《 kisses and love letters 》

When Luke Axelsson picked up a call from an unfamiliar number on a Thursday night, he had no idea it would lead him to a reason for waking up every morning.

His cousin Sigrid had accidentally locked everything in her car outside a supermarket. It was dark and the parking lot was almost empty. Distraught, she started to head inside for help, but not before she was interrupted by a creepy man who didn't understand the concept of personal space. A knight in shimmering armor came to her rescue by pretending to be an acquaintance, pulled her inside where it was bright, bought her a cup of coffee to steady her nerves, and then lend her the phone to call for help.

Luke arrived with the spare set of keys he had in his apartment. He could see the two of them through his windshield, standing and talking animatedly, their silhouettes illuminated by the lit supermarket.

The knight in shimmering armor turned out to be a knightess in strappy stilettos and a pair of skinny jeans. She had a smile that suggested she was everything he had ever wished for. To say she was the most attractive girl he had ever seen would sound trite, but it was the first thing that came to mind. It felt like everything in his life was a buildup to this pivotal moment.

Luke had been with plenty of women but she was of unparalleled charm. She also flirted with him pretty hard.

"For the record, I had no idea Sigrid had a cousin who looked like this when I offered to help," she said, flicking her gaze over to his face. He noticed her eyes were hazel.

"You're incredible. Not many people would let a stranger borrow their phone. You're very brave, too."

She shrugged. "I did what anyone would do. I just happened to be there."

"I think most people would look the other way. Especially in New York City."

"I have faith in humanity." She had a Saint Laurent clutch in one hand and two packs of microwave popcorn in the other. She told him her name was Flora.

"Like the Gucci perfume?" he asked.

"You're the first person who's ever said that," she said. "Most people tell me it's a brand of margarine they sell in Europe."

"Luke is a commercial lawyer," Sigrid said, fulfilling her role as his best wing woman. "He specializes in intellectual property rights and lots of his clients are in the fashion industry."

"Sounds like a dream job," Flora said. "I love the fashion industry."

Luke took this moment as a good time to hand out his business card. Flora glanced at it before she slipped it inside her purse, her fingers still holding tightly unto her packs of popcorn.

"Are those any good?" Luke nodded towards her hand. "I hope that's not what you're having for dinner."

"They're horrendous. I just eat them sometimes...for sentimental reasons." She straightened herself. "It's getting late. My roommate is waiting for me to start watching Sex and the City for the eighteenth thousand time and she has pizza ready."

"We'd love to thank you with a dinner sometime. When you're free," Sigrid said, and Luke promised himself he'd get his cousin anything she asked later on.

Flora gave a nonchalant wave. "No need to thank me. It's a pleasure meeting both of you."

"Can I give you a lift home?" Luke asked.

Flora's eyes swept over his vehicle and she smiled. "I don't get into strangers' cars, even when they're driving an Audi. Great car, by the way, and thanks for offering."

"How about I drive behind you really slowly and make sure you get home safe?"

Flora feigned a gasp. "And find out where I live?"

Luke laughed. "You just said you had faith in humanity."

She smiled and ran a hand through her loose hair. "I do. It's just I can take care of myself so don't worry."

Normally Luke would tell himself that there were plenty more fish in the sea, not to mention they were always eager to bite the bait, but this time he could envision her absence and the way it left him with a sense of loss even before she turned to leave. He wanted to extend this unexpected evening for as long as he could, but despite her friendly disposition, it was like trying to gather water with a broken barrel.

"I really want to treat you to dinner some time," he said, secretly sighing at how desperate he was being.

"Well, I have your card. I just might take you up on that offer," she said, not promising anything. "Have a good evening."

He didn't have a good evening that night, or the one after, or the whole weekend after that. She never called. He thought of calling her, since he did have her number on his phone when Sigrid borrowed hers, but it didn't feel like his to use. He wanted to treat it as a last resort, to give Flora the freedom to decide if she wanted to see him.

Monday came at an agonizingly slow pace. When he stepped into the Hearst Tower in Midtown Manhattan, he was feeling considerably low, and his dress shirt was a lot more crisp than his mood. The elevator door slid open and the vision of a forest green silk top slapped him across the face.

"Flora," he called out.

Her eyes widened at him, and then she smiled. "I promise I'm not here to stalk you."

"Do you have to burst my bubble so quickly?"

She chuckled. "What brings you here, Axelsson?"

"I'm drawing up a contract for my client," Luke said. He pressed the button for Harper's Bazaar. "What about you?"

"I have a part-time internship at Esquire."

"You're interested in men's fashion?"

"Well, my first choice is Vogue, but since Condé Nast shut down their internship program after the lawsuit"—she paused to glance at him briefly—"I'm sure you know all about it?"

Luke nodded. The mass media company was accused of underpaying the interns and had agreed to settle for millions, and since then, they'd been reluctant to take on interns.

"What a pity. I'm very fond of their publications...aside from Vogue, there's CNTraveler, Glamour, The New Yorker, Allure, Vanity Fair..." There was a sparkle in her eyes when she rattled off. "But Hearst is pretty great too. I've come to really enjoy my state of being unpaid."

"How do you like Esquire?"

"It doesn't focus on fashion as heavily as GQ, but it's a good magazine. Very classy. And apparently I'm now the expert on how wide your suit lapel should be."

Luke touched his lapel and smiled. "I feel self-conscious around you now."

"Don't be. I'm supposed to advice people on the sexiest new fragrances, top ten sunglasses for summer, whether pleated pants have made a comeback...but truth is, even if a guy wears a basic white tee with Converse all year round and smells like his little sister's shampoo, and kinda just squints at the sun when it gets too bright...to the right pair of eyes, that can be incomparably attractive."

"That sounds oddly specific."

She smiled. "I'm just making an example. I mean, to each their own. For people who care about how they look, I'm always willing to offer my opinions."

"I'd love to hear your thoughts. Do I look presentable?"

"Well..." Flora ran her eyes down his body, nodding occasionally like she was checking off her shopping list. "Charcoal birdseye suit, notch lapel, English cut double vents, tapered side. Perfect fit and length. You probably have it tailored. Two-button, which is my favorite, and extra points for leaving the bottom one unbuttoned. Plain front trousers, good choice. Horizontal striped tie...interesting. Not the easiest thing to pull off, but you did it beautifully. When can you start working for us?"

He laughed. "Thank you. You're very kind."

"That's my completely unbiased expert opinion. I'm not hitting on you." Flora winked when the door opened. "I'll save that for the next time."

How he wished they were riding the elevator in the Empire State Building because this just wasn't high enough. Luke followed her out the door even though it wasn't his floor. He couldn't help himself.

Flora seemed to flirt only for the sake of flirting, but to him it was a lot more important than that. It was crucial to get something more concrete out of this.

"Flora. Go out with me."

She stared back at him. "Luke, that's really flattering, but—"

"Please. I'd love to spend more time with you," he said. "You're very interesting to talk to."

He thought her eyes softened, but it could very well be his imagination. Flora blinked a few times, either considering or stalling, and then she smiled. "Well, you already have my number," she said. "Call me."

∞

"I know we're not saving whales or curing cancer here, but not everything has to be a life-or-death matter. Life is more than just survival." Flora sat across from Luke in the restaurant, sipping the last of her earl grey tea after dinner was served. She moved with elegance but her tone was full of fervor. "Fashion is a mix of art, philosophy, history and culture. You don't have to follow trends or even buy anything designer, but you can still appreciate it, just like you can see the beauty of a Rembrandt even though you'll never afford one."

Luke smiled. "You're preaching to the choir. No need to defend fashion in front of me."

"I know. I just feel like ranting, I guess. Some people automatically assume I'm shallow just because I love fashion."

"They're shallow for judging you entirely based on that. You can be just as intelligent as someone who wears less flattering shoes. "

Flora laughed. "Thanks. I know I'm just an intern now, but I hope to become an editor in the future. I work really hard. Even when I was just preparing to interview for the internship, my friend bought me every issue of Esquire for the past two years to study and sent me a detailed research on the editor in chief."

"She sounds like a really supportive friend."

"Yes, he is." She smiled and her eyes warmed, but Luke had the sinking suspicion that it wasn't because of fashion anymore. "He's the best. He made a style blog for me and I've been posting articles since high school. My boss said he'd seen it and he was really impressed...hey, I think they're about to close soon."

Luke looked around and saw that they were the last two people left. "I want to keep talking to you, Flora. I have to. Do you want to have a drink somewhere else?"

"I really like how you're so direct," she said. "I'm having a good time and I'd love to continue, but I should just lay this out in the open. I'm not looking for a relationship."

"And why's that?"

"I like someone very, very much," she replied right away. "I see absolutely no chance of me falling for anyone else. I like you, but I don't want to waste your time."

"Does this person like you back?"

"I think he does."

"So what's stopping you?"

She rested her hands in front of her and crossed her fingers. "It's a number of things. We dated before but it didn't go so well. Took us some time to get back to being friends, and then there's the distance between Boston and New York, me wasting my life with a few rebound relationships, he starting his own business which takes him about 25 hours everyday, and then, for a while, I chose to focus on myself and being single, because I was always dating and I just wanted to take a break. A few weeks ago, we kind of had a moment at our mutual friend's wedding, but he has a lot going on and his heart isn't into this right now."

"How long has it been since you last dated?"

"A couple of years."

Luke nodded. "Hmm. You know what that sounds like?"

"We are star-crossed lovers?"

"No, that sounds like a pile of excuses. Neither of you like the other enough to do something about it. You just enjoy the drama. You like the idea of pining for someone because it makes you feel good about yourselves, but the truth is you enjoy your freedom and he enjoys working for his business a lot more than your relationship."

Flora frowned. "That's completely untrue. We've just been waiting for the right time."

"There's no such thing as the right time. Just the right person."

"He is the right person. I'll wait until he comes around."

"You're a wonderful girl, Flora. You're still so young and you have so many possibilities in your life, you'll meet more than one person who might be right for you, but you absolutely refuse to give yourself a chance. What a pity that is." Luke sighed, half out of dismay for himself but half out of genuine concern for the beautiful girl in front of him. "You've been waiting for a couple of years already, like you said, and you don't think that's enough? How long do you plan on waiting?"

"I'm not tired of waiting yet."

"I wouldn't make you wait if I were him," he said.

Flora met his gaze. "Well, you're not him."

He nodded once. "Fair enough."

She stood up to put on her coat, her face stormy and her lips pursed. Luke held the door open for her. He screwed up, he knew, but he thought he said what he needed to say. He smiled at her in front of the restaurant, knowing it would be the last time because he'd offended her. "Thank you for the evening, Flora. I had a very pleasant time."

"I bet you're good at your job," she said suddenly. "If you make your closing like that all the time, the jury must love you. You're very persuasive."

"I don't go to court. I work behind the scenes and write boring contracts," he said. "But is the verdict in?"

Her lips pulled into a small smile. "I'm not agreeing to anything serious, but where are we going for drinks?"

∞

"You're early," Flora complained. "I'm not even dressed yet!"

Luke sat down on her bed in the dorm room. "I'm actually right on time."

She leaned towards him and pressed a kiss against his lips. "Right on time is early."

He watched her flinging open her closet, pulling out dresses after dresses before hanging them back up again. Luke waited patiently, thinking of a few minutes ago when Flora introduced him to her roommate, Elizabeth. She only referred to him plainly as Luke Axelsson without giving him any titles as side dishes to satisfy his appetite. After she walked out onto the hallway with Liz, Luke could hear their soft laughs.

"So it's SF versus LA," Liz had said. It wasn't meant for him to hear, but Luke happened to have outstanding hearing. "You have the most gorgeous problems, Flo."

"It's not a competition. I like Luke so I'm spending time with him," Flora had said.

"He has a nice car," Liz said. "I love Audi. What kind of car does SF drive?"

"He doesn't drive in Boston. He rides his bike to class." Flora sighed. "So what? Who cares about that?"

"A bike! Five points to SF for being eco friendly." Liz giggled.

Flora laughed, and he could hear the delight in her voice. "You're so biased, it's not even funny. I told you it's not a competition."

Even though she denied, Luke hadn't stopped feeling like a contestant fighting against something invisible, legendary, and impossible to overcome. Whenever Flora mentioned him—and she did, too much—it felt like she was adding one more brick to the threshold Luke had to climb over.

He was willing to compete, however. Time was on his side. One more day he spent not making a move was one more day Luke earned by treating her the way she deserved.

Chocolates in boxes with gold ribbons. Flowers in the mailbox. Designer gifts from Bergdorf Goodman. Reservations at her favorite restaurants and front row seats at the best musicals. Luke's intention wasn't to win Flora over with money but to simply show that he cared. His job kept him busy, but not busy enough to stop him from paying her attention.

"I'm going to touch up on my makeup in the bathroom," Flora said now.

"Sure. Take your time."

She flipped open her laptop. "If you're bored, you can look at the photos I took in Japan. That's one of the best times of my life."

She sat down and couldn't resist going through a part of the collection with him, giving him detailed recounts of what went on in each photo. Luke smiled at her enthusiasm until she stood up finally and left him alone with the smell of her perfume.

He clicked through the pictures and liked how radiant she looked, like she belonged. He squinted at Flora patting a deer with one hand and laughing with her mouth wide open. In another one, she was posing like a haute couture model in front of a temple.

A notification flashed across the top of her computer screen and alerted her that she received a mail.

His gut coiled instinctively. Luke Axelsson was an honest person who would never open a letter not addressed to him, virtual or handwritten, but his shoulders tightened and he felt danger approaching like a head-on train collision.

Dear Flora,

First off I just want to say this letter is long overdue. I can't even begin to apologize and I know I should probably tell you in person, but because my thoughts are a scattered mess I thought it might be beneficial to write this down and I'm just gonna type as I think. I'm sitting in the waiting area outside the ICU right now. The visiting hour is up and I just saw my granddad and he seemed okay and I'm telling you this not to use as an excuse but more of an explanation. I'm feeling a strong surge of emotions and I simply can't wait to talk to you.

I'm so sorry about what happened at J's wedding. I was drunk and stupid and didn't think and when it was done I immediately regretted it. Not because I don't want it to happen because I do and I've thought of it so many times, but it wasn't supposed to happen like that, like a drunken hookup built on lust and poor judgement. I want to do it in a way where there's no room for doubt and you don't need to spend one second wondering what it meant. I handled that awfully. I woke up and I was freaked out and I didn't say anything because I was so mad at myself for treating you so carelessly. I had a plan and a timeline I wanted to follow in regards to you and me and it blew up in my face.

That said, in a way I'm also glad it happened because it was without a dispute one of the best nights of my life since high school. It's not just how physically good it made me feel but mostly it's because I crave being so close to you and to have that kind of privilege to hold you against me. I hope this doesn't offend you but I get hard just thinking of you touching me. It was exhilarating but also comforting and it was so much more than just sex to me. It's my fault for not making that clear the first chance I get.

I got to thinking the other day about how all of our goals and perspectives changed since high school. J wanted to be a rock star, Jake wanted to go pro ("I always go all the way", he says) but recently he said he might join the family exporting business; he was a bit wounded that after his last game, he only got recruits from modeling agencies instead of NBA scouts. I don't know what Dill wanted to do but it sure wasn't a dad, but I have to say it's inspiring. I used to worry about him acting too much on his impulses and he never thinks of the consequences, but maybe he is right all along. Maybe I need to be more like him and stop overthinking.

Flora, I've changed my opinions on a lot of things. I'd like to think I'm more open-minded now, but the only thing that hasn't changed since high school is my feelings towards you. You're like my anchor, my faith. When the world around me evolves too rapidly, I think of you and I'm brought back to a time where things were simple and sweet and the biggest decision we had to make was whether we should go to a party or chill at home. We were like parallel lines that never met, but now I see we're not completely parallel; there's a small angle between our two lines and as time go by we're moving closer towards the same direction.

I love you. I love you as in I don't want it to be anyone else but you. You'd hinted about wanting to get back together before, and I didn't take the chance because I wanted to give you space to explore the world and find yourself. I'd been waiting for the right time because I didn't think I could give you the kind of relationship you desired, but I see how arrogant I was being for deciding for you. There will never be the ideal time for us where everything is perfect and we live right next door, but I want to say that with you, there can never be a wrong time.

I want to be with you right now. Tell me I'm not alone in feeling like this. I can't do this anymore. I love you. I need you. Not in a melodramatic sense where I need you to survive, but I sure want you a hell of a lot.

You know I'm yours.

All my love,

Sean

Luke didn't realize his throat had completely run dry and his fingers were shaking. A bomb had gone off in his head and for a while all he could hear was the blooding rushing through his ears.

This was destiny. He was destined to read this.

Flora couldn't see this. Before he could allow himself to think, Luke memorized Sean's phone number at the bottom of the page and deleted the email.

∞

"Yes, this is Sean. Who's calling, please?" The voice at the other end was politely aloof.

"Hi. My name is Luke Axelsson." He cleared his throat. "I saw your email to Flora. You probably don't know this, but she's dating me. I'm calling to ask you to respectfully keep your distance now that she's in a relationship."

There was a short pause. "Excuse me?"

"I'm asking you to respect the fact that she's unavailable now. I hope you understand."

"She wasn't dating anyone the last time I saw her, which is less than three months ago."

"We just started dating, but things are going well and she's happy. She doesn't need to be disturbed."

There was another pause, and then Sean said, "If you're really happy together, then you don't need to be intimidated by me."

"We are—"

Sean cut him off with an impatient sigh. "Does Flora know about this? If this is how she feels, she can tell me herself."

Luke thought he should have the upper hand, after all, he was the one currently seeing Flora, yet something about Sean made him feel like his entire happiness was at the mercy of his hands. "Flora doesn't know about this," he said. "She hasn't seen the email because I deleted it."

Sean gave a short, surprised chuckle. "That's okay," he said, his tone turning considerably icier. "I'll just send it to her again. Or maybe I'll call her and read it to her over the phone."

"She can't know about this. She's—"

"Thanks for calling. It's been a real pleasure."

"Wait. Listen. Hear me out, please." Luke took a long inhale, pacing around the floor before panic could take over him completely. "I know I did a terrible thing and I'm truly sorry. I apologize. But you should know that Flora is...well, when I first met her, she was convinced that she couldn't ever find anyone else to replace you. She said she hadn't had one meaningful relationship after you and she was just dating to fill a void."

"I'm not sure why you're telling me this, but it's not working the way you want it to."

"I finally convinced her to give me a chance, and now she's smiling more and more because of me. You should see how happy she was when I got her the backstage pass to New York fashion week. You might think I'm saying this out of selfishness, but I'm not. This is good for her. She needs to know that she deserves happiness and it can come from more than one place."

"Yeah, well, I think she can make that decision herself."

"If you show her that letter now, she'll run back to you without a second's thought," Luke said, hating how helpless he sounded right now. Sean was a couple of years younger than he was, but it was clear who was calling the shots here.

"And that's bad because...?"

"You guys were in high school the last time you dated. High school. That was a world away. You're an entrepreneur now in your senior year at MIT...I can't even begin to imagine how much effort it takes just to keep your head above water, and she's doing her part time internship in a field you know nothing about, on top of making it through school. You see each other a few times a year, at most. You have no idea how you work as a couple now and all your hopes are based on your memory of first love. How do you know she'll be happy with you?"

Sean took longer to respond this time. "I don't know that, but it's worth trying."

"I can give Flora what she needs." Luke was on a roll now. "I'm a commercial lawyer and I know the fashion industry like the back of my head. I have lots of connections to get her the job interviews she would die for. She likes wine, fine dining, theater, and I know more than she does. I took her to a bar and now it's her favorite bar in the city. She like surprises and extravagant dates which are my forte."

"The things you mentioned are great," Sean said, "but they aren't crucial. You can probably make a brilliant profile on Tinder, but you don't speak of anything that goes deeper. The appreciation Flora and I have of each other means more than any luxury goods you can possible buy her."

"All I'm saying is that she deserves a chance. Please give her a chance to see how it can be like with other people," Luke said. "Besides, let's not forget it took you three months to make your confession after you slept together. You're not that serious about her."

"I needed to be sure that confessing was the right thing to do," Sean said stiffly. "Not that I need to justify anything to you."

"You aren't sure you're the right guy for her either, are you? You don't know if you can satisfy her with your hectic schedule and her constant need to be wooed."

Sean didn't reply and he knew he had hit where it hurt.

"I'm sure you're a great person, and I'm sorry we have to have this conversation," Luke said with complete sincerity. "I can't force you to do anything, but I really hope you can consider giving Flora some space. If she feels the same way about you, she'll come to her senses and stop seeing me. You know how Flora's never capable of a longterm relationship."

Sean was silent for a few long seconds. "It's funny you know so much about me, yet I had no idea you existed until now," he said finally. He sounded less hostile but noticeably weary.

"Flora didn't tell you about me because she thinks this time it might mean something," Luke said. "I'll ask her to tell you later. She'll do that for me."

"If she tells me she's happy now, I'll back off," Sean said after what appeared to be another long pause. "I don't like getting in between people's relationships, but I don't owe you anything. I won't turn her down if she asks to see me. If she flirts with me, I'll do it right back. If she complains about you and says she wants me instead, I won't hesitate to tell her everything."

Luke swallowed. "Fair enough. I'll have to work extra hard to make her happy, then."

"You must be good at your job," Sean said before hanging up. "You're very persuasive. I bet that's how you got Flora to go out with you too."

∞

Melissa Ng and her friends watched the dark-haired boy from a few tables away in the library. He was here almost every afternoon and sometimes on weekends, and Melissa liked how she got to have a nice view every time she lifted her head to rub her sore neck.

"Quit gawking at him and go talk to him already," one of her friends nudged her with a giggle.

Melissa stood up. Why not? They went to the same university, after all. It was senior year and she didn't like regrets.

"Hey, sorry to disturb you," Melissa stopped before his table. "I just want to come over and say hi since we've been studying here, four tables apart, for a whole semester already. My name is Melissa and I major in mathematics."

He looked up at her and studied her face for a second before he smiled and offered his hand. "Hi, Melissa. I'm Sean—"

"Sean Foster." She took his hand. "I know. Everyone knows. You're practically a celebrity here."

His eyes widened and he chuckled quietly. "I had no idea. What am I famous for?"

Melissa pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. "Let's see...the class research project you did sophomore year has been covered by the Economist, Technology Review, Forbes, and Boston Metro Newspaper. The mobile design company you and Frederick Bankole co-founded, which you sold to Microsoft, has been featured in the LA Times, ABC News, NPR, and CBS National News. Your current project, a software platform for real estate agents, make you one of the candidates for Forbes' 30 under 30 list. I can go on, but it'll take all day. Oh, and MsMorgan is my favorite mobile game."

"I can't even list all that myself."

"I'm not an obsessed fan. I just have a photographic memory and I can pretty much put up a resume for any of the students here," Melissa assured him. "You're fast becoming a legend."

He smiled, looking a little embarrassed and very, very cute. "I'm just a guy who borrows money from my little sister all the time. Fred and I give out a lot of freebies to increase our market share, and so far we're losing money every day."

"It'll pay off."

"I hope so." He stared down at the notepad in front of him, which was filled with calculations. "This is irrelevant, but do you know any places good for late night studying? The library closes too early."

"I just study in my room. What's wrong with yours?"

"I live in a frat house." He let out a whiff of breath. "I've been thinking of moving out for a while now, especially since Fred graduated."

Melissa gave him a sympathetic smile. She picked up the pencil on his desk and circled the calculation he had written. "Sorry, I can't resist. You got that part wrong."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. That's why you got the answers wrong on question 37 and 41 too."

Sean leaned in closer and squinted. "Damn. You're right. I've been working on this for two hours and it only took you 2 seconds to see where the problem was."

"We all have our off days."

He sighed. "Yeah, I'm so out of it today. I can't concentrate."

"You should take a break and go see a movie with me," Melissa said.

Sean's eyes widened for an instance. "Melissa, you're very kind, but I have to finish this."

"I don't know what you're going through, but you can't concentrate anyway. I believe I just saved you a couple of hours for pointing out that mistake there." She smiled. "You owe me."

When they were standing in line for popcorn, Melissa's mood slowly changed from feeling like she won the International Mathematical Olympiad to feeling like she failed a test she was so sure she aced. Sean was the hottest guy she'd ever talked to, let alone mustered up the courage to ask out, and she had been feeling very proud of herself before slowly realizing that this was all wrong.

Sean's mind was somewhere impossible to reach. He was polite but distant, gentlemanly but also incredibly impersonal. She wondered what was bothering him, if there was a girl out there who broke his heart. It took a full three seconds for him to snap out of whatever moment he was in to answer her question. He answered her with an embarrassed smile, like she caught him doing something wrong, and he was so cute like that she could allow for anything.

Maybe he was just tired. And busy, she thought. When he smiled at her, she forgot all the excuses she made up for him.

"You like caramel popcorn too?" That was the first question he brought up, but he barely touched the thing all through the evening. He said he loved the movie but she suspected he had no idea what it was about.

When he walked her back to her place, Melissa asked him if he wanted to come up for coffee.

"I don't drink coffee," he said.

Melissa almost blurted out that coffee didn't necessarily mean coffee, but Sean couldn't be that dense, could he?

"I have beer too, if you want," she settled on saying.

Sean smiled at her distractedly. "I only wanted to see a movie tonight. Thanks for accompanying me, Mel. I was in a crappy mood but you made me feel better."

"Are you okay?"

"No, but I'll get used to it." He held out his hand for a fist bump, thanked her again, said she was great, and then left without a backward glance.

∞

Flora's eyes burned, her hands shaking at the present she just received. Luke had given her a daily planner bound in Hermès leather.

"This is from last year," she had said when she first saw it.

"I know."

She opened it and saw it started from autumn and pushed its way till spring, which was right now, spanning across her senior year at NYC. Luke had marked every date they went on, saved every ticket, restaurant receipt, and had even put down something Flora did or said to amaze him under every date.

I noticed you have one snaggletooth when you laugh and it's the cutest thing I've seen in a while

thank you for introducing me to your friends at the magazine this evening. I love seeing how you are around people you adore

today is the day you said you could see yourself loving me

And finally, underneath the date today:

celebrating our sixth month together with a weekend getaway. I hope you smile when you see this

"You are too much. You're spoiling me rotten," she said, getting up to give Luke a hug, breathing in his tasty Armani cologne. She liked where she was right now; happy in love, and being loved just a little more in return. Luke's affection unsettled her a little, however. Just a little. Instead of feeling lucky, she worried about how she could repay him.

They went on to have their lunch, smiling at each other across the table when her cell phone blipped with a text. Flora swiped at it absently and Luke dipped his bread in Balsamic vinegar.

Sean: Can I talk to you? Mar 14 12:25PM

Flora's hand froze. For some reason she could detect the urgency sipping through the screen, especially since Sean hadn't contacted her in months. Something was up.

"Let me just reply to this quickly."

"Who is it?" Luke asked, his expression mild, but it melted a second later when he saw the way her lips tighten.

"It's Sean. He says he wants to talk to me."

Luke paused, and then he let out a long sigh. "You promised me you wouldn't contact him. You said you wanted to give me a chance."

She did, but it was because Luke had made her. He had asked her to stay away from Sean now that she was in a relationship, and she had reluctantly agreed that her feelings toward Sean weren't innocent and that Luke had a point. She knew Luke wasn't a jealous guy by nature and he had no problem with her hanging out with her other guy friends. He didn't even bat an eyelash when she went to a movie festival out of town with Ryan Faulkner, her ex-turned-movie-buddy.

His concerns were strictly directed at Sean, whose very existence seemed to threaten him. Flora couldn't blame him. He was right to be scared of Sean. As to Sean, he had been very understanding about her relationship, and ever since then he had been keeping a respectful distance, just as Flora expected.

Until now.

Her hands picked up the phone.

Flora: What's wrong? are you okay?

A moment later the screen lit up again, like he was waiting right by it for her to text back.

Sean: My granddad died and I just found out my dad's been having an affair

"Flora. Come on. Can we please finish eating first?" Luke asked, this time a slight edge in his tone.

Flora held up her phone to show him the message. "I should call him."

"I don't think that's necessary."

She frowned, suppressing what she really felt inside, which was a tremendous eagerness to rush to Sean's side. "He's my friend. He needs me now."

Luke's eyes darkened. "I'm sure he has other friends and family members that can help him deal with it."

"Maybe, but he asked for me." Flora slowly reached out and grabbed the water glass from the table, taking a long drink, thinking and arranging her options. When she put it down again, she had reached a conclusion. "I want to see him."

"What, now?"

Flora nodded. "If...if you're okay with it."

"If I'm okay with it? Are you fucking serious, Flora?" Luke's voice was restrained but she could see how much she hurt him. "Do you know the kinds of effort I made to plan this vacation? I had to book everything two months ago. I may not be starting my own company, but my time is precious too. I can't believe after everything I did, you're so ready to run back to him after he sent you a fucking text."

"Come on," Flora said, reaching out to touch Luke on the back on his hand. "I'm with you now. He's just a friend—"

"He's not just a friend and you know it," Luke said. "You're trying to make me feel like an overreacting jealous boyfriend who doesn't understand your friendship, but you know it yourself better than anyone. Six months, Flora. We're celebrating six months together and it means nothing to you."

She kept her mouth shut because she knew she was an awful girlfriend. She was being unfair to Luke, but the voice inside her head chanted and got louder with every second. Go see Sean.

Luke huffed. "You can go see him right now if you want. I won't stop you. I don't know if I can keep doing this if you go, though. It's your choice."

"I'm really sorry, Luke."

Flora picked up her bag and left the restaurant.

∞

"You're here," Sean said after a few seconds of silence.

Flora stood in front of him and watched him, feeling her flowery sundress ruffling against her legs. Her head was bursting with emotions, but mostly she was thinking this was right where she wanted to be, even though Luke's daily planner was nestling beside her in her Alexander McQueen Legend bag. What a terrible, ungrateful girlfriend she was, yet she couldn't have done it any other way.

It took her some time to get back, but she knew exactly where to find him. Sean was sitting by the lake where he had taken her fishing with his granddad before.

She got down to sit beside him. "Where else would I be?" she said, adjusting the hem of her dress.

"Thank you."

Flora reached over to take his hand. For a while they sat and stared at the water, not exchanging a word.

"The service went well," he said finally. "It was beautiful, but I guess that's it. He's really gone."

His fingers quivered in her hands. She gave him a small squeeze.

"I felt vacant. I didn't even cry," he said in a low voice.

"It's okay."

"Did you know Janet gave birth last week?"

"Yes. Adorable baby girl."

He nodded. "I didn't tell her because she should be celebrating life right now," he said, and after a pause he went on to tell her about the affair. "My dad cheated on my mom with some thirty-year-old woman in his office. It's repulsive. What's even more so is that he wants a divorce no matter how my mom begs him to reconsider. They've been acting like everything's splendid around me and Linda, and I'm mad at both of them. I can't even look at him right now."

"How's Linda taking this?"

"She's a lot calmer about it than I am. About everything." He heaved a long sigh. "I should be spending time with my family but I just wanted to be here instead. Don't want to talk to anybody there."

"I'm really sorry about your granddad, Sean. He was a wonderful person."

"Yeah, you've met him. You know how he was."

"I like him a great lot."

"He was the most kind and devoted guy I know, and...I thought I was well prepared for this...There'd been so many false alarms in the past, and every time he got admitted to the ICU, I told myself that maybe it would be the last time. I...I made sure he knew how much I looked up to him and spent as much time with him as I could." He casted his gaze downward at the ground as his voice started to crack. "I thought not having the chan...chance to say goodbye was the worst thing, but I just realized that no amount of mental preparation would ever be enough. I'm...I'm still not pre...prepared..."

Flora pulled him in her arms just as the first choked sob lodged itself in his throat. She could feel him trembling in her arms with controlled emotions, silently fighting back another broken sound. Flora's own eyes brimmed with tears with every shaky breath he took. Her chest tightened. She could feel the heat through his shirt when she stroked his back with one hand.

This was the second time he cried in front of her, and just like the first time, it made her heart clench with a strong urge to protect him. It was unbearable, watching him like this, but at the same time she was relieved that she was the one he reached out to and that she had something to offer, even if it was just her presence. She wanted to somehow extract all the pain out of him, to comfort him and tell him it would get better, but she decided to just hold him tighter.

Sean accepted her embrace and broke down in quiet tears. She stroked his hair and patted his back until he stopped.

He ran his palms over his face when he pulled back. "I'm so embarrassed. Sorry about that."

"Don't be. It's okay to let it out."

She sat with him in silence for a long time, still overwhelmed by the fact that he just cried in her arms and let her comfort him. It made her even more sure of how she felt about him. This was real and too powerful.

"I can't believe you're here," he said again.

"Well, I am." Flora shrugged with a smile. "Are you happy to see me?"

"Of course I am. I just wanted to hear your voice. I didn't expect you to show up in person," he said. "Were you doing anything?"

"No, I was just...nearby," she said. "It's no trouble at all."

"It's been a while." He gazed at her. "It's so good to see you, Flora. How have you been?"

"You know, trying to survive school and all that. My internship ended a while ago, but I might try applying a job for real when school ends."

"How's the boyfriend? Is he treating you well?"

I think we might've just broken up because of you. "He's great," Flora said, which was the truth. She didn't want anything on Sean's conscience, especially at a time like this when his tears were just drying.

"Okay, that's all I need to know." Sean laughed wryly. "I'm not strong enough to hear about how great he is yet. That's like your longest relationship ever, right?"

"It is," Flora said. It was.

"I'm happy for you," he said and smiled. "You really deserve the best, Flora."

Flora nodded. When she felt her phone vibrate, she glanced at Luke's name and shut it off. She didn't know if she deserved the best when she was so willing to turn her back on a six-month relationship, a luxury weekend retreat, a sincere, gorgeous guy who'd do anything to make her smile, just so she could feel the burn of another boy's tears on her arms.

There could be millions of possibilities out there and more than one person who might be right for her, like Luke suggested, but when she glanced over at Sean's profile, she thought she simply did not care to find out.

∞

The elevator in the Hearst Building opened and Luke stepped in.

"Luke."

He looked up. It had been almost a half year since they broke up, and Flora still made his heart beat faster. It only beat slightly faster this time, however, unlike how it used to kick into a gallop.

"Flora. Nice to run into you again."

She smiled. "How are you?"

"I'm great," Luke said. He told her how work had been smooth and that he had begun dating again. The relief on her face almost offended him. When he reached his floor, this time Flora followed him.

"I just want to apologize again, for everything," she said. "You were really good to me and I'll never forget that. I wish you the best."

"Same here," he said, meaning it.

She told him she had started working as an assistant editor at Esquire, and that, to his surprise, she was focusing entirely on work. There was no boyfriend.

"So you and Sean...I thought for sure you'd get back together with him."

"No. I was only there for him as a friend and he never suggested anything. He even said he was happy about you and me."

"But you love him. You didn't tell him you chose him?"

Flora didn't deny. "He was grief-stricken. I didn't want to take advantage of his vulnerability," she said. "Besides, he only wanted me there as his friend, too."

Luke shook his head. "No. He loves you."

Flora laughed a little. "Thank you for rooting for us, but you don't even know him."

Luke thought for sure that Flora knew the truth now, but it looked as if Sean had kept his promise and stayed away while Flora had also kept her mouth shut so that Sean could mourn the death of his grandfather in peace. Luke didn't know if they were both noble or just plain stupid. They needed a lot of help, apparently.

"Listen, Flora. I have to tell you something," Luke started. "I'm really, really sorry I did this to you, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I hope you forgive me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember the day when I went to your dorm room and you were showing me pictures of Tokyo? Well, when you were in the bathroom, an email came."

∞

dear all, recently I received a very flattering offer to join radish as a writer. while i like the idea of radish and i think it's a great way for hardworking writers to get the financial support they need, after some consideration i've decided that i'll keep posting my current stories on Wattpad for free. i'm lucky i have a job with decent pay and writing isn't something i want to do for a living so this is strictly for fun. other than that, the main reason is that i value feedback much, much more. this story is my gift to you and i only hope to hear your thoughts, so please don't hesitate to leave me a comment.

i hope you like this chapter and i hope you like luke! not so much that you'd stop shipping sean and flora, of course, but he really is a pretty decent guy.

this chapter is dedicated to @BellaLunaa for being a great friend and a lovely person. also, i've been reading "more issues than Vogue" and this chapter makes me think of her. #DamnitNateChester