Twelve - Vivaan

A/N:  I'm not very well aware of the residency protocols in India. The details in this chapter are based on my limited knowledge and I may have used a bit of creative license. I apologize in advance for any incorrect details. Do let me know if you find any errors. Would love to learn about the system in India; and also make corrections here! Enjoy the update!

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"So, are you ready to meet my friends?" Vivaan asked as they neared the hospital.

"Yes, although I don't know if I can make as lasting an impression on them as you made on my friends." Payal quipped. She turned toward him momentarily, smiling a quick smile to imply she was joking.

Vivaan watched her as she drove. In the light of the setting sun, Payal's face was reflected in a soft golden glow, which muted the sharp arches of her face and made her eyes stand out more – her warm, deep brown and inviting eyes, which made him want to stare into their depths for hours together. And she thinks she can't make a lasting impression.

"You'll do fine." He told her, briefly squeezing her hand which was on the gearstick.

Since a lot of people wanted to meet Payal, it was decided that the 'meet and greet' would happen in the canteen near the residency wing. Adi had messaged Vivaan five minutes ago that everyone was there, except for the department chief, Dr. Verma, who was still performing a surgery.

"I live in the hospital more often than I stay at home since I started the residency." Vivaan said as he guided Payal toward the back entrance of the hospital. "In a way, you are visiting my home today."

Payal smiled up at him as she finished parking the car. "So, this is my grihapravesh?" she asked amused, making Vivaan laugh. (grihapravesh - a ceremony where the bride enters her marital home for the first time post marriage.)

"Not yet, no. We need to get married for that." He said.

"It's still special to me." Payal countered. "This is also your family. A family you chose. Just like my friends are my family. So, I'm meeting your second family today."

"That is the right answer, my lady." Adi had stepped out to welcome Payal and seemed to have heard the tail end of the conversation.

Payal smiled. "Hi Adi. Nice to meet you in person." She held out a hand.

Adi shook it enthusiastically. "Nice to meet you in person too! Come on in!" he led her into the canteen and Vivaan followed them, shaking his head at his best friend's antics.

"Payal, meet our colleagues – Suhani, a second-year resident in OB-GYN; Nitya, a first-year resident in radiology and that's Vidya ma'am, she's our senior, having completed her post graduation in anesthesiology just recently." Vivaan introduced Payal to everyone.

"My department chief, Dr. Verma is are currently in surgery, so it will be a while before he's done." He continued.

"Vivaan bhaiya!" Vivaan turned around to see Akshay entering the canteen.

"Right on time, champ!" Adi ushered him inside to where Vivaan and Payal were standing. Vivaan smiled, putting an arm around the young doctor whom he had grown close to over the last month.

"Payal, this is Akshay. He's an intern in our department for this month." Vivaan introduced.

"Hello." Payal greeted everyone. "It's really nice meeting you all."

"So, you are Payal." Vidya ma'am stepped up to where Payal was standing beside Vivaan. "We've heard a lot about you; Vivaan doesn't stop talking about you."

Payal smiled. "I hope you've heard good things about me, then." Payal joked, throwing a sidelong glance at Vivaan, causing others to laugh.

"Oh, don't worry. You have him wrapped around your fingers." Vidya ma'am played along with Payal.

As they sat and ordered some tea and coffee and snacks, Vivaan was happy to see how easily Payal gelled in with his friends. She had a witty response to all of Adi's jokes, and seemed to hold a conversation with Suhani on labor room duty just fine, even though she probably had no idea about the specifics.

"Just out of curiosity, how will you know if bhaiya does say something bad about you to us?" Akshay asked Payal as they were eating.

"Your bhaiya rarely comes out of the hospital. So, I have decided to make you the spy here. You will keep me posted." Payal said, a teasing smile on her face.

"Really?" Akshay asked, amused.

"Of course. Anyway, that is my complaint with you all." Payal continued to joke. "You guys, and your seniors, tum log Vivaan ko kabhi hospital se baahar hi nahi aane dete. Mujhe video call se kaam chalaana padta hai." (You guys never let him come out of the hospital. I have to make do with video calls).

"Your fiancée doesn't seem very happy to see you at work for such long hours, Vivaan. Are you sure about your choice?" Vidya ma'am said, stern all of a sudden.

"Sorry?" Payal's smile dimmed a little.

"You are a lawyer, aren't you?" Vidya ma'am asked. "You have it so easy. Draft a couple of papers, go before a judge and speak your thoughts out. If you win, awesome, if you don't, then better luck next time. You wouldn't understand what it's like to work in 18-hour shifts, with barely any breaks in between."

Vivaan was still in shock at what his senior was saying. He had no idea what caused Vidya ma'am to talk to Payal like this.

"I'm sorry if I said something that has upset you. I was only teasing Vivaan and did not intend to disrespect anyone." Vivaan snapped back to awareness when he heard Payal speaking. "But I cannot stand anyone disrespecting my profession or my work." Her voice was calm, and yet, Vivaan knew Payal was agitated.

"It is true that only a doctor can understand the nature of work and hardship faced by another doctor. Vivaan has long shifts, and since he is a resident, he cannot leave the hospital for long periods of time. When he does get an off, he may get emergency calls any time. Whatever he is doing, wherever he is, he will have to drop it and come to the hospital when that happens. He can never be completely open about his work because of patient confidentiality. His job has a low pay and not much recognition either, but everything is worth it when the patient is cured and is pronounced healthy." Vidya ma'am said to Payal. "The difference in your professions is huge. How will you breach that divide? How can you understand the difficulty of his job and profession when you don't face it yourself? I have seen it myself; such relationships don't last very long."

"Ma'am, this is not fair!" Adi started to protest, but was cut off by Payal.

"I know there will be times when he has to rush to the hospital in the middle of our date; but there will also be days I can't talk to him the whole day because I was preparing documents and briefs for a client. I know that he can't tell me everything about his professional life due to patient confidentiality, just as I can't tell him about my professional life because of client confidentiality. I know I can never understand exactly how Vivaan feels when a patient is healthy once again because of him; just as he can never understand exactly, how I feel when a client is able to close a deal due to my negotiation skills. It is how it is. If I can't understand the challenges that Vivaan faces at work, Vivaan can't understand my challenges at work either. So, I'd appreciate it if we don't talk about each other's professions when we don't know what the nature of work is." Payal argued.

"But that doesn't mean we aren't compatible." Payal continued as there was pin drop silence around the table. "The professional divide you are talking about does not bother me, Vidya ma'am. It doesn't matter that I don't know what caused him to have a hard day at work; I only need to know that I can make it better by sharing a cup of coffee with him and comforting him with a hug. And where we can't discuss things with each other, that is exactly where our colleagues come in. It's why we have friends and co-workers. But at a personal level, I don't see why we can't be compatible if we understand each other and talk to each other." Payal finished.

Vivaan had never seen Payal as a lawyer before. But now, he saw why the career suited her. Her points were crystal clear and she spoke without accusation, making her statement like it was plain fact. If this was how she argued on the spot, Vivaan couldn't imagine how it would be when she was prepared with her arguments. He was also filled with a sudden pride with the way she took a stand for their relationship. He agreed with her wholeheartedly.

Vidya ma'am was silent for a moment or two. "Never lose this fire within you, Payal." she spoke with a smile and Vivaan realized she was testing Payal. "I apologize for my behavior. Vivaan is more a younger brother to me than a junior. It was out of concern for him that I had to test you. But I was very harsh with you and for that, I apologize."

Turning to Vivaan, she placed a hand on his head, ruffling his hair. "You have my stamp of approval. She's perfect for you." She said, while others around the table shouted with happiness.

Payal seemed shocked at the sudden change of behavior. Vivaan quickly squeezed her hand under the table. She smiled at him then, still a little uncertain, but happy nonetheless. Whatever little uncertainty was left was gone when Vidya ma'am pulled Payal in for a warm hug.

***

"So, there is an entire wing for residents alone?" asked Payal, as they walked along a long corridor.

"Yes. We have dorms too, but that I'll show you another day." Vivaan said, as he led her inside the building and toward the cabins.

"Because your room is very dirty right now?" Payal teased.

After the gathering at the canteen, Vivaan had taken Payal to meet Dr. Verma, his department chief. His friends were all back at work now, but Vivaan wanted to show Payal his workspace too, which was how they were in the residency wing.

"Because my roommate has an off day and has his girlfriend over. We might be unwanted intruders if we go there now." He answered, enjoying the embarrassment on her face as she realized the meaning of his words.

They finally reached his cabin door. "This is my 'office'." He quipped at Payal, making her laugh.

It was a simple room, with a table large enough for six people in the center. On one side of the wall were two bunk beds, both of which were recently slept in. Books and printouts were strewn across the table and on the wall behind, three computers were in sleep mode, beside a tiny pantry.

Payal leaned against one side of the table as she looked around the room. "Nice place."

Vivaan laughed. "Sorry, it's a little messy."

"This is nothing compared to my cubicle at work." Payal said, picking up a random printout and moving to make space for him.

For a while they stood beside each other in companionable silence, going over the long day of socializing.

"I'm glad you sorted things out with Rohan today. I didn't know you observed me so much." Payal said after a bit. "He's not bad you know, just a little paranoid, given-"

"-his parents' story." Vivaan finished. "I know."

Payal turned to look at him, her brows raised in surprise.

"I may have overheard your conversation with him at lunch today." Vivaan said, watching the flush of embarrassment travel up her face.

"I can explain what the context was." Payal hurried to explain.

"It's alright." He stopped whatever she was about to say. "In fact, I respect him more now. He really is a well-wisher for us, and if we ever go through a bad patch, Rohan's viewpoint will ensure we are never misguided."

Payal stared at him for a long moment.

"What is it?" he asked after a bit, when she continued to look at him.

"I think I just fell for you a little more." She murmured, her expression was one of awe and admiration. Vivaan wasn't sure if he was even meant to hear that, but his heart soared at those words regardless.

"I think I'm beyond the point of falling." He whispered, making her look away. Just like always, she pushed herself upright, stepping away from him to hide her embarrassment. But Vivaan was having none of that. He caught her hand to stop her from going away. He remembered her words to Vidya ma'am.

"Will you really do that?" he asked and she turned to look at him confused. "When I have a hard day, will you really give me a hug to make me feel better?" he asked.

"Oh. Coffee bhul gaye?" She teased. (You forgot the coffee?).

"Don't digress." He warned her, mock-stern.

Her expression softened and she stepped toward him, wrapping her arms around his back while laying her head on his chest. Vivaan's hands automatically wrapped around her and he sighed out loud, suddenly at peace.

"I'll always give you a hug." Payal said. "Even when you don't need one."

"I know." He said, holding her tight. "And I'll always need one from you, even when it's not a hard day."

She sighed. "What your senior said..."

"It was a test, Payal. Don't take what she said to the heart." Vivaan was quick to soothe her worries.

"I know, but she wasn't entirely wrong." Payal said.

"What do you mean?" Vivaan asked, as she broke their hug, stepping out of his arms and moving a step back.

"I know how hard you've worked to come here. I know, because I wanted to be a doctor once upon a time." She said.

Vivaan was surprised. He remembered her telling him that medicine was her first choice of career, but he didn't know it was a serious choice.

"I studied for the pre-medical entrance examinations and even got admission to a college in Hassan, Karnataka. But before going there, I got to talk to a few seniors and saw what their life was like. Slogging all day long to clear MBBS and then doing an integrated internship, followed by choosing a specialty for post-graduation. Post-graduation is another trial, and even after completing it, you don't have a stable, well-paying job. It takes nearly two years to stabilize and get a well-paid job in a good hospital after PG, and that also depends on the city and the hospital where you work. After seeing the level of hard work and dedication a doctor needs to achieve his/her goals, I realized that my love for the profession was in reality just a hobby. I liked the career option, but I didn't have it in me to sacrifice so many years of my life and not have any stability even after all those years. So, I let go of my passion and ended up choosing the next best option - law." Payal explained.

"But you did. You had the courage I didn't have. That is one of the reasons I really respect your passion for your work." She continued. "But that doesn't mean I can always understand the challenges you face. I may have not agreed with Vidya ma'am earlier today, but she is right to a certain extent. Professional divide is often the reason for fights."

"Once again, I'm honored you chose to share this with me, Payal. Perhaps, this is the transparency that people say is needed in a relationship like ours." Vivaan said. "It makes me happy that you shared such a personal thing, such as the reason you switched your career, with me so willingly."

She smiled at his words, breaking out of her somber mood.

"And I know Vidya ma'am was right. But you did give the perfect solution." He continued. "A coffee and a hug. Just what I would want."

Payal laughed. "It's an emergency solution. Don't abuse it." She teased.

Vivaan scowled. "But I had a really hard day today!" he complained.

"Oh? How so?" she asked, amused.

"I had to convince your best friend. That was a huge task, don't you think?" Vivaan asked her.

"Hmm." She pretended to consider it. "Okay, point taken."

"Seriously?" Vivaan was surprised.

"But your pantry doesn't have any coffee." She said, rummaging through the tiny shelf.

"We ran out today morning." Vivaan agreed.

Payal pulled out a small, slightly melted chocolate from the shelf, breaking it in half and offering it to him. "We can eat chocolate today instead." She said, leaning against the table beside him.

"Are you bribing me with chocolate?" Vivaan asked her, amused.

She looked at him with wide eyes, her fingers smeared with the partly melted chocolate. "Chocolate is never a bribe. It's a reward." She continued to eat her chocolate. "Consider this my reward for being so understanding today."

"Oh?" Vivaan asked, wrapping an arm around her and tugging her close, knowing it would fluster her. "But what if that is not the reward I want?" His eyes, of their own accord, drifted down to her lips.

Payal didn't respond. She had closed her eyes when he pulled her close. She was breathing heavily, as though tensed; but Vivaan could sense that this tension was not out of nervousness, rather, it was out of anticipation.

He raised one hand, his thumb gently wiping some chocolate at the corner of her lips. Payal shivered at his touch, unconsciously leaning toward him further. He leaned in and rested his forehead against hers, both of them sighing as some of the tension uncoiled within them.

"Vivaan" she breathed out slowly, her eyes still closed.

"Payal." He mimicked her stance, but taking her chocolate-covered hands in his.

She sighed deep, before shaking her head a little.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I just..." she fumbled. "I'm so confused by this."

"Confused?" Vivaan asked, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the back of her hand. He had felt this shift in her reaction since the past week. Before, when he held her close, it was sweet and romantic. Now, there was also a charge in the air, as though she was wanting something... more.

She backed away from him, and as she did so, she blushed a beautiful shade of pink. She picked two tissues from the tissue box on the table, handing one to him. "Lately, I've been um, wanting to go further. And I have no idea, how to um, go about it. I also don't know if it's the right way to go, or all this is just some hormone induced –"

Vivaan cut her off before her rant could get any funnier. "You want to take what further?"

She glared at him, somehow seeming even more cute. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I do know." Vivaan soothed. "But maybe if you actually say what you want out loud, you can figure the how as well." He explained.

"It's so maddening." She said, suddenly frustrated. "I've never felt like this before. I've never wanted to hug someone, or hold hands or even spend so much time. And now I near about get a cardiac arrest when you hold me close. At first, I thought it's because I'm shy and totally inexperienced with all this, but now I realized that it's because I actually like it. And, Gods, this is embarrassing." She put her face in her hands, apparently mortified.

Vivaan had to make an active effort to not laugh out loud. How could someone be so funny and alluring at the same time? Or is this Payal's charm? To be so innocent that its disarming?

But her rant had made one thing clear. He gently pried her hands away from her face. "So, I make you nervous?" he asked her, if only to divert her from her embarrassment.

"No, you drive me crazy. Make me want to cross my own lines." She said, her voice low, as though speaking to herself. She looked up at him then, her warm brown eyes peering into his eyes. "Have you ever felt that way?" she asked him.

Vivaan debated internally on how honest he should be on this. On the day of their engagement, his baba-sa had told him that transparency was must between husband and wife. No secrets from one another - that is the only way to a happy marriage, he had said. Even though this was a fairly early stage in their relationship, Vivaan felt that this was one area where they had to be honest with each other.

"I do feel that way." He said, making sure to look straight into her eyes. "I always feel that way around you."

Her eyes widened. "And what do you do then?" she asked.

Vivaan shrugged. "I let instinct guide me."

She frowned at that. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asked. Her nervousness seemed to have abated, now that it was just a conversation between them.

Vivaan finished eating his square of the chocolate. "I act upon my feelings, depending on the boundaries." He said.

"And what if you want to cross the boundaries? Have you ever wanted to do so?" She asked, handing over another tissue to wipe his hands.

"The boundaries were never for me, Payal." Vivaan said. "They were for you."

She frowned again. "I don't understand."

Vivaan took her hands in his. "You already have all the right on me Payal." He said softly. "The boundaries were never for my sake. They were for your comfort."

Payal seemed to be at a loss for words. Careful not to maintain eye contact, she asked "Were you... waiting on me, then?"

Vivaan stayed quiet, letting her work it out. The truth was, that he was not one bit hesitant about wanting to be close to her. When she first hugged him the night she got her mother's diagnosis, he had freaked out because he had no idea what to do. But that was also the day he learnt that being with someone, especially someone you like is completely instinctual.

It wasn't as though he never found her attractive, or that he never had to fight his attraction to her. But Payal's allure was more emotional than physical. What her words could not say, her eyes said. Those warm depths and unspoken thoughts were what drew him in. The only thing that stopped him was the fact that Payal was not comfortable. So, he followed on his promise, they would only go as far as she decided.

"But that day, you said you were glad we were on the same page." Payal said, bringing him out of his thoughts. He shook his head, squeezing her hand.

"Anything you feel for me, brings us to the same page Payal." Vivaan explained. "I chose you, in here" he palmed his chest "as my life partner. Of course, I want to be close to you, to hold you, hug you, even kiss you." He stopped as she inadvertently blushed.

"But all that is right, only as long as you agree to it too. So, I'd be content holding your hands like I am right now, if that is all you agree to." He continued. She looked at their linked hands, deep in thought. To bring in some levity to the suddenly serious conversation, Vivaan stepped in further.

"As for whether it is right or just hormonal" Vivaan stroked a finger down her cheek, and goosebumps erupted over arms. "As long as your heart agrees, it doesn't matter if the brain is adding chemical interference."

She laughed at that, the motion bringing her closer to him and causing their noses to bump. Just like that, the air was charged again, with them both staring at the other.

She leaned in, making his heart race. Closing her eyes, she pressed her lips against his gently. It was just a touch. A light, fragrant touch. For a moment, time stood still. When he didn't respond, Payal started to move back, causing him to unfreeze. He cupped her face gently, kissing her back. It was awkward at first, with them both trying to understand the other. Once they had adjusted, Vivaan's hands moved to her waist, holding her close as he deepened the kiss just a little more. He felt her hands wrap around his neck, holding on to him.

When they pulled apart, he lay his forehead against hers, breathing heavily, just like her. His heart was running a marathon. When he opened his eyes, he saw that hers were still closed, her cheeks flushed. As he stroked a thumb across her cheek, she sighed, making him lean in and kiss her again. When he pulled away this time, his heart was beating painfully fast.

She opened her eyes briefly and for a moment, they stared at one another. Then, all of a sudden, she hid herself in his shoulder. Vivaan laughed softly at her embarrassment, tucking her in and gently kissing her hair. At the gesture, she burrowed deeper and he smiled, euphoric.

"You don't have anything to say?" He asked after a moment.

Still locked in his embrace, she shook her head.

"Payal Shah." He whispered. "How long have you been on the same page as me?" he asked, giving another soft kiss on her hair. She looked up after a moment, her eyes bright with an unnamed emotion.

"Ever since you agreed to let me draw the lines." She said quietly, but clearly.

Vivaan never believed in cheesy romances. But in that moment, he could swear something in his heart moved. I really am beyond the point of falling. He thought, as he looked into those dark brown orbs, losing his train of thought yet again.