13. Kisses & Confusion

Tyler tensed, and I fully expected him to pull away and freak out. I was preparing myself to jump up and run straight out of the apartment and never turn back.

But he didn't.

He quickly relaxed and softly put his hand on my cheek, his lips gingerly pressing deeper into mine.

My heart was hammering in my chest and my blood was roaring in my ears. I'd always had every aspect of my life mapped out, but between baseless fantasies and lustful thoughts, I never thought that my roads would lead me here.

After a few moments, Tyler slowly pulled away. My eyes fluttered open and met his. Every ounce of my body wanted me to turn away. Profusely apologize and promise that it would never happen again, but the look in his eyes told me that's not what he wanted. In fact, he wanted the opposite.

Besides, I didn't know if I could fully keep that promise.

"What about Kyra?" He softly asked, his hand leaving my cheek. I had the resist the urge to pull it back. His strong hand had cupped my cheek perfectly, and the gentleness he showed me was a stark contrast to the ruthlessness they'd shown on the field mere hours ago.

I shook my head. "We're not together anymore."

"I'm sorry, man."

"I don't know if I am," I said. The words hung heavy in the air and pressed down on my chest. I did love her, I really did, but things felt different. And not just because of Tyler, but I think that Tyler made me realize the small changes. Changes that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"I don't know if I am either," he softly confessed as he slowly leaned in again, but he stopped himself as he looked into my eyes. "May I?"

I eagerly nodded. "Please."

His lips met mine so gently that I had to resist the urge to open my eyes to make sure he was actually there. His thumb gently pulled at my chin, causing me to adjust my head so he could have the vantage point on me that he wanted.

A feeling akin to pins and needles rushed into my knees, but it wasn't painful or uncomfortable. In fact, I felt like I was on a cloud, with all anchors to the ground long gone and millions of miles away from my problems or any aspect of reality.

His tongue skillfully slid into my mouth and I couldn't contain the groan that was pulled from deep within my throat as I pushed myself further into his fit body. He feverishly grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and held on for dear life.

I wasted no time climbing onto his lip so I was straddling him and one of his hands smoothly slid down from my face to my hip, his thumb underneath my shirt and touching my bareback. That small contact point was enough to make me melt.

He slowly wandered away from my lips and toward my neck, his hot breath making the hair on the back of my neck stand at attention.

My fingers left their post on his warm bare chest and tangled themselves in his thick hair as I pressed my neck deeper into his mouth. I felt my eyes roll back in my head as his tongue slid across the sensitive skin just right.

Then Serenity's cries filled the air.

Tyler groaned in my neck out of frustration before he pulled away and looked up at me, obviously not wanting to stop. "I gotta go take care of that."

"Yeah, do that," I bashfully said as I climbed off of him and ran my thumb over my tingling bottom lip, not looking at him.

I heard him chuckle as he got up and left the room.

I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

That was...intense.

Electricity was running through my veins like a live wire and my mind was exploding with colorful fireworks at what had just transpired. It felt like I was in a lucid dream: everything seemed real but there was an eerie feeling tugging at the back of my skull. Why didn't he freak out? Why didn't he act surprised at all? Why did that worry me so much?

I heard Serenity's cries gently become softer as Tyler's deep melodic humming filled the air. I knew it wouldn't be long before he returned to the living room, and I couldn't still be sitting on the couch when he did. My face was already burning with embarrassment and with one look from him, I might've combusted.

With shaking hands, I gathered our plates and carried them to the sink. My knees were weak from the tingling sensation that was still running freely just beneath my kneecaps and it felt like I was just learning how to walk again but without a guide or teacher to help me deal with the intense emotions I was feeling.

The sound of china hitting china gently filled the air as my shaking hands gently placed the dishes in the sink before I started running the water in an effort to start washing them. Not only would it hopefully take my mind off of things, but it would also fulfill the duty my upbringing had put on me as soon as I'd gotten a plate of food: to leave the house better than I'd found it, even if that only meant cleaning a few dishes.

I was so busy meticulously scrubbing the plate in my hand that I hadn't realized that Serenity's cries had completely vacated the air, nor did I hear Tyler walk back in. "Hey, what are you doing?" He asked from behind me, causing my heart to jump in my throat.

"Just washing the dishes," I said, my voice softer than usual as my eyes remained focused on the bubbles that were covering my pruney fingers.

"But we didn't get to finish dessert yet," Tyler said, and I could hear the pout in his voice.

I didn't answer.

I saw him grin out of the corner of my eye. "Addison, look at me."

I shook my head. "No."

He gently put a hand on my arm, causing me to instantly tense and silently curse the way my body silently begged for him to touch me more. "Am I making you nervous?"

I shook my head again, trying to keep a strong front as I started to dry off the dish in my hand, but I couldn't focus when he was that close. "No."

"Do you want me to stop?"

A beat of silence filled the air. My shaking hands put the plate down as I took a deep breath. "No."

"Then look at me, Addison."

I swallowed and slowly turned my head toward him. He grinned and within a moment, he had a firm grip on my hips and turned me so I was fully facing him, causing a small gasp to escape my lips. My heart was hammering in my chest, though it wasn't out of fear. It was out of anticipation for what he was going to do next. I'd never seen this side of him before: the demanding, controlling side that excited the deepest parts of me. But it also scared me. Terrified me even.

His grin grew before he leaned in and kissed me again. The kiss held no timidness or uncertainty from his side. His hands slid around my waist smoothly as if he'd done it a hundred and one times and our chests rose and fell against each other in a rhythm that had taken Kyra and I multiple tries to figure out. Despite the marathon of emotions racing throughout my body, I found myself relaxing into him and the kiss and I wrapped my arms around his neck. This kiss didn't have the same fear nor hunger our previous two had had. Instead, it was gentle like a leaf skimming across a pond or the turning of a page in a brand new book. It felt warm and familiar too, not new and awkward like a new pair of shoes you're wearing for the first time.

It all seemed right.

And it confused the hell out of me.

I pulled away first, despite how good his lips felt.

Tyler furrowed his eyebrows. "What's wrong?"

"Why aren't you freaked out?" I asked, my thoughts flying straight from my brain. "Most guys would be freaked out if I'd done what I just did to you."

"Luckily, I'm not most guys," Tyler easily quipped as he gave my hips a slight squeeze that made my stomach flutter. "Now was that your only question because I believe we were in the middle of something that I would love to get back to right about now--"

"Ty, I'm serious. Why are you so okay with this? You're not even the least bit confused or concerned or weirded out? I can't read you or how you're really feeling about all of this."

He raised his eyebrow. "Addi, I'm not a book. Besides, I might not be the brightest, but I'm definitely not blind. I've seen the way you blush when I'm around or how you switch up around me. I especially notice the way you react when I touch you. I mean, I would've had to be blind not to notice it when we were at your house working on the project. I could literally breathe in your direction and you'd blush like crazy and get goosebumps."

I blushed and broke eye contact. "You noticed all of that?"

He chuckled. "Yeah I did." His finger gently redirected my gaze to meet him. "And I thought it was really cute. So, if you're still trying to read me and my feelings about all of this, I'm one-hundred percent okay with it. More than okay with it actually."

I had to prevent myself from fist-bumping the air and breaking into my happy dance. I felt the weight I'd been carrying on my shoulders since the day I first met him instantly lift from my shoulders. But that joy was short-lived as my eyebrows furrowed. "But you never showed me any signs back."

It was his turn to break eye contact. "I didn't know how to approach you in that way, you know? You were just so easy to be around and funny and smart and cute and perfect, and I just didn't want to risk messing it up by not doing it the right way, if that makes sense. Besides, you were kind of with Kyra so even if I wanted to I couldn't morally make a move on you while you were with her."

The mention of her made my heart drop. I sighed. "Look, I want you to know that I tried not to like you while me and her were together. I wouldn't cheat on her. I just felt all of these emotions with you that I didn't feel with her and it just became...complicated I guess. But I'm not with her anymore and-"

"It's okay, we don't have to talk about it," he said, thankfully cutting me off from my rambling. "We're here now, right?" He ran his fingers through my hair in a way that sent a shiver down my body. He noticed and smiled.

"Right," I agreed. "So, uh, what does that make us?"

"Two guys that kind of like each other, I guess."

I grinned. "Two guys that kind of like each other, I guess." I lifted myself up and kissed him again. He grinned against my lips before he instantly deepened the kiss, and in that moment, I knew I'd made the right choice.

***

Hey y'all! Sorry for the late update but life has really been crazy with the current climate of the world, work, and summer school. I just had a big surgery on my foot last week and it's been taking a lot out of me, but I'm feeling better.

Anyways, are you guys surprised by how Tyler reacted? How do you feel about them finally admitting their feelings to each other? Do you think it's going to last? Here's a quick hint: trouble will be shaking up paradise very soon.

As previously stated, the BLM movement is still going strong and we're still waiting for justice for George, Breonna, and the countless others who have needlessly died at the hands of police and civilians alike for simply being black. You can still sign petitions, donate, spread information, or anything else you can do to help spread the message that black lives matter. Though I'm just 17 and I don't have that much money, I've been using writing as my way to speak up, including poems that express my feelings as a young black woman growing up in such a scary time. Sometimes speaking your truth is all that you can do in these situations, and that's powerful in and of itself. Please continue to spread the message and don't let these stories go unheard.

Have a great rest of y'all's weeks!

Love y'all- Jordan