Chapter 29

Chrissa and I have now officially spent more time in the mall than I thought humanly possible- we've scoured every shelf for on-sale jewelry and dresses, practically tried on every shoe in the whole frickin mall, and Chrissa even made me get some sort of weird lash lift thing. I flat-out refused when I saw the price tag, but apparently Chrissa and the owner are best friends because they did it for free. Because Chrissa Thompson needs more free things in her life.

"Okay, you can open your eyes in 3..."

We're currently standing in front of one of the mall's giant mirrors right by the food court, so I can see my "transformation" as Chrissa calls it. I'm still thoroughly convinced that I just spent half of my earnings at the diner on absolutely no-

"2, 1, open!" Chrissa says, moving her hands away from my face and stepping back to admire her handiwork. "So... what do you think?"

What do I think? I'm tempted to say that I look like a different person at first, but that's a lie. My fire-red hair is still mine, only now it's shiny and bouncy, honey blonde streaks melding in with the bright red and the caramel and auburn lowlights put in- layers making it bounce and sway when I move my head. My face, which is usually ghostly and pale now looks... alive, glowing... radiant. And gone are the faded T-shirt and ill-fitting jeans. I'm in an olive cardigan that does wonders to show off my figure while still feeling like me, a tight black miniskirt, and heeled tan booties that scream 'fashionista' instead of 'sale-section-of-Target.' It's all still me, all Sienna, just an... updated version. And I don't just mean looks-wise. It's a Sienna who's not afraid to go out there and show people who she really is instead of hiding in the shadows.

"I look... beautiful," I manage to say through my shock. Chrissa just shakes her head. "Hon, you've always been beautiful. The only thing I helped change was your confidence. Now come on."

"Where are we going?" I ask, tearing my eyes away from the reflection staring back at me in the mirror.

"To get smoothies. Giving you a makeover has been hard work, I need a break," Chrissa says, grabbing my hand and leading me over to the food court practically instantly- damn, I guess the girl really was hungry.

Once Chrissa's downed her low-fat strawberry-mango smoothie and I've finished my fries, we get up from the table and walk towards the entrance of the mall- though Chrissa gets distracted by a pair of boots in a boutique window.

"Chrissa, are you coming? Or are-"

The words that were about to come out of mouth just... don't as I see Mayah. Walking into the mall with Ethan and two girls, Heather and May- who I've never seen her with before. And she's walking towards- and glaring at... me.

"Mayah?" I say, as it becomes apparent that she's walking up to me. "Uh- how are you?"

She shakes her head. "Fuck you, Sienna. Honestly, just fuck you."

"W-wha?" The sound comes out strangled, like a cat that's choking.

"Look at you." She gestures an arm out to my clothes. "Do you really think dressing up will make you cool? Will make big bad Jase Turner like you?" She scoffs, and I feel tears fill my eyes. "Where is this coming from?"

She continues on, ignoring my question. "And god- hanging out with Chrissa Thompson? Out of all people? God, Sienna, we used to make fun of her all the time. I always thought you were different- when did you turn into such a wannabe?"

"Mayah!" I say, my mouth hanging open. "Where is this coming from? Please tell me."

She shakes her head. "As if you don't already know. Next time if you're going to call me an insecure three year old, at least do me the favor of saying it to my face." She turns on her heel and her friends follow suit. "C'mon guys, let's go."

Chrissa walks up to me, her eyes wide. "Wow. Some friend."

"She's... just dealing with a lot right now," I say, shaking my head and looking down at the ground. "It's fine. And... I don't know what she was talking about, honestly. I mean, we used to make fun of you... but I feel like we're even since... you know, you set my papers on fire. I really don't know where she got the Jase stuff from though... I really don't like him. I've barely talked to the guy."

Okay, well, that's a flat-out lie, but Chrissa really doesn't need to know it. I have bigger concerns at the moment anyways. Like finding out who on earth sent Mayah the message I just read... because it certainly wasn't me.

Though, I have a theory...

As Chrissa and I drive back to , I send Jase a quick text.

We need to talk.

I tell Chrissa that I have work- just so she can drop me off right by the Summer bus station. It's not like I could exactly ask her to drive me home... and I'm certainly not going to make her drive me to Vernon. That wouldn't help either of us.

The only problem with this whole plan is that now me and my excessive amount of shopping bags- as well as my backpack, which is completely full of textbooks and binders- have to sit rubbed-up against each other on a hot, crowded rush hour bus. By the time I get off, I think I might die of heatstroke. Thankfully, January in Virginia isn't particularly hot, and I practically have goosebumps all over by the time I get inside Turner Mansion, a shiver running down my spine as I step inside. I find Jase in the living room texting someone- though he looks up when I come in. "Hey, Re- wow You look-wow." As his eyes move to me, his gaze seems to spend an excessively long time looking me up and down. There's a smile on his face but it falters when he sees my angry expression. "What's wrong?" He asks nonchalantly, but there's worry in his eyes. He knows what he did.

"This is what's wrong," I say, my words cutting and icy as I hold up my cell phone, the last text message exchange between me and Mayah.

Jase's eyes go wide. "I-uh-"

"You what? Gonna try and defend yourself?" I ask, crossing my arms just as much because of the chill in the house as because of how incredibly angry I am.

"Do you want a blanket? Because you look cold. Don't want you to freeze to death before you have the chance to kill me," he says quickly, tossing me the fuzzy blue blanket next to him. I just let it fall to the ground, still glaring. "Don't even try, Jase. Don't you dare try to change the subject- I'm not fucking cold, I'm mad. And don't even try to deny what you did- you and Evan were the only ones who could've had my phone last week, and Evan can barely spell his own name."

Jase scoffs. "I didn't mean to send that text, okay? But, really, shouldn't some of your anger be directed towards the girl that assumed that you'd never want to 'tarnish your perfect reputation' by hanging out with her?"

I shake my head. "God, Jase. You're a fucking idiot, you know that? My friendship with Mayah-"

"Or clear lack thereof," he says cooly.

"-is absolutely none of your business or concern, understand?" I finish, stepping over the blanket that's now lying on the floor and glaring at him, standing directly in front of where he's sitting. "I'm sorry you're an asshole who thinks he has the authority to meddle in other people's lives, but news flash: you don't."

"Well maybe if you had a life to begin with, I wouldn't have to meddle," he fires back, his fists clenched as he sits up straighter, looking me in the eyes. "I'm- I didn't mean that."

"No, go ahead," I say, my voice cool. "Tell me all the ways I'm pathetic and stupid. I dare you."

This really isn't what I came here to accomplish. He confessed. I should be storming away in victory right now, not provoking the argument further. But there's something about this argument- all our arguments, really- that feels alive. Electric. Like there's a current pulsing between us, and- good or bad- I need to feel it electrocute me.

Is that crazy? That's probably crazy.

"Fine." He stands up now, and I'm aware of just how much taller he is than me. I have to tilt my head all the way up to meet his eyes, and just the action feels stupidly submissive. "If that's what you really want, Sienna."

"What I really want is for you to just apologize for what you've done. Or better yet, for you to not have texted my best friend that in the first place!"

"It was an accident!" he says, and I'm aware of just how close we are. Close enough that I could lean up and he could lean down and-

Jesus christ. Why am I thinking about this right now? "How the hell do you 'accidentally' text someone? And why were you on my phone in the first place?"

"She shouldn't have said to you, okay?"

"And I can defend myself, Jase! I don't need a big, strong man coming into my life and fixing all my problems for me- I'm not a 17th century damsel stuck in a tower."

"I never said you were!" His voice is indignant, angry. "I did it for you, okay? Why can't you accept someone trying to help you for once in your life?"

"Because!" I yell, my voice sounding shriller than I expected. "You weren't trying to help me, clearly. You just wanted to ruin my friendship and make me miserable- you clearly want everyone around you to be miserable so that you can feel better about your own pathetic life! Like, Chrissa? You were just toying with her for years!"

Maybe that was a little unfair.

"Go," he says, and this time his voice is quiet, cold, and unfeeling. He doesn't even look down at me.

"Fine! Be like that," I say, turning on my heel. "I'll be waiting for that apology, by the way."

"Well, it looks like you're going to have to wait a long time."

The next morning, Jase is gone before I even get up, leaving me with no choice but to call Noah. I feel terrible making him drive all the way out here, but I feel even worse knowing that I'm basically using him like a backup. I wouldn't have asked him if not for my stupid fight with Jase.

God- my fight with Jase. What was I thinking? Was I really expecting Jase fucking Turner to apologize for anything? He doesn't even have the proper judgment to not get himself a DUI.

I rummage through my closet, trying to pick out an outfit to wear, and then realize...

I still have absolutely no idea how fashion works. Whatsoever. Or makeup, for that matter. Chrissa took me to Sephora yesterday, where she tried to teach me what lipsticks to use and how to do winged eyeliner... but now I'm feeling just as inadequate as ever. I send Chrissa a quick text pleading for help, and within a minute I hear my ringtone sounding, the lyrics to a Taylor Swift song I'm currently obsessed with. "Chrissa!" I say, picking up the phone. "Thank god- you have to help me. I'm having a... fashion crisis."

Since when is that a thing I say?

Chrissa seems to find my statement funny too, and soon enough we're both in fits of giggles. "God, Sienna, I swear, if someone told me a week ago that you'd be calling me about a fashion crisis, I would've thought they were crazy. But I'll help you... since my style is so obviously superior. I have to help the poor ugly duckling out sometimes. Hey, do you think this'll count as charity work?"

"Ha. Hilarious," I say flatly, practically rolling my eyes through the phone. But I'm not mad- I know she's just kidding.

Eventually, Chrissa does actually help me, and I go downstairs in light wash Levi's skinny jeans, a dark blue satin tank top that I seriously thought was lingerie but apparently isn't, my red hair half-up-half-down, tied back with a light blue hair ribbon. Chrissa even told me what makeup to apply, so now I'm wearing a soft pink lip gloss and a thin layer of mascara. Not enough makeup to look noticeably... completely different, but just enough to 'elevate' my face, as Chrissa says. I'm also wearing heels for the first time in forever, and I kind of... don't hate it. I've given up all hopes of being tall, but I can still try to be taller, right?

"Hey, babe," Noah says, a grin spreading over his face as he sees me climb into the passenger seat of his truck. "Whoa- you look... gorgeous."

"Well, I guess you're lucky that I'm your girlfriend, then," I say, smiling at him. He's attractive, that's undeniable, but when he leans in to kiss me, I don't... feel anything. It's not like every touch fills my body with tingles, not like the space between us feels electric, alive.

But that's not what it's supposed to be like, right?

All day at school, though, I can't help the guilt clawing at me, the fear that what I've tried to ignore for so long has finally come true.

Every time I kiss Noah, I wish it could be Jase.

A/N: Hey lovely people!! I hope y'all are having a great day today and making the most of quarantine- I've taken the time to do some extra writing so I don't have to scramble last minute to get chapters posted!!

Also, I'm genuinely very curious- what did you guys think about the characters in this chapter? Do you think Chrissa's reformed and become a good person- or do you still not trust her? And what about Jase? Is what he did worth getting that upset about or did Sienna overreact?

Ily all, thank you so much for sticking with the story, & I'll see everyone next week with a chapter that I'm personally very excited for!

-Selene