18

Christmas came and went in a flash but I didn't feel the Christmas spirit much this year. I kept wondering if I hadn't made the wrong decision, telling Ann that we shouldn't see each other. What was the point in not seeing her if all I did was think about her anyway?

I'd seen her from afar a couple of times in the past two weeks and I'd been such a coward that I hid everytime in order to not have to talk to her.

The day after Christmas I contemplated going over to give her my gift, since I'd bought it anyways... maybe she wouldn't be there after all. Maybe she was spending the Christmas holidays with her family or her sister and she wouldn't be home, right?

I reassured myself with that and was encouraged by the fact that most likely she wouldn't be home today.

But, of course, she was.

She opened the door visibly surprised to see me, I was the one who insisted in not seeing each other barely two weeks ago after all.

I smiled nervously. "Merry Christmas." I said and handed her my gift. She looked puzzled for a moment before accepting it.

And then we stared awkwardly at each other in silence.

"I... uh. I didn't buy you a gift." She said, looking away.

"Oh, it doesn't matter. It's a stupid gift anyway and I bought it before... yeah." I was rambling and thought better to shut up.

"Thank you, do you want to come in?" She offered, unsure of what to do or say.

"Uh, sure." I didn't really think about it because if I had, I would have said no.

We made our way inside and sat on the couch. A Christmas movie was playing on the TV, although I couldn't recognize which movie it was, not that I cared to find out really.

She examined my gift first and then looked at me. "Should I open it?"

I nodded. "Yeah, go ahead."

I watched her as she carefully went on to do so. Instead of tearing it open like one usually would, she opened the wrapping paper slowly and patiently. When she finally took out the gift, she turned towards me surprised, if not annoyed.

"Really?"

I grinned. "It should come in useful."

She looked back at the gift. "And here I was expecting something cute."

"Cute?" I asked.

"Yeah, like something you give to a friend, not to your mom."

"I've never given my mom something like this though." I justified myself.

"Right. But you have to admit that you don't usually give a cooking book to a friend."

I sighed, trying to explain. "This is not just any cooking book," I said and scooted closer to her, "it's a cooking book for beginners." I pointed on the cover where it was written in capital letters.

She pulled the book away from me and turned the other way, acting offended. I laughed.

"I could have bought you 'cooking for dummies' instead, but since I have such a high consideration of you..." I said holding in my laughter and seeing her back stiffen in anger.

She took a deep breath and turned back towards me. "I'd like to see you cooking."

"Why would I, I don't live alone." I shrugged.

"Yeah, but say you go live with someone who can't cook, you'll have to cook then."

"And who would that someone be?"

She seemed to think about it for a moment. "I don't know, maybe your girlfriend or something... but that's not the important part, I'm just s-"

"My girlfriend?"

She sighed, annoyed. "Yeah, or anyone else really. At some point-"

"Then I'll just find a girlfriend who can cook. Simple." I said finally.

She dropped the book down on the small table in front of us and sank back into the couch. "Okay, I give up."

I grinned. "So, what are you watching?"

"I don't even know, I was taking a nap just now."

I looked at her from head to toe and then nodded. "Yeah, it shows."

She glared back. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I shook my head. "Your clothes are wrinkled and you have bags under your eyes."

She self-consciously touched her cheeks. "I do?"

I laughed and grabbed her hands, pulling them away from her face. "No."

She freed her hands forcefully from my grip and slapped my arm. "So, as I was saying, I was taking a nap... and surprised to see you on the other end of the door."

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to give you my gift since I'd bought it anyways."

"Well, thanks." Then she narrowed her eyes at me. "So you wouldn't have wished me a merry Christmas if not for your little gift?"

"I didn't say that!" I replied defensively.

"And yet..."

"I would have... somehow. And it's not like we can never see each other."

"Really? Because I swear I saw you hiding outside when you saw me the other day."

"What are you talking about? I wasn't hiding."

"Yes, you were. As soon as you saw me, you went back inside your car."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Maybe I'd just forgotten something inside." I reasoned.

She shook her head. "Yeah, of course you had."

"It's not fair that you never believe what I say." I whined then.

She laughed and patted my head. "It's way too obvious when you're lying."

"What are you talking about, I'm a good liar."

She raised her eyebrow. "As long as you think so..."

I pouted turning my attention back to the TV.

"What are you doing for New Year's Eve?" She asked suddenly.

"Uh, I'm not sure." I replied.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "See? You're lying, you know what you're doing and you don't want to tell me."

"I'm not lying! I'm just not sure yet."

I wasn't lying per se, Rachel had asked me to go to some party with her but I still hadn't said I'd go.

"Okay."

I turned towards her. "And what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"So you're going to stay here, all alone?"

"Yep." She replied.

"Well, then we're both liars apparently."

That made her laugh. "Kaylee is probably gonna drag me to some boring party."

"I'm probably gonna do something like that as well." I added.

"Going to a party?" She asked, suddenly all interested.

"Yeah?"

"Uhm... And are you going to drink?" She questioned.

"Probably, yeah."

She nodded pensively. "A lot?"

"I don't know, it depends."

"Okay, and-"

I glared right then, stopping her mid-sentence. "What?" She asked.

"Are you seriously going to lecture me about this?"

"I'm not lecturing you, I'm just looking out for you." She replied defensively.

"Because I'm a kid, huh?"

She looked at me for a long time before saying. "No, just the opposite."

"Uhm."

"I just wanted to say that you shouldn't drink too much..." She said, looking out for my reaction.

"Uhm."

"Because you may end up doing things you regret..." She added, "are you even listening-"

"Like what?"

"Like... I don't know." She paused. "Lots of things."

I smirked. "It seems like you're speaking from experience." I teased her.

She blushed. "I'm not, shut up. I'm just saying that you should be careful especially if you're around-" She cut herself off abruptly.

"Around?" I pressed.

"Nothing."

"But I want to know now."

She was avoiding my gaze. "Too bad."

"Are you saying I should be careful if I'm around girls?"

She didn't answer.

"Because I'm gay?" I added.

She shook her head. "I didn't say that."

"But you were going to..."

She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Okay. Maybe. Yeah."

"And why is that?" I inquired further, making her annoyed.

"Because," she said and looked directly at me, "you become very friendly when you're drunk."

I held in my laughter. "And that would be a problem, why?"

She closed her eyes and breathed slowly. "It becomes a problem when you do things you usually wouldn't do."

I smiled then. "Okay, I get it. You don't want me to kiss strangers." I said slowly, watching out for her reaction that didn't disappoint me. She blushed and her expression was a mix of surprise and embarrassment.

"I didn't say that. You can kiss whoever you want for all I care." she was still embarrassed and was looking half down, half at me, trying to be confident.

"Uh, okay. I'm glad to have your approval and I promise to not do something I'll regret." I would have said more but I had the feeling that she was about to kill me.

"Ugh, I swear-" She started but I interrupted her.

"That goes for you too, by the way."

"What?" She asked, confused.

"You should be careful when you're drunk..." I warned and when she didn't say anything I added, "especially around girls."

Her eyes widened. "I-I don't think I have that problem though."

"You may not have it, but that doesn't mean others don't."

I was making her more confused by the second. "What are you even talking about?"

"And yeah, okay, be careful around boys too. You never know."

"You don't have to worry, unlike you I'm a responsible drinker."

I laughed. "Yeah, everyone says that."

She slapped my arm. "I seriously am."

"Okay, okay. I believe you."

***

I ended up staying for another hour during which we mostly watched the movie and commented on how stupid and cliche it was.

When the end credits rolled, I was already getting up ready to leave since my visit turned out longer than planned.

"Hey, wait." Ann said. "You know, I've missed this."

She seemed genuinely sad and I smiled in return. "Yeah, me too."

"We don't have to avoid each other, see? This wasn't so bad after all."

I nodded once. "Yeah, you're right."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "No more hiding then."

"Okay, I promise." I held my hand to my hearth.

"You better."

"So, see you next year?" I asked grinning down at her.

She seemed confused and then it dawned on her. " Yeah, have fun on New Year's Eve."

"You too."