Fact no.10: Turns out a best friend usually knows your secrets

NOAH

I'm back at the beach.

My nerves are down, my fists clenched, my blood boiling.

He is my best friend. My best friend. He could have told me he's getting married.

"Noah", Kai's voice tones from behind.

I try hard to hide my rage as I turn around.

He only stares at me for a while, clearly understanding how I feel. And that I could explode any moment now.

"I guess a congratulations is due. Since, you've clearly been soon-to-be-married since November", I let out, my voice frozen. Kai senses the edge in my words, the danger behind them.

He swallows hard.

"I wanted to tell you", he begins. I already stopped listening.

"But you didn't", I cut him short. "You didn't tell me. You bought an apartment to move away with her, a whole freaking apartment, and I didn't even know you two were together. Or that you proposed."

He takes a deep breath. Then says: "I really wanted to tell you. I really did. But I also wanted to keep it a secret from everyone. Until Cami and I would sort things out and find a way to be closer to each other."

I look at him, my gaze not getting any warmer: "I thought I was your best friend, man. I thought we told each other everything. Especially when it comes to relationships."

"I am not the only one of us who has kept their relationship secret", Kai counters. The moment I process his words, a tight feeling spreads through my lungs. I can't get air how I should. I almost can't breathe. Kai also mustn't have wanted to let that out loud, since he now looks at the ground.

We both know what he's talking about.

My relationship with April.

His sister.

I can only hope for mercy. Especially as our relationship ended terribly bad from my fault.

"How long have you known?", I ask him, while taking a sit on the sand. I guess I'll need to sit for this conversation, in case my legs decide to pass out. He takes a sit next to me.

"Ever since I came back from Tokyo", he answers. Ever since he came back from Tokyo...Which means, he knew this whole time. Months. Years.

"Why haven't you said anything?", I continue.

Kai seems to think about it, his look lost somewhere on the sea. It's then he adds: "Because it was clear neither of you wanted to talk about it. And April was devastated as it was. Me coming and cutting the wound all over again wouldn't have helped her."

I swallow hard and also look at the sea.

I can hear her laughing, splashing me with water, running through the waves-

I close my eyes and look away.

"I know that whatever happened, it had to be your fault", he says again after a while of silence. I raise an eyebrow at him. He only lets out a small laugh, amused, but also dry at the same time and adds: "Oh don't even get me started."

I can't help but chuckle now, but the feeling of that tight thing in my chest doesn't back off.

"If you knew I screwed up, knew all this time, why the heck are you even talking to me right now? Why are you still my best friend?", I ask him, clearly not finding the logic. What I did to April was unforgivable. And Kai is rather protective of his little sister. If he knew what I did, why was he still here?

"Because I don't know exactly what happened between you two. What went down. April would never say and I never dared ask. She was too sad to talk about it. Trust me, friends or not, the moment she'll tell me, I'll beat the hell out of you for hurting her."

I nod agreeing. He looks at me surprised. I only continue nodding. I know I deserve it. After what I did, I deserve all his fists and punches.

"However", he continues, "you are still my best friend. You're an asshole and an idiot and a prick, but you're still my best friend. Hence why I'm still here."

"Aren't you mad at me?", I ask him. He is quick to nod.

"For hurting April? Every single day. And trust me, the urge to punch you as I see you two fight and you swearing at her after you broke her heart, it makes me want to rip off your fucking throat."

I've never heard him talk so brutal. Or so honest.

"But, you two bickering seems to be her way to cope with it all. Her way to heal. It's rather this or she might kill you. And trust me, she could do that. So, since I still want you as my best friend, I let you two fight and bicker and act like nothing happened."

I look at him a bit amused. He flashes a smirk in return.

"I'm sorry", I whisper, looking back at the sea.

She's smiling.

Running after me.

I'm carrying her on my shoulder.

We're laughing.

Together.

I look away.

"I'm sorry I broke her heart", I add.

He looks at me as if he understands. And knows. Knows my heart only beats for her, knows I never stopped loving her, knows the pain aching in my chest having her so close and not being able to call her mine.

And to confirm my thoughts, he nods.

One nod.

Enough to make my world stop spinning.

"How long have you known?", it's all I ask again.

"A while now", he answers.

"How?"

"I see the way you look at her. It's a different look than to the other girls you've made out with."

"Does she know?", it's all I can think of. If April knows, then I might as well catch the first plane back to New York and stay there forever. Then move to the North Pole and never come back.

"No. Not that I know of. She still thinks you hate her", Kai replies.

"I don't", I add. It's the first time I've said that out loud. "I don't hate her."

"I know", Kai says, his gaze back to the water. He lets out a laugh. "I mean, how could you hate her? My sister is pretty hot. You'd be an idiot not to like her."

"I already was an idiot letting her go."

"You're right. You were."

I take a deep breath, looking at the sea again. The waves. Her hair. Her smile. "Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"

"No", Kai answers directly. All hope died. He continues: "A part of her will always hate you for breaking her heart. But there is still another part of her heart who might learn to love you again. If you showed her how much she really means to you."

"Would you be okay with it?" I ask him carefully. "Me loving her."

"You're already loving her", he counters.

I laugh softly. Tight, broken, but still. "No, I mean, us being together", I add.

"I would constantly live with the fear that you might hurt her again..."

"I won't", I interrupt him.

"However, I want her to be happy. And being in love makes you happy. April has had boyfriends since you two broke up. Lovers. But none of them seems to matter to her as much as you did."

I can barely breathe.

"We have to look to the future rather than the past. Learn from our mistakes but keep facing forward. It's the only way to keep living."

I take in his advice and can't hide my shock at his words: "Who knew a fiancée would make you so wise?"

"Trust me, Cami is the wise one", he says, a goofy smile on his lips now. I can see how in love he is with her.

The rage from before disappears.

He silently hits me with his elbow in my ribcage and I look at him confused. He grins wide: "I will still need a best man, you know."

A smirk widens on my mouth as well. "You got it. But only if I get to plan your bachelor party."

"Deal", he replies smirking. I can't stop but chuckle once.

He pats me on the shoulder as he stands up and makes a sign towards the us. I stand up and look again at the sea.

Hope. There is still hope.

My mouth twitches and I follow him to the house.