chapter 12: I think I love you

Parker's POV

"Kaino, lunch is ready." I wake him up as I finished preparing lunch.

As he said his head is hurting, I gave him coffee and then went to cook food while he slept. Because he's not feeling well, I cooked soup and salad for him which would be easy to eat and digest. Or else it would upset his stomach and he would puke everything out. Also it would be good if he eats it when it's still hot or else it would loose it's taste. I don't want him either not to eat because it doesn't taste good or eat and vomit. He should eat and get well soon.

"Kaino, can you hear me? Food is ready. Wake up!" I say once again when he continues to sleep without hearing what I'm saying.

This time he mumbles something before he finally opens his eyes. He sits up and rubs his eyes to get rid of sleep. Not even taking a glance at me, he gets down the bed and walks to the washroom. I frown but doesn't think much because he woke up just now and is still in sleepy mood. I sit on the bed as I wait for him. Few minutes later he walks out while drying his face with a towel.

"How are you feeling now? Did the headache reduce?" I ask him as I get up and walk to him.

"Yeah, I'm feeling fine now. It doesn't hurt much." He replies while throwing the towel back into bathroom.

"Hmm, that's good." I mumble with a nod, "let's go and eat lunch."

With that being said, Kaino and I walk to the dining table. While he takes a seat, I serve the food before sitting beside him. He takes a spoonful of hot soup and gulps it down before sighing. He then turns to me and nods at me.

"It tastes delicious." He complements with a smile before going back to eating.

As he eats I look at him instead of eating. Though he smiles at me, it doesn't feel the same as he always does. There's absolutely something bothering him, I can see it in his eyes. From the time we have been together and each second I spent with him, I understood what kind of person he is. For me he's like an open book. Whatever he feels, it reflects in his eyes, all his emotions. Whether he's happy, sad, hurt, tired everything I can read in his eyes.

But now I can't put a word to what his eyes are showing. It's like he's trying to hide it from me. I understood that and that's why this time I can't point out what he's feeling. There's pain but I feel there's something more than that. And I want to know what is causing him the pain. He's all but a good person. Whatever he can he'll always help others and he thinks of others well being before his. So, what or who made him feel pain? I absolutely hate what he's feeling and what I'm seeing on his face. I also hate that he's hiding it from me. I want him to tell me what's troubling him so that I can help him. He helped me a lot in this few months we have been together and made me what I'm today. If not him, I would have been lost by now.

So, now it's my turn to help him and let him know that there's someone who's always beside him and that someone is me. For him to know I would help him with anything he need.

I don't know if I could say this because it seems unbelievable even to me. Never in my life I thought I would come to love anyone apart from Zayn. From the time I have known him and being together with him, he has been my everything. I loved him more than my life and after losing him, I didn't see a reason for my living. I didn't just lose him but lost myself as well.

And that's when Kaino entered my life, he put my broken pieces of heart together and helped me gain back myself. He became my reason for living. He slowly but surely made his way into my heart and before I knew what's happening, I already started falling for him. Honestly that made me scared when I realized what I feel for him is just not gratefulness for helping me but something more than that. Something I never thought I could even feel for someone other than Zayn. I contemplated my feelings but as the days passed by, my feelings for him got more. I cried many times thinking that loving someone that isn't Zayn is like cheating on him.

I spent many days and nights thinking whether what I'm doing and feeling is right or not. Because it isn't been long since Zayn died but I'm already having feelings for someone when I swore that I can't love anyone the same as him. However, all my thinking went into drain and I realized one can't stop what their heart feels. And I'm the same, I can't stop my feelings for Kaino which are only increasing with each passing day.

I'm not feeling like this because Kaino looks like Zayn, no. Though they look same there's a huge difference in their personalities. In the beginning he did remind me of Zayn because of their resemblance but it didn't take much time for me to see the difference. He's a whole lot different from Zayn. He's calm, caring, kind and very helpful to everyone. I don't want to compare but Zayn was not like him. He did care, he was kind and helpful but that was only to his family and friends. He wasn't calm at all rather he was very loud and cheerful. They're both two different personalities, each unique in their own way. And I happen to fall for both.

It sometimes scares me what would Kaino think when he knows about my feelings to him. For him, I'm just his responsibility and he only married me because of the promise he made to his brother. Would he ever see me as his potential partner for life and come to love me at a point in life? I don't know. What if he leaves me after finding out my feelings for him? That would break me to the point where there's going to be nothing that could help me. I already lost my life once, if it happen to repeat, there's no way I would bounce back. The purpose of my life would come to an end all together. That's where I'm hesitant to let him know about my feelings. Maybe we could just stay the way we're now if it means I could have him all my life.

"Why are you not eating?" His sudden voice brings me out of my train of thoughts and I jerk a little as I was too deep into thinking.

"Parker, is something wrong?" He asks me worriedly while patting my back.

"Huh!! N-nothing, nothing is wrong." I say while grabbing the glass of water and gulping it down.

"You were spacing out without eating and when I called you, you jolted out as if you have been in trance." He states looking at me with concern.

The way he looks at me as if I'm his life and all the concern he shows does nothing but make my feelings grow towards him. I shake my head to stop those thoughts once again before answering him.

"I was just thinking about work which I'll be doing from tomorrow. Got lost in thoughts, that's all." I lie.

"Okay but don't worry much. It's going to be alright." He assures me, "let's eat."

With a nod at him, I start eating my food and he resumes his. We eat our lunch in silence and when we're done, together we wash the dishes and clean the table. For the remaining day, we don't talk much. As Kaino gets himself busy with his studies regarding new technologies and methods, I spend my time with pup in the garden. Sometime I play with him while the other time I take care of the garden. Now that I'll be going to work, I can't look after the garden like I did until know.

But as of now I don't need to appoint gardener because father said that for time being I can just go to the company and come back half day. I don't have to work there until the end of the day like everyone. It's only for time being though until I get used to it then I would have to work accordingly, like everyone. When I can't look after the plants and the garden anymore that's when I'll look for someone.

As the day goes by, the night turns dark as the moon and stars take their place. I cook dinner for us and feed pup with his food and put him to sleep. We then eat dinner before heading to bed. As we lay on the bed, each at the other end I couldn't bring myself to sleep. Whatever it is that's bothering Kaino is disturbing me. The whole day I kept thinking what could it be but I couldn't get an answer. I turn and lie on my side, facing him as I finally decided to ask him again hoping at least this time he would tell him.

When I face him I see that even he isn't sleeping. He did close his eyes as he laid on his back but the way his eyes are moving underneath his eyelids, I can say he's not sleeping yet.

"Kaino." I call him softly and wait for him to respond.

He slowly opens his eyes and turns to me, "what?"

"You know I can tell something is bothering you and I want you to know that whatever is disturbing you, you can tell me. If possible I'll help you. If I can't help at least sharing it with me will make you feel better." I tell him, staring straight into his eyes.

He stares right back at me and I see the wavering in his eyes. It's as if he wants to share with me but something is stopping him. For the first time, I see myself in him. Wanting help from someone but didn't let it out for reasons only he knows. Maybe because he don't want to burden others or don't need the pity which he would receive. And I understand it perfectly well as a person who has being through that phase. The desperate need of love and affection in his eyes which he's trying not to show, others may not see but I can see them clearly because I have experienced the same. At that moment I realized he's not going to tell me anything how much ever I ask him. So I only hope his troubles and pain to fade and for him to be back to normal.

"Come here." I whisper urging him to come to me as I move towards him.

He looks at me confused and takes few seconds trying to understand what I'm saying. But eventually he moves closer to me and I pull him to me as I embrace him. While wrapping one of my hand around his shoulder, I pat his hair with the other as he lies his head on my chest. I feel him release a sigh before his breath hits my clothed chest. He lazily drapes his hand around my waist as he snuggles closer to me. Few minutes later I feel him go lump against me as his breathing evens out. I place a gentle kiss on his head before I utter the words which I thought I was never going to say again to anyone.

"I think I love you, Kaino."