Chapter 39

"Okay," Noah panted as he got off me, "you were right." He wheezed. "Either I'm getting older or you're more than I can handle."

I smirked, albeit trying to catch my breaths. "You're not so bad yourself."

He chuckled for a moment, then pulled me under him. "You're not gonna decide you can't handle the situation and leave me stranded, are you?" Noah wondered, seemingly serious.

I gave him a sarcastic look. "You think I can't separate sex from relationships, or ..." I almost laughed, "you think you're so good that I'm not gonna be able to keep my hands off you now?"

He grinned cheekily. "Both, of course."

I rolled my eyes, albeit smiling slightly. I leveraged on his own body, and flipped him, so that I could straddle him. I was completely naked, and while years ago my fat rolls would have made me blush in discomfort, right now I proudly exhibited everything Mother Nature decided I was worthy of. "You do know that I can have you beg for mercy if I want to, right?" I challenged, hands on his chest.

"Challenge accepted." Noah smirked smugly, gripping my ass cheeks to bring me closer. "Told you a lot of riding was involved." He claimed as he pressed me onto him.

I closed my eyes for a moment, to fully enjoy the feeling of him inside me, then I leisurely started grinding against him. I didn't care about the wrongness of the situation, nor about the consequences of bedding my boss. Right now, all I was interested in was taking life one ride at a time. Literally.

💫💫

"You're crazy." Laura scoffed in my ear, making me regret telling her what happened. Noah was under the shower, I was still naked in his bed. In theory, I should go get ready to save the savable and at least start on our newest assignment. In truth, I was contemplating the idea of joining him under the shower.

"Why?" I wondered sarcastically. "Because I'm finally free of my inhibitions?"

"No ... because you just fucked your boss." She grumbled. "There are easier ways to get fired, I'm sure."

"He won't fire me, no worries." I sighed, standing up, not even bothering to cover my nudities.

"Yeah, it's not like he normally beds his assistants then drives them to quitting."

"He's been with two of his assistants, three at most." I corrected. "Also ..." I checked myself out in the big mirror in front of the bed, "I don't care."

"Viv ..."

"Spare me, Lala, please." I huffed. "You're the one that said I should get out and live a little."

"You're gonna get hurt," she predicted, "again."

"Sex never killed anyone." I said solemnly, then hung up, tired of her sermons. I know she means well, but I really don't need her to always be breathing down my neck, claiming this is me acting out, trying to fuck my way to oblivion.

I opened the bathroom door, then headed directly for the shower. "Is there room for one more?" I teased, entering without waiting for a reply.

Noah smirked slightly. "I guess I need to make up for all the wasted time." He pulled me into him and kissed me roughly, only to then push me against the wet tiles. Despite the hot water on my back, my body shivered at his touch as he kissed my neck and ran a hand down the inner length of my leg, prompting me to pull them apart. "You like this, don't you?" He mused. "You love it when I'm rough."

I bit my lips, not even trying to be sensual, just plainly aroused. "Maybe a little." I admitted.

"What happened to you?" Noah wondered as he seized me up against the wall. "What made you ..."

"Horny?" I filled in jokingly, but really not wanting to go into the subject, especially not when I was about to feel, for the third time today, the same pleasure I've denied myself for years.

When Noah pressed me harder against the wall, I prefigured the blissful moments to come ... instead he moved his mouth to my ear, and spoke raucously against it: "Nobody picks a life of travel with no chance of ever getting some sort of stability ... unless they're running from something ... or someone."

"Way to spoil the mood, big boy." I scoffed, setting my feet down.

Noah held me captive, his hands at my sides without touching me as the hot water started getting colder on our skins. "Who hurt you?" He asked, or rather demanded to know. "I've been studying you," he took my chin in his hand and raised it, so that I could look into his eyes. "You have a family and friends that call you regularly."

"And that's a bad thing?"

He shook his head. "You didn't just decide to leave them to spend 99% of your time in the most hidden corners of the Earth, working for a pain in the ass."

"Awww, don't be so hard on yourself," I teased, "sometimes you're not that bad."

Noah cracked a tiny smile, then pecked my lips. "Fine, then," he claimed, suddenly pulling back, but only to turn me around and bend me over against the wet tiles, "I'll just fuck it out of you."

💫💫

"I take it back." I teased as I got out of the shower and met the sight of a sexy Noah lying in bed, his lean muscles on show. "Abstinence is good for you."

He pressed his lips for a moment, as if evaluating something. Then he claimed: "I have a wife."

That sole sentence felt like a straight kick to my stomach. "What?!"

"Well, technically ... had."

I glared at him. "If you're married and we just ..." I gritted my teeth, taking menacing steps closer to the bed. "I swear, Noah Cooper, if you lied to me, I'm gonna chop off your dick."

He laughed obnoxiously, sitting up. "Ok, first of all," he hinted at my full frame, which was barely covered by one of his shirts, "I really can't take your threats seriously when you look like you just came out of my wettest teenage dreams."

"Noah ..." I warned, not in the mood to deal with his bullshit. I may not care about love and doing things right anymore, I may have slept with more people than I could count in the past 4 years, but that doesn't mean I'd be willing to destroy a marriage.

"Relax," he held up his hands in mock surrender, "we've been separated for the past 3 years. Yesterday she finally signed the papers for divorce." He grinned cheekily. "I'm officially a single man."

I glared at him. "You couldn't have led with that, huh?"

He laughed. "Wouldn't have been as fun." He patted a spot beside him on bed. "Come here."

"Um ... I'll pass." I headed to the chair near the balcony, where my clothes were. "I'm just gonna call it a night."

"Come on, don't be like that." I could hear him stand up and walk over to me, but I moved faster, dodging him just in time. "If it makes you feel any better, my ex-wife's been seeing someone for over 3 years now." He shrugged. "At least, I waited until the official end of the marriage."

"You said you've been with other women."

"Do hookers count?" He joked dryly, then rolled his eyes when I didn't budge. This time, when he came closer to grip my shoulders, I didn't move. Luckily, he was only half naked, his lower half was clothed. "I didn't want to drag you into a messy divorce cause." He explained. "Not to mention that, if my ex got winds of anything even remotely close to a relationship between me and my assistant, she could file for fault divorce and pluck me like a chicken on Christmas."

"She wouldn't think you did anything like that if you hadn't before." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I haven't. Actually, I haven't been with any of my assistants." He grinned boyishly, slowly letting his hands trail to my hips, so that he could pull me into him. "Most of those rumors come from a receptionist I stood up some time ago. I was just coming out of the breakup, my friend thought a sexy 27-year-old could pull me out of my misery," he explained, wrapping an arm around my waist, "but I flaked last minute ... she didn't appreciate getting ghosted."

Given my record with men and my newfound skepticism, part of me had a hard time believing him. "You seriously want me to believe all that flirting and innuendos were just you covering up your vulnerability?"

"No ... not really, it wasn't a coping mechanism, it was just all in good fun. But ...", he cracked a small smile, "believe it or not, I do have a heart. Trisha broke it, hard. It took me some time to come out of the mist." The expression felt way too familiar, as if he'd read it straight from my own heart.

"Why did you never tell me?"

"Because I wasn't planning to ..." he glued our bodies together, his eyes falling on my lips, "I wasn't planning to sleep with you. Especially because you're ..." Noah pressed his lips for a second, then exhaled loudly, his hot breath hitting my mouth. "You're vulnerable. I don't know what you left behind, but it scarred you, it's not that difficult to see it."

"Really ..."

"All the sex in the world won't fill that hole in your heart." Noah claimed. "Not that I blame you for trying," he chuckled, "moping around is useless. Believe me, I know."

I remained quiet and still for a few seconds, mulling over his words. In the end, I turned my head to look at the sun finally setting behind the horizon. "Why did it end?" I asked softly, almost not wanting him to answer, be it only because it would mean getting way too close to each other.

"I told you," Noah said simply, "she's been seeing someone for over 3 y ears."

I turned back to him, frowning. "You mean ..."

"My brother," he said without showing any emotion, "they particularly bonded when they were both at my bedside in hospital."

"What?!" I pulled slightly back, mad at his ex, not at him, but also confused as to how many things I didn't know about him. Then again, I couldn't fault Noah for not sharing, since I haven't said a word about my past either.

"The point is," he cupped my cheeks, "I understand what running away feels like. Just ... don't make it a habit. Believe me, it's a slippery slope, it only gets worse."

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I went to sit at the end of the bed, and sent him a serious look. "My story goes way beyond a cheating ex." I pointed out.

"Like what?" He frowned, coming close enough to squat in front of me. Based on his gentle touch and his concerned look when he grabbed my hands, I could see his first guess was the same as everyone else's. When a woman runs from relationships, for many people it's usually due to an abusive ex or family. I guess that, given the circumstances, it wouldn't be such a far-off assumption.

I've never wanted to feel like a victim, and I'm not. I put too much into something that wasn't really there, and it blew up in my face. It could have gone a lot worse, but it could have also gone a lot differently, had I handled it much better. Noah was waiting for an answer, but I had none to give.

Hence, I fainted a smile, shaking my head. "It doesn't matter. The past is the past."

"It's not when it affects your future."

His choice of words took me off guard, as if there was a deeper meaning behind them. But maybe I was reading too much into it. "I'm 30 and free, traveling all over the world," I shrugged, truly feeling, if not happy, at least lucky, "I'm perfectly fine."

"Ok," Noah nodded, "I'll accept that half-assed attempt at diverting the subject for today." He scoffed, standing up. "But we've got 4 days in a far off town in Camargue," he stared at me intently, "I'm gonna break you, Dawson, we both know that."

I smirked, regaining my good mood and glad he wasn't pushing for answers, or not in a traditional sense. "Based on your moans earlier in the shower ... pretty sure I broke you, sir." And with that, we both burst into laughter. I knew he wasn't going to give up anytime soon, and a part of me was ready for it ... but my past could stay in the shadows until then.

✨✨

When I rolled over in bed, someone groaned. I didn't need to look at him to remember Noah was right there, sleeping, or trying to. "You already awake?" I asked in the dark.

He made a sound of agreement and shifted onto his other side, so he was facing me. "Yeah, just thinking. Mind if we talk for a bit?"

I opened my mouth to answer then closed it again. Finding words wasn't what scared me the most at this point, but more how much truth could he handle. How deep could we go down this rabbit hole before it became too dangerous for us? And yet, despite all that, here we were in each other's arms on some random bed waiting to see which of us was brave enough to break the silence.

"I don't mean talk-talk." Noah claimed in a reassuring tone, only to then kiss my temple lightly. "I mean ... talk."

"What's the difference?"

He smiled lightly, pulling me closer into him, until my head rested on his bare chest. "I'm not going to press you for answers." He stated. "I just want to understand you a bit better."

"We've known each other for over 2 years." I pointed out.

"Bantering, playing around, not really talking about anything." He bit back, somewhat serious but still half smiling.

I hid my face in his chest, hating myself for getting into such a situation. "Is this the part where I break your heart and you realize women are the source of all evils?"

He let out a short laugh, his fingers trailing gently over my arm. "Yesterday, you thought I was a cheating bastard. Today you think I'm foolishly mad about you and I'm about to say something that'll break me." He gave me an amused look. "You gotta make up your mind, Dawson. Either I'm a heartless bastard or I'm a hopeless romantic with a soft spot for you."

I raised my head to look at him. "I know it's been a while, so your bedside manners aren't great, but ... you can't just spend a whole day fucking the hell out of someone, only to then get soft and cute, offering a pillow talk."

"How about we turn it into a game, then?" Noah suggested, causing me to frown.

"Let me guess, truth or dare?"

"I was going for 20 Questions, but sure, Truth or Dare sounds good."

"What do you intend to achieve here?" I wondered, suspicious.

"Like I said, I just want to understand you better. It's not every day that I get to spend time with a woman who can take me on in bed and then still manages to keep me hooked even when we're just lying here like this."

"Oh, so you're pussy-whipped." I teased. "Is that it?"

He rolled his eyes, albeit amused. "I'm dying to know. What makes a seemingly sweet girl become a hard ass that goes through flings like a man?"

"Oh, wow, so women can't be players?" I feigned outrage. "Very sexist, sir."

"Yeah, women should just stay in the kitchen." He bit back sarcastically, making a funny face. "You're a loving daughter, Dawson." Noah pointed out a moment later. "Your phone calls with your parents are never angry. So ... you didn't run away from family. You have friends, so it wasn't loneliness either."

"It can't be that I just wanted to travel, right?"

"Oh, please," he scoffed, playing with my hair, "people that want to travel go to the usual tourist destinations, they don't sign up for a nightmare job that keeps them away from home most of the year."

"Well, you ..."

"I ran away from a cheating wife." He gave me a duh look. "I told you."

"Is it that simple?"

"My only brother fucks my wife, aka the only woman I've ever loved ... am I supposed to just lump it and keep going like nothing happened?"

I tilted my head to the side, now curious. Then it hit me. "You fucked them up, didn't you?"

He pressed his lips, barely able to hide a proud smirk. "Maybe a little."

"What did you do?"

"For legal reasons, I definitely did not run a car into our house when I caught them in the act." Noah claimed. "I did not hit my brother's car with a baseball bat when he tried to explain himself and I most certainly did not set fire to all of my ex-wife's designer dresses."

My eyes widened. "Oh, my God, what?" I raised my head and half my body. "Are you serious?"

"Why do you think she took so long to grant me the divorce?" He shrugged. "She wanted revenge, but the only way she could get it was to squeeze me. Don't worry, they didn't get hurt, I didn't lay a single finger on either of them, only destroyed property."

I frowned. It felt way too farfetched, even for someone that comes off as so brazenly rude and rough. "I don't buy it." I frowned. "She could have pressed charges."

"She did." He nodded. "They both did ... but you know, it's not wise to play in two beds when your wife is the daughter of a top lawyer." He laughed. "I didn't spend a single day in jail, but my brother got his ass handed to him by his father-in-law."

"That sounds way too crazy to be true."

"Ok ..." he eyed me, a challenging look on his face, "do better, then. Tell me something that sounds crazier than this."

Sighing, I rested my head on his chest again. I didn't really want to open that can of worms, but at this point, why hide it? He did tell me his story, after all. "My best friend of 20 years tried to kill me; my ex was a drug kingpin and he murdered a man in front of me. When I tried to stop him, he pushed me away, which caused me to fall and have a miscarriage. I was 4 months pregnant when it happened."

Noah remained quiet for more than a couple of minutes, seemingly processing my words, but he never let go. Now as ever he looked serious. In the end, he nodded, even though his face didn't give away any emotion. "You win."

I half smiled. "Is that it? A simple, you win?"

"What, you want a prize for the most fucked up life?"

"Wouldn't hurt." I teased.

He rolled his eyes, amused. Predictably, he flipped us, so that his body could cover mine in full. "I mean, I'm good," Noah claimed, pulling up yet spreading my legs, "but I don't think I'm ... fucking your traumas away kind of good."

"I'll settle for a, I feel bad I made you talk about it quickie." I licked my lips, welcoming him when he pressed up against me.

"Works for me." Noah said nonchalantly before giving me a deep kiss. I was thankful for his understanding attitude towards my revelations, but I was also aware that I couldn't outrun my past. I could, however, try to move on.

✨✨

I woke up to my phone buzzing, which had Noah groan from beside me. "Leave it," he grumbled, not even opening his eyes and pulling me closer into him. "It's probably Jones asking why aren't we in Camargue yet."

"I'm sure she'll understand when I tell her I had to relieve your abstinence ... at the very least, she'll thank me for toning down your grumpiness." I teased, stretching to get my phone from the nightstand – making him groan some more as I pushed almost all my body onto him to get there.

"Wishful thinking." He teased. "But you're welcome to try more ..." he winked alluringly, reaching for my hips.

"Oh, my God, don't you ever have enough?" I laughed.

"Of you?" He asked rhetorically as he pulled me underneath him. "Never." He kissed me again. "I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but I haven't exactly ... not had wet dreams about you. And when I say dreams I mean daydreams. And when I say daydreams I mean I vividly saw you as I-"

"Ah!" I covered his mouth, sending him a dirty look, even though I was amused. "Too much information, sir."

"Hey, learn to button your shirts all the way up," he grumbled once he'd freed himself, "then you can tell me not to picture you doing all things dirty to me."

"Learn to look a woman in the eyes," I scoffed, "then you can keep an assistant."

"You wanna tell me that, in over two years, you never caught me staring? And you never stared back?"

"I didn't say that ..."

"Case in point." He smirked smugly, pulling me back to him when I tried to get up as my phone restarted buzzing. "Now, come back here and atone for your reckless endangerment."

"Reckless endangerment?" I scoffed.

"Blue balls are actually highly dangerous." He teased, his devilish smirk never leaving his face. "I could have died."

"Again with the dramatics." I rolled my eyes. "Yes, we can do something about that ... but first let me check my messages." I bargained, finally grabbing a hold of my phone and unlocking it.

"It can wait."

"No, it-" When I saw 10 missed calls from my dad, my heart sank, an eerie feeling of imminent catastrophe suddenly taking over.

"What is it?" Noah asked, sounding concerned, when I froze.

"It's my mom." I could hardly process the text I just read from my dad. "She ... she had a stroke."

Noah sat up properly with me in his arms. "Is she ok?"

Tears filled my eyes as I slowly shook my head. "She ... she's dead."