16. Sarah

Chapter 16: Sarah

Mika

The doorbell just had to wake up Sam, didn't it? He only went to sleep a little while ago. Maybe I should tell Allen to put a sign next to the doorbell saying not to ring it because there's a baby sleeping. I just didn't know if he'd like that idea or not.

By the time I had Sam calmed down and attached to my hip - because he refused to let go of me to get back in the crib - only a minute or so had passed, so I went to go see who was at the door.

Their voices reached me before I saw them, so I stopped just around the corner from the front entry-way to listen. "You can't just demand things like this," Allen was saying, obviously angry. "Not after what you did."

"But he's my son, Allen," a woman's voice said. "I needed you to watch him for a little while, but now I'm back."

Sarah. It had to be. But why was she here?

"That letter you wrote said you wouldn't be back again." There was a pause before he continued. "Which means you don't get to see him."

Sam chose that moment to yank on my ear lobe as hard as he could. I tried to stay quiet in my pain, considering I was only a few feet away from the woman Allen didn't want seeing his son. Sam, on the other hand, had no idea we were hiding and burst out into a fit of giggles.

Sarah had been saying something that I couldn't catch, but stopped talking as soon as Sam laughed. "That's him, isn't it, Allen? My precious little baby boy. Where is he?"

She apparently didn't wait for Allen to answer her, because in the next second, she was standing in front of me, looking shocked that I was there. I must have been mirroring her shock, startled by her sudden appearance.

"Who are you?" she asked me, her shocked expression becoming a glare. "And why are you holding my son?"

She reached for Sam, but I took a step back. I didn't like the vibe I was getting from her. The stringy blonde hair and dark circles under her crazy-looking eyes didn't help her any either. And if Allen didn't want her seeing him, I definitely wasn't going to let her take him from me.

Allen stepped in before I could answer, which was probably a good thing. "Sarah, you should leave."

She turned, slowly. "Allen, dear-" I cringed. She didn't notice. "-just let me explain. Please."

I saw Allen look over at me, as if asking for my opinion. I shrugged. I couldn't tell him that he needed to kick her out, even though she was crazy and I was wondering why he ever loved her in the first place. But he was in love with her at one point. They used to have that connection, and I had no say in whether he talks to her now or not.

He sighed. "Fine. Go sit in the living room. I'll be right there."

Sarah took a few seconds before she actually walked away from us. When she did, Allen looked at me. "I'm sorry about this. I never expected to see her again."

Of course he didn't. Who would have thought she's come back, after dumping Sam off like he was nothing to her? But I sort of liked that she came back, wanting to know her son. Maybe she didn't start out the right way, and coming at Sam like that was kinda scary and somewhat crazy, but she wanted to know her son. My parents never bothered to find me. She was doing slightly better than them. I had to give her credit for that.

"Can you put him back in his crib?" Allen asked me when I hadn't said anything. "I don't want him around her, yet. But I want you there, for this. I need her to know that I moved on, and that I'm in love with you, now. Maybe she'll stay in Sam's life from now on, but you're the one I want to be with, which means you should be part of this conversation. Because you're Sam's father too."

There was a weird feeling in my chest. I wasn't sure what it was or where it came from, but I wasn't worried. It almost felt right.

I smiled. "Okay." I was happy, I think. It was weird. Was that the weird feeling in my chest? Did it have something to do with what he said? Today wasn't turning out to be a great day at all, and yet, I think I'm actually happy right now.

Although my happiness might have confused Allen. He gave me a weird look. "Are you alright?"

Instead of answering right away, I leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. "Yeah. I am."

Once the words were out of my mouth, I turned and started heading for the nursery. It was a bit of a fight getting Sam to let go of me, but he eventually gave in. I picked up the doll I had given him this morning - which had somehow ended up on the floor - and gave it back to him. That doll has been around for as long as I could remember. I think my actual parents might have given it to me, but I can't remember. I'd like to think they did. I never gave it to Amy, though. She would have destroyed the thing in a minute if I ever told her I had it. But Sam was different. I knew he'd love it, but not kill it. And it needed some love again, after sitting in a box for years.

When I entered the living room, neither Allen or Sarah had been saying anything, just sitting opposite from each other, arms crossed over both of their chests. But when Sarah noticed me walk in, she sat up a bit and glared at Allen. I just stopped in the doorway, not exactly sure I should interrupt.

"Who is he to be here?" she asked him. "This is between us, about our son. This had nothing to do with some nanny you hired because you can't be bothered to take care of our son. I knew I shouldn't have left him with you, but I needed to."

Allen nodded, not seeming to be phased at all by what she said. "Mika has as much right to be a part of this conversation as I do." Then he looked over at me, reaching out his hand. "Come here."

I walked over, slowly, and went to sit on the other end of the couch from Allen. Except just before I sat, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me so that I was sitting directly next to him. He put his arm around my shoulder and I watched Sarah's face go from glaring to confusion.

"What happened to you, Allen?" she asked quietly. "You can't be serious."

He stared her down. Finally, after a moment that seemed to last for longer than it should have, he answered. "I'm extrememly serious. Now-" He took a deep breath, like he was preparing himself to say something he didn't exactly want to. "Why did you leave me?"

I watched Sarah's face as he asked the question, and it flickered with something I didn't quite recognize. Maybe it was guilt, although it was gone before I could really catch it, since Allen kept talking.

"Before you answer, I don't care anymore. I've moved on and I feel like a better person than I ever was with you. But you destroyed me, by leaving like that. I just want to know why."

She looked at her hands as she clasped them together in her lap. I wasn't sure of she had always been like this - so fragile and hollow. Maybe not, since she seemed to have a determination in her that didn't match her appearance. Something must have happened for her to change like that.

"I was scared," she said softly, lifting her gaze at the last word to look at him. "I saw the ring, Allen. I knew what you wanted to do. But I wasn't ready. I love you, still." I glared at her for saying she was still had feelings for Allen, but she wasn't paying me any attention. "I just... I couldn't, yet. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I freaked out. So I ran."

"We could have worked through it," Allen said, "if you had just told me."

She didn't seem to hear him. "I moved a couple states away, planning on living with just me and my child. Maybe I would have told you, when he was born, maybe not. I hadn't thought about it. No, that's a lie. I thought about it - about you - every day, Allen. I just didn't know if you'd ever forgive me. But then, in March, I got really sick."

Allen tensed beside me, so I reached over and grabbed hold of his hand that was resting in him lap. I gave it a small squeeze, just to remind him that I was here, and everything was going to be okay, even if I didn't know that. He looked over at me with a small, grateful smile. I guess I was helping, even if it was a tiny bit.

"I moved back here," Sarah continued, "to be closer to you in case something happened to me, so that our son would have someone to look after him. He was born two weeks after I got sick. I needed treatment, so I left him with you." She took a shaky breath. "The doctors weren't sure I would even make it, considering I waited until after he was born to start the treatment. So I thank God every day that he was born early, which saved both of our lives."

"You should have told me," Allen said, his voice even and calm. "If not before you left, then when you dropped him off."

I had no idea what he was feeling, but I didn't like the way he said that. If Sarah had told him the truth at the beginning, or even when Sam was born, he never would have needed to hire me, meaning I never would have met him and I'd be stuck out in the cold today after losing the only home I've ever known, if I wasn't already kicked out for not having a job to pay the rent.

"I wouldn't have been mad at you," he continued, but then sighed. "Actually, I was still so in love with you then that I couldn't look at Sam without my heart breaking over and over again because of how much he looks like you."

I watched Sarah's face light up at hearing her son's name for the first time. I wasn't sure if Allen had meant to tell her or not, I know he hadn't wanted to earlier, but he didn't seem phased by her knowing.

"Sam? His name is Sam?" Allen only nodded, making her smile even larger. "That's beautiful Allen. I knew you'd end up choosing the perfect name for him."

I couldn't stop myself from letting out a scoff, remembering the day I met Allen and his struggle with naming his son. He looked at me, so I smirked. "And you wanted Boris," I whispered, just because I couldn't believe - still - that that name had been an option. Thankfully he ended up going with Sam. So much better, in my opinion at least.

I didn't think I said it loud enough for Sarah to hear, but apparently I did. Sarah's eyes widened slightly. "Boris? Allen, were you really going to name him after my father?"

Allen shrugged. "It was a thought."

Yeah, like that wasn't an understatement. He was so on board for that name until I convinced him that he really needed to consider how his son would deal in the world with a name like that. The kid would have grown up hating Allen because of what he was named.

Speaking of him, Sam started crying, the sound coming through the small baby monitor that was sitting on the coffee table in front of Allen. All three of us looked at it a moment before Allen let out a soft sigh and stood up.

"I'll go get him," he said, looking at me.

I raised my eyebrow at him. Was he actually going to bring Sam out here? What happened to the whole she-doesn't-go-near-my-son thing he had going on before? I guess her story got to him. Not that it really mattered to me, as long as she knew to stay away from Allen because he was mine.

He didn't say anything to me, only nodded, before he left the room. Which meant I was now alone with Sarah, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend.

"Do you love him?"

I jerked my head up when she spoke. "What?" Unfortunately, my voice cracked a bit. Why did it have to do that? I wasn't in love with Allen. I didn't know if I were able to be in love with him.

She gave me a sad-looking smile. "They way you two look at each other. I can tell."

I stared at the floor at her feet instead of at her. "He's given me so much, even when I didn't deserve it. He really makes me feel like I'm part of the family."

Sarah didn't say anything for a few seconds. "You never answered my question." I looked at her. "Do you love Allen?"