Chapter 11

Accepting My Twin Mates Chapter 11 Chapter 11 – Did I Want To Know?

Badru I tried to make a joke… again… and it had backfired… again.

Evie wasn’t amused in the slightest. She actually shivered away from me further. My brother punched me in my bicep, making me glare at him before he absconded up the trellis. Like I needed a reminder of how stupid I was. Our mate looking at me with disgust was all the reminder I needed.

I just wanted to hold her properly. The only contact I had had so far was her sending me sailing through the air and the world’s most eye-watering nut-shot. Despite that, the tingles I had felt were all I wanted to feel for the rest of my life. My entire soul had erupted in life during our brief contact and there wasn’t another brush of skin I wanted more than hers. And her scent? What kind of pheromones was she emitting? I could drink the spicy vanilla aroma for eternity and it still wouldn’t be enough. I knew I affected her too. I saw how she checked out both Astennu and myself and swiftly turned her pink cheeks away, thinking she hadn’t been caught ogling.

I may have been the impulsive one, but I was confident with it. Evie, however, made me feel unnaturally insecure and I didn’t know how to approach her. I had innocently flirted with girls in the past, without it meaning anything; a cheeky wink here and there, flash a little grin and usually, girls tripped over themselves, giggling and blushing. This was all I knew and none of it was working with my mate.

Goddess above, this woman made me nervous.

‘Maybe try and be a little more innocent. Appeal to her wolf, she’s the one that wants to communicate, I can feel it,’ my wolf suggested.

‘How the hell do I play innocent?’ Even as a child, I hardly looked innocent.

‘Bat your eyes and give her the puppy look! How can she say no?’ Baniti seemed awfully sure and enthusiastic about his idea.

I up-turned my brows, hoping this was ‘puppy’ enough to melt her wolf. She huffed loudly, throwing her head back… did I just win?!

Evie The look Badru gave me was enough to melt me into the snow where I stood. I didn’t want to give up and lose this stand-off, but heavens, was it hard to resist those big deep blues of his… of both of them.

‘Oh for goddess’s sake, just toss the pup a bone,’ Evva sniggered. I noticed she was growing increasingly quiet. Was she linking with their wolves? Guess I was being guilt-tripped by everyone today.

I sighed loudly, admitting defeat. “What the hell, turn around. No way I’m holding on to the front.”

His face lit up instantly, like an excited pup on Winter Solstice morning, the werewolf version of Christmas. If anything, it made him even more deliriously handsome. He turned and dipped a little; we weren’t that vastly different in height, so it wasn’t as though I had to climb him like a tree. I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly and gripped his waist securely with my thighs, almost losing my grip when my ankle brushed against his rigid c**k. Goddess above, he felt perfect. The naturally strong scent from his marking site where my head lay on his neck wasn’t helping either in keeping me lucid. Its warm and maddening swirl of cinnamon and nutmeg coupled with being wrapped around his naked body was starting to make certain regions throb.

‘And you humans call us wolves the hormonal ones,’ Evva sniggered. Though I could feel she was overly enjoying our close proximity just as much, if not more.

The tingles, now that I could fully appreciate them, were simply wonderful. I would never admit to it aloud, but I never wanted to let either go. They were equal in strength and distinct in touch. Both instilled a sense of relief; the sparks from Astennu were a blanket, warm and steadfast and the sparks from Badru held excitement and devotion. The calm and the tranquillity came with a double-edged sword; as beautiful as they felt, I couldn’t hope to become attached to them.

What if they only brought me back here to reject me?

That previous wave of dread and fear welled up again in the pit of my stomach at the thought. Even as Astennu helped me through the window, now thankfully wearing a pair of sweats that hung low showing his prominent V-lines, I couldn’t stop myself from backing away and averting my eyes as naked Badru climbed through afterwards. Thankfully, his brother handed him some pants and he quickly changed too.

The awkward silence that hung in the air was palpable, bitter in its taste. I could feel their heated stare on my skin but I couldn’t make myself look at them, no matter how much Evva huffed at me to just lift my head.

‘If you’re going to reject me… just do it and we can all get on with our lives,’ I mind-linked.

I didn’t dare try to speak. I could already feel the sting in my eye and I had broken my promise not to cry in front of the twins once. I didn’t want to end up like Lucy… having my mates use our bond to hurt me, just because they could.

“What?!” Badru practically yelled. “I don’t wanna reject you! Are you crazy?”

“Evie, I’ve been obsessed with you for years. We both have. We want you, there’s no debate in it,”

Astennu tried to step forward towards me, but I took two back. He sighed in defeat and stayed where he was.

‘They’re telling the truth, Evie,’ my wolf threw her opinion in.

‘So, what? We just accept them, forget everything that’s happened?’

‘Oh hell no, we weigh our options,’ Evva said, determined and resolute. ‘But for that, we need to hear them out.’

I was beginning to dislike her rational advice. It was too logical and reasonable when all I wanted was to either throw myself down dramatically and sob, or light s**t on fire.

“What are you thinking?” Astennu spoke looking worried and making me realise I had been quiet for far too long.

“Wait… you’re not about to reject us, are you?” Badru asked with wide eyes and I could swear I could feel his and his twins’ abject fear flowing through them at that question.

My answer was: I truly didn’t know what I wanted.

“I… I don’t know,” I answered honestly, noticing the hurt in their eyes, but false hope would do none of us any good. “I need to think. And I want to keep this between us quiet, till I decide.”

“But we don’t want to hide you! I’m pretty sure our parents have organised some huge party for us. I want you on our arm, I want everyone to know we’re…” but I cut off Badru’s demanding plea.

“Fine then, tell everyone! I really don’t give a s**t,” I snapped, completely annoyed that he wasn’t listening to what I needed, not wanted. “You want people to know we’re mates, when I don’t even know whether I want to give you a chance? You go right ahead and be left standing there with your d**k hanging out if I choose to reject you!”

They looked like I had just slapped them, hard, right across the face. Maybe I had been a little too brutally honest. I really need to learn how to sugarcoat things, sometimes.

I looked away and to the side, starting to feel my eyes sting once more as the memories began to surface.

“…The two of you have really hurt me in the past… right now, I don’t know if I can just let that go,” my voice quivered. “I just need some time to decide and I’d rather do that in peace than have pack members giving me s**t and telling me I’m not good enough.”

I knew they would anyway, after everyone knew the truth. A rogue-born Luna… their parents would probably blow a gasket. But I didn’t need the hassle while I was trying to come to terms with all this. I didn’t need pack members saying I was no good, or saying I should be grateful and accept the twins, or that I was being an overdramatic b***h to make the guys wait. My position in the pack was less than favourable and them knowing I was mated to the heirs and to be their Luna, a whole separate issue I wouldn’t even begin to fathom yet, would not help my standing in the slightest.

A damned traitorous tear slipped down my cheek. I swiped at it quickly, but they spotted it.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Astennu soothed. “Neither of us are going to pressure you into anything,” and he made a point to look directly at his brother for emphasis.

“You can take all the time you need, baby,” Badru tried to smile charmingly, but he was seriously reading the wrong sort of vibes.

He tried to step forward, to wrap me in a hug, but my wolf snarled and rather viciously, I might add. He leapt backwards like I had just bitten him, Astennu’s mouth was practically gaping and I startled myself.

‘That’s right. Fear me, b***h,’ Evva preened to herself, sounding proud.

‘And here I thought you’d be all over them.’

‘I can see your memories. Just because they’re our mates, doesn’t mean I’m about to accept them so easily either. They want us, they earn us,’ she bristled, raising her metaphorical hackles. ‘Before was pillow talk prior to the bond showing itself, this is now reality.’

I never thought there would ever be a wolf spirit who was so resistant to the bond and yet here she existed. I would f*****g high-five her if I could. The snarl had even made me flinch. I didn’t know I would be able to make that sort of sound before shifting. We werewolves were born with two sets of vocal chords: one controlled by the human side that produced our speech, the other set was controlled by the wolf side and produced the growls and howls.

Either way, I was thankful for the badass power move by my wolf and I silently appreciated how much my mates looked like they wanted to s**t a brick.

“I know you hate us and you have the right to…” Astennu glanced down as he spoke, swallowing with difficulty.

“I don’t hate you… it’s just complicated,” I mumbled. I knew I could never truly hate them, ever. I was just a bundle of confused emotions and needed time to figure out what I really felt and what the bond was telling me I should feel.

Keeping his distance this time, Badru spoke up again. “What can we do to earn a chance with you?

You name it, I’ll do it.”

I thought for a second. What did I want from them?

What did I even know about them? Virtually nothing. Just my own preconceptions.

What was the real truth behind them, behind their actions? Did I really want to know?

…Yes, I did.

“I want to know why?”

Their faces paled, knowing exactly what I meant. This was going to be a shitty conversation for all of us, but it needed to happen.

“And I don’t want some bullshit, like ‘we were young and dumb’, or ‘boys will be boys’. I want the truth, no matter how uncomfortable any of it is,” I looked each of them in the eye to make sure they fully understood what I wanted of them. “I don’t want your responses now, I want you to really think about this.”

I turned, about to leave because I had a list as long as my arm of things I needed to get done before this evening. I now realised that the pounding in my head were the mind-links that I had been blocking out unintentionally due to my slight freak-out session. I was only meant to have been dropping off laundry and goddess knew how long ago that was. I was most definitely about to be in deep s**t because of my absence.

“Wait, where are you going?” Badru called out, making me whirl around on him.

“Some of us have to work at your party!” I hollered, storming out through the door to the hallway… or what I thought was to the hallway.

Where I was, was dark, filled with clothes and had Badru’s faded scent all around.

‘Uh, that’s his closet,’ Astennu mind-linked me and I could hear his held-back laughter.

I exited, slamming the door behind me and I knew from the heat in my cheeks that my entire face was crimson-red.

“I know that!” I tried to save face, while ignoring Badru’s obvious smirk and Astennu’s little grin that wasn’t in the least bit subtle either.

I headed for the other door, making sure the hallway lay on the other side this time, and slammed it closed behind me.

‘…’ I heard the brief intake of speech from my wolf.

‘Don’t.’

‘Total muffin move,’ Evva snort-laughed anyway.

I sighed as I quickly walked from the Alpha wing. I was so close to leaving with some form of dignity.