34. Secret Messages

^i added the song "pretty boy" by the Neighbourhood because I think it goes well with this chapter so LMK what y'all think^

I woke up with my body consumed in a weird uncomfortable feeling.

I felt heavy as if every blood vessel, vein, and atom of my body had weighed ten tons. And God, my hips and back...I'd learned why the term "getting your back blown out" meant.

I curled my fingers, expecting to feel Tyler beneath me, but all I clenched was the familiar linen of my bed. I forced my heavy lids open to see that Tyler definitely wasn't lying in bed with me. I looked around and realized that he was nowhere in my room to be found, nor was he in the blackened bathroom.

My heart raced as the look he had on his face the night before filled my mind. The pain and trauma. The burning desire to do something. If the night before had told me anything, Tyler was someone who acted out of emotion, his bruised knuckles were proof of that, and when I leaned over the edge of the bed to see that his clothes were still thrown on the floor, my worry only increased.

He wouldn't sneak out in the night and try to do anything, would he?

I...I honestly had no answer for it.

"Tyler?" I called out as I tried to push myself up into a sitting position, but an intense soreness that hours of conditioning nor broken bones could compare to tore through my lower back and deep inside of my core.

Anxiety started gnawing at my nerves and consuming me whole. "Tyler, baby, please say something, please," I begged as I tried to get up again. A cry of discomfort crawled up my tongue but was stopped by my pursed shut lips. "Tyler?"

"Addi, Addi, no, no, don't move, lay down. I'm here." I heard Tyler's voice rush out from behind me where I couldn't quite see. I was just relieved that he didn't leave, that he wasn't hurt.

I heard the sound of him setting something down on my nightstand before he laid down next to me. "I'm here, okay? I'm here." He gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. Sometime in the early hours of the morning, he'd slid his briefs back on, but he thankfully left the rest of his body on display.

"I was worried you left," I admitted as I put my hand on top of his and rubbed my thumb against his rough healing knuckles. I needed to confirm that he was actually there.

"I'd never leave you, Addi. Never." He took my hand that was holding his and pressed a light kiss onto it. "Are you okay? I know the first time can be...uncomfortable."

I nodded. "Yeah I'm fine, or I will be by the end of the day. I have to be, we have practice tomorrow for all-state and if you didn't kill me, then Coach surely will."

Tyler chuckled before he pushed himself up and reached for something out of my field of view before he presented me with a plate with a messy omelet on it. "I know we had an egg-based breakfast yesterday, but I couldn't find anything else to make. Do you people not eat cereal or something?"

"We usually do, but we ran out and Papa refused to go to the store." I chuckled as I slowly pushed myself into a sitting position. A wince escaped my lips as I did so. Sitting wasn't very good for me for obvious reasons, but I also wasn't skilled enough to eat lying down without choking in the process.

"Here, hold on," Tyler said as he handed me the plate before he gently lifted me up and placed me in his lap like a child, situating me so that there wasn't as much pressure on my sensitive bottom. He didn't seem to care a single bit that I was still 100% naked, and, oddly enough, neither did I. "Is that better?"

I nodded.

"Sorry," he softly apologized as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. "I didn't mean to go so hard. I got carried away."

My eyebrows furrowed as I turned to him. I shook my head. "No, no, you were fine, I liked it, it just takes some getting used to. It's fine, promise."

To seal it, I pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "Oh so now you're kissing me before you brush your teeth? I guess our relationship is serious, huh?" He pitched a brow as he asked the question, a teasing tone in his voice.

"I think we're past that," I said, though a blush stained my cheeks as I did. Though I was beyond happy that Tyler and I had taken such a huge step in our relationship, I couldn't help but feel a little bashful talking about such an intimate thing so casually.

He held my waist tighter as he smiled. "I guess we are."

I scoffed before I took my fork and collected a bit of the breakfast my boyfriend had made me, something I wouldn't mind doing every day for the rest of my life. As I ate it, I finally realized what Padre meant when he talked about food tasting better when it was made by someone you loved. Was the omelet the best thing I'd ever tasted on a technical level? No. But it was the best thing I'd ever tasted because the boy I loved made it for me. I could just envision his confusion and stress as he made it, going over everything meticulously so that it could be just right, and it was further solidified by the way he was intensely looking at me, a hopeful glint in his deep brown eyes. "How is it? If you don't like it, I can redo them, if you wa–"

"Sono perfetti, amore mio (they're perfect, my love)," I said, cutting off his adorable rambling.

A grin that matched a school girl's when her crush compliments her spread across his face. "Oh? Okay."

I gathered some and ushered it into his mouth. I alternated between feeding myself and him until there was no food left. After that, we simply sat together, enjoying one another's presence, but even in our peaceful silence, I could still see the conflict that was raging behind his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into me. He instantly buried his head in my chest. "Baby, what's going on in your head? You can't bottle it up inside. Talk to me, Ty, that's what I'm here for."

Silence weighed heavily in the air between us for a few moments before he sighed; his warm breath cascaded across my chest. "I'm scared, Addi. My mom...she's a lot. She's tricky and cunning, and I don't want her to somehow send me back. I know that it might sound stupid but...I saw the way she looked at us when we walked in with our hands together. You might not have noticed it, but I did. I know her and that look that was deep in her eyes...it was too similar to the last look she gave me before she left me in that hell hole. She terrifies me. Addison...she ripped me away from happiness the last time I saw her, and now that I have you and Serenity and my dad and just so much good, I can't let her take me away, but I'm so powerless and weak against her. And I hate it. I hate myself for not being strong enough for you, for any of you."

"No, Ty, baby, don't talk like that. Of course you're strong enough for us. You're strong enough for me. You're everything to me, okay? And no matter what that woman tries to do or say, you will always be enough. You have always been enough, and don't ever let her make you think differently. I told you before and I'll tell you until you believe me: I'm in this fight with you. I won't let her take you away from me nor will I let her take away your happiness. Not again, you hear me? That woman...she's a lot of things, but a mother isn't one of them, sorry to say. But no matter what, you'll always have a place here, in this family, in this house, in my arms. You'll always have a place, no matter what, okay?"

He nodded, his breathing unsteady. I swear I felt his tears running down my chest.

"No, Ty, I need to hear you say it. You have a place here no matter what, okay?" I was practically begging him at this point, wanting nothing more in the world than for the boy who was in my arms to feel every ounce of love and pride and joy I had for him.

"Okay," he softly said. I pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I know I'm supposed to hate her but there's a part of me holding on to the fact that she's my mom. I mean, she's supposed to love and protect me, that's her one job, and she failed. She did the opposite but...I don't know, this stupid part of me keeps holding on to the hope that one day she'll come around."

"Tyler...I know this is hard to hear, but you can't spend time hoping that someone will come around when they've let you down at every opportunity they've been given. You need to focus on those who you don't have to wait on: your dad, your sister, you know the boys on the team would do anything for you, the same for my family and me. It's not easy, but you just have to go minute by minute. And if that's too much, second by second. I'll be there with you every second and every unit of time in between. La famiglia e la patria del cuore, remember?"

"Family is where the heart is," he weakly repeated.

"Family is where the heart is," I affirmed as I gently brushed his hair from his forehead. "And you have mine."

He chuckled as he buried his face deep into my chest. "You know you have mine." His voice was muffled as he spoke into my shoulder, but his words struck me directly in the heart.

"I would hope so, I am the man of your dreams after all," I lightly teased before a buzzing noise filled the air. I turned and saw Tyler's phone incessantly buzzing on the nightstand.

As if reading my mind he said, "Leave it. It's probably my dad calling for the thousandth time. I don't want to talk to him. I can't yet." There was a tired tone in his voice as he spoke, but not the physical kind. He was emotionally exhausted.

"Ok."

We laid there in silence, and each minute that passed by felt like a year, however, I'd lay there a lifetime if it meant protecting and comforting the boy that I held in my arms.

After a few moments, I felt his soft lips meet my chest before they planted themselves on my collarbone, then the side of my neck, then my jaw. By now, I knew what he was doing. Tyler was one of physical comfort and distraction, and if that's what he needed right now, that's what I was going to give him.

He climbed on top of me as his lips met mine, the kiss soft and tame, the complete opposite of what we'd done the night before. As he kissed me, I gripped his hips and used my thumbs to massage them the way he liked. "I don't want to be sad anymore. You're right, she's not worth it," he softly said into my lips. "Come on. Let's wash up and put some clothes on, then we can spend the rest of the day doing whatever we want while I avoid my problems until we figure out how to deal with them. I vote we watch your trashy TV show and drown ourselves in junk food from the corner store, what do you think?"

I grinned against his lips. I held no objections to putting this problem on the back burner and simply focusing on what made us happy. What made him happy. We'd face the problems back at his house when he was ready. I was just glad that he'd said we. He was letting me in. He was letting me fight with him. "Sounds like a plan, il mio re." He pressed one more kiss to my lips before he suddenly picked me up bridal style. A squeal escaped my lips as I tightly held onto his neck. "Ty! You don't have to carry me, I can walk."

"I don't know, Addi. I think your back might say otherwise. Besides, if you can, that means I didn't do my job right," he playfully remarked with a wink.

I quickly looked away as a blush ignited on my cheeks, causing warmth to spread throughout my face. Though I was glad that he was slowly allowing himself to go back to "normal", that didn't keep my embarrassment at bay. "Tyler!"

"I'm kidding, babe. I'm kidding," he showered my face in kisses before he set me down on the toilet lid, the cold porcelain sending a cold chill down my spine. "You're so cute when you blush."

"What did I tell you about calling me cute?" I playfully jabbed.

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "Addison, you're adorable, and you will always be so. Besides, cute slash adorable and hot aren't mutually exclusive. In your case, you can be both." He turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature.

"Yeah, but I'm more hot than cute, right?"

He chuckled as he shamelessly stripped in front of me, and for once, I didn't force myself to look away nor did I feel bashful when he looked me over. I felt safe and beautiful around him. "Sure, Addi. Sure." He offered me his hand and I took it, slowly rising to my feet as my body got used to the dull ache that throbbed through me. I took slow steps toward the shower and felt an odd sense of relief once the warm water rained down on me.

Tyler looked down at me as I dragged the towel across his smooth skin, alternating between washing him and kissing his soft skin. For the first time since the incident, I felt him truly relax beneath my lips, as if he was actually letting his mom out of his head, even if it was for a brief moment. I was seeing pieces of the boy I'd kissed out on the football field: relaxed and happy.

I wouldn't let his mom take that boy away; break him down and destroy him. No, Tyler deserved better than that, and I was going to try my damn best to make sure he got it.

But somewhere between the soft rain of the shower and the soft touches Tyler and I shared, I could swear I kept hearing his phone buzz, and each buzz felt heavier than the last as if they were a secret message that I could only understand warning me that whatever we were going to face in the coming days would be a mountain that both of us would struggle to climb, Tyler more than I.

But, in a desperate attempt to allow him to have just one day of peace, I pushed the message constructed by vibrations and unhad phone conversations to the back of my mind while I silently prayed that our peace could last for the rest of the day.

***

Hey y'all, I hope y'all enjoyed this update. It was kind of short compared to the other ones, but a necessary one. This book is officially longer than "Tear In My Heart" which only had 33 main chapters then the rest were bonus chapters, however, we're barely halfway through this one. Strap in because these two still have a long way to go, and I hope you stick with me for the ride because this story still has a few twists up its sleeve that I think you'll enjoy.

So yeah, I hope you liked this little chapter and I hope you all are doing well, and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving (if you celebrate that)

Also, spoiler alert: in the next chapter, Madison and Noah will tell Tyler their story so be ready for the waterworks lol.

In the comments let me know what you thought about this chapter because I love reading y'all's comments. Why do you think his mom is in town? How do you think Tyler and Addison will handle this? Let me know! Also, don't forget to vote and leave a review! Remember to stay safe and healthy!

Love y'all– Jordan