37. Growing Distance

Sweat collected on my palms as I tightly gripped the steering wheel. I'd parked the car across from Tyler's apartment building nearly ten minutes ago, however, he made no move to get out, nor did I try to pry.

He looked pale and his gaze was fixed on his shaking hands, his jaw constantly clenching and unclenching. What was going through his mind?

I reached over and covered his hands with mine in an effort to distract him. For the first time ever, he tensed and jerked before his gaze met mine, however, he didn't relax the way he normally did when he realized it was me. That only made me worry even more.

"Do you want me to go in there with you when you're ready?"

"I..." He trailed before he broke eye contact and shook his head. "No. I...I need to face this part alone. He told me... I'm going up there to figure out why my mom is here and she'll only be more hostile and closed off if you come with me and I really want to resolve this with as little arguing as possible."

I nodded though I knew he couldn't see me. "I understand. I'll wait out here for you and call me if you need anything. I'm not leaving you, I promise." To seal it, I pressed a soft kiss to the back of his cold, shaking hand.

"Thanks," he softly said, but instead of sounding like the confident, sassy boy that I fell in love with, he sounded like a timid child who was going to face their parents after doing something wrong. I wanted to do nothing more than lock him in the car with me and protect him from whatever was waiting for him in that apartment.

But I couldn't. I had to respect his wishes and allow him to do it on his own, even though it killed me.

He gave me a woeful smile before he exited the car. Just like the shower, the car felt empty and cold without him. Every second felt like a year, and every minute was a millenia. My arms ached for him as thousands upon thousands of scenarios bounced around my head as I imagined what he was going through and what was being said.

I just wanted to know he was ok.

I nervously drummed my fingers on the steering wheel before my phone vibrated in my pocket, causing me to jump. Once I realized it was only my phone, I calmed down, quietly cursing my over active nerves. Once I pulled out my phone, I realized that Padre was calling. I quickly answered, hoping that his antics could distract me until Tyler came back.

"Hello?"

"Addi? Where are you guys, practice got out a while ago, did it not?"

"Yeah, dad, but Tyler's dad called and he said he needed to get home ASAP so I brought him over straight from practice. They're talking about his mom and stuff, but I'm still in the car."

"Is his mom there?"

"Probably."

"Addison, it's good that you're trying to be there for Tyler, but you should've brought him here first so we could've taken him. As far as he's told us, his home situation is extremely unstable now that his mom is there and I don't want her taking out any of her anger or confusion out on you or him. It's still a very dangerous situation that you both need protection from."

I sighed and mentally cursed my ignorance. I'd been so focused on getting him here that I didn't fully process the risks, both physically and emotionally. "You're right dad, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. All I knew was that he needed something and I wanted to give it to him."

Padre chuckled. "Yeah, Addison, you definitely remind me of your father and I when we were your age; running into danger, feeling like we could conquer the world as long as we had each other. But then we had our rude awakening. Multiple of them, and it's my job as your father to keep those 'awakenings' from happening to you. You need to be more careful and deliberate. That's what's going to help Tyler in the end, okay?"

I nodded, but then I realized he couldn't see me. "Okay."

"Good, now I'm coming for you. I have your location so I should be there in about–"

He was interrupted by a loud banging on the windows, causing me to jump and loudly curse.

"Addison–!" my dad started to chastise, but my attention was no longer on him, but on the look on Tyler's face as he desperately banged on the window. He looked pale as if he'd just seen a ghost. There was a wild in his eyes that mirrored both pure fear and pure rage.

"Addi, open up, hurry! Please!" He begged, his voice muffled through the thick glass. His eyes flashed back to the door to his apartment building as if he was afraid that a monster would come bursting through.

I quickly unlocked the door and Tyler practically threw himself in.

"We need to leave. Now. Please." He started shaking his head. "God, please, please, please..." he softly whispered as he tightly held himself and lowered his head as if he were praying.

"Addison, what's going on? Are you in danger?" My father asked, alarm ripe in his voice. Between my father's apparent worriedness and Tyler's odd behavior, fear gnawed at me, its sharp savage teeth tearing into my sensitive flesh.

"What's going on?" I heard my Papa ask in the background.

I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder as I put the car into drive. "Addison Michael, tell us what's going on right now," Papa demanded, the same authority and seriousness saturating every syllable that slid past his lips.

"I-I don't know. I don't–" I was interrupted when the door to Tyler's building flew open, causing a loud crashing noise to fill the air as it mercilessly slammed against the brick wall. The sound caused Tyler to look up and see his mother standing in the doorway, her deep eyes scanning the area in an effort to find him.

Tears jumped to his eyes as he ducked down and looked at me. "Addi, please. She can't get me again, please, I-I need to leave."

"Addi–" My father started, but my mind filled with white noise.

Without thinking, I messily pulled out of the parking spot and all but flew down the street away from the woman whose eyes matched those of the boy I loved. "We're on our way home, we'll talk then. Sorry, bye," I rushed out before I hung up and dropped my phone into the cup holder with a loud clank.

As I drove, Tyler kept anxiously looking in the rearview mirror as if he expected his mother to chase after the car and rip him from out of his seat. Once again, he looked terrified, however, this time he looked completely and utterly broken as if the world as he knew it was pulled out from underneath him. Bolts of anxiety shot through my system as I watched him out of the corner or my eye. After about three blocks, he stopped watching the mirror, but instead of relaxing or turning to me and telling me what happened, he pulled his knees up to his chest and he cried. And screamed. And sobbed. And cursed.

He broke.

It was horrifying.

I slowed down in preparation to pull over. "Tyler–"

"Addi, please don't." His voice was soft and fragile. "Just...keep driving. Don't stop until we're home or else she'll...she'll–"

He couldn't finish his sentence before he started sobbing again, tightly clutching his knees.

My throat felt like it was lined with cotton balls and I felt like an elephant was standing on my chest. So many emotions bubbled within me and despite how badly I tried to hold them back, tears blurred my vision.

I mentally cursed myself. Why was I crying? I wasn't the one who was suffering. I wasn't breaking.

But tears silently slid down my face. For every word I couldn't say, action I couldn't do, every worry that plagued Tyler that I couldn't take away. I cried.

And I hated myself for it.

Before long, we pulled into the private parking garage, and only when the doors slid shut behind us did the tension slowly leave Tyler's body. Under the harsh light of the garage, I could see how truly wrecked he was. His eyes were red and the skin underneath them was already puffy. Tear trails shined on his cheeks like raindrops and his face looked flushed.

As soon as I put the car in park, I reached over the console and pulled his body into mine. He held me tightly and buried his face into my shoulder. His labored breathing filled my ears, but I knew he wasn't crying. He'd cried all the tears he had, and now he was simply exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I softly asked and he immediately shook his head.

I nodded. "Ok. Come on, let's go inside. Are you ready for that, or do you want to wait?"

"I want to go inside."

My God, even his voice, like the light in his eyes, was stolen from him, substituted by a cheap replica that didn't amount to the features that I knew.

I turned off the car before I unbuckled myself and hopped out. I hurried to his side and opened his door for him. He slowly got out, his movements sloppy and slow like a baby trying to get a grip on the complexities of walking. My hand wrapped itself around his, but this time it was different. Instead of gripping mine with love and conviction, his hand simply hung in mine. The muscles in his hands were hardly engaged, and other than their natural curl, Tyler's fingers didn't respond to mine.

I tried to mask my confusion as I looked at him out of the corner of my eye and I could swear he looked like something between sick and on the verge of breaking down again. As soon as I opened the door leading into the main apartment building, my fathers were standing in front of me, concerned looks on their faces. "Addison, where the hell–" Padre started off, but his words instantly evaporated off of his tongue once his eyes landed on Tyler. Both of my fathers gave me a silent look and I shook my head, telling them not to even ask about it.

"You had us worried," Papa said, his tone more gentle as he tried to not bring too much attention to Tyler's obviously distressed state. "Come inside, dinner's been waiting for you."

"I'm not hungry," Tyler softly said as his hand slowly started shaking in mine. He abruptly pulled away and held his hands together, leaving my hand feeling heavier alone.

I swallowed.

Papa game me a worried look that instantly softened once he read my face: I have no idea what the hell is going on and it scares me.

The trip up to the apartment felt like years instead of minutes, the thick threat of the unknown hanging over us and mercilessly pushing down into us.

Tyler all but ran into the apartment as soon as we walked in, leaving my fathers and I to watch him go. After the sound of my bedroom door closing softly travelled through the air, Papa looked at me. "Addi, what happened?"

"I don't know." Those three words were my least favorite because I was admitting that what I hated the most happened: I lost control. I couldn't help. I couldn't. I ran my fingers through my hair. "He just...After practice he told me his father wanted to talk to him about his mom, I drove him there but he said he wanted to face whatever they were talking about alone which I completely understood so I stayed in the car. Then less than ten minutes later, he's running out looking terrified and his mom comes out after him but she didn't see him so she couldn't find him. He just begged me to go and when I did...my God the way he was screaming and crying, I've never seen or heard anything like it before ever. It terrified me. It terrifies me, and it doesn't help that he won't tell me what's going on. All I know is that it's super bad and not a safe situation based on how he reacted, especially when his mom walked out. It was like he'd seen an actual monster."

Padre hummed in response. "We're going to let him calm down and gather his thoughts, but tomorrow we're definitely going to check up on him. He's in a dangerous situation and he needs help, which is what we're going to give him. No one under this roof is going to suffer alone, not even him."

I nodded, a sense of relief moving through me at how passionate and caring my fathers were toward my boyfriend. "Thanks. I just feel so powerless and useless and–"

"Don't do that to yourself, Addison," Papa cut off as he shook his head. "If Tyler can barely process what he's going through, what makes you think that you can? Even if you could, this is bigger than both of you, not to mention the trauma and possible PTSD he has linked to his mother." He put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. "I know how much you like going solo, but you can't do that now. That'll just put you two in more danger, understand?"

I nodded. "I do."

Papa nodded, satisfied, before he patted my shoulders. "Okay, go up there and be with him. Oh, but grab him some food first. I know he probably doesn't want to eat right now, so don't force him, just take it in case. Also, if anything happens, no matter how big or small, tell us. He's in a really delicate place right now, so if anything happens you need to tell us. You won't be betraying his trust or anything, you're looking out for him, okay?"

I nodded again. "Okay. I'm not going to see you for the rest of the night, so goodnight." They told me their good nights before they kissed my cheek. I hurried to the kitchen and grabbed a package of Oreos before I ran upstairs to my room. I saw his clothes strewn all over my floor and heard the muffled sounds of the shower running through my closed bathroom door.

Despite how weird it was for him to close the door, I didn't want to push or question him. Besides, I could hear the sounds of him moving around and washing, which calmed my overactive nerves ever so slightly. So instead, I simply picked up his clothes and put them in my dirty clothes hamper before I changed into my pajamas, going for Tyler's favorite: my briefs and a crop top.

A million thoughts ran through my mind as I sat on the window sill and stared out to the city that stretched out all around me. Out of the millions and millions of people in this city, why did the worst things have to happen to the boy I loved?

Before I realized it, the bathroom door opened. My attention snapped to Tyler as he walked out, already wearing some shorts for his pajamas. I stood up and approached him, but stopped once I got within a few feet of him. "Hey," I softly said as I reached for him.

"Hey," he flatly said, his eyes not meeting mine as he got into bed.

Dejected, I lowered my hand. I quickly covered my disappointment with a fake grin. "To take your mind of things, you wanna watch–"

"I just want to go to sleep, if that's okay." His voice was so soft that I could barely hear it over the ceiling fan.

"Yeah, of course that's fine."

Tyler already made himself comfortable, turning so that he was facing away from me. I swallowed down the knot in my throat before I turned off the lights and got into bed, putting the package of Oreos on my nightstand in case he wanted them later.

I slid underneath the sheets, and as if on autopilot, my arms wrapped around Tyler the way we usually slept.

"Can we...Can we not do that tonight? I'm kind of hot actually." His voice was now tight as if he was holding something back. A sob? A scream? The truth?

I instantly retracted my hands. "Ok. Do you need me to grab you anything to cover up?"

"No, this is fine."

I hummed in response, unable to hide my dejection as I tried to satisfy myself with the feeling of our feet lightly brushing together.

Then he pulled his feet away.

Tears blurred my vision, not because I couldn't handle being starved of his touch, but because something, someone had hurt him so badly that I couldn't console him in any way. That he couldn't talk or let me listen. That he seemed repulsed by the touch of the person he said he loved over and over.

But I could get through it, as long as he could say one affirmation to me.

"I love you," I softly said as the tears rolled down my cheeks and my gaze was glued to the ceiling.

Silence followed. I was tempted to say it again, knowing that the only reason he wouldn't respond would be if he couldn't hear me, but his voice filled the air. Soft and broken. "You too."

And my heart broke. It shattered into a million pieces, each shard mercilessly slicing into my body and reducing me to nothing but a deformed pile of flesh, anger, and pain.

I wanted to jump into his mind and find out everything, but I couldn't. I would never be able to know unless he told me.

So I did the only thing I could.

I closed my eyes and clasped my hands together over my chest. Lord, please help us. I...I know things are crazy right now and I haven't been talking to You as much as I should, but please blame my head not my heart. But right now, the boy I love more than anything is in pain. He's in danger and I know You do everything for our good and stuff, but I'm truly worried that he's going to break and I won't be able to put him back together again. So Lord, please, help him. Take his pain away, make his mother understand. Just...please bring him peace. I can't handle seeing him like this. I don't know everything but You do so please, please, please....in Your son Jesus' name I pray, amen.

I slowly peeled my eyes open and felt a change within me as if something had shifted ever so slightly.

I took a deep breath and braced myself for my second sleepless night to watch over and protect my king.

The car ride to school was extremely awkward, to say the least.

Tyler and I hadn't touched since the night before when he turned over in his sleep and wrapped his arms around me. However, it seemed that his subconscious remembered that my very skin was like acid and he almost instantly withdrew.

This morning was no better, and despite how much I tried to convince Tyler not to go to school, he wouldn't have it. Or, more accurately put, he ignored me, only answering me with short to-the-point sentences that sounded more like a robot than a boy.

As I drove, I watched him out of the corner of my eye, and more than a few times, I caught him looking like there was something just at the tip of his tongue, but before he could commit and tell me what was on his mind, he swallowed it back down.

Was he afraid of how I'd react? Did he think that I would think less of him if I knew whatever it was? My heart sank at that thought. I could never think less of him. I would never think less of him, no matter what. Hopefully, I didn't put out the vibe that I could ever think less of him. Had I accidentally–

I was pulled from my spirling thoughts by the sound of Tyler getting out of the car and walking toward the school without saying a word or even sparing me a glance. I quickly grabbed my backpack and hopped out as well, practically running so I could keep up with his fast strides.

It was kind of hard not to be hurt. It was like he was purposely putting at much distance between us as possible, and though I was trying to let him have his time and process whatever he was going through, his actions still felt like bullets straight to my heart.

"Hey, do you, uh, wanna hang out with the boys before class?" I asked though I knew very well that neither one of us felt like it. I was just trying to inject some normalcy into the abnormal 24 hours we'd been having.

Tyler ran his hands over his thighs as if he was sweating. "Yeah, I'll be there. I just need to run to the bathroom first. You can go ahead, though. Don't wait up on me."

"Okay," I said, a bit optimistic that we were making progress. It was slow, but progress nonetheless. However, that small spark of hope was dimmed when I walked by my locker, the very place we'd shared our last kiss. The last time I'd seen Tyler genuinely happy. Those events that happened less than 24 hours ago felt like lifetimes away.

I went to the meeting spot with the boys in no time, and no matter how interesting the conversation at hand was or how many bad jokes were told or how much Ian gushed to me about Lelani, my attention remained on the door waiting for my boyfriend to walk in. But after ten minutes, he still hadn't come and I was beyond worried.

Maybe his stomach was upset? Maybe he stopped by the cafeteria to get some breakfast since he hadn't eaten at home?– I mean, it was hell week and he'd need all the fuel he could get. But then why hadn't he texted me?

My throat felt dry again as sweat quickly accumulated on the back of my neck below my hairline. Right where Tyler used to kiss me.

"And then Lelani jumped off of a bus and became Wonder Woman."

"Ok, I'm happy for you," I muttered as I refreshed my text messages, praying for a text from Ty. None.

"Dude, are you even listening?"

"No," I said as I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulders. "I'm sorry, I have to go. I think something's wrong."

"Addi–" Ian started calling, but I was already out the door. The sound of my fast footfalls echoed in the hallway as I ran back to the bathroom Tyler said he'd be in, my anxiety quickly creeping toward a 10.

I muttered an apology to each person I bumped into (which was nearly everyone I saw) and was only a few hallways away from my final destination when someone jumped out in front of me. I quickly tried stopping myself, but by then it was too late and I crashed right into them, resulting in both of us sprawling out on the ground.

I cursed to myself. "I'm sorry," I quickly threw over my shoulder without looking at who I'd trampled.

"Dang, Addi, I knew you probably hated me, but this is just attempted murder at this point," a voice lightly joked with a chuckle. The familiar pitches that made up the voice caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand at full attention and my fight or flight was triggered. Suddenly, a hand was outstretched in front of my face.

Good God, please no. I silently begged before my eyes followed up the arm to the last girl in the world I wanted to see: Kyra.

She raised a brow. "Are you going to keep staring at me like I have 3 heads or are you gonna let me help you up?"

I swallowed as anger and fear and borderline hatred fought for dominance within me. I quickly pushed myself up and tried to walk past her, but she grabbed my arm, preventing me from doing so. It reminded me of how her touch used to cause my stomach to tie itself into knots and made all my problems melt away.

Now she made me sick.

"Addi, please–"

"Kyra, let go of me now. I'm in the middle of something important and have nothing to say to you."

"I'm sorry, okay! I'm sorry."

I scoffed as I turned back to her. "Sorry? After all you've done, the best you can come up with is sorry?"

"I know, but– Addi, please stop trying to walk away. I want to make things right. I'm truly sorry."

"And I'm sure that Fire Lord Ozai was sorry when he burned his son in the face," I muttered.

Her eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. "But he did that on purpose."

"Exactly. Now leave me alone, Kyra. I don't want to talk to you. Ever." I broke my arm out of her grasp before I continued my way to where Tyler was supposed to be.

"I was never going to do it!" Her voice was desperate as it escaped her light pink lips.

My body tensed as I slowly turned around to her. "What?"

She sighed as she broke eye contact. "I...I wasn't going to actually, you know, out you. I never would've done that. It was just an empty threat and–"

"Kyra, you are hopeless if you think that's good enough to make me stomach the sight of you right now. Even if you didn't expressly out us, do you know what you did? The trauma you caused? And on top of that, you already knew what happened to my dads? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Addi, please–"

"Did you start that rumor or not?" My voice was low and cold.

"Addi, you know I–"

"Yes or no?"

Her eyes dropped but she didn't say anything.

"That's all I need to know. Bye Kyra."

I turned and walked away, pure hatred and nostalgia wrestled within my stomach, making me feel nauseous.

"I'm not homophobic, I promise," she said so softly I almost didn't hear her. I turned back to her and saw tears running down her cheeks.

A weird feeling filled my chest. Did I feel...bad for her? I understood why she was hurt, but that didn't give her or anyone the right to do what she did.

So why was I feeling this way?

"I know," I softly said. She looked up at me with a certain look in her eyes that punched me in the stomach, but before any words could be exchanged, I turned and ran to where my boyfriend was supposed to be.

***

Hey y'all, so this chapter was lowkey kinda heartbreaking and long, so aren't you glad I broke these two chapters up lol. What do you think happened between Tyler and his parents? Why do you think he's pulling away from Addi? What do you think about Kyra's "apology"? Let me know in the comments!

As always, if you wanna read the next chapter a week before it's on Wattpad, check on the Inkitt link in my bio (spoiler alert: it's super dramatic and sad)! It's 1000% free and it helps me get paid for doing what I love, which really helps since I can't work as long as I used to due to the pandemic and because I'm about to start college soon. Oh yeah, speaking of that, I'm officially going to school in Florida which is exciting yet ironic considering how much I used to make fun of people from Florida for literally being insane lol. Oh well, I'll see y'all in the next update!

Stay safe and healthy!

Love y'all– Jordan :)

P.S I'm 98% sure that I'm going to make a playlist for this book but I'll keep y'all posted. What songs do you think of while you read this book? Let me know and I might add them to the playlist!