Chapter 34

“Carter, I want it,” Emilia whispers. I grin and push into her slightly. She’s soaking wet and feels amazing. I’m scared I won’t be able to last more than a few seconds. I don’t want our first time to be over so quickly, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to control it.

Emilia gasps, her eyes widening. She’s tight around me, really freaking tight. I push into her a bit deeper and slide inside with relative ease. I pull back and then push into her all the way in one go. Emilia whimpers in pain and I freeze. Tears gather in her eyes and I panic.

“Baby, are you okay?” I whisper. She nods, but her face is scrunched up in agony. I don’t know what to do to make it better.

“Fine. I’m fine,” she lies. I lower my face to hers and kiss away her tears.

“We can stop, Minx. We don’t have to do this. If it hurts, let’s just stop.”

Emilia shakes her head and tangles her hands in my hair, grabbing tightly. She pulls my face to hers and kisses me, shutting me up. I hold myself up on top of her and kiss her slowly and sweetly. She relaxes underneath me after a couple of minutes and I pull back a little to thrust back into her. Her face scrunches up in discomfort, but at least it looks like she isn’t in pain anymore.

“Shit, Minx. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to do.”

Emilia throws her arms around me and shakes her head. “I’m okay. I want this, Carter. Please don’t stop now.”

I nod and thrust in and out of her slowly. I’ve been ready to come since the second I pushed into her. She feels amazing around me, so fucking tight and so ridiculously wet.

“I can’t, baby. I won’t be able to last long. I’m sorry,” I groan, dropping my forehead to hers. She giggles and kisses me. My restraint dissolves and I moan as I thrust into her harder and quicker.

Emilia looks into my eyes as I come harder than I ever have before. I moan her name and collapse on top of her, completely spent. She hugs me and I bury my face in her hair. “You always smell amazing,” I whisper.

Emilia laughs. “It’s the perfume you buy me every year. I love it.”

I inhale deeply and pull out of her. She looks surprised to find me softening, and I’m embarrassed. I turn around and grab a tissue from my pocket. The condom is coated with a small amount of blood, and I take it off carefully before joining Emilia on the blankets.

“That was probably much better for me than it was for you,” I say grumpily. She laughs and rolls on top of me while I reach for a blanket to cover us with.

“It was good,” she says, and I can’t tell if she’s lying. I feel both horrible and delighted at the same time. It was amazing for me, but I’m so embarrassed that I couldn’t make it good for her too.

I caress her body as we snuggle together. “I did sort of have hopes that we might do it,” I admit. “But I actually just wanted to talk to you and hang out with you.”

She rolls onto her side to look at me and throws her leg over mine. “I’m going to miss you, Emilia. I’m going to miss the way you mess with me, and I’m going to miss seeing you every day. I’m going to miss your smile and the random conversations we have.”

She looks sad and pulls me closer, hiding her face in my neck. “I’m going to miss you too, Carter. I’m so used to seeing you every day. Life won’t be the same without you. Will you call me when you’re away?”

I nod and lower my head to kiss her. Her lips linger on mine and I sigh. “Of course I’ll call you, Minx. We can video call and shit.”

She smiles and presses another kiss to my lips. I pull away a little to look into her eyes and inhale deeply. “I want to be with you, Emilia. I want you to be mine, officially.”

She looks at me with wide eyes and blinks. “Carter, you’re leaving soon,” she whispers. I drop my forehead to hers and sigh.

“I know, I know I am. But can’t we just try?”

She looks at me excitedly, but then her expression drops and I know she’s going to reject me.

“I want to, but it’s probably not a good idea,” she says. “Kate would never forgive me. She made me promise, you know. After the whole Gabby thing, she made me promise to never fall for you. I can’t break her trust like that, Carter. Especially not now that our friendship is finally recovering. Besides, your mom told us clearly that she didn’t want us dating either. We’d be breaking both their hearts, when we won’t even be able to be together. You’re going to be so far away that we won’t ever see each other. Besides… you’ll be at college. It’ll be different. You won’t want to be tied down by a girl in your little hometown.”

I’m worried about Kate and Mom too, but I truly believe they’ll get over it, eventually. She hasn’t said it, but I know Emilia is also worried that I’ll suddenly start drinking and sleeping around. As if I have time for that with my school workload and football.

“Emilia, you know I’d never cheat on you. In the last couple of months we weren’t even dating, yet I didn’t even look at any other girl. You’re the only one for me, Minx.”

She bites down on her lip and I see the insecurity in her eyes. “Carter, being in a long-distance relationship would be really hard. I’m worried we’d hurt your family if we dated and then broke up. I’m not sure my friendship with Kate would survive, and I’d be letting your mom down too. Your mom has never asked anything of me, you know? It’s bad enough that we’re going behind her back like this, but it’s something else entirely to start dating knowing we don’t have her blessing.”

I sigh and pull back, holding myself up on top of her. “Do you really think we can go back from this? That we’ll be able to act like we’re just friends now that we’ve slept with each other? I know you want me too, Emilia. I know you want to be with me. So, why won’t you? Kate will get over it, and I know Mom loves you enough to accept our choices. But, you know, we don’t even have to tell them if you’re worried about their reaction.”

She gulps and looks away. She seems torn, and I know I shouldn’t, but I blame my family for this. The main reason she won’t be with me is because of Mom and Kate. It doesn’t help that Emilia seems convinced I’ll forget about her once I go to college. Like that would ever happen. I wonder if she thinks that because of her mother. How do I make her see I’m not anything like that woman?

“We can, Carter. We can still be friends now. There are no hard feelings between us. I just… I don’t think we should date.”

My heart fucking shatters. I close my eyes and push away from her. I grab my clothes and get dressed in record time. I feel like I might actually cry. There’s nothing I want more in life than to be with Emilia. If she felt an ounce of what I feel for her, that’d be enough for me.

“Carter!”

I glance back at her and shake my head. “We would’ve been so good together, Emilia. If only you’d give us a chance.”

I walk away and run a hand through my hair, frustrated as hell. She broke my fucking heart, but I still want to go running back to her.