Lily&The Three Week Wait

"What do you mean he won't see me?" I'm pacing back and forth in front of Rita's desk. I'm pulling at my hair, biting my bottom lip, and trying not to have an all out temper tantrum in the middle of the office. I'm crying crocodile tears and shaking uncontrollably.

With a crack in my voice, "Rita please. I don't know what to do. I'm trying to do the best for my daughter."

That must have hit a nerve. One mother to the other. She gave me a huge hug, and laid my head on her shoulder. She grabbed my hand and slowly marched me over to Matt's office door.

"I led you here. Now you just have to walk through that door."

I twisted the knob and swung the door open.

In the firmest tone I was capable of, "Matt, we have to talk!!"

"You must think you are really something to just barge in here."

"You wouldn't listen to me otherwise."

"Who said I was going to listen to you?"

"Don't act like a child!"

"Speaking of children, I have one that you didn't tell me about."

I try to casually shut the door behind me as our voices were raised, and I didn't want this used as office gossip.

"Matt, Matilda Rose is your daughter."

I expected him to scream some obscenity at me. Instead he breaks down...like utterly breaks down. I've never seen a grown man guy cry like that, not even my father with all his OCD frustrations. Uncontrollable sobbing and trying to catch his breathe.

"Matt, I don't know where to start. I didn't think this day would ever come."

He was screaming in my face with his hand raised.

"So, you were never going to tell me. You crazy bitch!!"

I flinch, as I wasn't sure what he was going to do. I had never seen this version of Matt. I knew he could be full of vile, part of the reason I wanted to protect Mattie. I then drop to the floor and curled myself in a ball with my hands covering my head. The room goes silent.

"Lily, what are you doing?" His tone has softened.

"Lily, get up."

"Please, don't hit me, Matt. I know I deserve it. I'm just so sorry."

Matt falls to the floor. He lightly placed his palm on my back. We are both crying.

"Lily, how could you ever think that. I would never put my hands on you like that. I'm so lost. How do we right the wrong from the past five years?"

I uncover my head and make eye contact with him. Neither of us was moving from the floor.

"I didn't want to ruin your life, Matt. You had it all. All the money, power, and any woman you could have wanted. I didn't fit in that picture. I was trying to protect you and Mattie at the same time. I thought you would want Nadia's baby and not mine."

"All the firsts, Lily. I won't get those back."

"There can be new ones. How about this? Mattie loves to walk and play in Central Park. One Saturday, we can plan to meet there."

"This a temporary solution for a permanent situation."

"We have to start somewhere."

He got to his feet and reached a handful of tissues off his desk. He leaned down and handed me some. I wiped at the tears that kept coming. He offered his hand for me to stand. When I got to my feet and was staring at his eyes, I tried to read what he wanted to say next. He walked over to the door.

"Give Rita all of your contact info and the details on your way out. I'll be in touch soon."

How did he go from raising his hand to crying like a baby on the floor, and now a composed matter of demeanor? He was emotionally unstable like he had been years ago. It had a lot to do with keeping Mattie a secret. Now there's no going back. I have Rita all of my numbers. None of those numbers was used by Matt for two weeks.

I was trying to be patient and let Matt process everything. I would be lying though if I said that the passing of each day wasn't testing me. Was he taking his time lawyering up? Was he trying to pretend she didn't exist? Was he planning the perfect moment to his daughter for the first time?(other than the grocery store).

By the third Friday following our office confrontation, I had pretty much given up hope that Matt was going to contact me. Mattie had a field trip earlier that day, so she was tuckered out. She had zonked out at 7. I didn't dare wake her. My phone buzzed at 9. I picked up immediately without looking at the caller id. I assumed it was Tea calling for a mom vent session.

"Hey girl, how's it going?"

"Excuse me,?" blurted the person on the other end.

"Oh, I thought you were someone else. Who is calling?"

"It's Matt."

"Oh. Yeah. Hi Matt."

"Am I calling at a bad time?"

You know you had 3 weeks to call, but who's counting? Of course, I don't say that.

"No, it's fine. Mattie fell asleep kind of early after a long day at school."

"So, listen, Lily. I was thinking you could bring her to the park tomorrow to meet me."

Okay, nevermind. I couldn't keep silent about the 3 week gap of silence.

"Matt, what took you 3 freaking weeks to call?"

"How did I know you would say that? Are we going to go there? How come you took 5 years?"

Touché.

"Look, let's just cut the bullshit. We are free tomorrow. What time do you want to meet us?"

"How about 3pm? We can play and talk a little. Then if things are going well, we can get something to eat."

"Yeah, let's see how it goes, but 3pm is fine. We'll see you there. Wait for us around 3rd street."

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

That was it. He just hung up. Tomorrow at 3pm would determine from here on out.