13

Everything was back to normal between me and Ann and I couldn't be happier. We spent as much time as possible together even though we were both pretty busy.

I was happy, at least I thought so, until I learned that she had been dating some ugly dude for two weeks and that things were going "so great" between them. When Ann told me I wanted to run to the toilet and puke. I knew it was an irrational thing to do, but I felt jealous and couldn't help it.

"That's great!" I said, trying to sound genuinely happy for her. "What's he like?"

And at that point I disconnected my brain from my ears because I didn't want to hear anything that had to do with this dude.

When she finished gushing about him, probably 10 or so minutes later (I didn't count), she started asking me questions about my love life.

I wanted to bang my head against a wall.

"What about you Cammie?" She nudged me in the ribs. "Any hot girls at school?"

Yeah, you. I wanted to say.

And then I realized that I haven't been paying attention to any girl at all aside from her. God, how sad was that?

"Yeah, lots." I replied vaguely.

She squinted her eyes at me. "Uhm... You've never told me what your ideal type of girl was." She said, one hand stroking her chin.

"Haven't I?"

"Nope. So?"

"Well, let's see..." I pretended to think about it. "First of all, she has to be tall."

I saw her get surprised. "Tall? How tall?"

"Around my height." I said and put my hand above her head to indicate how much taller than her my ideal girl should be.

She made a face. "What's wrong with short girls?"

"Nothing, I just like taller girls."

"Uh uhm, what else?"

"Ideally she would have to be blonde, but I can compromise about the hair color."

"I don't get the appeal of blondes." She said, making a face.

I grinned. "That's because you're not a lesbian." I said and saw her roll her eyes.

"Right. Then?"

"Then... She has to be smart."

I was describing the complete opposite of Ann, just to mess with her.

"Yeah, but you just said she had to be blonde." She laughed at her own joke and I just shook my head at her.

"And it would be better if she were younger than me." I added, seeing her freeze for a moment, taking in what I'd just said.

"So what? 15 years old?"

"Hey, I'm not that young!"

"Okay, okay... Anything else?"

I looked at her suspiciously. "Are you trying to find me a girlfriend?"

She smiled. "Maybe."

I shook my head again. "And last but not least," I said and leaned closer to her ear as if I was about to tell her some big secret. "Big boobs."

She looked confused. And then I saw her eyes widen in shock as her hand flew to slap me hard on the arm.

"Perv." She said.

"Hey! That's a perfectly normal preference." I complained.

"Yeah, good luck in finding your tall, blonde, smart," she laughed, "younger girl with big boobs."

I pouted. "Are you implying that it's impossible?"

"Well, what do you think?"

"I can still hope."

"Even if you did find her, there's no way a girl like that would be attracted to you." She smiled smugly then, patting my cheek as if to comfort me.

Ouch.

"That was mean." I said.

"I'm just being realistic, you have to lower your expectations."

"Oh, yeah?" I said, staring intently at her. I saw her squirm under my gaze. "So what," I added, "someone pretty short, with dark hair, not so tech-savvy and with," I looked down at her chest, "average boobs?"

She got red, not from blushing but from anger. She glared at me without saying anything for a few seconds while I was contemplating running away as fast as possible.

She was going to kill me.

Then she suddenly relaxed and regarded me with new found confidence. "I said to lower your expectations, not raise them."

I raised my eyebrows. "Pretty confident, are we?"

"I'm just stating the truth."

***

Two days later I was on Ann's couch on a Saturday night waiting for her to come home from her 'date'.

She'd given me the keys the day before so I could come whenever I felt like it.

As if on cue I heard keys turning in the lock of the entrance door and a wet Ann come in.

She acknowledged me with a nod and went off to her bedroom to change. She seemed pissed so I didn't say anything.

When she came back with her hair still wet, she sat down next to me and sighed.

"Everything okay?" I asked cautiously.

"Fine." She said and then reached over my legs to get the remote I'd put on my right, all the while placing her hand on my thigh for support.

She then leaned back again and started scanning through the channels for something to watch at 11.30pm.

"You're wet." I said stupidly, wondering why her date didn't cover her from the heavy rain.

She rolled her eyes. "I thought you wouldn't notice."

"You didn't have an umbrella?"

This time she glared at me. "Very intuitive."

"How did it go?"

She sighed and looked down to her lap. "We broke up."

"Why?" I asked without commenting, earning a death glare from her.

"You're supposed to comfort me in these moments."

"Oh," I said and then scooted closer and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her in for a hug. "Better?"

I heard her sniff. "Yeah."

We stayed like that for a while until I started getting uncomfortable and wanted to change position.

"I have to pee." I said and tried pulling away.

She still had her arms wrapped around me and didn't let go. "Now?"

"Yeah."

"Wait a minute." She said and brought us even closer if possible, strengthening her grip on me.

"Can I go now?" I asked after a while.

She sighed and finally let go. "Yeah."

When I came back from the bathroom I saw her crying silently and was almost afraid to make things worse if I said something.

I cleared my throat to announce my presence. She wiped her tears and tried smiling as I sat down back next to her.

We stayed like that in awkward silence while some movie was playing on the TV until I decided to say something.

"I'm sure you'll find someone better."

She seemed startled as she turned her head to look at me and snorted.

"Thank you, Cam. I'm happy to know you think I can aim higher."

I pouted. "I tried at least."

She got up and looked down at me. "Let's go to bed."

I furrowed my brows. "Uh, yeah. I should go." I said and got up as well.

Before I could move though, she took my hand and gave me a pleading look. "Can't you stay with me?"

Since the 'incident' we haven't slept in the same bed and I honestly thought she would feel uncomfortable. So when she asked, I was surprised and it must have shown on my face because she gave me her best puppy eyes. "Please?"

I worried for a moment about what I would have to tell my mother but quickly discarded the thought.

"Okay." I said and grinned.

She smiled back and led me by the hand to her room where she let go and went to change in the bathroom.

I sat on the bed and wondered if this situation was convenient for me. Sure, I liked Ann, I liked her a lot but I knew that she would never think of me the same way. If I was smart, I would try to stay away or at least distance myself a little. Sleeping with her was definitely not helping.

The bathroom door opened to reveal Ann covered from head to toe in what seemed like very warm pyjamas.

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you that cold?"

"It's almost December, of course I'm cold."

I had my doubts since it was anything but cold in her apartment. I unzipped my sweater, thinking of sleeping in the T-shirt I had underneat. "Do you have a pair of shorts?"

She looked at me as if I'd just gone mad but then just shook her head and threw me a pair of gray shorts.

When I'd changed and came out of the bathroom, Ann was already sleeping or more like pretending to sleep. I turned off the light and got under the covers.

"You're going to be cold." I heard her say.

I turned to face her side. "If that's the case, you can warm me up."

She snorted. "Right. You wish."

"What, you're going to let me die of hypothermia?"

She reached out her hand and gripped my arm pulling me closer. Then she wrapped her arm around my waist. "Better?"

I grinned. "Yeah, definitely."

She shook her head. "Sleep now."

"Okay." I said but kept my eyes open watching her for I don't know how long before falling asleep with a smile on my face.

***

The next day I had to endure my mother's lecture about how I should have called and how she was so worried and how I should at least have told her where I was.

After countless eye-rolls from me, she seemed to finally have run out of what to say.

"Are you done?" I asked.

"Don't talk to me like that! And I told you a thousand times that you can't just sleep over at someone's house without telling me anything. And even more if it's at her house!"

"Why can't I sleep over at her house?"

"Because I don't like her and I don't even know why she spends so much time with you, it's like she has an ulterior motive. Well, at least she's not a guy."

Right, at least she's not a guy. If that makes her feel better...

I rolled my eyes again.

"Mom, you don't have to like her, I do. And Ann does not have any ulterior motive, have you thought that maybe she enjoys my company?"

"Okay, whatever you say."

I was happy she was finally leaving me alone but she came back again.

"Oh, by the way, do you know some girl called Rachel?"

I froze in place. Oh no, not her too. How did my mother even know about her?

"Uhm, yeah?"

"She called last night."

Shit. I'd left my phone home yesterday.

"You picked up MY PHONE?"

"Shh. No need to shout. I heard it ring and I simply picked it up, what's wrong with that?"

God, I facepalmed. I didn't even want to think about what my mother had told her, and what Rachel had told my mother. Shit.

"I'm not even going to start on how you should not touch my stuff. What did she want?"

"Oh, nothing really. She was surprised it wasn't you, she said she was a friend of yours and then we had a nice chat."

A nice chat? Oh, God. What did they talk about?

"About what?"

"Nothing, I asked her how you met each other and she told me you go to the same school and you've gone out to the cinema and so on."

Okay, get to the point. Did she drop the word gay? Date? Relationship? Anything that could make me get into deep shit?

"That's it?"

"Yeah, I told her I'd tell you she called."

"Well, thanks."

***

My palms were sweating as I had my phone in my hands, ready to call Rachel.

I had to. I had to apologize for my intrusive mother and then maybe ask her why she'd called.

I took a deep breath and pressed the green button.

"Hello?"

Fuck, she picked up immediately. I was not ready yet.

"Uhm, Rachel? Hi."

"Hi, Cam. What's up?"

"Everything's fine, how are you?"

"I'm fine. I called yesterday and-"

"Yeah, that's why I called you."

I slapped my forehead. Yeah, the only reason I called you was to apologize. Could I be more rude?

"Oh. Well, I didn't except your mother to pick up but she seemed nice."

Yeah, seemed.

"God, I'm so sorry. I don't know why she did that. I was at a friend's house yesterday and forgot my phone home. I'm sorry."

I heard her laugh. "Cam, it's okay."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, I feel so embarassed. Can you forgive me?"

She laughed again. "I have to think about it."

"Oh, really? And how can I convince you?"

"Uhm, let's see. I promise to forgive you on one condition."

"Should I be worried?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"I dunno, I don't know what you are thinking."

I was confused. "Okay, so in order for you to forgive me, what torture should I subject myself to?"

"I hope you wouldn't consider it a torture..." she trailed off.

"You have to tell me what it is, first."

She didn't speak for a moment.

"Rachel?"

I heard her take a deep breath. "I'd forgive you if you give me a second chance."

Uh?

I wasn't expecting that at all.

"I, uh..."

"It's okay." She said immediately and then laughed, although it seemed forced. "I tried at least, right?"

"Wait, you didn't let me answer."

"Okay, then. Answer me."

"You said you'll forgive me right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, since I really want you to forgive me..."

"You'll sacrifice yourself then?"

"Yeah."

She stayed silent again.

"Cam, I don't want to force you into this. You can say no, I won't hold it against you."

"You're not forcing me."

"Really? Are you sure a date with me doesn't fall in your definition of torture?"

"Uhm... Positive."

"Well, so..."

"So?"

"Would you like to have dinner with me tommorow night?"

"Let me check my schedule," I paused. "Yep, I'm free."

She laughed. "Okay then, remember to write down 'dinner with Rachel, 8pm' before someone else calls you."

"Done. So, see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow. Bye Cam."