Volume 3 - CH 4

I betrayed Yuuri.

I ran away from Yuuri’s cold eyes.

I ran away because I was afraid that Yuuri would reject me again.

I ran and ran and kept running so that I would not get hurt.

———

I think Kouki has changed the way he treats me since I broke up with Yuuri.

Now he invites me over to his house and we even go on dates.

We have become like normal lovers.

The whirlpool of intense pleasure that I used to experience when I was dating Yuuri is gone, but I still feel comfortable being with Kouki. When we finished having sex, he would always tell me that he loved me and give me a tender look, which made me feel very happy.

So, from the beginning of the second semester, when I saw Yuuri and Kanade getting along with each other, my heart would ache, but I gradually stopped going crazy with intense jealousy.

———

It was around the time when preparations for the festival were in full swing that I noticed something wrong with my body.

I was thinking that my periods were delayed, and then a sudden feeling of nausea came over me.

I didn’t think it was possible, so I took a pregnancy test that day and the result was positive. I always wore a rubber on dangerous days. ……

My mind went blank.

I didn’t have any friends I could talk to about this kind of thing.

In the past, I would have talked to Kanade about it, but she and I were already in a hopeless relationship.

I continued to worry alone.

Should I give birth or have an abortion…?

I didn’t have an answer.

In my heart, I wanted to have the baby.

I thought I could have a strong relationship with Kouki.

But I didn’t have the courage to tell Kouki that I was pregnant.

At school, I was busy preparing for the school festival, and I kept working to escape my pregnancy.

But those days would not last forever.

I had to face being pregnant again.

Whichever choice I made, I had to make a decision quickly.

Because while I was worrying, the child in my belly was still growing.

So I gathered up my courage and told Kouki that I was pregnant.

———

The result was rejection.

But I didn’t want to let go.

I didn’t want to let go of Kouki and the child I was carrying in my belly.

When Yuuri rejected me, I still had Kouki as an escape route.

But if he rejected me again, I would have no one left.

And I would have to kill the baby in my belly.

No. I can’t do that.

That’s the only thing I don’t want.

I was scared. I didn’t know what to do, so I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next day I saw Yuuri in front of me.

I was about to walk past him with my eyes downcast when he said, “Long time no see, Hazuki. Can you give me a moment of your time?” He called out to me.

I did as I was told and entered the park to find Kanade sitting on a bench waiting for us.

I was confused, but when I asked him about it, he said that they had heard about my exchange with Kouki the other day. He then asked me if I was serious about getting married and if I was ready to have children.

I was puzzled but gave my affirmation to the question.

Then, Yuuri offered me the possibility of marrying Kouki.

I stuttered.

He was offering to help me after I had betrayed him so thoroughly and continued to run away from that fact. I knew I was ugly, but I clung to Yuuri’s words.

The way that Yuuri suggested was certainly convincing.

If I consulted with him from now on, he might be able to help me with the marriage.

But I couldn’t help wondering.

Why did Yuuri give me this advice?

So naturally, I asked him, “Why did you decide to help me after I betrayed you?” I said.

Then Yuuri uttered, “I can’t forgive you,” “but I don’t hate you.” I had done something that he should hate for the rest of his life, but he told me that he did not hate me. And when I heard his next words, I finally let a tear escape from my eye.

“I just wanted to do something to help,” he said. “Because… we are childhood friends.”

Yuuri called me a childhood friend again.

I was happy. Yuuri thought of me as a childhood friend, and even though he would never forgive me, I was so happy to hear that.

I may have become so ugly, but Yuuri will always be Yuuri.

TLN: My laptop keyboard is going crazy, I need to get it fixed or I won’t be able to TL (and assignments). I currently have a temporary fix by disabling it, but I’m not confident in it holding up. So if I’m not uploading for a few days, it’s probably because of this.