all the fighting had.

Ashton barely pulled his hand away. Ren tightened his grip. He barred his fangs. A deep growl started in his chest. The low rumble surprised him and Ashton.

Ashton raised a brow. "Are you going to let me go?"

Ren was going to do it. His grip loosened, but then he thought again.

He yanked Ashton forward. Ashton's eyes went wide as he stumbled into Ren.

Ren put his lips by Ashton's neck.

"Stop me," he whispered.

Ashton didn't move. He was as still as a statue.

Ren wished he knew what was going through his mind. He didn't expect Ashton to quiver in fear, but he thought at least that he would fight. He was still stronger than Ren, much better at fighting, and surely it wouldn't take much for him to overpower Ren right now.

But he didn't do anything.

Ren's stomach flipped. He was almost giddy as he pressed his lips to Ashton's neck.

He hesitated.

A brief second that was Ashton's chance to stop it.

When Ashton relaxed, letting out a long held breath, Ren knew that Ashton had given in.

And then, Ren bit him.