Chapter 29

I walk into the living room and smile when I see Carter lying on the couch. He’s wearing sweats and a tee, his hair a mess. He looks hot. He glances up when I walk in and smiles at me.

“Hey,” he says. I’m secretly thrilled to find him alone. I was hoping I would. Ever since my birthday, we haven’t been alone for a single moment. Every time I think we’ll have just a few seconds together, Kate interrupts us. It’s almost like she’s developed some sort of sixth sense that alerts her whenever Carter and I get too close. Or maybe it’s a sign. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me I’m doing the wrong thing here. I know I am, but it’s so hard to stay away from him.

“Come here,” he says, rising from his seat, his voice husky. I grin and run up to him, crashing into his arms. Carter laughs and wraps his arms around me, hugging me tightly. I rise to my tiptoes and he looks into my eyes. The way his eyes twinkle tells me he feels the same way I do. I just know it. “I can’t even remember the last time I got to hug you,” he whispers. “I miss you.”

I melt against him and tighten my grip. “I miss you too,” I whisper, truly feeling it as well. Even though I’m right here in his arms, it still feels like it isn’t enough.

Without overthinking it, I press my lips against his. Carter kisses me back instantly and I smile against his lips. I’ve wanted this for so long. He threads his hand through my hair and I sigh happily.

A door opens near us, and we jump apart. Helen walks in seconds later and pauses, her eyes jumping between us suspiciously. She looks at us through narrowed eyes, but thankfully ignores our awkward behavior. She hasn’t brought us dating up again, but almost getting caught reminds me it’s not just Kate I’m betraying. It’s Helen too.

“You’re here early, Milly. Kate is still asleep,” she tells me. I nod as though I didn’t already know that. She looks at Carter with raised brows. “And you’re up awfully early. Usually I can’t get you out of bed until noon.”

He looks away embarrassed and glances at me with a sweet smile on his face. Surely he isn’t up early because he too was hoping we might have a moment together? Carter shrugs and his mom shakes her head knowingly.

“Hungry?” she asks him. He looks at her in disbelief and she laughs. “Of course you are.” She tips her head towards the kitchen and we follow her in.

“You look beautiful,” he whispers. His eyes trace over the spaghetti straps on my dress, his eyes darkening instantly. It’s obvious what he’s thinking. If his mom wasn’t right here, he’d be pushing those straps out of the way. I glance down to find him hardening. He looks at his mom anxiously and then readjusts himself to hide his arousal. I burst out laughing and he glares at me, but I can’t help it.

“What are you doing today?” he asks, his eyes roaming over my body. I’m too embarrassed to admit that I dressed up for him.

“Nothing much. Kate and I said we’d hang out. Feels like we haven’t hung out in a while. I think she said she wanted to go shopping or something? I’m not too sure. I just want to spend some time with her. I miss our friendship and the way we used to be. She’s always been like a sister to me, but recently it’s almost like we’ve become strangers. I know hanging out won’t fix that, but I think it’ll be a step in the right direction.”

Carter sighs and shakes his head. “Minx, I don’t know. You’ll both need to put effort in, but her more so than you. You’re not the one that ditched her over Gabby, so don’t take on all the responsibility of saving your friendship. Kate needs to work at it too.”

Helen smiles at me and nods. “Carter is right. It breaks my heart to see what you two are like these days. You used to do everything together and now it’s like you barely know each other, but that isn’t your fault Milly. I saw how hard you tried and how Kate pushed you away. I’ve always said that I love you as my own daughter, and I mean that. Don’t ever feel obligated to remain friends with anyone that doesn’t treat you right – Kate included. My door will always be open to you, Emilia. I would love for you and Kate to go back to how you used to be, but I don’t want you to feel forced to do anything.”

My heart feels so full it might burst. I’ve known Helen for years, yet she never ceases to amaze me, she never fails to make me feel loved and welcome. I feel terrible for what I did on my birthday and then again this morning, after she asked us not to get together. I can’t believe I betrayed her the way I did when she’s only ever been amazing to me. I’m terrified of losing the only real mother I’ve ever really known, and this time I’ll be to blame. My heart hasn’t recovered from my own Mom leaving, and I don’t think I’ll survive losing Helen too. Especially if it’s because of my own actions.

Carter nods and hands me a glass of orange juice. Helen looks at us with wide eyes and I pause before taking a sip.

“You…” she says. “You didn’t put anything in Emilia’s glass, did you?”

I blink and look up at Carter suspiciously, but he shakes his head. Come to think of it, he hasn’t pulled a single prank on me lately, and I haven’t pulled any on him. Usually we’d never dare accept any food or drinks from each other. I take a cautious sip, but it doesn’t seem like there’s anything wrong with it.

Carter laughs and shakes his head. “I swear, Minx. I didn’t do anything,” he says. I look at him through narrowed eyes and hand him the glass.

“You drink half,” I order. Carter shrugs and empties half the glass in one go before handing it back to me.

I sip my orange juice in silence while Carter devours his breakfast, offering me a bite or two every once in a while. Eventually Kate comes storming into the kitchen. She looks surprised to find me here already, and I wonder if I’m being slightly suspicious.

“You’re here,” she says, glancing at the clock. It’s only eleven, and on weekends I usually don’t come over until one. I nod and move away from Carter to sit next to her instead. I see him frown from my peripheral vision but thankfully he doesn’t say anything.

“I was thinking of hanging at the shopping center today. I wanted to buy a new dress for my birthday. Maybe we can go to Starbucks too?”

I nod, already imagining the caramel frap I’ll have later. I can’t wait. I’m not a huge fan of shopping, but Kate’s obsessed with it.

“I’ll drive you. I need to drop by the shopping center to grab some sports gear anyway,” Carter says. Kate freezes and looks at him with furrowed brows before nodding slowly. She then looks at me, and my heart hammers in my chest. I have a feeling she might be onto us, and it terrifies me. Carter and I aren’t dating. We aren’t really anything, but our lips are definitely too intimately acquainted. Other parts of our bodies, too. I know we’ve already taken things too far, and I feel incredibly conflicted about it. I’m racked with guilt, but I also can’t stay away from him. It’s like he’s the air I need to breathe, and even though I try to resist, I feel like I’m not truly alive unless I’m with him.

I’m nervous as we make our way to Carter’s car and linger behind purposely so that Kate ends up in the backseat. I open the passenger door and she frowns at me.

“What are you doing?” she asks. I look at her in confusion and she throws me an annoyed stare. “Carter said the whole rule about one of us sitting in the front is out the window, right? Why would you sit in the front?”

I glance at Carter, and he looks as exasperated as I feel. He grits his teeth and is about to turn around to look at her, but I shake my head subtly to tell him to keep quiet. I sit down next to Kate and she smiles at me. Something is off, though. Her smile is somewhat calculative, and I’m worried she might know something.

Carter parks the car and Kate jumps out almost immediately. She pulls me along and waves at Carter. “Thanks, bro,” she shouts. “We’ll text you later to see if you’re near so we can hitch a ride home.”

Carter looks startled, and it’s obvious he was planning on spending some time with us, or with me, maybe. He nods at her and sighs before walking off in the opposite direction.

“That’s nice of him, to drop us off,” she says as she hooks her arm through mine. I nod, scared to reply too strongly. She seems on edge somehow.

“Don’t you think?” she adds. I nod again.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Kate laughs humorlessly. “I guess you’re used to it. When you’re around, he always drops us off. When I was with Gabby, he’d straight up refuse.”

Her words grate on me and I can’t help but want to stand up for Carter. “That has more to do with Gabby than it does with me. I’m not all over him like she always was.”

Kate looks at me with raised brows and an unamused smile. “Aren’t you?” she says. I bite down on my lip and shake my head. I’m unable to deny it vocally — I’m unable to lie straight to her face. Just a week ago I was touching Carter in places I shouldn’t have been. Just a week ago I was lying underneath him, and just this morning his lips were locked with mine.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t. You promised, after all. Our friendship would be over if you ever broke your word. I’m sorry, I know you’re not Gabby. I’m just thinking too much.”

I gulp and nod at her, trying my best to smile. I know Kate well enough to know this is a thinly veiled threat. I’d never risk my friendship with her or my relationship with Helen, which means I’ll have to work harder at letting go of Carter before it’s too late.