Chapter 13

"Holding on is believing that there's only a past; letting go is knowing that there's also a future." - Daphne Rose Kingma

✨✨

"Thank you." I murmured, still too shaken up to say more than that. I was eventually able to move, but only by using my keys to scratch my leg. I don't know whether it was a panic or an anxiety attack, or quite simply coming face first with the fact that even all hope is gone.

"No problem." Sebastian smiled gently, turning to me for a moment before focusing back on the road.

Yeah, I called him. I didn't know what else to do, I had to get out of there, and he was the only one I could see without getting an endless rant about the whole situation. I didn't even need to explain anything, when I asked Sebastian whether he could come get me, he didn't ask, he just came. Even pretty fast, thank God.

The car ride was silent. I'd been standing outside my building for about 10 minutes when Sebastian arrived, but it took us 30 to get to his place again, so I have to guess that he broke quite a few rules to come to me as fast as possible. I couldn't help but appreciate that.

I felt numb, pretty much dead inside. I'm not that blind, I've always been painfully aware of how Chris could and would eventually find someone, and believe it or not, I never thought he didn't have a sex life, I always knew he did, way too well. But Karen ... of all the women possible, why Karen? Why fall back into the clutches of the one woman that's made his life a pure nightmare? Of all the girlfriends he's had, she was the worst.

Chris wasn't happy with Karen. He was just lost, completely captured by her, blind to her flaws, ignorant to her worst sides. Yet it lasted the longest. I may be biased, but I wasn't the only one that considered Karen an absolutely terrible fit for Chris. All our friends agreed, none of them could understand what he saw in her. Even Nick, the one that, other than me, is the closest to Chris, went out of his way to warn his friend, make him understand that Karen was sucking the life out of him.

But no, Chris never listened. Luckily, she decided to break up with him, because of me. According to her, the kind of bond we have is toxic, it prevented them from bringing their relationship to the next level. It wasn't the fact that she was insufferable and bossed him around like a puppet, it was the fact that he spent a lot of time with me.

Sure, I am well aware that our bond has made relationships really complicated, we've already discussed that topic. But Karen? No, Karen simply could not bear that there was someone that could open his eyes, someone that, for every bad decision she pushed him into making, would veer him onto better ones. Someone that, basically, could counter the powers of persuasion she wielded.

Yet he went back for more. I don't know what's worse, slamming my face against the hard truth, finally feeling the heartbreak I knew was coming, or the awareness that spending the night at Sebastian's won't save me from having to face Chris at some point. It doesn't matter what happened, be it tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, or even next week, I will have to see Chris again and act like nothing. The sole idea of having to restart smiling and nodding, putting on a deadpan mask while inside I'm dying as he tells me about Karen makes my heart tremble.

I could feel Sebastian's eyes on me as we walked into his building, all the way up to his apartment – well, pretty much a penthouse –, but he didn't say a word. "Would you like to freshen up?" Sebastian wondered, eyeing me carefully, once we got inside. I nodded, without speaking, and he guided me to the bathroom. "I can give you a shirt, if you like," he half chuckled, "but I'm afraid that's about the only thing here that will fit you."

I gave him a grateful smile. "I'll be fine, thank you." Will I, though?

✨✨

When I came out of the bathroom barefooted, heels in my hands, wearing only a white dress-shirt he'd given me, Sebastian did a double-take. I would have sworn I saw him swallow hard then press his lips into a very thin line, in an attempt at repressing any noisy reaction. In the end, he did exhale, licking his lips as he looked me up and down. "Well, this is going to be way more difficult than I thought."

"What is?" I asked, playing dumb.

He smirked a little as he came closer. "Do you know why I haven't kissed you yet?" He asked. "Even though we kissed as soon as we met?"

"Because you're the last gentleman standing?" I teased.

He shook his head, coming even closer, to the point that there was basically no room between us. "I see this as more than one and done." Sebastian admitted, causing me to blush. Even more when he cupped my cheeks, and spoke right against my lips: "Doesn't mean my blood doesn't boil every time I see you."

I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around his torso, my voice a mere whisper when I spoke: "Kiss me, then."

"You're not in the right state of mind, anything we could do tonight, you might regret it tomorrow."

I shook my head, pulling him closer. "Just ... kiss me, Sebastian."

✨✨

I woke up to the delicious smell of banana pancakes, my favorites. I smiled, thinking of the only person that would know to make them, or rather buy them and then heat them up, when I'm upset. "Chris ..." I called. But when I opened my eyes, and sat up, I realized I wasn't in my bedroom.

I dropped back into the pillow, heaving a deep sigh. Part of me was happy to remember last night. The way Sebastian kissed me with the most passion I'd ever felt, the way he pushed me against the wall, seized me up in his arms, kissing me feverishly while roaming my body; the way we stumbled our way to his bedroom, barely ever ceasing to kiss; the way I forgot the entire world for one single night.

But part of me was well aware that last night was only a palliative, the painkiller you take when that chronic problem just won't let you sleep. I like Sebastian, I really do, but I don't even know whether I slept with him because I really wanted to or because I needed to forget what I saw, even only for a few hours.

"You're awake," he mused when he came in, a tray in his hands, "pity." He grinned. "I hoped I could use my skills to gently nudge you awake."

"Which skills?" I teased, a flirtatious smile on my face. "Because I clearly remember a very interesting set of skills that had nothing to do with food ..."

His smile widened as he sat down beside me, placing the tray with breakfast on my knees. "Whichever you prefer." He leaned in, to kiss me, but I pulled back.

Before he could be offended, I covered my mouth, pointing out: "Morning breath isn't the greatest impression after the first night together."

"I don't care," he removed my hand, and kissed me deep, smiling, "good morning, my goddess."

I nearly fell against the headboard for the surprise, but I did reciprocate the kiss soon enough, even though it didn't last long. "Are you ever going to stop calling me that?" I chuckled.

Sebastian smiled, pulling a hair lock behind my ear. "Why? I'm only saying it how it is."

"If I'm a goddess, then what does that make you?" I eyed him up and down, playful. "You do look like a Greek god ..."

He laughed. "I'm more like that lucky human that was blessed to find his goddess."

I rolled my eyes, albeit smiling. "So corny." We both laughed, and he managed to steal one more kiss before pulling back. "So, am I supposed to eat all this stuff on my own?" I wondered, eyeing the tray. "What's this?" I pointed at something I didn't recognize.

"Croque madame." Sebastian replied, then went on presenting each plate: "Banana pancakes, French toast stuffed with bananas, and banana caramel cream, because what's breakfast without a mini dessert?"

"You really listen, huh?" I chuckled. I told him banana was my favorite fruit like, on the first date.

"You had doubts?" He laughed. "Although, I'll admit that catching everything is difficult, those luscious lips are ... distracting." He winked, and here I went again, blushing.

"You're really smooth, I must say."

"You got me," Sebastian laughed, grabbing a fork to take a piece of pancake, and feed it to me, "I keep trying to impress you, but you're one difficult lady, Vivian."

I couldn't help but laugh once I'd swallowed the bite he'd fed me. "Me difficult? I think I'm fairly easy." I paused, thinking it over. "Especially when a mysterious gentleman works his magic." I took the fork from his hand, and continued eating on my own. "But thank you for last night."

"Which part?" He winked.

I pressed my lips. "Both, maybe." My thoughts inevitably went to the scene I witnessed, but I tried to chase it away immediately. "I'm sure you'll be curious as to what happened."

"I am." Sebastian nodded, a faint smile covering his mouth. "But if you don't feel like talking about it, that's alright." He inched closer to me, searching my gaze. "Nevertheless, whatever happened cannot cast you down for long."

"Because my smile is too pretty to fade in favor of tears?" I teased, kind of amused by his corny yet seemingly sincere ways.

He chuckled. "That too. But mainly because," he placed a hand on my thigh, quite significantly, "because I have plans for you, Miss Vivian." Somehow, that sounded like a promise of different kinds.

✨✨

Sebastian was right. His 'treatment' served to make me feel better, I won't deny it. A mix of unbridled passionate sex and heart-melting romance was probably what I needed. And with the underling promise of an us that goes beyond the sheets, it was difficult to remain downcast.

"I really need to go to work today." I yawned, stretching a bit. I took two days off, but Sheryl threatened to fire me if I dared take one more. As punishment for the failed interview with Julia Woods, she stacked up the most boring papers ever for me to edit, and promised not to ever let me write anything. She could not possibly know, but those threats did nothing but make Adam's offer more enticing.

What also made the idea of London more interesting was the memory of Chris and Karen together. It may have come at intervals, thanks to Sebastian I was distracted most of the time, but even in these perfect three days, the sad moments were inevitable, especially because Chris called and texted a lot, obviously worried about me, since I didn't go home.

Luckily, Beth went to see her family in New Jersey for a few days, and she had the bright idea to tell him I went with her. That seemed to calm him down. I still haven't even told anyone about what happened. Laura and Beth knew I was with Sebastian, and for that was enough of a miracle to work their best to make sure Chris would not spoil it, as Laura put it.

"Do you?" Sebastian played with my hand, pulling me closer into him.

"You've had your way with me for three days straight, sir, I need to regain my forces." I teased.

"That's what the food is for." He winked.

I grinned, thinking of all the delicious meals he prepared for me – really the only reason we got up from the bed, even showers were taken together. "You cook so well, I'm almost envious."

"I thought you cooked, too."

"Not as well as you do."

Sebastian smiled, placing a small kiss on my temple as he hugged me closer. "I can teach you, if you want."

I giggled when he tickled my sides. "We tried ... it didn't work, did it?" We both laughed. When he tried to teach me a couple of recipes, somehow, we wound up naked in the kitchen. When I went to shower, he joined me. When we put on a movie, we barely got to watch ten minutes of it. Three days don't seem a lot, but they're certainly long enough to use many different surfaces.

As if on cue, Sebastian was quick to flip us, his body hovering over mine. "Practice makes perfect." He teased, stealing a small kiss.

"I really need to go to work today." I remined, yet kissing him back.

"I know, I know ..." he positioned in between my legs, "doesn't mean we can't squeeze in one last time."

✨✨

"There's something you should know." I bit on my lips, mildly nervous. These three days have been amazing, but before letting whatever this is go further, I need to be straight with him, at least about one detail.

"Your heart is taken." Sebastian took me off guard, instead, eyes on the road. He shrugged. "The kind of distraught that pushed you to call me the other night, only a broken heart can cause it."

I lowered my glance, my cheeks reddening. That wasn't what I meant to tell him, but I guess he should know. "You're really perceptive." I murmured.

His face serious, not really letting transpire any emotion as he watched solely the road ahead while driving me to work, Sebastian admitted: "I know firsthand what it feels like, so I can recognize it."

"You ..."

"It's a long story," he gave me a faint smile, without looking at me, "but it allows me to understand your ... peculiar situation, even though it's likely not similar to mine."

"How so?"

He turned to me for a slight moment, taking advantage of a red light. "Yours is alive, isn't he?"