Chapter 59

Chapter 59

Emily

"Hi," I breathe out, or at least try to, considering he looks un-fucking-real.

Our eyes touch, sending a punch to my gut. He's a stranger now, a stranger who once was my soulmate. And I don't think it will ever not hurt anymore. That he didn't call. That he completely moved on. That I'm still stuck with all our memories.

"You look beautiful."

My heart shouldn't beat faster. My chest shouldn't tighten. My lips shouldn't tremble. But they do, and I'm completely at his mercy again.

"You look good too..." I pause, struggling to find my words. "Happy. You look happy."

He smirks before looking away. "Happy?" His voice drips with sarcasm.

"Happier," I correct myself. Happier than when we were together. He seems... lighter? I hope he dealt with things the right way. I hope he forgave himself. I hope he forgives me.

He gulps. "Maybe. I've been, uh, trying to deal with everything."

I close my  eyes for a second, trying to remember the gazillion things that I need to say. That I would hate myself if I don't say. But it's hard to formulate any coherent thoughts when he's so close to me. When he smells so good. When I miss him so fucking much.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out.

Surprise flashes through his eyes. He clearly didn't expect me to bring up anything that went down between us. But I can't, goddamn it. I can't pretend that we're two friendly strangers. Not after everything that went down between us. Not when I love him with all my heart.

"I'm so sorry for the way I handled things. I should've told you the moment that I found out,"

The words tumble out, effortlessly. These are the thoughts that have haunted me day and night, playing on repeat in my mind. All the things I should have said, I should have done to still have him by my side.

I take a deep breath. "I was trying to protect you," A lump forms in my throat as the whirlwind of memories envelops me. "And it backfired, so bad," My voice breaks. "I'm sorry," A shaky sound manages to come out as I swallow my tears.

"I thought that I was used to people leaving me, that it wouldn't matter anymore. But you, leaving, God... it completely broke me. It absolutely kills me that you left because of me, Logan."

I find the courage to meet the emerald green eyes that have occupied my mind every single day since I last saw them. "I'm so sorry."

His hand finds my cheek and I automatically lean into it. His thumb brushes the corner of my eye. "Don't cry. Please don't cry."

I didn't even realize that I was. Before I know it, we're too close - my head finds its way towards his chest, and I can finally breathe again when his scent hits me. His arms engulf me closer, and I find mine wrapping themselves around his torso.

I can hear his heart beating as I press my ear closer to it. I bet he can hear mine since I can feel it raging between my lungs, making it impossible to breathe properly. Not when he's here, and I'm in his arms again.

His fingers tilt my head upward to meet his eyes again. "I'm sorry too for the way I handled things. I shouldn't have left like that - without any explanation or words."

My stomach churns tightly. I love you. Please come back. Let's start over. But my tongue is tied. I'm scared that my clumsy words will ruin whatever fragile 'maybe' tonight might lead to.

"Alcohol was the only way for me to cope with everything going on. I wasn't fully functioning. I was drinking, like, all the time."

"You seem better now. You didn't even drink tonight."

He shakes his head. "I went to rehab. Been seeing a shrink too," He breathes out. "I'm still trying to be at peace with what I did. It's... a process. A long one."

I nodd. "I'm so glad that you're getting there. You will, Logan. I know it."

He smiles, and the world stops spinning again. "Thank you. Hey, Em?"

"Yeah?"

He pauses for a second. "I forgive you," His voice is deep, raspy. "And... I would have probably done the same thing if I was in your shoes."

Just like that, it seems that the weight of the world has been dropped from my shoulders. "Thank you," I whisper, struggling to find my voice.

Three seconds die between us before I force my lips to make a sound. "I - I know that you," I gulp, finding it harder to make out the words. "That you moved on," I try to pinch the picture of him and her together, knowing fully well that it's going to come back and haunt me. "But I'd like us to be friends."

"Friends?"

I nodd. "That's if you'd have me, of course."

His lips turn upwards. "Emily Nader, I would be honored to be your friend again."