Chapter 53

I removed the contents of the trunk in the room I had inhabited two years ago and answered JiKyung’s call. He told me that JiHan had called him to come out and sensed trouble. He asked me if there was a problem between the two of us.

No wonder he had left the house after knocking on my door a couple of times. He had gone to meet with his brother. At least he didn’t go somewhere bad or weird. Feeling relieved, I told JiKyung what had happened.

After I told him my story, JiKyung said in a disappointed tone, “If you are going to run away from home, you might as well have left the house entirely. Running away to your room seems a bit pathetic.”

“If I had a family that would welcome me, I would have gone,” I said. “But, what could I do?”

“Go to a hotel or something,” he said.

“Hotels are expensive,” I replied.

“You make money now,” JiKyung said. “You’re worried about the cost of the hotel? I’ll give you the money, just go to a hotel.”

Why is he so adamant about me leaving? I wondered.

“Why would you pay my hotel costs?”

“If you’ve decided to put your foot down on the issue, make a definite impact. Be completely out of JiHan’s sight,” JiKyung insisted.

I didn’t particularly like that idea and shook my head. “No way. It would be different if I went to stay with my family. If I sleep somewhere else, he will worry.”

“That’s why I’m telling you to go,” he said.

My eyes widened at his advice. “What are you talking about?”

“I couldn’t have paid money to see you two fighting,” he said. “I’d like to enjoy this chance to its fullest extent.”

“I can’t believe you...”

“Good luck. Don’t lose to him, and give him hell. It be fun for the solos to watch.” JiKyung seemed to be enjoying this quite a bit. “Oh, JiHan’s arrived. I’m hanging up. I’ll call you again later.”

Before I could reply, JiKyung hurriedly hung up. I took the phone away from my ear and put it in front of my eyes. I wrote out the message I was unable to say out loud.

[Please don’t give my husband anything unhealthy to eat.]

***

I met up with my brother and visited the various eateries. I bought all the sweet desserts I could find. Macaron, cake, candy, ice cream... Both my hands were filled with the bags of dessert. I had to borrow my brother’s two hands to help me carry them all.

After completing our shopping, I got into my brother’s car, opened the ice cream packaging, and spilled out my frustrations.n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

“How could my AhJung do this to me?” I spoke while shoving the ice cream into my mouth. The cold gave me brain freeze. Not minding it, I chewed even more furiously.

“You think I enjoy not being able to do what she wants to do?” I asked as my mouth emptied. I scooped up the remaining ice cream and emptied that as well.

“Then why don’t you just do it for her?” my brother asked me as he drove.

Enraged, I swallowed the ice cream without even chewing. “I would if this wasn’t such a huge issue. Who in the world would love my AhJung like I would? I love my AhJung more than she loves herself! Don’t I? Have you seen anyone? Anyone that love her more than I do. Did you!”

“I don’t want to...” my brother mumbled with a sigh.

“If someone like me told her that many times that we can’t, then there must be a valid reason,” I said. “Why doesn’t she realize that? It’s not like I didn’t explain it? I even presented the information with pictures and references so it would be easy for her to understand. The things that a woman would have to sacrifice, the pain she must endure. I explained it all. Why can’t she understand? My decision was made with her in mind!”

Not only did I feel betrayed, but it also hurt. Then, she went and locked the door and ignored my knocks. I opened the box of candy to relieve my stress. As if it was a pill, I popped one of the candies into my mouth.

“So? You ran away to get back at your wife who ran away to the room next door?”

I nodded at my brother’s spot on observation. I swallowed the candy and said, “I’m going to sleep at your house today.”

“What?”

“I’m not going back home until my AhJung waves her white flag and surrenders her need to get pregnant,” I said.

“So... You’re going to stay at my house?” My brother didn’t look so thrilled with the idea. It was as if my being there would be uncomfortable for him.

Not only my one and only wife, but my brother too is abandoning me!

I yelled at my brother as sorrow and betrayal filled me, “How could you do this to your own brother?”

***

I opened a can of soda as I sat in my brother’s living room. I sat on the floor leaning against the sofa with the table full of cake and macarons.

“Why don’t you just drink actual alcohol. Why are you sitting there drinking soda like it’s beer.” My brother wagged his tongue at me as I sat there gulping down my soda.

The carbonation stung my nose and I frowned. “Soda is better. It’s unhealthy for you, and it doesn’t taste good. What’s the point of drinking alcohol?”

“And, sweets are healthy for you?” he asked.

“I might as well ruin my body with something that tastes good rather than ruining it with something that tastes bad,” I said lightly while taking another sip. A sudden thought hit me. “But why are you still living here? Weren’t you going to move because of your scam artist ex? He’s not bothering you?”

“I left it empty for a couple of months after you and AhJung moved out, so he thinks I’ve completely moved out,” he said. “After he found out you were my brother, he said he didn’t want to be with someone with a brother like you. That’s what he wrote in his last email. He hasn’t contacted me since.”

“How dare he tell you he doesn’t like you,” I said. “Like he deserves to even have a choice!”

My brother laughed at my irritation and reached out his hand toward the table. He grabbed one of the many cans, and opened it.

“In your opinion, do you think there is someone out there who is an appropriate match for me?” he asked.

“What?”

“You think that I’m the most perfect person in the world,” he said.

“Are you not?”

My brother laughed again and sipped his soda. “Whether that’s true or not, that is what you think. Therefore, in your eyes, there will never be a person that will be worthy of me.”

“You just haven’t met them yet,” I said. “Someone as perfect as you.”

My brother shook his head at my statement. “The person that matches with me is not necessarily a person that is as perfect as me.”

“Then? Is it someone that’s more perfect than you?” I asked.

“No. It’s just someone who makes me happy when I’m with them,” he said.

“That’s the same thing. Meeting a person as perfect as you will lead to you being the happiest,” I said.

My brother shook his head again. Then, a bit bitterly, he said, “It might be because I’ve spent my life trying to fulfill the role of a father figure. I tend to fall for those who allow me to be childish, reckless, and immature. A person who doesn’t have the expectations as others do of me. I am the happiest when I’m with this sort of comfortable person.”

This was an unexpected truth. In all my memories, my brother had always been perfect. He was always dependable. It was as if he had been perfect from birth. By my mother’s standards, he was the very best. So, I had always believed that my brother’s perfect match would have to be as perfect as he was.

But this. Stick a pair of eyes on his feet, and that’s how high my brother’s standards are.

“At this rate, you’re going to meet another dud. How are your requirements for choosing a partner so feeble? You should be looking far into the future for someone that will be perfect with you together. Why are you trying to find someone that will crumble your perfection?” I asked distastefully.

My brother laughed and placed his hand on my head. As he pet my head, he said, “JiHan. Your version of my happiness is different from how I feel happiness. You may be cold to strangers, but to the ones you care about, you pour your heart and soul into them. You make sure the ones who are dear to you will be happier than anyone by ensuring they live a perfect life. So, you draw up a picture of what you think is a perfect life for them and then force them to live by it.”

“I do that?” I asked questioning it’s validity.

My brother removed his hand and answered earnestly, “That’s the reason you were so insistent on disapproving of my marriage with AhJung. You believed that this marriage didn’t fit your version of a perfect life for me. That’s why you were against it.”

“That’s true.” I nodded, unable to find fault in his argument.

“Isn’t the reason you are telling AhJung to not have a baby the same thing?” he asked. “If AhJung gets pregnant, she will have to endure hardships. Your picture of the perfect life for AhJung didn’t include a baby. So, you decided on this picture you created and told her to abide by it.”

This was another truth I couldn’t find fault in. Hearing it like this makes it sound like this was my fault. The only reason I planned the perfect life for my AhJung was because I care for her more than she did herself. What’s wrong with that? In the end, it’s meant to make my AhJung live the most happiest version of her life.

I kept my mouth closed and frowned as I felt a pang of guilt.

“Of course, up until now, you acting this way didn’t present a problem because, fortunately, your judgement was correct in making your AhJung happy,” my brother said. “But, JiHan, your judgement will not always be right. Just as your judgement about my happiness was wrong. No. Even if your judgement is always correct, you still shouldn’t force anyone to go along with your one-sided decisions. That is disrespecting that person’s freedom of choice.”

Freedom of choice... My AhJung’s voice streaked through my head.

“No! You don’t discuss these things with me! You shouldn’t be determining the future for me. I have a right to make the choices for my future also!”

Choice. Yes, my AhJung’s complaint had also been about her choice.

Like my brother said, I had been disrespecting my AhJung’s freedom of choice. Even so, did this warrant me getting criticized for it? If my judgement is right, then isn’t it better for AhJung to follow through with it to find the best road to happiness. Plus, I will do my best to make sure I am right.

I understood what my brother was saying, but wasn’t this a necessary evil? It might look to be a flaw, but it fulfilled a definite need. So, there’s no reason for me to get rid of this attribute entirely.

“But... But, I let her choose so many other things,” I said trying to persuade my brother, certain my way was right. “I’m only against the one thing, her pregnancy. This is the only thing I can’t approve of. And, it’s all because I care for her. I don’t want her to do it because I know it will cause her hardship. Why do I have to give her permission for it? She can give up this one thing and just do as I say.”

My brother looked at me dazed after hearing my speech. It was as if he thought it was interesting. “Now that I think about it, you’re just like our mother.”

Upon hearing these words, my heart dropped.