16

Why does pain feel so good? Heartbreak, the pain just felt good. The overwhelming amount of emotions.

This had happened too many times- him sitting against the wall with tears streaming down his face.

But strangely, he felt satisfied and better. The weight on his shoulders were gone, now that he had been rejected so easily. It was like listening to a sad song. It made you feel sad, but it was a beautiful song.

Who did Hinata like then? Was it Kenma? The setter from Nekoma always had a close relationship with Hinata. His teammates teased him often for his change in behaviour with Hinata.

Even though Hinata seemed happy and energetic most of the time too, he seemed different around Kenma too. Kageyama wasn't very observant, like Tsukishima was, but there was definitely something there.

So was he worthless? He only felt the spark with Hinata, and noone else. He had considered maybe he was asexual before. But when he met Hinata he knew he was in love.

If Hinata didn't love him, who would? He was never a very likeable person, and never in the least bit charismatic. He was often confused on emotions and how to deal with them. The only thing he loved was volleyball until he met Hinata.

No... he loved his team. His team was always there for him.

But did his team love him back?

Did everyone secretly hate him?

Was he too dumb to figure it out?

Questions. Doubts. It filled his head, but Kageyama decided this was too much. All he had been doing was sitting around crying and grieving.

When did he become so lame? He didn't have the time to be such a loser. He was here to win. He was a volleyball player, not some loser who had no control over his feelings.

So he smiled.

Maybe this was a lesson. He knew this was just another chapter in his life. He collapsed on the ground, exhausted from all. No one was around so he decided to lie flat on the cold floor of the building.

"What in the world are you doing?" Tsukishima asked, suddenly appearing next to him, his 190cm stature towering over him.

"Gosh!" Kageyama said, quickly getting to his feet. "Why did you sneak up like that?"

"I didn't sneak up, and this is a school, not your house."

He couldn't get himself out of that one. "Why are you here?"

"I'm getting that the message that you don't want me here."

"Well... I just didn't expect it." Kageyama shifted uncomfortably.

"So you don't mind me being here?"

"I don't care," he muttered back.

"Yes you do." Why did he have to know everything? Kageyama wished he could be as smart as him. Of course he cared.

"Okay, but why are you at school? It's Saturday."

"Why are you?"

"I had nowhere to go," Kageyama admitted. "You?"

"Volleyball practice," the middle blocker replied simply.

Was Kageyama so tired that he misheard? "There's no volleyball practice today..."

"We've been practicing everyday while Hinata's resting and you're moping."

"...what!?"

"You heard me," Tsukishima scoffed. "Don't know about you but I'm here to win this thing. So are you going to come back or what?"

So they had been practicing. He did realize that he hadn't been going to many volleyball practices, so he wondered how their team was going.

"Where did the 'volleyball is just a club' Tsukishima go?"

He smirked as the blonde had no witty reply. They stood opposite from each other for a moment and Kageyama felt that they had mutual respect for each other despite what it usually looked like. Unless his intuition was wrong, which was also very likely.

"Can I ask you something?" Tsukishima said as he looked him in they eyes.

"Sure."

"Do you shower?"

"What the hell?" Did he look like he hadn't washed up? Did he smell bad? Kageyama suddenly felt extremely paranoid.

"I meant the water. Isn't it like rain?"

So that's what he meant.

"You could've at least said that or worded it better!" Kageyama exclaimed, obviously embarrassed.

"Could have, but it's you so I wouldn't care on what I say."

"Do you hate me or something?"

"Worse, I trust you," the middle blocker responded. "So I don't care what you think of me. I don't have to be careful with what I say."

What he said could be taken the wrong way if the person didn't hear his tone. There was sincerity that Kageyama had never heard from him before. And Kageyama knew he trusted him too.

He did take showers though, as it wasn't really the water that triggered him, more so the umbrellas. He decided however, to keep him guessing.

"Well... let's go play some volleyball."

"Damn right."

☆☆☆

Hinata hadn't lied in a very long time.

He was usually blunt, honest, friendly. But something stopped him from being that this time. He was scared. Terrified, more like.

He said he wasn't scared of rejection, so what was he scared of?

Being in love.

Hinata was already occupied with so much, and he couldn't afford to be in love. He only had the time and energy for so much.

While sitting on his bed, he had a ton of time to think about everything. He was afraid he would become delusional, with all the time to himself. He was afraid he had imagined some things that had really happened. Maybe he had schizophrenia?

One of his teachers had told him about schizophrenia; it was a disorder where someone would confuse what was real and have weird social behavior. He had watched a movie, where the person had imaginary friends that he truly thought were real.

Apparently, it was a really deep movie, but he watched it when he was only 8, so he thought it was just about a guy who was seeing ghosts. This whole situation was freaking himself out.

But that wasn't really what he was thinking about the most. He thought he had never been in love. If anyone asked, he would've said he didn't know what love was other than volleyball.

And maybe that was somewhat true. He didn't know what it was, but perhaps he had been in love.

It was quite a while ago, and Hinata had mostly forgotten about him. Maybe he liked him just because he was extremely good-looking. Maybe it was the memories they made. He just felt strong feelings for that one person, and it was different than his general love for everyone.

Was Kageyama good-looking? For some reason, he had never thought about it. Attraction often started with physical appearance.

But not with Kageyama.

He had always just had such a connection with him. They both loved one thing; volleyball. And when they perfected their Minus-Tempo quick it felt amazing-

Stop.

He couldn't think about it anymore.

He couldn't think about him anymore. Hinata rejected him.

There was nothing else to say about this.

Nothing could change if he thought or did anything else. He didn't want to think about if Kageyama was okay. If his heart was breaking too. If he was thinking about Hinata.

He didn't want to think about it at all.

But he did.

A/N: Y'know the struggle when you read a fanfic and you're so into it- and it says discontinued, or last updated 2013 :') I hope I never do that no matter how busy I am, but updates might be a bit slow. Please stick with me ;-; (boring chapter :( )