Guilty

Date of Entry: 7.13.23

Why should I feel guilty

For things you call normal?

Like eating candy

Or wearing a skirt

And considered to be abnormal?

Why do I get the stares

When I grab an extra slice?

They say, "you sure?"

Like I shouldn't

And think twice.

Not only do I have to

Watch what I eat.

But watch the way

People see me eat it

Try to stay nice and neat

If I eat my food too fast,

I'm greedy

If I eat too sloppy,

I'm a pig

"You have to watch what you put

In your body,

Or you'll end up

Getting too big"

The advice came from a good place

The first three times

It was said,

But after ten people

Have said it

It starts messing with your head

You feel like you're

Being watched

You feel like you're

Being judged

And as much as you

Try to convince yourself you're not

That simple doubt

Won't budge

I can tell you I'm not insecure

And that I'm gonna eat whatever I want

But at the end of the day, I'm still gonna give you

This exact same response:

"No, I'm not that hungry"

"I just ate before I came"

"No, I promise I'm all set"

Til I stop feeling the shame

I'll pick at my plate

While everyone else digs in

Like indulging in my food

Is the world's greatest sin

Yes, I know it's in my head

And it always will be

Until the day I eat my food

And finally not feel guilty