2.5 - Waking Up

~~*~~

When Jim finally started to stir that morning, his brain fogged over with the familiar hungover headache. Out of it from sleep and the remnants of his poor decisions, when he felt his arm wrapped around someone in the same bed as himself, he thought for a moment that the foggy memories from the night before were just a nightmare. That he hadn't fucked up so bad and hurt his angel.

But then he opened his eyes and realised that, if it was all a dream, he was still asleep.

Looking around, he realised he had woken up in the semi-familiar room of Gaila, the small Orion girl sleeping happily next to him.

Damn it. Clenching his eyes shut to try a numb the pain he now thought he deserved to feel, Jim felt stupid. He was an idiot. He knew he should have left the bar right after Cali did. He knew if he got drunk, he'd end up in someone's bed. But he had been in pain, remembering the deadly calm of Cali's expression, the ice in his usually electrifying blue eyes.

He hadn't wanted to listen to his common sense. He just wanted to drown his mind in shots and listen to Gaila's sugary words of comfort. It had made him blind.

Still feeling like a massive piece of shit, Jim barely registered when Gaila started stirring, only noticing when she opened her eyes and smiled over at him, wishing him a good morning. But it wasn't a good morning. Not for him. She looked a lot happier than Jim did, ecstatic that Jim had turned to her for comfort, thinking that maybe he did love her back. He really had to stop seeing her. She'd already fallen for him and he was gonna break her heart. He'd break everyone's hearts. It was better to do it sooner rather than later.

Sitting up quickly, Gaila frowned slightly. "Are you okay?" she asked in concern, watching him as he got out of bed and started gathering his clothes.

"No," he denied, unable to hide the disgust at himself from his voice, "I need to go."

Gaila quickly sat up in the bed, looking at Jim in confusion and hurt at his reaction. Why did he want to leave her so fast? "What? But—"

She was interrupted as Jim finished putting on his clothes, never having dressed so quickly, and started rushing out of the room.

"Jim!" she called, but he didn't turn, leaving her dorm causing the girl to stare at the closing door in with wide watery eyes.

Jim rushed out of the girl's dorm building, trying to get to his own room as fast as he could. He needed to talk to Bones. As he ran, he pulled out his communicator to see if Cali had called or messaged him.

A small bubble of hope rose for a moment when he say that he did have a message, but it was burst quickly when it turned out to be an academy wide notice about a meeting they were all required to attend at 1000 hours. He honestly didn't know what he expected. He knew he'd fucked up beyond fixing. He'd hurt Cali badly. He shouldn't have expected that his angel would call first. Suddenly he remembered what Cali said last night before he left.

"I think it's best if we don't see each other for a while."

It made his stomach twist uncomfortably. God. Jim really had fucked up. He shouldn't have lied. Shouldn't have tricked him. He didn't realise it would affect Cali so much. But he should have. He knew Cali was such a trusting person and wouldn't question him. He probably would have helped either way. He was such a beautiful person like that.

But that didn't matter now. Jim had betrayed him. He knew their relationship revolved around talking to each other. And Cali always talked to him. Even things he didn't actually want to talk about. He should have known lying would have hurt him. Even if it wasn't about the relationship. God, but now it was. Not only had he hurt Cali, but he'd cheated now too. He had to tell him about Gaila at least, even if Cali didn't forgive him, he couldn't cheat on him to add onto how much he'd fucked up. No, he couldn't do that.

He really needed to talk to Bones.

~~*~~

As soon as Jim got back to his dorm, he saw Bones getting dressed for the day, obviously having only recently woken up as well. Bones looked over at Jim as he entered and smiled over, having missed his friend's distressed expression in his quick look as he went back to his dressing. "Hey, you at Cali's last night?" he asked, having expected to see at least one of the two back in their dorm when he got home that night, not having seen them since the Kobayashi Maru that afternoon and wanting to talk to Jim about what he had done.

"No." Jim replied, still standing in the doorway looking broken. His small reply made Bones look over, slightly confused.

"Oh, I thought you two were out celebrating?"

"Bones... I fucked up."

Suddenly looking over his friend, Bones wondered how he had missed the signs. Jim was standing a there looking like a mess. His clothes were haphazardly put on, the same he likely wore the night before to the bar, his face looking so distressed, eyes wide and watering slightly. "Shit Jim, what did you do?" he questioned, immediately frowning in concern. What could have possibly done to look so broken?

"I hurt him... He was so mad." He replied, locking eyes with Bones.

"Okay, slow down. Tell me what happened."

And so, he did. He told him how he had cheated on the test with help from Gaila and Cali. Told him how the two had lied to Cali about what he has helping him on. Told him how he betrayed him. How Gaila had let it slip in the bar when she bumped into them celebrating. How angry Cali looked. What he had said to him. How he had ended up getting drunk and landing himself in Gaila's bed.

He told him everything.

By the time he was done, Jim was close to tears. Bones stayed quiet through the whole explanation. Though Jim could tell how angry his friend was getting at him. He deserved it. They both really cared for Cali.

After a moment of silence, Bones suddenly moved, walking to the door, leaving Jim alone in the dorm with his thoughts without a word. His legs felt like they were going to give out under him. And they did. He fell back onto his bed and let some of his angry tears fall. How could be so fucking stupid?

~~*~~

Cali woke up that morning at eight the next morning, according to his clock on the wall opposite his bed, after a three-hour nap. He had gotten back to his apartment at about five after a slow walk from Spock's classroom and had fallen back asleep almost instantly. He hadn't realised how tired he really was when the Vulcan had gently woken him up after he had fallen asleep briefly on his floor. Cali probably would have slept longer if it weren't for someone knocking on his front door.

Quickly getting out of his warm fur covered bed, Cali shook off the chill he felt over his chest and back as he realised he was topless. Though, he couldn't remember when he had taken it off, obviously having done so in a sleepy daze. But he didn't really care, he wasn't really a physically self-conscious person, only around his own species due to his Singularis Mark, especially since he still wasn't fully awake. He was still in a bit of a tired daze and it seemed his emotions hadn't woken up yet, feeling nothing but the cold.

As he finally opened his door, he was somewhat confused to see Bones. He shouldn't have been too much, there being about three people who knew where he lived. After blankly looking at the older man for a moment, who was looking back at him in concern, Cali shrugged and moved out of the way of the door to silently invite him in, guessing he was there for a reason.

Taking the invitation, Bones entered, looking around the apartment for a moment. He'd been there before a few times, but only been inside once the night that he had escorted Cali home from the Vulcan's classroom. He had been too focused on Cali that night to look around the rather nice-looking apartment.

As he came to a stop just behind the sofa, he watched as Cali left the room and went into one to the side. Bones could see through the open door that it was his bedroom, a very different looking room to the rest of the flat. As Cali came back out, with a shirt in his hands that he was putting on as he walked past the doctor to the other side of the room, Bones followed him with his eyes. It was obvious to the man that the silverette had only just woken up and let him do whatever in silence until he felt ready to acknowledge his presence.

As he got to the kitchen, Cali turned back to Bones with a raised eye brow, questioning if he wanted anything, but Bones just shook his head and Cali turned back to the replicator and typed in his order. A semi-opaque crimson tinted drink in a clear glass materialised and Cali took a sip before turning around and finally speaking, "What's up Bones?"

"Jim told me what happened, figured I should make sure you're okay." He answered, looking over at the other man leaning against the kitchen counter in concern, "He told me before you don't have many friends, so I wanted to make sure you had someone to talk to."

"That's sweet, darling," Cali replied dozily, managing an actual small smile at Bones' concern, his emotions slowly starting to work again, "I spoke to someone last night, got most of my thoughts in order."

"Good." Bones nodded, "How are you feeling about it now?"

Cali paused for a moment. He didn't really know how he was. Sure. He didn't feel so angry anymore, but it was still there along with his disappointment. But so was the unbreakable want to be near his partner. Deciding to avoid the question, he asked his own, "How is he?"

"You first." Bones countered quickly, able to tell that Cali was just avoiding talking about himself.

"Better than last night." He admitted, looking up at Bones still standing expectantly at the back of his couch, he wanted a better answer than that. Sighing and taking another sip of his baca berry juice, Cali tried to think of a way to continue. "It's stupid. If it were my last partner, or any of my last partners, I would take this as a sign that it wasn't going to work and end things. But with Jim, I find myself wanting to forgive him so bad. I find myself needing him so bad..."

"If it makes you feel any better about it, he feels the same. We don't really talk about romance much, mainly cause I've never had to with him being a playboy, but he does genuinely love you, more than I think he's ever loved anyone. Romance is new to him. Boys even newer." Bones explained on Jim's behalf. He cared for both of the men and knew that he hadn't seen them happier than around each other, of course with the exception of Cali when he was around his other love interest since the man always felt more complete surrounded by all of his loves.

"I know..." Cali frowned, looking down at the somewhat reflective surface of his drink and sighing, "I should talk to him before later."

"Don't know what later is, but I think talking is the best choice, he's in our room, trying to deal with his hangover."

"Thank you Bones, you're a good friend."

"No problem Cal."

~~*~~

As Cali got to Jim and Bones', he knocked immediately, but didn't announce himself with words, not sure if Jim would answer if he knew it was him after what he had said the night before. After a moment, he heard Jim call him in. Cali could hear in Jim's voice how bad he felt. Though from the hangover or his emotions, Cali couldn't be sure.

As he entered, he could see Jim slouched over on his bed, not looking up yet as he held his head in his hands. But when he does look up, wide eyes meeting Cali's calm ones, Cali could see the emotions plain on his face. The guilt, shame, shock, and confusion.

Cali decided to start, giving a small sad smile to try, and put Jim more at ease. "Hey Love."

"What are you--?" Jim questioned, cutting himself off as he stared wide eyed at Cali still stood in the closed doorway. "I thought you didn't want to see me."

"I didn't last night. But this morning, I found myself missing you."

"Same... So much."

Sighing with a sad smile, Cali looked over his partner sat tensely on his bed. "Listen, you hurt me."

"I know, I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot." Jim replied immediately, looking away.

"You betrayed my trust, which is a big thing for me, you know this."

"I know."

"But even so, I can't make myself hate you when I find myself begging to forgive you."

"What?" Jim questioned, looking up with shocked eyes, not believing the words he was hearing.

"I don't normally give second chances, but I want to." He went on, making eye contact with Jim so he could see the weight behind his words, "This once, with you."

"Really? But I—"

"I know." Cali interrupted, knowing what Jim was worried about, "Even so. Let's try move past it. But if you do anything like this again. No more chances. You've already got more than I normally give."

"I promise I won't be stupid again."

Cali let out a light laugh, tilting his head slightly, "Please, do you realise who you are, you can't promise that Love, just promise to talk to me next time. Give me a choice."

"I promise... I..." Jim went off, looking at his lap again, suddenly remembering that he had also cheated on Cali. He didn't deserve a second chance.

"Love?" Cali questioned, moving closed to he was knelt in front of Jim, his hands on Jim's knees as he tried to look into his eyes to work out what had caused him to shut down again.

"I don't deserve this. When I was drunk last night, I slept with Gaila."

"Okay." Cali nodded, appreciating Jim telling him even if he didn't really care. He had already assumed they likely would have stayed at the bar together.

"What? Just okay? But... I cheated." he questioned, looking up to meet Cali's understanding eyes with a furrowed brow and open mouth.

"Cheating is more than just being with someone else. Cheating is about not talking. It's about lying and hiding the fact that you were with someone else. You didn't try to hide it. You told me as soon as you were able. So, you shouldn't feel guilty about it."

"What on Earth did I do to deserve you?"

"You were you." He smiled gently, standing up just enough to sit down on Jim's bed next to his partner and lean in close. Jim immediately reacted, wrapping an arm around Cali's waist, and hugging him close, so relieved to have him.

The two stayed there sat on the end of Jim's bed, just thankful to be in each other's arms, for several minutes before Cali's communicator went off at 0900. An alarm meant to remind him about the disciplinary set for Jim, though his partner didn't know that that was what it was for.

Since he had left his apartment in a rush, still wearing his clothes from the night before and a random top he had pulled out of his wardrobe, Cali borrowed a set of Jim's uniform, though the shirt was very slightly too large. Jim too changed since he had yet to that morning after arriving back at his dorm.

As they did, Jim watched Cali carefully, trying to examine him to see if he was really alright. Although Jim knew that Cali had had a period where he didn't have enough energy to fake his usual happy self, he also knew that he was a lot better at it than he let on a lot of the time meaning he could still be upset even if he wasn't. Not getting any answer from watching him, Jim decided to ask. "Are you actually okay?"

Looking over at Jim as he put back on his shoes, Cali smiled questioningly, not understanding why he'd ask, "Yeah love, I said I was."

"I know but I also know you like to pretend you're okay and that you're really good at it so." Jim explained causing Cali's smile to fade slightly, but it was still there.

"I'm okay." He replied, standing back up straight so he could meet Jim's eyes, "I promised you I'd try and be more honest with my feelings with you and I have."

"I know, and you've been really good with it but with everything else as well..." He went on, still looking a little worried.

Although Cali was appreciative of Jim's worry, he didn't really want to think about it right now. He had had such a nice time with Spock when he had gone to him for help. It was like they were back to before everything happened. But that was likely the last time they would be able to act like that, having to return to ignoring each other again for the sake of their careers.

He wasn't sure if it was better ending things between them on a low note, so it was more final as it had seemed before, or on a high like the night previous, that gave them both some sort of hope that things could be like they were once again. It made Cali's head hurt and he smiled reassuringly over at Jim, though his tone did show a sliver of his real confliction. "I don't want to talk about that right now."

"Okay." Jim nodded, respecting his boundaries. If he weren't ready to talk, he wouldn't push. "I love you."

"I love you too Jim."

~~*~~

Translations

Baca means berry.

Yes, I did decide that Cali favourite drink from Donum is called berry berry juice. You should know by this point that I have absolutely no creativity when it comes to naming things.