Chapter 39

Ayda felt that she had made more than enough to convince Nifsara of her love. She would have started avoiding someone for doing way less for her. Those cookies were the line she never wanted to cross but there she was. If she had told herself that she would bake cookies for the annoyingly perfect knight Commander her biological mother kept nagging her about, she would have laughed. Did people really do such things out of love? Did they spend hours choosing which ribbon would look the best around the basket? Did they enjoy such things? The maid really seemed to think that it was a romantic gesture. Ayda must have been the weird one for hating it. She would have loved to spend hours thinking about useless things instead of trying her best to end her life but she wasn't that lucky.

She shook her head. It was too late for regrets. Ayda didn't choose her life and she was proud of where she got. All that mattered in the end was for Nifsara to like the cookies. Ayda shouldn't care about the means. All that mattered was the result. But unfortunately, Ayda shouldn't have gotten too ahead of herself. Nifsara didn't seem to care at all about her sacrifices. Her face didn't distort into any emotion and she only bowed:

"I am truly honored by such a thoughtful gesture. I promise to return it tenfold."

Ayda wanted to smack her head in. She wasn't looking for gratitude. She wanted disgust and anger.

"It's really nothing. You don't need to return anything to me.

-I insiste.

-It's fine.

-I apologize to Lady Ayda. I am sincerely honored by your gesture and would feel burdened if I didn't return it."

Ayda tried her best to keep smiling. Don't hit her. Don't hit her. Those stupid rose cookies. How could she seriously think that it would work? She started sinking her nails deep into her skin and starting to hurt herself to distract her from her anger.

"Lady Ayda."

Ayda got taken aback by Nifsara's sudden call.

"Yes?

-I really am grateful for everything you are doing for me. Not only the cookies but everything."

She took the basket with a smile:

"I will share them with my men after the training."

Ayda's smile faltered. She shouldn't have gotten excited. She knew that only bad things happened when she had hope. Her mask must have fallen for a second because the knights behind Nifsara tapped the Commander on the shoulder:

"You truly are lucky, Commander. Anyone would kill for such a gorgeous and sweet Lady to court them in such a way. Those cookies look incredibly tasty. We are honored that you are moved by duty and forced yourself to think of us but we wouldn't dare eat what the young Lady has made for her lover."

Ayda hated the way that sounded. They weren't lovers and she didn't want them to be.

"We aren't in such a relationship."

Nifsara's tone was harsh. Harsh enough for the knight who had spoken to take a step back and raise his hands in a sign of peace:

"I am sorry if I have assumed things."

Ayda did feel a bit relieved hearing Nifsara clarify things. She couldn't show it however and she started pouting. That made the knights panic even more:

"Lady Ayda!

-Please, don't make that face!

-You don't need to rush things. And there are all kinds of relationships."

One of the knights raised his hands towards Ayda, having visibly no idea what to do. Another one glared at Nifsara pointing at Ayda again and again menacingly. Nifsara didn't seem to understand what was going on and she looked at her men, completely detached. Ayda let a tear slip out of her eye before quickly wiping it away. She deserved flowers for her performance:

"It's okay... Lady Nifsara didn't say anything wrong. After all, we aren't in such a relationship. I just..."

She marked a dramatic pause:

"I just really wanted us to be... But I understand that feelings can't be forced."

Thinking that she would cry any second, the knights flinched:

"Don't say that! The Commander is just very shy with such things!

-Right! She doesn't talk a lot to begin with and even less about human feelings.

-She is like a heartless beast!"

The last knight to speak suddenly turned to Nifsara and raised his arms in the air in an air of peace:

"In all due respect. I think it's very cool of course."

Nifsara didn't care and didn't even look at the knight. It seemed she knew perfectly well about the way people perceived her.

"I know..."

Ayda sniffed once:

"Lady Nifsara is the coolest person I have ever met. I knew that it wouldn't be easy getting closer to her and I wouldn't dare complain. But... I just want her to understand my true feelings. I feel as if she is avoiding them..."

All eyes turned to Nifsara and Ayda looked straight at her eyes as well. She couldn't escape anymore. Ayda was bored of waiting. She had done way more than enough for Nifsara. she didn't even dare count the days she had spent acting stupidly in love, waiting for the Commander to finally recognize her. She didn't care if it was self esteem or other issues. She would pull out of Nifsara what she wanted and if she didn't succeed, she would jump off that mansion's roof right then and there.

Nifsara didn't look away either. Her cold eyes sank into Ayda's for what felt like eternity. Ayda felt as if it was a staring contest at that point and she forced herself to stop even blinking. She had been losing against Nifsara for way too long. That was over. She wouldn't lose again.

Nifsara suddenly laughed. It wasn't loud but it was enough to make everyone freeze. The knights looked at each other wondering if they were having a stroke. Others seemed to think that it was a bad sign and they went back to training. Ayda on the other hand just waited. Any feeling was better than nothing.

"I apologize if I have made you feel bad, Lady Ayda. That was far from my intention. I didn't believe that your feelings were genuine and I apologize for that."

Ayda didn't dare hope anymore but she stopped breathing for a moment.

"I am truly grateful for all the time you have spent trying to make me understand that I was wrong."

Ayda frowned:

"So... Do you believe me now?"

Nifsara smiled:

"I believe you, Lady Ayda."

She needed a second to understand what was going on:

"What?

-I believe now that your feelings are genuine and not only that of gratitude."

Something felt weird. It was way too... Easy.

"You believe that I love you.

-Yes.

-And you will eat my cookies.

-Yes. Thank you again for such a thoughtful gesture. I will surely return it."

Ayda blinked a few times. That wasn't how she imagined things. Wasn't Nifsara supposed to be mad? Or at least a bit put off? Why did she look so... Usual?

"Don't you mind?"

Nifsara raised her eyebrows:

"What part?

-Me loving you.

-Why would I mind? Feelings aren't something one can control."

And there she was back to her annoying self. Nifsara was right but it still hurt admitting it.

"I don't mind your feelings, Lady Ayda. I promise that I won't treat you any differently than before."

That sounded like a challenge. Ayda hated how calm Nifsara was. It felt as if she was feeling superior to her. What did she mean she didn't mind? Why should she be the one not to mind? Ayda was the one who would mind having someone as Nifsara courting her, not the other way around. Ayda wasn't someone who could me minded. She was going to suffocate her. She was going to cling to Nifsara and make her go crazy. She would make her beg at her feet for Ayda to stop loving her. She would show her how dangerous her love really was.