18. Confrontation

Chapter 18: Confrontation

Mika

I woke up to Allen trying - and failing - to quietly move around the room. I should get up too, considering it was Friday and he had to leave for work, but I couldn't bring myself to even open my eyes. The bed was just too damn comfortable.

A moment later - although it could have been longer if I fell asleep again, which was a real possibility - Allen was gently shaking my shoulder. Opening my eyes, I focused on him standing there, next to the bed, Sam clinging to his hip.

Shit. He got Sam up while getting himself ready for work, and I was here sleeping.

I started sitting up. "I'm sorry. I should have-"

He cut me off. "Shush. It's fine. Here." He handed me Sam. "Go back to sleep, both of you. He's fed already."

Sam immediately curled into my chest when I grabbed him. He definitely wouldn't have a problem with sleeping more, especially if he already ate. I, on the other hand, knew I should get up rather than stay in bed. There were too many things I actually planned on doing today.

Allen apparently took my silence for agreement because he leaned over to kiss me. "Get some more sleep. I love you."

I just nodded my head before he walked out of the room. That was something I didn't think I'd ever understand. He loves me. How? Love was just a concept I couldn't understand. How could he be so certain about it? And loving me, of all people? It didn't make sense. There was still a whole side of me that Allen had no idea about. How could he say he loves me when he doesn't know me - not the way he thinks he does? I didn't think I'd ever tell him, though. Unless I could actually bring myself to love him, but that would probably hurt myself in the end if he chose to leave because he couldn't handle that part of my past.

The question then comes to whether I could love him. Yes, I cared about him. I really did. He made me feel safe and like I mattered - as if I belonged somewhere. No one has ever done that for me before. But could I possibly say that I loved him back?

I always thought it was impossible for me to love. Now I'm reduced to questioning it constantly. I hated questioning my feelings. I felt like I wasn't who I thought I was. And if I didn't know who I was, how can Allen say he knows me?

I sighed. These kinds of thoughts are going to get me nowhere. I just needed to accept that maybe I am capable of being loved by someone and that someone is Allen.

And Allen needed a Christmas present.

I know he bought me one, which I definitely wasn't expecting at all. He came home the other day carrying a box and told me not to open it until Christmas and then hid it somewhere. He didn't want to listen when I told him I've never celebrated the holiday before and didn't need anything. So I now I felt like he needed a present too, and I was running out of time to get him one.

After getting myself out of bed and ready for Sam and me to head out into the cold, I grabbed some money out of my savings envelope. The other day, I finally managed to convince Allen to stop giving me so much money every week for watching Sam during the day. I officially live here and he said - many times - that I was practically a parent to Sam. I didn't need to get paid for that. Except, there's more money in this envelope than I remember there being. I really hope he didn't just put the money directly in here.

When I headed out, I didn't know where exactly we were going, considering I didn't know what I was getting Allen. I've never given anyone a present before. Where the fuck would I even start figuring out what to get a man who literally had enough money to buy whatever he wanted?

I ended up going to some big-name store not too far from where Allen - and me, I guess - lives. It had a large enough variety that I was pretty sure I'd be able to find something for him that he'd like.

Unfortunately, I wasn't thinking of the fact that because it was getting close to Christmas all the stores would be packed. It's hard enough getting myself through tons of people, but it was almost impossible with a stroller. I fought through it anyway, knowing that this was probably the only time I'd have. Allen's parents were coming next week - a terrifying thought on its own - and I didn't know whether or not they'd actually be staying with us like they usually stayed with Allen for these couple of weeks. Allen still hadn't told them about me or Sam; that was all going to come when they got here, which, according to Allen, had the potential to end really badly. He said he wouldn't care if his parents never talked to him again, but I know I would feel beyond guilty for being the reason their family fell apart. Which is why I better get him a fucking amazing gift to make up for what might happen and also because he deserves so much more than I could ever get him. The least I could do was try.

"So he trusts you to take him out of the house, but won't let me hold him?"

I stiffened at the sound of her voice. Why, of all people, did she have to be here? Sarah hasn't shown her face all week, which I was so glad for, but I really hoped that the next time I saw her, Allen would be with me, not because I couldn't handle her by myself, but because he might be able to control me from doing something without thinking if she pissed me off.

She walked around to stand in front of me. I had to try to keep my voice calm as I spoke. "I've been around a hell of a lot longer than you."

"Not with Allen, you haven't." She took a step closer, looking down at Sam, who was sleeping.

I moved the stroller behind me. "You left him."

"You don't love him."

That stung. I don't care if I been thinking about that for hours or not, she had no right to say that. "You don't know me."

This little standoff we were having needed to end. We were standing in the middle of an aisle and people were trying to shop around us. But she didn't seem to notice, her only focus was on Sam behind me.

"I think I know enough."

I rolled my eyes. "You don't know shit. You're just a coward." I barely knew what I was saying anymore, but I liked the way she took a half a step back and her evil smile faltered a bit, so I kept talking. "You ran away because you couldn't handle a simple conversation with someone you supposedly loved. You hid the truth from him for months until you dropped the biggest bombshell on him - and you didn't even do it in person. If you really know so much, you would have known Allen well enough to handle things the right way. But you didn't. So just do what you do best and leave."

The smile completely fell off her face. "You do realize he would still be with me if I didn't leave, right? Then you wouldn't have him wrapped around your little finger."

I didn't want to think of where I'd be if I never met Allen, especially now that I've lost my home. I honestly probably would have ended up doing exactly what I swore I would never do again.

Before I had a chance to say something in response, there was one voice in the store that stood out from the loud chatter of everyone. It was my name, the version only one person has ever called me in my life. I spun around, wanting to find her - needing to see her again - even though every bone in my body was screaming that it wasn't possible. There was nobody at the end of the aisle. God, I must be going crazy if I'm hearing her voice.

When I turned back to face Sarah again, she was reaching for Sam. I actually pushed her backwards. Not enough to too any damage, but enough to get her to back up. "Don't touch him!" I demanded.

"What's going on here?" a deep voice said from behind me.

I turned - again - to face the voice. At least this voice came from an actual person this time. I just didn't like the fact that it was a security guard twice the size of me.

"He's trying to steal my son!" Sarah wailed, reaching once again for the stroller.

I immediately picked Sam up - who had woken up sometime during the confrontation - and held him tightly against my chest just so she'd stop trying to grab him. "She's lying," I said, my voice wavering only slightly. What would Allen say if I lost Sam to Sarah? He'd kick me out, for sure. "She may be his birth mom, but she has no rights to him after she walked out of his life."

The security guard seemed to see how Sam clung to me and nodded. "Are you the father?"

I shook my head. "Practically. I'm in a relationship with his dad. I live with them. I've been taking care of him-" I nodded down at Sam, "since he was born."

"He's not his father!" Sarah yelled. "He can't just keep my baby away from me!"

The man sighed. "Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

I smirked as her mouth dropped open. "What? You believe him? That's my baby!"

"I'm sorry, but children don't lie. Obviously that little boy feels safe in his arms. I can't do anything about that."

Instead of arguing anymore, Sarah huffed before turning and storming away. I watched her go, my smirk still on my face. Take that bitch. No one messes with my son and gets away with it.

"Are you both okay?" the security guard asked.

I looked back at him, having almost forgotten he was there. "She's crazier than I thought. But yeah, we're good."

It wasn't until after he left me alone did I realize that this was the first time I ever thought about Sam as being mine. Not Allen's son, but my son. Our son. I think I liked that.

I looked down at Sammy, who was staring up at me with a finger in his mouth. I couldn't help but laugh a little. He was just perfect. I was really glad I could call him mine.