xi. MOTHERFUTON

ELEVEN.

MOTHERFUTON

Bex hadn't broken the rules in almost a month. She had been a perfect little soldier, playing along with Merlin and keeping her temper under control. She had been determined to be an ideal candidate for the position, no matter how hard it was not to hit Charlie in the face when he opened his mouth. Unfortunately, that was all about to go to shit.

Bex said a silent apology to Merlin, then took the butter knife out of her back pocket. She had stolen it during dinner last night while everyone was distracted with stuffing themselves full of bread and steak. Now, she used it to pry up the corner of the grate guiding the vent she had found at the end of the East Wing. She bit the inside of her cheek as she eased it off the wall, wincing at the sound the scrape of metal it made.

She bent down to tie her shoelace. It was the first time she had worn her sneakers in months, and the worn rubber soles hugged the arches of her feet comfortingly. Bex had dumped her Kingsman-issue combat boots back in the dorms, knowing full well Merlin had inserted a tracker in the toe of each pair. Hers even had an extra one in the heel, because Merlin apparently had no faith in her.

Bex tucked the knife back into her pocket, then pulled herself up into the vent. A month of perfect behavior didn't mean she hadn't been scheming. She had stumbled across the system of air shafts by accident, but had never found a use for them. Until now.

Harry had been missing for two weeks, and no one would tell her where he was. Every time she asked Merlin his face froze and he said something about political uprisings in Qatar in a dull, flat voice that Bex didn't believe for a second. She didn't know why they were hiding Harry from her, but she would be dammned if they thought she was just going to sit around and wait for him to come back into her life. Bex was sick of feeling useless.

So, naturally, her next step was to devise a convoluted, half-baked plan to find him that she was desperately hoping wouldn't end with her eliminated. She would crawl through the vents, somehow find the surveillance room, find Harry and then...Well, she didn't really know what then.

"Nice going, Bex," she muttered to herself as she dragged herself through the ventilation shaft. "Really ingenious plan. Glad you planned this out with your usual attention to detail."

The vent was blisteringly hot, and Bex was forced to crawl at a brutal pace to avoid burning her hands. The air was thick with damp heat, and she could feel a thin layer of sweat beading on her forehead. She realized she had no idea where she was going. It was bigger than expected, but still tight enough that Bex could feel her heart constrict and her stomach flip. It was hard to not imagine the walls closing in on her and squeezing the breath from her body.

She focused on finding Harry instead. There were slats every fifty feet or so that peered down on rooms, so she could gauge what direction she was scrambling in. The feeble light that streamed up through the cracks helped illuminate the shaft too, until she kept going and the darkness would creep back in.

Just when Bex was about to abandon hope and turn back, she felt a slight breeze lift the hairs on her neck. She sniffed the air. It smelled of grease and gasoline. She must be near the plane bunker, which meant the surveillance room was...

"Right here," Bex said under her breath. "Got you."

She could peer through the slats down into the room, lit up in blue from the glow of the screens. It was empty, which meant she'd timed it perfectly. Every Friday at four they had a meeting with Arthur and Merlin to update them both on the progress and actions of the candidates, who were under constant watch, and report on all other activity in the complex.

Bex got her knife out again, and pried up the grate with some effort. She gave it a hard shove, but instead of swinging open it flew completely off its hinges and clattered to the ground. She froze and waited, her pulse pounding. The room remained empty.

Letting out a sigh of relief, she positioned herself for the drop. She looked down, trying to gauge the distance from the ceiling to the cold, hard concrete beneath her. Bex slid out of the vent, tumbling to the floor. When she hit, she rolled, her shoulder absorbing the brunt of the impact. She shook out her shoulder and stood up.

The room was bigger than she expected, with rows of computers that faced an enormous panel of screens covering the far wall. It was dark except for the light from the screens. Bex walked over to the one closest to her and turned it on. Immediately, the monitor's black faced was replaced by a white background with a small blinking cursor, space for seven digits, and black text that read Password.

Bex let out a string of curses that would've made even Eggsy blush. She hadn't even thought about the possibility of not being able to gain access to the monitors themselves. She rubbed her forehead, trying to think of another possibility.

A shrill voice interrupted her.

"What the hell are you doing?" someone shrieked, rushing forward. "Get your crusty, filthy man hands off my baby!"

"My what?"

Bex was stumbled as she was pushed backwards. There was a girl in front of her, her arms outstretched to keep Bex away from the computer and a deep scowl on her face. She was only came up to Bex's chin, and her almond-shaped eyes were surrounded by hot pink, glittery eyeliner. She was wearing a black t-shirt with green crocheted leggings, plus what Bex thought were copper wires in her spiky pigtails.

Bex nodded at her legs. "Did you knit those yourself?"

The girl narrowed her eyes. "They're crocheted, not knitted. Stop trying to distract me so you can desecrate my computer with your greasy fingers."

"My hands are pristine! Who the hell even are you?"

"I'm Rose Jeong. I work here. And you're trespassing."

"Oh, does your elementary school let you take time off to come terrorize people?"

"I'm nineteen. Same as you, Bex Alden."

"Okay, that's creepy. How do you know who I am?"

Rose rolled her eyes. "I work in surveillance, you miscreant. I know everything. You're dumber than I was expecting-"

"Hey!"

"-Especially considering all the grief you've been giving Merlin. Apparently, you're the problem child, but looking at you, you really don't look like you could do much damage."

Rose squeezed one of Bex's biceps and clucked disapprovingly. Bex wrenched her arm away.

"You motherfu-"

She held up a hand and cut her off with a glare. "I hope you meant motherfuton. This is a strict no-swearing zone. Nineteen year olds are very impressionable, you know."

Bex stared at her. "I am going to make souffle out of your small intestine, you tiny tyrant."

"I'd be careful about which French dish you're planning to turn my organs into. You were trying to get into my computer, which means I have something you want."

"Fine. I need your help."

She crossed her arms. "And why should I help you?"

"Because I'm trying to reconnect with the only father figure I ever had after a childhood of trauma and solitude?" Bex tried.

Rose raised an eyebrow.

"Also, I'll spit on your computer and stab you with my butter knife if you don't help me."

"I'm convinced," she said hastily. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves here."

Bex smiled brightly. "Great. I'm looking for Harry Hart. I know he's in this complex somewhere, and I need your help to find him."

"How do you even know he's in the complex?" Rose grumbled. "He could be dead."

"And so could you, if you continue to be unhelpful," Bex threatened.

"Okay, can we take the murderous looks and threats on my life down a notch?"

Bex looked at her and she shook her head. "Or not. Let's find your father figure then."

She typed in her password, turning her body so Bex couldn't see, and pulled up the surveillance cameras. She used some kind of facial recognition software Bex didn't recognize, and with a few clicks, three of the screen lit up red. Rose enlarged them so she could see better.

"Looks like your guy is in the hospital wing."

Bex's brow creased. "What? I already checked there, that's impossible."

"He's in the private wing. They take the candidates to a separate part of the ward. Kids have a lot of germs."

"Fine. How do I get in?"

Rose put her hands up. "Hey, I said I'd help you find him, not break in. My job here is done."

Bex's mind raced, grabbing for something to use to persuade her. She scanned her desk for something to use as leverage. She spotted a note on Rose's desk in familiar loopy, perfect handwriting. It had been carefully unfolded. Bex smiled.

"Rose...," Bex said, tapping her chin with a figure and feigning confusion. "That name sounds familiar. You know, I think Roxy might've mentioned a Rose the other day."

Rose immediately straightened up, her eyes going wide. "Roxy mentioned me?"

"No. But now I know you wanted her to. Looks like you're not totally hete-rose-sexual."

"What?" she spluttered. "That's literally the worst pun ever. Plus, that's preposterous. I do not like Roxy. I-I barely even know her! We've just talked a couple of times, and she stops by and brings me wires and pieces of circuits and stuff for me to use sometimes."

"And leaves you notes?"

Rose grabbed the note off the desk and folded it quickly so it disappeared into her palm. "Sometimes. Not usually. They're mostly boring stuff, nothing interesting at all," she stammered.

"I can't believe Roxy's been hiding this from me! I can't wait to tease her about your little crush."

"Wait! Please don't tease her about it. I...don't want her to know."

Rose blushed furiously. Bex smirked and crossed her arms. "Get me into the restricted ward of the hospital and I won't say a word."

Her mouth hung open. "Are you blackmailing me?"

"Yup."

"Hmph," she grumbled. "Maybe you're not as stupid as you look."

"Rose, keep sweet-talking me like that and I might start leaving you love notes too."

"They're not love notes!" she protested.

Bex, ignored her, grabbing her by the arm. "Let's go."

Rose shoved the note into her pocket, cast a longing look at her computer, then followed Bex out of the surveillance room.

☂

They edged around the corner of the wall, looking down into the corridor. A nurse flung the door open and walked down, the door hitting the wall with a bang that made Rose flinch.

"There," she whispered to Bex, pointing at a cloth hamper of used scrubs.

"Ew, are those dirty?"

"I literally watched you eat a cookie that your dog had taken a bite out of the other day."

"Yeah, but Percy is adorable and his germs are too cute to hurt anyone. These are disease germs."

Rose gave her a shove. "Go get the scrubs," she hissed.

Bex did as she was told, digging around until she found a relatively clean looking pair in her size. There was a box of surgical masks on the table on the opposite side of the hall, and she quickly darted over and grabbed one. With Rose's help, she pulled the scrubs on over her clothes and pulled on the mask.

Rose looked over her once, then grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from a container next to the masks. "Your hands are dirty from the vents," she explained. "Plus, no fingerprints."

Bex looked down at her palms, which had streaks of black dirt on them. She pulled the gloves on over. Rose gave her a thumbs up.

"Thanks. You really rose to the occasion."

Bex made finger guns and winked as Rose rolled her eyes. She turned to leave, and Bex saw her fingers trace the piece of paper in her pocket.

"Rose," she whispered.

She turned around, and Bex smiled at her beneath the mask.

"For what it's worth? You should tell her how you feel."

She caught a glimpse of Rose's blush and small smile before she turned around and strode down the hallway. No one stopped her. One doctor even nodded in her direction.

Bex found Harry's room at the end of the corridor. She let her gloved hand rest on the handle for a second, her heart giving a jolt when she thought about what she might find inside. Bex opened the door and stepped inside.

Harry was laying in the hospital bed in the middle of the room, arms crossed over his stomach. The pale glow of the fluorescent lights over his closed eyes made him look like a corpse. Her stomach turned, but the steady beeping of the heart monitor in the corner assured her that he was still breathing. She took a seat in the pale blue plastic chair next to his bed and took off her mask. He didn't stir.

"Hi, Harry," she said in a hushed voice.

It didn't feel right to speak at full volume, even if he couldn't hear her.

"Well, this is awkward. I wasn't expecting you to be comatose. Oh well, I did always love to hear myself talk. I'm pretty funny, you know, even if no one else thinks so."

She folded her hands in her lap, looking down at her gloved fingers.

"I've been working really hard to be the next Lancelot. I just...I can't go home. But the problem is, I don't want anyone else to go home either. Well, except for Charlie. He can return to his pit of brimstone fire."

She paused to clarify. "Hell. I'm saying he can go back to hell."

Harry didn't say anything, surprisingly enough. Bex felt like the man who used to stand outside of the supermarket back home and talk to the wall.

"I'm sure you would've gotten how hilariously insulting that comment was if you were conscious. Either way, I don't want Eggsy or Roxy to go. Roxy's parents don't even speak to her. They're these snobby, posh, conservative cretins who own like seven poodles and drink fancy tea and tried to disown her when they found out she didn't just like boys. And Eggsy's stepfather will kill him if he turns up. Charming guy. Bet him and my mum would get on just fine."

She let out a small bitter laugh.

"It's hard not to think about what's coming. I've been so focused on making it past every challenge that I haven't really stopped to think about what it might even mean if I get the job. There's only four of us left now."

Bex looked over at him and sighed.

"You know that feeling right before a storm? Right before the lightning hits, when everything gets really quiet and the air smells like copper and you can feel something in the air change. That's what it feels like right now."

She bit her lip. "Harry, I don't want things to change. What if...What if they do and I lose him?"

Bex corrected herself hastily. "I mean, what if I lose them. I don't want to go back to being alone."

She looked over at him. "Don't judge me. I meant them. I can feel your judgement even while you're comatose."

"Well, isn't this touching?"

Bex jumped out of her seat and whirled around to see Merlin standing in the doorway, an insufferable smirk on his face and his clipboard in his hand.

"Bex, you just can't stay out of trouble, can you?"

"Um, I'm not Bex? I work here. Because...scrubs, and stuff," she finished lamely, gesturing to her outfit.

"We have literally seen each other every day for eleven months. I know who you are."

"Well, you wear glasses, so you're probably blind," Bex burst out, making a move towards the doorway.

"Not so fast, Bex."

"Oh, son of a shit."

"No swearing!"

"I said son of a sheet, Merlin. Listen for once in your motherfuton life."

───────

a quick note:

guess who's (sort of) back! college apps are kicking my ass but i couldn't resist writing this chapter to introduce rose, my beautiful gay computer nerd. she's played by kiko muzihara and yes, i will continue to shamelessly make puns about her name.

(also i wrote roxy as bisexual. don't try to tell me that's not accurate because we all saw how ready she was to seduce the hell out of that chick in the movie.)