Chapter 34

I wake up before Jeff, gasping for air. I had another nightmare.

It was of my mother.

It was her face, her voice, her tears, her cries, and her screams.

Now awake, I can still see her, when closing my eyes. It’s a cold, burning after-image, that won’t go away.

There was another dream though.

It was about Hayes.

This made me feel even worse, because I felt this before. I’m not supposed to feel this.

I look at the stain on my pants. I feel sticky, and dirty, again. I want to cry for dreaming about Hayes that way. I’m crying now.

But, I make sure to cry far away from Jeff.

I grab my bag from Rochelle’s room. I see both her and Hayes cuddled together on her bed, they were still sleeping. I watch for a while, until it makes me sad.

The sun hasn’t risen yet, the air was cold, and the room was blue, quiet, and lonely.

When I get too sad, I go to the guest bathroom, and turn on the shower.

The steam clouds the bathroom. It warms me.

I drop my dirty clothes and stuff them in my bag. I’m gross again, it feels like, I’m a bad person for, feeling.

I am a bad person.

I get in the shower, and stand around for a while, hugging my-self. I’m too afraid to close my eyes, too afraid to see the images of my mother. I’m too ashamed of what I’d dreamt of Hayes, last night.

I’m too sad to stand in the shower, I squat, when I want to cry.

I’m crying now.

I cry for a while, letting the water wash away the tears. When the shower’s over, I want the thoughts to be over, too.

I want to hide this from everyone, even Rochelle. I’m going to cre-ate another secret and lie, to cover, a darker one.

I get out of the shower, but the sadness doesn’t go away.

I wrap myself in a towel and look for clothes. Each drawer I open in this bedroom, squeaks. Each squeak meant the drawer was empty.

There’s a mirror in front of me. I look at it, scrunching my hair. The pit in my stomach starts to come back. The air starts to fade.

It was too quiet, the room was too green and dark, I was too much in my thoughts.

I slam the drawers, when I can’t find anything. I didn’t want to go back into Rochelle’s room. It hurt too much. I hate that I felt this.

I bite my lip and try to calm this panic I felt.

“Alex.” Hayes walks into the room.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

I cover my face and shake my head. Hayes tries to hug me, but I push away.

I give him a hug, once the tears start to fall.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I cry.

“It’s okay Alex.” He says.

As I’m hugging Hayes, the water drips from my hair, onto Hayes’s shirt, then disappear onto the white carpet. This calms me.

He rubs my back, I feel his warmth through the towel. I get chills from the memories. I let go of him and wipe my face.

“I have to change.” I stutter.

I grab my bag and leave him there. I go to Rochelle’s room and grab clothes to wear. She’s still asleep.

I’m wearing a hoodie, and sweats now. I changed in the washroom downstairs. I was too afraid to see Hayes again.

I watch movies and lay by Jeff’s side, playing in his hair, until he wakes up.

You Saved Me Once Book 1 Chapter 33: 17You Should Know worlds apart Chapter 76: Episode 75 The Witches Chapter 23: Meeting With Moxie You Saved Me Once Book 1 worlds apart The Witches