17

I was never the first to arrive to anything so having to wait wasn't something I was used to at all. I am always late to everything and I don't even do it on purpose, I guess I'm just slow.

I sighed for the nth time as I checked the time again. Waiting wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't so fucking cold.

I was freezing and I was quickly loosing the little patience I had left. It was probably for the better that as soon as I decided to just head home I felt someone tapping my shoulder.

I turned around to see big green eyes staring innocently at me. I glared in return.

"What?" She asked.

"I've been waiting for twenty minutes and my ass is freezing."

She laughed and patted my head. "Maybe you should have dressed more appropriately."

"Like?"

"Like, you could have put on gloves, a scarf, a warmer jacket and maybe a beanie."

She described pretty much what she was wearing. I looked her up and down and reached for her head to take her beanie. "Then give me this."

"Hey!" She protested slapping my hand away. "My hair is a mess, the beanie is there for a reason."

I shook my head at her logic and started walking ahead.

"Cam! Wait for me."

***

We were Christmas shopping... or more like she was, since I didn't have many presents to buy in the first place.

"Rach, if we're going to spend one more minute here-"

"Look at these!" She interrupted, showing me a pair of pink gloves.

I stared dumbly.

She nudged me. "Aren't you cold?"

"Yeah?"

"So..." she trailed off, "these are very warm."

I furrowed my brows, confused.

She sighed. "You know, if you put them on your hands they keep you warm in the cold, haven't you ever seen a pair of gloves?"

"Of course I know what gloves are!" I said defensively.

"Okay. Then... since you're cold, these are going to be my Christmas present for you."

I looked at them dubiously. "But they're pink." I said, almost disgustedly.

"So?" She asked challengingly.

"Well..." I stammered. "Can-can't I at least choose the color?"

"Uhm..." She seemed to be thinking about it. "Nope."

I groaned. "Then I don't want them."

She was smiling now. "But it's a gift... you can't refuse a gift."

"I sure can." I said.

"No, you can't."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes, I can."

"No!"

"Let's see then." I said seeing her smile deviously.

***

And that's how I found myself wearing pink gloves.

I sighed as I shoved my hands deep in my jacket's pockets, making sure to be hiding them completely as we made our way to the nearest restaurant.

I glanced at her, seeing her smile victoriously. She won this time only because I was fucking hungry and didn't want to argue for one hour on why I didn't want pink gloves.

So here we were.

After a while I heard her panting and I turned towards her to see what was going on.

She looked back at me. "Those bags are heavy."

"Oh."

She stopped in the middle of the road, waiting.

"They look like they are." I said but kept walking. She was carrying something like five or six bags but I didn't buy the fact that they were heavy. She'd only bought small things that couldn't weigh that much.

"Are you seriously not going to help me?" She asked incredulous.

"Nope."

She was fuming and I loved it. That was my revenge.

We made it inside the restaurant a little while later and finally sat down.

"Finally." I said. "It's been what, three hours?"

"You know, if I knew you were going to whine the whole time I wouldn't have asked you to come with me." She said sipping her drink.

"When you asked me, I wasn't expecting to be walking around for three hours in the cold."

"Three hours is barely enough to buy everything and about the cold... I bought you gloves."

"Pink gloves." I corrected.

"What's wrong with pink gloves?"

"They're childish." I said, pouting.

She grinned. "So they're perfect for you then."

"Hey!" I protested. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing. Eat now, because we've got at least two hours more."

I groaned.

***

We were almost done, Rachel had one more present to buy and then we would be heading home.

My thoughts drifted to other things though. I was thinking about Ann and about the fact that I hadn't seen her in four days. That was approximately... I made a mental count... 96 hours.

I knew that she wouldn't be contacting me this time. If we were going to at least talk about what happened I had to be the one going to her. But the fact was, I wasn't sure she wanted to see me ever again.

And I was scared of seeing her, scared of what she would say and what would that mean for our friendship. What if she told me that we should end everything, never see each other again, forget about it?

Just the thought of it made my stomach drop.

I was looking at things around the last shop we'd entered and a small object caught my attention. That would be the perfect gift for Ann, I thought as I examined it closely. I wondered if I should buy her a gift in the first place, would we even see each other before Christmas? Would she accept it?

"I'm done."

I jumped at the voice behind me. "Shit, you scared me."

I saw Rachel grinning. "What are you looking at?" She asked when she saw what I had in my hands.

"Nothing." I said.

"Oh, who's that for?"

"No one."

"Always very helpful with your answers."

I smiled. "So, should we go?"

***

I parted ways with Rachel at the bus stop where I waited for the bus to take me back home.

She'd given me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek before threatening me to take good care of her gloves if I valued my life.

I made it home by six o'clock and plopped on my bed, tired and ready to take a good nap.

"Cam, are you back?" I heard my mother calling.

"Yeah."

I sighed, not thrilled to endure her questioning at the moment.

She appeared at the doorway of my room. "I'm going out, someone was looking for you earlier."

That got my attention. "Who?"

"Guess." She said. It could have been only one person.

"Ann?"

"Yeah. And by the way, you better be home when I come back. Is that clear?"

"Okay." I said as I was already getting up and searching for some clothes to wear while my mother left.

My heart rate picked up. I was nervous. Shit. What would Ann say? And she was the one who came to look for me first? That was unexpected.

Damn.

I stopped suddenly in the middle of my room and forced myself to take deep slow breaths. I had to calm down first and prepare for any possible outcome.

***

Awkward, awkward, awkward, awkward.

Did I say awkward? Because it was.

This time there wasn't an excuse, Ann's TV was working just fine and she'd actually looked for me with the intent to talk.

But talking didn't mean staring at everything but each other in the most awkward silence I've ever experienced, did it?

I was holding my breath, afraid that I'd make a sound and I kept staring straight ahead waiting for her to speak, since she was the one who'd said 'we had to talk'. The only thing I heard was the clock ticking, tick... tock... tick... tock. I was going mad. I didn't even understand what the news on TV were about, I blocked every sound aside from the goddamned clock.

"Cam..."

I snapped out of my daze and turned to look at Ann but didn't say anything.

"I..." she shook her head, "what happened a few days ago..."

Was a mistake. Shouldn't happen again.

What would she say that would surprise me?

She sighed. "I don't even know what to say."

That, I figured.

She was looking for words so I didn't interrupt. I waited while getting distracted by her hands fidgeting in her lap.

"Okay," she said finally, seeming finally resolute in getting her point across, "I've been thinking a lot about it these last few days..."

Oh. She had? She thought about how much she regretted it? I nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"And-" she paused, "well, I've been wondering if I'd been sending you the wrong signals."

Wrong signals?

I stared at her impassive.

What did I have to say? No, she hadn't. And that yes, it had been my fault (and it was)?

"No." I said finally, looking away.

Ann was searching for my eyes, searching for answers, searching for something she didn't even know.

"You didn't," I said, "you didn't do anything."

Silence, again.

"Cam, look at me."

I closed my eyes briefly and reopened them, looking straight back at her.

"I don't want you to feel bad about it-"

"I'm not." I interrupted.

"Okay, so we just have to talk about it and understand what happened."

Really? I would have rolled my eyes if I could. What happened was that I kissed you and you kissed me back, but I understand that you regret it, it was my fault and I really really really don't want to talk about it.

"I kissed you." I said then. There it is, out in the open. If we had to talk about it we had to at least say what we were talking about.

I saw her blush and try unsuccessfully to hide it. "Well, if we-"

"I kissed you for the second time." I added.

I was staring and she was embarrassed.

"The main point is, I did. So yes, it was my fault and no, you didn't give me 'wrong signals'." I sighed then, "That sums it up."

"Okay, then-"

"Why I did it?" I interrupted her again. "I don't know. It may sound as an excuse but I got carried away in the moment."

I saw her thinking about what I'd said. It was the truth, sort of. She couldn't possibly know that I'd liked her since the first day we met, we were friends so that was out of the question.

"You're gay." She said then, seemingly out of the blue as if she was continuing a conversation she was having in her head.

"And you're not." I added.

Her eyes widened for a moment and she was at loss for words again.

"I know you don't like me." She reasoned, looking at me for confirmation.

I stared back amusedly, not replying.

"I mean, why would you..." she trailed off when she didn't get an answer of any sort from me. "Well, so. Do you kiss your friends often?"

I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. "Only the girls." I said seeing her still in deep thought.

"Right." She took a deep breath. "This is a bit awkward, isn't it?"

Awkward was an understatement for this.

"Yeah," I said, "and look, that won't happen again." At her doubtful look I added. "This time for real."

"Okay."

I got up from the couch, ready to leave. "And I think we shouldn't see each other for a while, or at least not as much as before."

That surprised her. She looked up from her seated position and seemed confused.

I sighed. I was being rational for once. If anything, I had to do it for myself and my own sanity.

"If that's what you think." She said, not protesting, not asking why.

"Well, I must get going then."

She got up as well. "Okay."

We made our way towards the front door.

"I'm happy we clarified what happened."

"Yeah, me too."

I stopped just before opening the door and turned around to face her. I was surprised at our proximity and she seemed to be surprised too because she stepped back instantly.

"Sorry." I said. "Uhm... Well, have a good evening."

The smile she gave me didn't reach her eyes. "Yeah, you too."

"Bye."

"Bye, Cam."