XXVIII

Mistakes

☆彡𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑎

Narrative

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Valentine's Day had come and gone like any other day. Surprisingly it didn't affect me as badly as I thought it would. It helped that me and Maya exchanged gifts.

"I hope you know she likes you." Cam comes over and sits down next to me. "What?" I dig in between the cushions for a remote. "Maya, She's in love with you." "What? you're crazy she's just a friend." "I see the way she looks at you, it's the same way Paige did." I hate how easily she can throw her name around. "And how is that?" "In love. I don't know how to explain it, I just know." "Okay, you sound crazy. Maya is a very good friend." "Denial is a river in Egypt, baby." "What the hell does that mean?" "Never mind."

"Okay, anyways, Maya invited me to a party, wanna come?" "I'm, okay." "Why not?" "I think I need to take a break from parties." "It's March, I think you are okay." My phone vibrates underneath me so I do more digging to find it. "Do you know who Victoria is?" "Uh, no, why?" "She just followed me and it says she goes to UCConn." "Never heard of her." Oh well. I follow her back and turn Spiderman back on.

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It was now finally the weekend which meant I could take a break from long study sessions. A party may not be what I need but it's better than nothing. I put on some jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a halter vest accompanied with an assortment of jewelry. At this moment I'm giving up on dresses. It's still way too cold.

When I get to Maya's car I eye her roommate who gives me a look and get in the car. Her friends do not like me. The party was way off campus and I'm not even sure if it was in the zone for school. "Do you know these people?" I ask as we pull into a neighborhood filled with giant houses. "No, but they won't care." "Oh, okay." I underestimated how many people were here, this was the most packed party I've ever been to. Maya guides me through the party and into the kitchen grabbing beers. "oh no thanks," "Come on, just one won't hurt." She holds it out to me with a charming look on her face. "Okay, fine." "I'll go find something to open them with." She turns around and this is the first time I'm seeing how many tattoos she has. Her upper back is covered up until it meets the hem of her tank top.

The more the night drags on I realize how much of a party person she is. I mostly watched as she talked to strangers bringing a smile on their faces and dancing at random moments. I was now two beers in when I felt my phone vibrate. It was a notification from Victoria. Weird. Even weider that she sends just a picture. I hover over the picture not sure if I want to open it. When I finally build up the courage I see a picture of someone in the passenger seat of a car. Its Paige. The text on the picture read 'Look who I'm with.' What the fuck.

I go to her account and scroll through photos. That's when I found what I was looking for. she was the girl Paige kissed at the party. My heart sinks and I feel the tears build. Why should I even care, she can date whoever she wants. I push my way into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of whatever alcohol I can find. It burns as it hits my throat but I don't care, I just need to get drunk enough to forget I even saw that photo. Some girl walks up to me, her hand stretched to give me something. "You look like you need it." I take the blunt and take a long drag.

"Evelina, are you okay?" I heard Maya's voice a few minutes later. She takes the weed from my hands and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Let's go sit down for a moment." She wraps an arm around my waist carrying me somewhere.

The light of the bathroom is a harsh yellow and it hurts as I adjust to it. I slide down on the floor resting my back against the cabinets. "I guess you aren't about this life, huh?" "If that means I don't dance and talk to random people every five seconds, then you are right." Her laugh is followed by a silence that settles between us. I turn my head to look at her and she is already looking at me. "You gonna be okay?" "Kiss me." She doesn't hesitate grabbing my face and pulling me in. Her lips felt nothing like Paige's, they are rough, but at that moment I didn't care. I continued to kiss her as she let me crawl on top of her. Her hands are now at my waist pulling me in. Deep down I feel bad, I don't love her, I just need to feel something. There is a knock on the door and I jump off her. That's when I realized what I was doing. I rush out of the small room and to the front of the house. The cold air of the night slaps me in the face as I reach the porch. "Wait Evelina, let me take you home. Please don't go anywhere. Give me a moment to find Anna." I don't have any other choice but to wait.

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"I fucked up." Is the first thing I say to Cameron the morning after. "Elaborate please." "I kissed her. Wait! before you say anything let me explain. So, as you know last night I went to a party and when I was there that Victoria girl sent me a picture and you'll never fucking believe it. It was Paige in her car and that's when I realized she was the one Paige kissed on New Year's. I just...I just felt so angry and hurt and I shouldn't! Right!? Well anyways I got crossed and when she took me to the bathroom I kissed her. And I would've kept going-" "Woah woah woah, slow down. You kissed her?" "Yes." I say breathlessly."Do you love her?" "What kind of questi- no, I don't think so. but I don't know what to do because I know she loves me." "This is a shit predicament you're in. But you need to remember you aren't with Paige and she isn't with you, you guys can go be with anyone you please." I would be lying if I said that didn't hurt.

"Well, I know this won't help but you've been invited to a team dinner and they all want you there." "What! what do you mean I've been invited to a team dinner??" "Well, I know Nika really misses you and was talking about it with Coach and so he told me to invite you." "I can't go." "Come one please, you don't even have to look at her." "That's easier said than done," I mutter. 'It'll be fun, it's tomorrow night at 7." "I can't go I have too much homework." "It's a Sunday." She could see right through me.

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March is almost over and I'm sick of winter. Every time I leave our apartment building I get hit with a sharp wind that makes me want to crawl back into bed. I think it was even worse tonight. "It's too cold, I'm going back inside." "No you're not." Cam grabs me by the wrist and drags me to the car. "Okay okay, fine I'm getting in." I put up my hand defensively. "What is the point of this?" "I'm not sure, I think it's team bonding but I don't know." I groan. What's the point of going if it's for something I'm not even a part of? Im sure I'll just mess shit up. I no longer want to dwell on my invertible future so I change the subject. "You never did tell me who you were with on New Year's." I look over as her hands tighten on the steering wheel. "So who was it?" "I don't know." "What!? are you shitting me right now? You don't know who you were on top of the whole night?" "No...I was really drunk and the weird thing was they were dressed up. I'm not sure why but whoever it was good." "excuse me?? good at what!?" I feel like I'm going crazy. "Things." "Okay, Cameron."

When we finally arrive at the restaurant I slip away to the bathroom. I don't know how she expects me to sit with them and not prepare myself before. I need to look like I'm doing something, so I dig in my pocket for my lip gloss. My rings make the task ten times harder. The flush from the stall behind me makes me jump and drop the gloss. "Shit" I mutter. I bend down to pick it up and shoes appear beside me. Huh, those look vaguely familiar. I slowly get up and realize who I'm standing next to. It's always the bathroom. My chest feels like exploding, how could she look so normal after the other night, how could I look so normal? My impulse gets the best of me and I speak. "Who's Victoria?" Do I not have any impulse control, fuck. She chokes at my question. "What?" She turns to me her hands still in the sink. This was the first time I've looked at her since January 8. Yes, I accidentally kept track, yes, I'm insane. No backing down now. "Victoria, who is she?" I repeat. "H-I don't know a Victoria." "Paige, don't play dumb,who is she?" She just looks at me. "Forget it." I shove my lipgloss back in my pocket and storm out of the bathroom.

I pull myself together and make my way through the maze of a restaurant. When I got to the long table the team burst with hellos. I make my way to each one of them giving hugs then find my place next to Cameron. Paige comes back to the table shortly after not batting an eye my way.

"So, Evelina how have you been?" Aubrey asks. "Good, just trying to make my way through all this studying. How is basketball?" I look to everyone but her. They all respond overlapping each other. I manage to make out that it's going well but it is very tiring. They make me laugh. They are just a bunch of sisters giving their responses when a question is asked.

That night I didn't look Paige's way again. I filled myself with so much food I could barely breathe and did my best not to even think about her.