15. Change

Chapter 15: Change

Allen

I let Mika pack up his stuff while I went outside to shovel out my car. After I had finished, I walked in to see him sitting on the floor, clutching a small teddy bear. He hadn't noticed me come in yet, or if he did, he didn't say anything. I watched him for a moment as he tucked his face into the worn bear. My guess is that it belonged to his sister. I wasn't sure where he had been keeping it, but he might have forgotten about it until he found it.

I continued to watch him as he stood and walked over to where Sam sat by the couch. Mika then bent in front of Sammy and gave him the bear.

I smiled to myself as I slipped my shoes off. As tough as he likes to act, Mika really does have the sweetest heart. It was one of the reasons I loved him.

When I turned back around after my shoes were off, I saw him looking at me. "How's the weather outside?" he asked, walking over and completely ignoring the fact that he had just given Sammy one of his sister's old toys.

I shrugged, rubbing my hands together in a futile attempt to warm them up. "Cold. But the car is cleared and we can start packing it up if you're ready for that."

He motioned to two boxes that were pushed up against the wall to my left. One I recognized as the box he kept all his clothes in. I didn't know what was in the other one. "That's everything."

"Are you sure?" That didn't seem like a lot of stuff. It barely seemed like anything.

"Yeah. Anything else in here isn't mine. So it's all staying. She can deal with it herself. I don't care."

He was really trying to put up a front about this whole deal. I could tell that it was hurting him to leave, no matter how much he tried to hide it. And as much as I was thrilled that Mika was moving in with me, I hated that it wasn't his choice. He probably thought the same, at least, the hating it not being his choice part. I didn't know how he actually felt about living with me.

Stepping forward, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, making him lean into my side. "That's really it? Two boxes?" I chuckled as I said it, but maybe it was wrong to ask that.

He pushed away from me, practically stomping to the other side of the room. "Not everyone has a shit ton of stuff like you do, Allen." Mika then spun around to face me again. "Yes, I'm poor. I have no money and I have no stuff. My life doesn't matter. I don't know why you even bother with me, considering how out of my league you are."

He adverted his eyes to the ground after he finished talking and I felt terrible. "I didn't mean it like that," I said softly, hesitating. I didn't know what I could say anymore. "If anything, you're out of my league, Mika."

That made him look up. "What?"

I took the chance to approach him again. Thankfully he didn't back away, but I kept a couple feet in between us, just in case. "The only thing I have that makes me so... I don't know... appealing? to people is my job title and the wealth that comes with it."

I could have sworn Mika mumbled a 'not true' under his breath making my heart give a little squeeze, but I didn't stop to point it out. "Have I ever mentioned my parents to you?" He shook his head like I expected him to. I rarely spoke of them. "That's because I was groomed by them to be the best I could possibly be. They made me sit home studying instead of going out with my friends, who eventually stopped inviting me out. They pressured me to go to a prestigious college where the only form of fun my peers had were study groups at the library until four in the morning, almost every night. When I graduated and started my own accounting firm, my parents were thrilled, not for me, but for themselves. I was nothing more than someone who would give them a good name. Now I only talk to them when they come visit for Christmas every year. They don't even know about Sam. You at least built yourself up from nothing, all on your own, to become an incredible man. You are so much stronger than I have ever been."

Neither of us said anything for a few moments. During those moments, Mika sat down on the couch and just started watching Sam, who was playing with the bear he had just received. Finally, he spoke, but not about what I thought he would comment on. "So they're coming in a few weeks, then, right?"

I went and sat down next to him. "The 12th, actually." Which was less than two weeks from now. "And they'll stay until just after New Years." I hated their visits. They were always filled with how, even though I was the CEO of my own firm, I needed to do better with my life, go further. This visit was probably going to be worse. I needed to introduce my parents to both my son and my boyfriend, all in one go. This would definitely be interesting.

"I've never met the parents of a guy I've fucked before," Mika said softly.

I chose to ignore his cursing in front of my son. He was having a bad day already and Sam wasn't even paying us any attention. "We don't just have sex. You're my boyfriend." I waited a second. "I'm in love with you."

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "I know." I'm pretty sure there was a hint of a smirk playing on his lips too. "I hope you don't mind but I gave him an old bear I found."

I smiled, looking down at my son. Sammy was laying on his stomach on the blanket that Mika had put down earlier, poking and prodding at the poor bear. But he was giggling away, having so much fun. "He seems to love it. Thank you." I stopped myself from asking anything about it, and what I saw earlier. If he wanted to tell me, he would, when he was ready.

Mika suddenly stood up and faced me. "You ready to go?"

I looked up at him, slightly confused. "Are you ready? We can stay a bit longer if you need more time."

He shook his head. "I can't. I need to go." He spun around slowly, taking in the apartment one last time. "Besides, without the heat on, I don't want Sammy getting sick. We should get him home."

*

Forty minutes later, I finished shoveling out my driveway. It didn't snow all that much, less than I was expecting, only about three or four inches. I was grateful to that, it meant less snow I needed to clear away and less time spent out in the cold.

When I walked inside, I found Mika sitting in the kitchen, staring at his two boxes of belongings that had been placed in the middle of the table. He didn't even look up when I entered.

"Are you alright?" I asked, sitting down in the chair next to him. He didn't respond, so I asked my next question. "Where's Sam?"

"Napping."

I nodded, waiting for him to say more, but he didn't. "Are you alright, Mika?" I repeated, slightly louder than before.

This time he finally looked up at me. "I don't know. I honestly don't know."

Shifting my chair closer to his, I put my arm around him. Mika immediately leaned into me, pressing his cheek into my shoulder. "I hate change," he muttered. "And this is a huge change that I wasn't ready for."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, not knowing what else to say. I'm usually so confident with my words, but I never seem to know the right things to say to Mika, especially when he's feeling like this.

"Not your fault."

It may not have been my fault, but I still felt bad about the situation he was tossed into. Just this morning, he was living in an apartment that he worked so hard to get for himself and his sister; a place he stayed in for so many years. And now it was taken from him, so suddenly, and all he had left to his name were two boxes of miscellaneous things.

But I was here to support him, however he would let me. And if that meant letting Mika take the guest room like I had originally offered him or cancelling on my parents because that would have been too much too soon, then I'd do it. In a heartbeat. He deserved so much; much more than I could ever give him, but I could certainly try.

Because that's what you did when you were in love. And I was in love. Completely head-over-heels in love.

If my parents still came for their annual visit, then I'd introduce them to Mika with as much pride as I could muster. I had no idea how my parents viewed same-sex relationships, but their opinions stopped mattering to me after I figured out what I really meant to them. If only that had happened before I was established in my career, but at least I get the benefits of the job.

And Sam. My mother will probably be over the moon once she learns that she has a grandson. She always wanted me to marry Sarah and was devastated last Christmas when I had to break the news that she left me. I thought she was going to explode - which ended up coming out in a long rant about how I was getting older and need to settle down with someone, and I've probably missed my chance now that I let Sarah go. Like I wanted her to leave then.

Now, I couldn't be more grateful. If it weren't for Sarah, then I never would have met Mika, who has made me happier than I ever thought possible after the heartache she left me with. I only wish he could see how much he meant to me.

I wasn't sure how long we were sitting there when the doorbell rang. Mika and I looked at each other - him wondering if I was expecting anyone and me trying to figure out who would bother coming by.

After a moment, I got up, deciding I really should see who was here. It was probably Melissa coming to drop something off. I don't know why she couldn't have waited until Monday to give me whatever it was she was going to give me, but then again, she didn't have a habit of doing things the way most people would.

Just before I pulled open the door, I heard Sam start to cry. Of course the doorbell woke him up. No one ever rings it, so I had forgotten how loud it could be. I heard Mika get up and head down the hallway to comfort him, and I smiled, just thinking about the kind of dad he already is to my son.

My smile vanished the second I opened the door. There, on my doorstep, was someone I never expected to see again, looking like a shell of her prior self. I don't know what had happened to her or where she's been, but she was back now.

Sarah was standing on my front porch, and I didn't feel anything towards her the way I thought I would have.