Chapter 59: Front Men Drunk Dial Hippie Chics

Leed, bored at the barbecue, has the following text exchange...

Leed:

Hey, Baby.

Life in Heartleyville is boring.

Actually, it's not boring.

It's crazy.

I've been talking to Tam.

I'm gonna sign the birth certificate.

She and Ben will have primary custody.

But my son will know me, and I will know him.

We're gonna work out all the other details later.

I felt my son move.

He's like REAL, Ash.

It's fucking crazy.

And OOHHHH SHIT! GUESS WHAT ELSE?

Mac's having a baby.

With Adam.

Did you hear me?

They are having a kid.

Mac's is dressing like a Preacher's Wife.

Adam's becoming a farmer.

They are building a big ass castle here on the farm.

It's like a Nashville Fairy Tale.

Watch out Keith and Nicole...

Madam is comin' for your kingdom.

It's all good though.

Mac is happy. Adam is happy.

Tam is happy.

I am happy.

Baby, where the fuck are you?

Are you happy?

Sunshine?

U there?

20 minutes later...

Ashlynn:

Are you drunk, Leed Lawson?

Leed:

Why would you ask that?

Ashlynn:

Because you just sent me 32 texts. ;-)

Leed:

I'm a little bit drunk.

Tequila.

Ashlynn:

Ahhh. Gets you every time, doesn't it?

Leed:

You have no idea, Baby.

Ashlynn:

...

Leed:

Shit. Sorry. I guess it's not cool.

To drunk dial a person working hard to stay sober.

Ashlynn:

It's okay. I know you're not a drunk, Leed.

And alcohol is not a craving for me.

Leed:

Me neither. Not really. You know what I crave?

Ashlynn:

I don't think I want to know.

Leed:

Not tequila. The salt. The salty sorority girl.

Ashlynn:

Are you teasing me?

Leed:

You were salty that night. Hot and salty.

Remember?

Ashlynn:

I remember.

Trace was giving Kat beer.

I was angry and worried.

I was afraid they'd both get drunk

And something might happen.

She was too young.

Leed:

I don't wanna talk about them.

I wanna talk about the salt.

And the way you tasted.

Ashlynn:

Uhhhmmm...you must have me confused with another girl...

Leed:

No fucking way.

I talked you into doing a tequila shot with me.

You'd never done one.

Showed you how, with the salt and the lime.

You licked the salt off my hand.

I licked the salt off yours.

Best salt I ever tasted.

Better than that pink salt.

Better than that black salt you get in Hawaii.

Ashlynn:

They have black salt in Hawaii?

Leed:

Yeah they do. You wanna go to Hawaii, baby?

I'll take you. Pack your bag. I'll pick you up in the morning.

Ashlynn:

No you won't.

You'll be hungover, Sweetie.

And I'll still be in rehab.

Leed:

A man can dream, Sunshine.

A man can dream.

Damn, that salt was good.

Ashlynn:

It was regular salt.

Leed:

I know. It just tastes better on your skin.

I been thinking about how you taste.

Without the salt, I mean.

Ashlynn:

You might wanna stop before

You regret this tomorrow.

Leed:

Only thing I regret

Is not trying harder to kiss you that first night I met you.

Now that I know how good it is

To kiss you.

I coulda been kissing you

For years.

Think of all the places

I coulda kissed you by now

Ashlynn:

You're killing me.

Self-imposed abstinence here.

Leed:

You have a dirty mind, baby.

I meant in LA...

In Hawaii...

In Mexico...

In Nepal...

Ashlynn:

Okay now I'm embarrassed...

Leed:

Naw, baby, I'm just playing.

I totally meant

Your neck...

Your collarbone...

Your tits...

Your belly...

Behind your knees...

Your thighs...

Ashlynn:

Stop stop stop!!!

Leed:

Your pussy ;-)

Ashlynn:

Wow.

And I thought

I was embarrassed before.

Leed:

That ain't blush on your cheeks, baby.

It's desire.

Tell me you want me, Ash.

Cause I want you in the worst way.

Ashlynn:

Leed.

PLEASE.

I'm begging you...

Stop.

Erase this thread.

Go get black-out drunk

Find a fangirl

Forget this happened.

Leed:

I could, but...

I'll wake up

Regretting the fangirl.

Cause I'll still want you

Sober.

Ashlynn:

But you won't act on it sober.

Leed:

Suppose not.

There's the bro-code.

But more than that

I'm no good for you.

You don't need a guy like me

You need a straight and narrow guy.

A doctor, lawyer, Indian chief.

Well not an Indian Chief...

10 minutes later...

Ashlynn:

Hey Leed?

Leed:

Yeah, Ash?

Ashlynn:

I'm so happy you and Tam are talking.

Leed:

Yeah, me too.

Ashlynn:

And I'm happy for Mac and Adam.

Leed:

Yeah, me too.

Ashlynn:

Be safe tonight, okay?

Leed:

First you say get black-out drunk

Now you say be safe

You are full of contradictions, Ashlynn Ballard

Ashlynn:

I know. I'm sorry.

Leed:

S'okay, baby. So am I.

Ashylnn:

Sorry or full of contradictions?

Leed:

Hellifiknow. You pick, baby.

Ashlynn:

Goodnight, Leed

Leed:

If you say so, Sunshine.