Chapter 41

"You forget I knew her, she was like a second mother to me."

"I also remember she told you to never dare cross my path again." I mentioned, recalling my mom's reaction when she came to know what he'd done. Apparently, she went over to his mother's house, and caught him right when he was about to go back to Toronto with Meredith. Mom gave him an earful. Adam told me he'd never seen her so angry before.

Once again, Chris' jaw clenched almost imperceptibly, but clearly boiling with rage. "Why are you so determined to make me angry?"

That was it, that was the proof I needed, to know Chris hadn't changed at all. More than that, it was the final proof I needed to make peace with myself. It was never my fault to begin with, it was always him. Like Laura said, I was lucky to get out of it in time. Hadn't I opened my eyes, I probably wouldn't even be here today. "I'm not," I stood up, bracing myself, "but I don't want you here. Please, leave."

"Really?" He scoffed, standing up as well. "We haven't seen each other in 5 years. I was hospitalized because of you."

"You were hospitalized because of what you did." I corrected, slipping away when he tried to grab my arm. "You're just lucky I didn't press charges."

"You never would have." Chris smiled, somewhat hysterically, like a lunatic. "I heard about your miscarriage," he mentioned, "some things just take care of themselves, huh?"

My eyes widened in disgust, but I was tired of running away. I turned to face him. "That's low, even for you."

"I mean, am I wrong?" Chris shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "He's dead, by the way."

"Stop it-"

"No, I mean Sebastian. Well, Tyler. He's dead."

"I don't believe you." I said, but mostly to cover up the fact that ... truly, I felt nothing. I felt sorry, but if I'm honest, I wasn't shocked nor heartbroken. I did care about him, but I never actually loved him. Assuming I've ever even known what love truly is, since, for almost all my life, I devoted my heart to a master manipulator.

Chris laughed dryly. "Really? Because criminals don't notoriously end up in a ditch somewhere with a bullet between their eyes, right?"

"How do you even know?" I inquired, almost fearing he ...

"I didn't kill him." Chris rolled his eyes, as if reading my mind. "Come on, Vivy, really, would I ever do such a thing?"

"I don't know what you're capable of, Chris." I took a step back. "The man I thought I knew never existed, and if he did, he's been gone for a long time."

He shook his head slowly, moving to come closer. "Here we go again ... you keep on saying things just to make me mad."

I staggered back, until I hit the railing. "Chris, back off." I warned, pulling the blanket closer to my body.

"I'm not doing anything. I just want you to reason."

"I'm reasoning perfectly well, thank you."

He scoffed. "You don't reason, never have." He flicked my forehead. "That cute little head of yours isn't made for thinking."

"Oh, so you're calling me dumb now. Quite the improvement."

"It's not your fault." He shrugged. "We're all born with roles to play, yours is to be led step by step."

"By you, I presume." I scoffed, unable to resist.

"Come on, let's not go back to the same arguments." He stood mere inches away from me. "I came here to pay my respects to your mom, she was a great woman. Let's not get lost in useless arguments."

"You came because you knew I'd be here." I accused, sidestepping him, so that I wouldn't be caged against the railing. "I don't know what kind of contorted idea made you believe I would be happy to see you, but I'm not." I admitted out loud, tired of keeping it all deep down in my chest. "I loved you, Chris. I loved you more than anything. But the person I loved was nothing but a figment of my imagination, or rather of your manipulations."

"Don't say such things."

"It's the truth." I stated unabashedly. After five years, I needed to get everything off my chest. I let go of the blanket, leaving it on the floor, and stood my ground, sick and tired of running. "You betrayed me, Chris. I believed in you, I believed in the person I thought you were. Then you revealed your true colors and I felt lost, completely and utterly lost." I wrapped my arms around myself, shaking my head lightly. "Not anymore. Now as ever I know there's no place for you in my life."

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever said." Chris scowled. "You know you don't mean any of it."

"On the contrary, I do. Because, believe it or not, I can make up my own mind. Actually, thanks." I claimed. "Because I only realized who I actually was when I was far away from you and your toxicity." I knew things might escalate in a minute, but I also knew that this time he wouldn't corner me. Literally.

That's why when Chris tried to grab my arm, I swiftly sidestepped him, and took a few steps back, my eyes never leaving his. "Don't even think about it." I warned him, my voice low and steady. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins, my heart racing as I prepared for his next move. I cursed myself for never taking self-defense classes like Slim in Enough, but I hoped the lack of trust in him would be enough to keep my eyes open.

"Or what?" Chris scoffed, seemingly unable to see I wasn't any longer the pawn he used to play with.

Part of me wanted to lash out at him, scream and curse until my voice gave out. The other didn't want to waste on him even the energy needed to scream. He didn't deserve a minute longer. "Just leave."

"I will," Chris conceded, "but you're coming with me."

"What's going on here?" Noah wondered from behind me, finally back.

The mere sight of him was enough to send Chris into a seething rage. He glared at Noah with eyes filled with pure malice, his hands clenching into tight fists at his sides. "Who the hell are you?"

I wouldn't have answered, it was none of his business, but Noah preceded me, coming to wrap an arm around my waist and pulling me into him. "Her husband." He claimed calmly. "Who are you?"

Chris laughed maniacally. "No, you're not." He scoffed. "She wouldn't get married," he clenched his jaw, "she knows where she belongs." Yep, not a single change in him. All these years, I forced myself not to think of him, and, amazingly, I succeeded 99% of the time. But in the moments when I did think about Chris, I wondered whether hospitalization would ... treat whatever problem he had, whether me not being there would cure that distorted obsession he seemed to have matured. I actually hoped it would work, for his sake more than mine. I guess it didn't.

Noah seemed surprised for a moment, then he nodded slightly, pursing his lips. "The best friend, huh?" He muttered, probably talking only to me, but Chris heard him.

"That's right." Chris nodded, taking a few steps closer. "The one and only."

On cue, Noah took a step back with me in his arms. He shook his head slowly. "Oh, buddy, you shouldn't have told me."

"No?"

Taking me off guard, Noah pulled back, making me stand against the wall, and walked over to Chris, who didn't look troubled at all. Until Noah took a swing at him, that is. I was shocked and I couldn't believe my eyes, but there was no doubt, Noah had just punched Chris. Hard enough to make him stagger back and fall out of the porch, even.

"You see," Noah claimed, grabbing Chris by the collar to make him stand up, "the last time I met a wifebeater, I broke his spine. Now, I'm not gonna do that, I'm a changed man and Vivian doesn't like violence." He shoved Chris to the ground. "But you so much think of her, you best believe I'm gonna forget about my new resolutions."

Chris scrambled to his feet, his face twisted with rage and humiliation. "You're dead!" he spat out at Noah, barely able to contain the blood gushing out of his nose. "You hear me? You're a dead man!"

Noah merely chuckled, shaking his head in his usual stoic attitude. "I don't think so, buddy. But even if I were, I'd still be more of a man than you'll ever be."

I gasped when Chris charged at Noah, tackling him to the ground. Noah's quick reflexes allowed him to dodge Chris's initial attack, but the latter was relentless. He continued to throw wild punches, each one aimed at Noah's face. Noah managed to block a few of them, but others landed, causing him to stagger back.

However, at the right moment, he landed a punch on Chris' stomach so forcefully that it caused him to double over. Seizing the opportunity, Noah delivered a hard blow to Chris's jaw, causing him to stumble backwards. Chris managed to regain his balance and charged at Noah, grabbing him in a headlock and tightening his grip.

Noah struggled to break free, but Chris' hold seemed too strong. When Chris started squeezing tighter, I feared the brawl would turn into something worse, so I went to intervene, but Noah shouted at me: "I got this." He claimed, even though his voice was strained and he was clearly struggling.

"Guys, stop it!" I pleaded, feeling powerless. If I got in between, there was a high chance I could get hurt, like last time. But if I didn't, there was a high chance Chris would go from toxic and possessive to murderous.

Thankfully, before things could escalate more, Noah elbowed Chris in the ribs, causing him to loosen his grip. With a burst of energy, Noah broke free and tackled Chris to the ground. The two men grappled on the ground, rolling and twisting as they each tried to gain the upper hand. Noah managed to pin Chris down, but Chris was not defeated yet. He kicked Noah hard in the stomach, causing him to lose his balance. Chris scrambled to his feet, his eyes wild with rage.

Noah stood up too, facing Chris head on, one of his proud smirks playing on his lips. He wiped the blood off his mouth with the back of his hand, and claimed: "I can do this all day."

I knew he could. I've seen him fight the times he got drunk and I had to drag him out of an Irish pub. I've also seen his workout routine, made of much more boxing than Chris could handle unless he became a master of martial arts in 5 years. If it'd seemed like Chris could win so far, it was only because he'd played dirty at times.

This, however, wasn't the right time for a testosterone match, and as much as I appreciated Noah trying to avenge me, I needed to put a stop to it before my dad heard anything. Hence, when Chris sneakily stirred up a small dust cloud as he kicked the gravel, effectively blinding Noah for a moment, I took the chance to get in between them, covering Noah with my body. "Chris, stop this at once!" I barked, my voice unwavering.

A tiny part of me thought that would be enough for him. I sincerely hoped there was a sliver of the Chris I knew. Once again, he proved me wrong by grabbing my arm and throwing me to the ground to get me out of the way. I hit my back against the lemon tree Chris and I had planted when we were children. Somehow, that felt like a metaphor of our bond.

"Big mistake, buddy." Noah scoffed, promptly blocking Chris' punch and twisting his arm behind him. "You ready to give up just yet?"

When Chris nodded, Noah let go of him, but still kept his guard up, just in case. Case in point, Chris took only a couple of steps away, then charged towards Noah, aiming a wild punch at him. Noah ducked and swiftly countered with a punch of his own, landing a solid blow to Chris' stomach. Chris howled in pain, stumbling backwards and falling to the ground.

Noah stood over him, breathing heavily but victorious. For a moment, there was silence as both men caught their breaths. Then, Chris groaned and slowly got to his feet, looking defeated. Without a word, he left, hopefully never to be seen again.

Noah walked back to me, and helped me up, holding me in his arms. "You alright?"

"There was no need for that." I sighed, albeit leaving my head on his chest and wrapping my arms around his torso.

"There was every need for it," he chuckled in his usual dry humor, "he got it coming. I'm actually surprised no one's ever done that. Where I come from, he'd have been jumped a long time ago."

"And where, exactly, do you come from? Since I didn't know about this ... wifebeater you faced?"

Noah smiled a bit smugly, then placed a small kiss on the top of my head. "I told you, there's a lot you don't know about me."

I raised my head to look him in the eyes, my instincts kicking in. "I'm not gonna find out you're secretly a drug lord and you're on the FBI Most Wanted list, am I?" To anybody else, it would have sounded like a joke, to me it was reality.

"Nah, you get only one felonious ex per woman, sorry." Noah teased, making me smile a little.

"You might need to teach me some of those moves." I mused, not even joking. I should have learned self-defense a long time ago, I wouldn't need a superhero every time.

"I can't." Noah claimed, a small smirk playing on his lips, despite the blood stains on his shirt and on the corner of his mouth.

"Why not?"

"Because you in tights ... blood would flow to the wrong muscle ..."

I playfully punched his chest. "Perv."

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He suggested, pulling me in to take me inside.

"Said the man with blood stains all over his clothes."

"It wouldn't be the first time." When I sent him a quizzical and mostly worried look, he lightly shook his head. "No, I'm not a serial killer either." He joked. "I just grew up in a tough neighborhood."

Thankfully, there wasn't almost anybody left, except the caterers and a couple of family friends in the backyard with my dad. Nobody seemed aware of the ruckus, so Noah and I were able to sneak upstairs without being noticed. "I hope my dad didn't hear anything," I mused as we entered my old bedroom, "the last thing he needs is to be reminded of everything that happened."

"Oh, he knows." Noah told me as he sat at the edge of my old bed. "When I was in the kitchen, someone told him that guy was on the porch with you."

"What?" I gasped, shocked, standing in front of him.

"I don't know who it was, some woman that knew you both, I think, because she talked about how you always made such a great couple and she was glad you were back together."

"That doesn't really narrow it down, most people in this town were 100% certain Chris and I would get married."

"Well, anyway, when your dad heard, he looked troubled, so ... I kinda put two and two together from there."

"But you asked Chris who he was ..." I wondered, confused.

Noah shrugged, pulling me onto his lap. "I just wanted to give him the benefit of doubt." He gave me a quick kiss. "But your dad knew what I was going to do when I heard the name."

"How would he know?"

Noah smirked, pecking my lips. "We may have talked a little bit last night. You were sleeping."

"I didn't sleep."

"You did, for about ... half an hour, maybe. I spent part of it talking to your dad." Noah claimed, rubbing my back. "He told me he felt guilty about the whole situation and if he ever saw the little shit again, he'd kick his ass." That didn't sound like my dad, but he also did threaten Chris 5 years ago, when he realized what happened.

"Then what?"

Noah moved my hair to uncover my neck and trace my skin. He shrugged. "I told him he shouldn't worry, if the guy was stupid enough to set foot in here, he'd get what he was owed."

"I can't believe that ..." I was startled, be it only because they'd had a whole conversation in the only 30 minutes I actually slept.

"It's an instinct," Noah claimed, caressing my neck, "it doesn't matter what, where or when. If someone you love is in danger, you get protective."

I almost missed it, because I thought he was talking about my dad. But the odd smile on his lips told me otherwise. I wasn't so conceited as to think he was talking about me, though. "Who?" I merely asked. "Who needed your protection?"

"My ex," he pursed his lips, "the bastard hid it very well, I can assure you. He was a doctor and all, seemed nice, smart, loving." He clenched his jaw for a moment, but when he looked at me, he smiled sweetly. "It's a long story."

"I wanna hear it." I caressed his face, grateful for his courage and determination earlier, but also more curious than ever about this enigmatic photographer everyone deemed such an impossible and hateful guy. To me, Noah had proved to be nothing but sweet and kind. Sure, he could be seriously annoying and there have been times when I felt like strangling him, but the past few days showed me a caring side of him that I never knew.

"Why? So you can justify my actions?" He shrugged. "I was already married, she was too. I bumped into her one time, saw her black eye, it didn't take much to get to the truth." He pulled me closer. "I'm not proud of what I did, but I'd probably do it again."

"What did you do?"

"The same thing I did to your so-called best friend, there." Noah shrugged. "I beat the little shit up. However, as it turns out, he had a gun."

"Oh, my God ..."

"I broke his spine, but he shot me ..." he pulled back slightly, just enough to show me the side of his neck. "I'm sure you've seen this many times. You just never asked."

"I didn't think it was my business to know." I admitted, trailing my fingers over his neck, close to his ear, right where the old wound had created a scar. "Besides," I chuckled lightly, "as I've discovered in the past few days ... you have a lot of scars all over your body."

"Told you, I grew up in a tough neighborhood." He shrugged. "Besides, according to the police, when you beat up a man and break his spine, slipping into a coma for a week doesn't grant you immunity."

"You went to prison?" I wasn't even surprised, at this point. More than anything, I was shocked at my ability to not only attract, but to also be attracted to complicated men. A toxic best friend, a drug lord ex, a cop with a corrupt FBI agent as ex-wife ... and now a photographer with a felonious past.

Well, Dylan was a different case, since nothing ever happened between us, but it might have, had I stayed, had we remained in contact. On one thing Chris was right that night 5 years ago, I would have probably ended up in Dylan's arms. I'm not sure what does this say about me.

"About 6 months." Noah shrugged.

For a moment, I frowned, because I remembered him saying his brother and wife bonded while he was in hospital. "You said hospital to avoid saying prison, didn't you?" I mused out loud. "When you told me about your ex and your brother," I explained, "you said they bonded while they were at your bedside, but ... in truth, she just replaced you while you were in prison."

"Not really." He shook his head, seemingly void of any emotion when it came to his cheating ex. "They were already going behind my back, had been for months. But apparently I was in the wrong for catching them as they kissed in front of my hospital bed, thinking I was still in a coma."

"Oh, my God ..." I gasped, unable to believe my ears. "Seriously? Yet all this time she didn't grant you a divorce?"

"When you grow up poor," Noah mentioned, seemingly changing subject, "in a place where you either get moving early or remain stuck for life, you aim to get the most out of everything. She wanted what I fought teeth and nails to get." He shrugged, pragmatic. "There was no way in Hell she'd ever get it and she didn't. I just needed to be patient."

It was a crazy story, and other people would have probably hightailed out of the situation. Not me. With my past and my background, Noah's story seemed made to match the craziness of mine. "Please, tell me you got your money in legal ways." I commented, somewhat jokingly, but also kind of worried as to the type of men I seem to be attracted to for real.

"I mean ... porn is legal." He shrugged, amused.

"What?!" I almost fell, as shocked as I was.

"What, yes to a drug lord, no to an ex porn star?"

"I don't believe that one bit." I gave him a sarcastic look. "You're just messing with me."

"Maybe a little." Noah grinned, then caressed my cheek. "I hated every single minute of it, but fashion photography pays well."

That didn't sound convincing either. "You're way too young to have gotten rich as a fashion photographer."

"And you're way too smart for my own good." Noah chuckled, pecking my lips. "Fine ..." he sighed, "when I was 18, I left home and did any job I could find. And I mean literally anything. From dogsitting to car sales. But the highest paying jobs were the ones that introduced me to photography."

"Oh, my God." I laughed, this time truly almost falling off his lap, but Noah held me in place. "Please, tell me you've modeled for something seriously embarrassing." I laughed louder, feeling like a load had been taken off my chest. Somehow, I always feel lighter with Noah. I never understood how, but in the past 2 years or so, he always found a way to cheer me up no matter what.

He rolled his eyes, feigning annoyance. "There's a market for male feet." He shrugged. "Don't ask me why or where do those photos go, but ... yeah. It was just one of those side gigs at first, to get more money while I worked at a diner, but then I realized photography was my passion.

I could barely stop laughing, but when I did sober up, I tilted my head to the side, staring at him, a small smile on my face. "Thanks for coming to the rescue."

"Nah," Noah shook his head, "you had it under control. You were in the perfect position to break his babymaking tool." He let out a short laugh. "I dare you to deny it."

"Well, yeah, that was my only chance, since someone ... never thought about teaching some self-defense tricks to his assistant ..."

"Teaching the woman you rile up all the time how to kick your ass isn't wise." Noah teased, pecking my lips. "I've been through a lot of tough situations, but nothing beats an angry woman."

"You don't rile me up," I corrected, shrugging, "most of the time I don't even listen to the outrageous stuff you say." I scoffed jokingly.

"Good for me, I guess." Noah smiled, leaning in for another kiss. "It means at least I've got a chance." I opened my mouth to ask what, but before I could, he kissed me deeper. "You do know I'm kinda, probably, almost certainly, in love with you, right?"

"Please ..." I grinned, moving to straddle him and wrap my arms around his shoulders, "I've known since you didn't kick me out when we first hooked up."

"Smart woman." Noah grinned, pulling me into him more and kissing me again, as if he just couldn't help it, like a conditioned reflex every time I was close.

I shook my head lightly, leaving my forehead against his as I played with his hair. "Just a woman that's finally realized what love is."

"Which is ...?" Noah asked, his eyes locked on mine as he waited for my answer.

"Being with you," I replied without hesitation. "It's feeling safe and warm in your arms, even when everything around us is falling apart. It's looking at you and knowing that no matter what happens, we'll face it together. Be it a storm in Antarctica or a sandstorm in Egypt." I chuckled. "I feel safe. It's as simple as that. I never knew that love is feeling able to be 100% yourself without fearing the other will leave." I pecked his lips. "You've never made me feel like I was walking on eggshells, not even when you fired me every week ..."

Noah's eyes softened as he listened to me speak. He held me tighter and pressed a soft kiss onto my forehead. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he whispered raucously against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

"Probably in prison again." I teased, feeling ... happy. Have I ever felt actually happy? When I was with Chris, was that happiness? Or just the illusion of something that never existed?

"We should probably go downstairs." Noah mentioned, albeit unmoving.

I kissed him deeper. "This should have been the worst day of my life." I mentioned. "It just turned into one of the best. We can linger some more in this daydream."

"Until the next psycho ex shows up?" Noah joked, gaining a light playful slap on his shoulder, which made him laugh, so that we fell onto the bed, me on top of him. He was quick to pull me underneath him, though.

We laughed together as he pinned me down on the bed, our bodies entwined. "That shouldn't be a problem, now I've got an ex-con bodyguarding me." I teased.

Noah pecked my lips. "I didn't save you," he pointed out, "I merely did what I'd been dying to do ever since you told me about him." He claimed, somewhat serious, yet without losing the playful light in his eyes.

"That's the point." I mused, caressing his handsome face, a content smile unfaltering as I stared at him. "Everyone in my life has always treated me like a fragile doll, like I could break any minute. Chris toyed with me, manipulated me into choosing the path he'd laid down for me." I pressed my lips, feeling guilty about not even shedding a tear for him: "Sebastian might have loved me for real. Maybe. I don't know. But he treated me like a fragile doll, too, I needed his protection and he was ready to slaughter the world for me." I took a deep breath. "Everyone in my life always thinks I can't stand up for myself. You don't."

Noah smiled, cupping my cheeks. "That's because the woman I met over 2 years ago wasn't weak at all. Sure, maybe your history toughened you up, but deep down you were always like this, I'm sure." He pecked my lips. "You just needed to find yourself."

It was true, I couldn't deny it. I never realized how distant I was from my own self until, ironically, I distanced myself from everything and everyone. The kind of freedom I felt for the past years, that was what I'd been missing. More than that, it was the awareness that Noah wasn't a necessity, he wasn't the air I needed. Without him, I could breathe. The point was breathing together.

Love isn't about need, it's about choosing them every day no matter what. It's about support, not control. It's about growing together as two people, not flattening yourself to accommodate their needs. My whole life, I thought love was selfless. I thought loving someone meant setting myself aside to serve them and make sure they – or more specifically he succeeded. Until now, I never knew that it was the exact opposite.

I can't believe it took me so long to realize that love is made of giving and receiving, not unilaterally giving. Love is about mutual respect. The line between love and toxicity is much less subtle than I always thought. If he loves you, he won't treat you like property. It's that simple.

"I think ..." I breathed in, then pecked Noah's lips, "I think I kinda, probably, almost certainly, am in love with you." For the first time, those words didn't sound like an impending doom. For the first time, I knew my heart was in safe hands.

THE END

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