2.19. what i want

"Whaaat?! They held out?!"

"I can't believe it! I... I don't know what to say! Bluelock, astounding work!"

"Everyone is playing at their very best. From the U-20, we've seen incredible defence from Aiku, world class passes from Sae, and unimaginable goals from Y/N! And on the Bluelock side, we've seen individual talents from so many new players, coordination unlike any other in the Japanese league, and so many creative plays!"

"I don't think anyone expected this match to be so exciting! I thought Bluelock might put up a decent fight, but I never... I never thought this would be so close!"

"At this point, I don't know who's going to win! Either team could take it, at four goals apiece!"

"Seven minutes left... the U-20 restart the game with a corner kick!"

Sae slammed his foot into the ball. Y/N stood near the far post of the goal, marked only by Raichi. Rin was marking Aiku in front of him, and Isagi was marking Sendou behind him.

The ball came for him. Rin leapt for it, trying to header it away from Aiku, but it was Sae's ball. Of course it would avoid that. It curved in a smooth arc, moving right over the players packed into the goal box. Y/N took off towards the goal in an instant.

He relished the look on Raichi's face, the sudden despair and shock that etched itself into the other boy's features. See how he likes that, stalker. He was just a few steps from the goal. The ball was going to land right at his feet, at just the right time for him to shoot.

Then a body threw itself into his path.

Somehow, in some way, Isagi had gotten ahead of him. He must've started moving way before Y/N had. They reached the same point simultaneously, Y/N and Isagi's feet both slamming into the ball at the same time. Y/N tried to push it forwards, Isagi held it back.

The ball spun wildly into the air. Y/N didn't have a chance to see - he collided with Isagi, a shock running through his entire body as the two hit each other. He stumbled to the side, hitting the ground hard.

Then he was scrambling to his feet again, not even feeling the impact. Y/N hadn't even fully hit the floor before he was getting up, running right after the ball. Hiori caught it easily, and passed it on. But the boy was nothing but a flash of cyan to Y/N as he dashed right past him, solely focused on getting the ball.

Y/N couldn't get it.

He followed the ball up the field, then back down as Bluelock tried their utmost best to keep it from him. They passed fast, and Y/N was left behind as it drew further and further away from him.

He wasn't tired yet. Sae's training had really paid off. But he was drained, confused, and uncertain. What did he want? The last goal had done nothing to settle his nerves. Did he want to score? Was he just scoring for Kuroi?

What was he doing here?

It was a question that had come alive in his mind after his second goal, and it had just been growing in intensity all the while. Do I really want to score goals? Or do I score because it's the only thing I know?

Am I playing for myself? Or am I playing for Kuroi?

Is soccer my life because I enjoy it? Or do I play it because it is my life?

Y/N let out a frustrated sigh, as the ball went away from him, back to Hiori. He wanted to score. He desperately wanted to score, but wouldn't it just throw him further into this mental mess? Especially if Kuroi was there...

Body moving by itself, he ran for the ball. It wasn't even him wanting to do it, but rather, actions hard programmed into him over years of playing. He would have attempted to steal the ball, if not for someone else doing it before he could.

Rin flew out of nowhere, stealing the ball from right under his teammates feet. Y/N just slowed to a walk, watching as Rin powered up the field. He looked... different.

Though, Y/N didn't have the mental capacity to think about that. Sae's voice echoed in his mind. What do you want? Don't think about anyone else.

He didn't run back. He just watched as Rin tore down the field. The boy's eyes were narrowed straight on goal, sweating profusely. His mouth was wide open, panting like an animal as he barrelled forwards. He's really putting his all in...

Isagi sped up, drawing level with Rin. Y/N could barely hear his voice, yelled at top volume across the field. "I'm with you, Rin! Link up!"

Rin didn't answer. Instead, he pushed the ball using the outside of his foot, running diagonally across the field to the wing. The U-20 midfielders were nowhere near, only the four U-20 defenders in front of the goal. Should be plenty, though.

To most of the players, it was a strange play. By going to the wing, Rin wasted valuable time on an important counter. It was wholly illogical, and wholly the 'wrong play'. But to Y/N, who did illogical and wrong on the daily, he just blinked once, shrugged and returned to the storm of thoughts swirling inside of him.

Rin had a similar storm, but for a very different reason. While Y/N tried his best to answer a single question, Rin was trying his best to pick apart the U-20 defence.

He'd ran all the way to the wing, to specifically go toe-to-toe with the speedy defender. Neru... your weapon is speed and agility.

The defender chuckled. "Come to pay a visit?" He zipped into Rin's path, completely unbothered. "It's bad manners to have your mouth so wide."

All I need to do... trigger that agility of yours. Rin stepped to the side as he ran for Neru. The defender, as predicted, sped up quickly, darting forwards to tackle him.

Rin read him perfectly. As Neru's legs opened to push him forwards faster, he kicked the ball through the gap in his legs. That wasn't enough, though. Speeding up, twisting his body so they wouldn't collide, he got past Neru in a single move. And you're crushed with an opposite acceleration.

Isagi was on his right. Rin didn't even realise, running diagonally again across the field to the tattooed defender. Who cares about efficiency... who cares about winning...

I just want to crush them all.

Holding a hand out, the tattooed defender - Darai - frowned. "You're coming for me now? Is that it?!"

I'm coming for all of you, bald fucker. Rin passed the ball to Isagi. Your weapon is slipping in behind... and your stealth.

He ran forwards. The defender followed him, trying to keep Rin in front of him, while Rin ran first right, then left. Both their feet landed awkwardly on the ground, bodies unbalanced as they tried to get the best position possible.

Eyes narrowing more, Rin spotted it. There. He threw a glare of command at Isagi, darting in right behind Darai. Darai began to speak, as the ball came flying across the gap between them. "It's not easy to get behind me, you know."

It very much is. Dumbass. Rin placed a hand on Darai's back. His legs automatically received the ball, as his upper body shoved the defender away and prevented him turning around.

He wasn't done yet.

Rin ran straight for the third defender. Niou. You're strong, with an iron core. And that's fucking all you have.

But sure, I'll play. When he was just a few metres away, Rin flicked the ball into the air. It was a tease, a bait that challenged Niou to a straightforward physical duel. Whoever was stronger would come out on top.

The man took it, as expected.

He charged forwards fast, placing all his strength into the push. If Rin took it head on, he would be absolutely demolished. You'd think, right?

Arrogant fool.

Rin ducked low, bracing his body sideways against Niou's charge. The man's momentum hit him hard. But instead of knocking him over, Niou flew right over his head, unable to control his own speed. Rin didn't give him a second glance as the man thudded to the floor, scooping up the ball again.

One more.

No, two more.

Sendou rammed into his side, using all his strength to shove Rin off course. Puny striker. Ahead of him, Aiku had been waiting, but chose the opportunity to charge forwards.

Isagi ran past Rin, headed straight for the goal. "Rin! Come on!"

It only made him angrier. Who does this fucker think he is... stealing my goal away from me... trying to limit me... trying to make me a pawn in his game...!

He charged forwards. Shoot. Now.

Aiku leapt into his shot course. Instinctively, Rin's body moved. He tapped the ball to the side, delaying his shot and letting Aiku block nothing but air.

Then he shot.

The ball clanged off the post.

It bounced on the ground, going to none other than Sae Itoshi.

🥕🥕🥕

What do I want?

He was in a dream. The sounds around him were muted, hearing them from six feet underwater. His hands tingled strangely, with what he didn't know. Y/N's eyes locked onto Sae, who had just picked up the ball.

After that last goal, Sae had toned it down again. He'd given Y/N the goal he owed, and after that was back to his neutral, calm soccer. Yet, he was still amazing to watch on the field.

He threaded the ball between Isagi's legs, darting past him in an instant.

Barou tried to tackle him, sliding on the floor. Sae just lifted the ball over him.

While the ball was midair, Sae trying to jump over Barou's body, Shidou struck. He tried to kick the ball away, but Sae somehow still got it. The ball lifted over Shidou's head. Sae got past.

Y/N's body tensed. He was pretty much in a clear position. There were... two people on him. Raichi, and Reo. Neither of them were that good, and all it would take was a little acceleration to get into a clear space.

Though, he might not get a chance.

Rin stood in front of his brother. Y/N froze.

Sae had the ball. But he didn't pass. He headed forwards, sweeping his feet over the ball incredibly fast. A fake left? A fake right? Y/N didn't know.

Rin took the bait, going for Sae's left side. Sae pushed him away, somehow managing to flick the ball over both their heads.

They collided.

Shoving against each other, the ball a blur between their legs, Y/N could only watch, and hope. What am I hoping for? Sae to pass? What's the point if I don't want to score...?

What do I want?

They spun, switching positions. Sae was in the position a defender would be, and Rin was in an attacker's position. But Sae didn't run for the goal, or pass. He let Rin lunge for him, flicking the ball from one foot to the other.

Y/N couldn't track it.

But suddenly, the ball was flung high into the air. It was an uncontrollable arc, not going anywhere near him. In fact, it was going to his half... straight over Aiku's head.

Isagi...

He was there.

As Isagi's foot swung forwards, Y/N closed his eyes for a moment.

The crowd's cheers were lost to him.

What do I want?

When he opened his eyes, the ball was in the back of the net.

"Only three minutes left on the clock! Can Bluelock hold out?! The score is 5-4, in their favour!"

"I don't know! I really don't anymore!"

Three minutes.

Y/N blinked slowly. His body moved, walking back to his own half. Everyone was screaming. Bluelock was desperately organising a last defence. The casters were going wild. The crowd was going wild. The whole world was going wild. And Kuroi Jigoku on the sidelines, was for once not calm. He yelled loud, telling Y/N to score two more, in three minutes.

But everything was dull, everything was muted. Y/N didn't hear the cheering. He didn't hear the commands. He just heard his own heart, thumping away in his chest.

I...

I know...

What I want.