#84 Closure Part 1 - Dunadh Cuid 1

"May."

I turned away from the whisper, but it continued.

"May, get up." The voice was above me now and this time when I tried to roll away onto my side I couldn't.

"I can't get up if you're on me." I moaned.

I covered my eyes to shield them from the light as I took a peak at Lyle. She sat on my thighs as she straddled my body. "We both know you weren't going to get up anyway." She leaned over and pulled my hands away from my face. With them out of the way she leaned in further to plant a kiss on my lips.

I curved my neck to deepen the kiss but at my movement she pulled away and grinned mischievously.

"Get dressed first." She swung her leg over the bed and flung open the closet.

I turned over on my side and gave a frustrated huff. "Where are we going?"

"Put some clothes on and you'll find out."

With a click I popped open the Tupperware container in my lap and pulled out a rolled up pancake filled with strawberry jelly. Lyle insisted we take our breakfast to go as she rushed me to the car. We'd been on the road for two hours and she still hadn't told me where we were off to. Apparently, though it was a good enough place to excuse us from work for the day.

"You want one?" I offered a jelly filled cake to Lyle and she nodded.

I shared mine with her as I held it out for her to bit into while she watched the road.

"I hope we're going to Disney world."

"Is that on the bucket list?" Lyle mused.

"Could be."

"Afraid we aren't crossing that one off today."

"But we're crossing something else off?" I pushed

She hesitated. "You could say that." She paused again and checked her rear view mirror. "We are going to Unit #16."

"What?" My hand went slack and a glob of jam fell from my imitation crepe.

"You wanted closure. Unit #16 is where it all started." She turned to look at me trying to gauge my reaction. When I didn't say anything she went on. "Monroe is always going to be a part of your life. But so is your mother. I wanted you to remember that every day. That's why today I think it's time to clean out Unit #16." I opened my mouth to argue but she held out her hand. "If you want to know your mother you need to confront her - not keep her at arms distance in a locked crate. Look, you can be mad at me, but I brought some boxes. We have the entire day to go through the Unit and see what can be donated and what comes back to the cabin."

She rested her hand on my leg while my own found it's way to my locket. Just a few years before I found the locket in Unit #16 among the photo albums my mother kept. In the sixteen years I visited the Unit, there were few things that were truly personal – the locket and photos being two of them. The clothes and unopened art supplies I didn't care as much about. They weren't a part of her like her paintings were - then why did I keep them?

Lyle was right. Why after all the years had I never managed to go through Unit #16? If I had would I have found the journal sooner?

The truth was that I liked Unit #16. It was comfortable in that it was far enough away where I could easily make excuses against my visiting. Unit #16 was easy to forget.

I could've laughed at myself in that moment. Forgetting was exactly what I'd been fighting against. I fought against Monroe, against the world so they would not forget my mother when the entire time I was leading the charge with an eraser in my hand.

My hand fell from my locket into my lap. Lyle noticed and intertwined my limp fingers into hers. "What are you thinking about?"

Taking in a deep breath, I turned to her. "You're right."

"I'd like to get that on tape." She winked playfully before turning serious again.

"This will be good for me, and for us." I studied her as she watched the road. How had I gotten so lucky? How had I found love in a person so in tune with my own wavelength. "You are a part of my family."

My statement caught her pleasantly by surprise as a smile spread to her lips. She squeezed my hand before bringing it to her lips and kissing my fingertips. "Love you truly."

Lyle brought the key this time and we bypassed the check in counter making our way straight back to the corner of the lot. New graffiti covered the outer walls and I wondered how many times the staff would paint over the artwork before they finally decided to let it be.

"Ready?" Lyle had her hand on the latch.

I nodded and took a step forward to stand by her side. Although we held hands on the walk up I stayed one step behind. There was nothing new behind the folding door, yet there was a new purpose. Closure.

As I placed my hand over Lyle's and we heaved open the door the smell of musty cardboard flooded my senses and I had to wonder if this was a false hope too. Just as I believed seeing Monroe in handcuffs would bring me peace, was I placing all my hope in one storage unit?

I knew myself enough to know that I would never stop looking for my mother. Loose strands of her essence surrounded me in the details of a brush stroke or the way she dotted her 'I's.

Then what was closure to me? How should I begin to quantify such a simple word with an enormous meaning?

Pressure on my hand brought me back to earth as the early morning sunshine created a pool of light in the middle of the concrete floor. I took a step forward into the circle of light and sighed.

Lyle released me and I melted into the ground, sitting naturally cross legged on the cool concrete. In a few moments she placed the first box in front of me and I undid the folded cardboard top.

Miraculously, we left before the sun began to set. I kept I few paint pallets and blank canvases but the rest we donated along with her clothing. The remaining contents of the Unit -the paintings - came with us. Lyle and I meticulously packed each bright work into moving boxes. All in all there were fifteen paintings save Mo Soileireacht and her portrait which were already at the cabin.

"Maybe we can hang them up on the ceiling?" Lyle suggested half seriously an hour into our drive back.

I thought about it for a moment then shook my head. "I'd be afraid they'd fall."

Lyle hummed in agreement. Her hand had been attached to mine since the moment we left the Unit and at my statement she rubbed her thumb over my forefinger. "We don't have to hang them up right away."

"I'd like to someday."

Lyle parked the car at the end of the parking lot just as the sun was beginning its descent behind the tree tops. "Thank you for today." I met her light eyes as the sun came over my shoulder igniting the flecks of brown and turning them to gold. "I never wanted to clean out Unit #16 because I kept holding on to this idea that someday she would return. And if I left her things untouched she could just pick right back up where she left off, as if the last twenty two years hadn't happened. But I need to let go of that fantasy." I blew out a deep breath. "And cleaning out #16 is a good start. I feel lighter now."

As I leaned in to give her a quick kiss I thought of when we first met. We knew nothing of each other and somehow, slowly our lives became intimately intertwined. Talking to Lyle was as if I were having a conversation with myself, so much so that at times I forgot if I was thinking to myself or talking with her. No longer were either of us concealing half our faces in the shadows. We were here with the evening light shining down on us illuminating what we'd always hoped someone else would be able to understand.

"Let's order a pizza." I flopped down on the couch just as soon as I'd put down my box of paintings by the door.

Lyle gasped dramatically. "You? Ordering food and it isn't pancakes?"

"Oh sush." I through a pillow at her and she caught it as if she'd been hit and fell on the couch with a thump. "I can branch out every once in a while."

Lyle lifted her head from the couch cushion and laughed before tucking her head back down to dodge another airborne pillow.

"Here you call it in then." She handed me her phone from her back pocket.

I took the cell phone but when I hit the dialing app a notification popped up. "You have a missed call from Frankie," I tossed the phone back over to her. "He called ten minutes ago it must have been while you were driving."

Immediately Lyle sat straight up and redialed. "What's going on?" I tried to ask but was stunned into silence as Lyle's face turned grave.

I could hear Frankie on the other line and I inched closer. Lyle turned him on speakerphone. I caught half of the sentence, but it was enough.

"They're searching the pond."

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