14. Family

Chapter 14: Family

Mika

Waking up was a slow process. I knew there was someone in my bed with me, and I couldn't figure out why they didn't feel normal. Allen was over last night. And he stayed, right? I wouldn't have anyone else over even if he didn't, so who was in my bed?

Opening my eyes, I couldn't believe I couldn't figure it out. I was holding onto little Sammy, who was fast asleep with his thumb in his mouth. We had taken him with us when we climbed into my shitty excuse for a bed last night, not wanting to risk him sleeping anywhere else by himself. He couldn't be trusted to not fall off the couch and the floor wasn't even an option. Maybe I should get a crib for these random times he was here. But then again, I didn't think he'd ever spend another night here for quite some time, if ever.

Moving my gaze from Sam, my eyes landed on Allen. He was still fast asleep, and I had to say I liked watching him as he slept. I wasn't trying to be creepy, I just happened to usually wake up before he did, whenever we spent the night together.

After a moment, he shifted slightly and then opened his eyes. "Hey," he mumbled, giving me a small smile. Then he closed his eyes again, moving his arm to lay it across my side.

I still found it weird that we were dating. This was the longest I ever stayed with someone, not counting Zak because that was strictly sex whenever we met up with each other for a year and a half, with other people in between. Allen's been the only guy I've even looked at like that in months. It was kind of weird, but I liked it.

We stayed like that for another couple of minutes, until Sam woke up and started fussing. He was hungry and his diaper was definitely dirty, which meant it was time for us to get up.

Allen got up first, lifting Sam out of my arms once he was sitting up. He paused a moment before standing up to look at me. I recognized that look. It was the same one he would always give Sarah in all those pictures he used to have all over his house.

It reminded me of what he said last night. Do you even realize that I love you? He said it so bluntly, like I should have noticed. Maybe I had realized earlier, but I don't think I wanted to see it, didn't want to accept that he might actually be in love with me.

I looked away from him quickly, getting to my feet before pulling my sweatshirt over my head. It was freezing in here. I really hoped the heat wasn't broken again. It seemed fine last night when we went to bed. Walking over to the thermostat, I determined that something was definitely wrong. It said it was seventy-six in here. Too bad it felt like twenty.

I glanced out the window to see the street covered in a thick layer of snow. I don't know how Mrs. Nesbitt planned on getting here today. But I was sort of glad she was still coming, at least then I can try to get her to do something about the heat.

"Everything alright?" Allen asked me, making me turn my attention back to him. At some point, he had put on his own sweater, as well as dressed Sam in warmer clothes.

I shrugged. "Heat's busted again. Sorry."

"Bad day for it to stop working," he said, more to himself than me, then he raised his voice a bit. "But it's not your fault."

I got the feeling that he was thinking about how much he really didn't want me living here again, so I changed the topic. "What do you want for breakfast?" I started walking towards the kitchen area, but he stopped me, turning me around so that I was facing him again.

"I'd like a kiss from my boyfriend."

That's when I realized we haven't done that yet today. I wasn't sure if it was my fault or it was just something that slipped by us. But whatever the case, I stepped closer to him and gave him that good morning kiss before asking my question again. "Now what do you really want for breakfast?"

We ended up settling for a simple egg breakfast, which meant, before too long, we were finished eating and Allen was headed for my shower. Even if I wasn't watching Sam while he showered, there wouldn't be any space for me to join him in there. I also needed to wait for my landlord to come, and we couldn't both be in the shower when she arrived.

And thankfully I wasn't in there with him. Not even a minute after Allen got in did the doorbell ring. I sighed, picking up Sammy, who was asking for attention, before pulling open the door to invite my landlord in, who I really didn't want to be dealing with today.

She eyed Sam carefully, but didn't say anything as she entered and I closed the door behind her. "Bit chilly in here, Mikael," she said, making a point to not remove her heavy winter coat.

"The heat stopped working this morning. I was going to ask you about that."

Mrs. Nesbitt shook her head. "Strange. I figured it would stop Monday."

"What?"

"On Monday, the water and electric will be turned off as well. Apparently they did the heat as soon as I called them last night."

"What?" I repeated, not understanding any of what she was telling me. Did she actually have my utilities turned off, while I was still living here?

"I sold this place." She said it with no emotion whatsoever in her voice, like she didn't just tell me that she was basically kicking me out of the only home I've ever really had.

The thought hadn't fully sunk in yet. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "Someone offered me a lot more money than I'll ever get from you to tear down the building. They're buying the whole block to build a hotel or something. I accepted."

My grip on Sam tighten only slightly - not enough to actually hurt him, although I sure as fuck wanted to hit something right now. She couldn't do this to me. I've lived here for years! "So I have to leave?" I asked, my voice coming out eerily calm for how I was feeling inside.

"Yes."

I was going to say something - anything that would try and convince her not to kick me out - but Sammy started whining and grabbing at my face, so I focused on him for a second. It was during that second that Mrs. Nesbitt pulled open the door and left.

I didn't know what to think, my mind going blank and my body not feeling anything other than an emptiness. Walking to the other side of the room, I sat down on the couch, shifting Sam so that he was comfortable in my lap. He was so lucky, not understanding anything that just went on. If luck went his way, he'd never have to experience something like this ever. He'd have everything he could ever want in his life. Was it sad that I was jealous of an eight-month old baby?

I don't know how long I was sitting there when Sammy shouted "Dada!", throwing his arms around my neck and proceeded to giggle uncontrollably. I sat there, shocked. He called me Dada, and his first word, too. I wasn't sure if I should be honored or feel bad for Allen not getting called that when I wasn't even Sam's father.

"Was that his first word?"

I turned my head to see Allen standing in the doorway to the bathroom, fully dressed, but still drying his hair with a towel. "Yeah. Although I'm pretty sure it was meant for you. I'm not his dad."

Allen gave me a small smile before coming over to sit next to me. As soon as he sat down, Sammy turned his attention to him, tackling Allen in a hug with another shout of "Dada!"

"I've told you this before, Mika," Allen started, in between laughing at his son's excitement. "You're just as much his father as I am."

I looked away from them to stare at the floor. "I guess." Too many things were happening right now. I still had no idea how I was going to tell Allen I was kicked out of my home, the same home I poured my heart out about to him last night.

"Are you alright?" he asked me suddenly.

I looked up at him. I was going to say I was fine, but the look he was giving me was too difficult to lie to. "No." Neither of us said anything for a moment, so I went on. "I was kicked out. This isn't my home anymore."

"Oh my god," Allen whispered.

He opened his mouth to say more, but I beat him to it. "Can I accept that offer now? Seems like there's nothing keeping me here anymore." I forced a smirk to lighten the mood a bit, but I don't think it worked.

Allen moved Sam to sit in between us before pulling me into a hug. Neither of us said anything, and I was glad he wasn't trying to say anything right now. I didn't want to talk. I just wanted to stay here, in his arms, forever, never having to deal with all the shit that the real world is.

My head was against his chest, and I was actually in a pretty uncomfortable position, leaning like this over Sam, who was attempting to fit in between me and the couch, but I didn't mind. This was us. Me, Allen, and Sam. Our little family. And I think I finally figured that out, no matter how many times I brushed it off every time Allen tried to tell me that.

He was perfect - smart, rich, attractive - and I was just a fucked up mess. But he never cared about that. He trusted me from the day he met me while most people would have thrown me out the door without a second thought.

I just didn't know how I could leave behind the only place that reminds me of Amy. She was so sweet and innocent. I don't know how I managed to raise her to be that perfect. But then I fucked everything up by not being able to give her the medical attention she desperately needed. All I could get her was some shitty old creep who told me the only thing wrong was her was that she was a moody kid. Yeah, right. Being moody never killed a seven-year-old before.

This was the apartment that I managed to get while working three jobs under the table at fourteen years old. I don't know why all those people decided it was a good idea to trust a fourteen-year-old kid with any of that kind of responsibility, especially when he was also trying to take care of a baby, but I was grateful to them nonetheless.

Amy was gone now though. The last memories I had of her here were her last few months when she could barely get out of bed. Maybe leaving this place will let me remember who she was before she got sick, not just those last months. I hated thinking about how much she suffered when she never did anything wrong.

Maybe Allen was right. Maybe what I felt towards Amy was love. And if I could love her, what's stopping me from letting myself love Allen back? He and Sam both obviously already considered me part of their family. Why not let myself feel that way too?