FORTY-THREE

JIMIN DOESN'T KNOW how long he has been wandering around the city but at some point it started raining and he maybe even got lost.

It's already dark outside but it seems darker inside of Jimin. His heart and head hurt, every breath is painful.

He failed. He failed to save a young soul. She died because he couldn't protect and save her. A young person lost its life because Jimin failed to use his powers.

And the worst is that he knew his powers weren't working the way they should and still he decided to ignore it and go on the missions. He didn't tell anyone he tried to ignore it, to hide it. It's his fault this all happened. She didn't have to die.

The lump in his throat is huge, it's making it hard for Jimin to not burst out in tears. His chest feels heavy, everything hurts so much.

The pain is almost unbearable. He didn't even know the woman, but she didn't have to die. He failed his duty. Working for the Swat - it's no longer a duty he could fulfill. He failed and someone died, how could he continue the work? How after failing to save a person?

His mind is full of thoughts, about what happened, about what will happen and how things will go on from now. Jimin isn't sure.

Mostly he's angry with himself. He killed someone by ignoring an important part, by not telling someone about his power problem. It's his fault. He can't do this anymore.

After a while he left the crowded part of the city and went further away. It's an empty street through a small forest, leading to a small bridge.

Jimin decided to take a rest at the bridge, just looking at the small river underneath.

For the first time after the task, a shaky breath left his lips, one that he seemed to be holding ever since.

Tears starting to form in his eyes once again. It hurts. It hurts. Fuck, why does it hurt so much?

His whole body is soaking wet from the rain, but Jimin doesn't mind. He needs to feel the raindrops on his head because he doesn't know what to feel at all. Anger, sadness, worry, guilt, disappointment or nothing? Jimin isn't sure.

The grip around the fence he's been leaning against tightens, his eyes hurt even though the salty tears help to ease the burning feeling. Quiet sobs leave his lips as his whole body starts trembling, tears blur his vision while he tries to not break apart any second.

He needs someone to hold him together.

„Jimin?"

The younger stops his sobs, not sure if he was imagining things, if his mind is already messing with him.

A look to his left confirmed it - he is standing there, looking at him with pity written all over his face.

„Leave me alone." Jimin says, his voice more like a whisper but since the street is empty and the only sounds are coming from the river, the elder could hear him.

Jimin continues his way further onto the bridge, ignoring the elder who's following him.

Yoongi has been following him since he left the department but Jimin was so occupied with his own thoughts, he didn't even notice that the elder has been right behind him the whole time. The elder just couldn't leave him alone, he had to follow him.

It made him worry about the younger, it isn't easy, seeing someone die in front of you while trying to protect this person. Yoongi has experienced it a few times himself. He knows how Jimin must feel, that's why he didn't want to leave him alone tonight and instead followed him quietly.

But now seeing him crying on that bridge brought back bitter memories Yoongi had tried to forget ever since that night.

„Jimin wait please-"

„I said leave me alone!" Jimin shouts, his voice shaking as he tries to not cry again. The rain has already washed away the tears from his face.

„You shouldn't be alone right now." Yoongi shouts back and finally catches up with the younger who took a halt and turned around to face Yoongi.

„Let me take you home, Jimin." His voice softened as he slowly approaches Jimin, who raises a hand to stop him.

„D-don't." He whispers taking a step back to keep the distance between him and Yoongi even though all he wants is to feel the older male's closeness.

„Jimin." Yoongi says softly, taking another step closer.

„People tend to push others away in moments they need them the most." The elder adds, „Please don't push me away, Jimin. I know how you feel."

The younger finally looks into the eyes he's been avoiding ever since he noticed Yoongi's presence.

„I- don't want to be a-around anyone right now!" Jimin responds, tears again blurring his vision.

„I- I need time to think- I killed someone." He adds, forming his hand into a fist, as the pain grows bigger with saying those words out loud.

„No you didn't." Yoongi immediately says, „You didn't kill her. It just happened Jimin. This is normal in our job."

„But it's not normal to me!" Jimin responds raising his voice, „It's not normal for me to- see people d-die- because of me!"

„It wasn't because of you!" Yoongi says loudly taking a step closer to the younger male who's body is just like his own completely wet from the cold rain.

„She didn't die because of you Jimin." He adds this time with a softened voice, „She died because a man was holding his gun against her head and shot her."

Jimin gulps, tears falling down his cheeks but the rain covered them, making it impossible to tell what's rain and what's tears.

Yoongi's words kept repeating in Jimin's head but he didn't want to believe them, she died because he couldn't control his powers!

„N-no..! She died- because I couldn't control my powers! I couldn't- save her." Jimin exclaims, anger and guilt written on his beautiful face. Yoongi's heart hurts to see him like that. All the elder wants to see on his soft facial features are happiness and joy.

„We all make mistakes, Jimin. Don't blame yourself. It could happen to anyone not just you-"

„S-stop! Don't say anything anymore!" Jimin shouts angrily. He isn't sure what to think or feel, he's frustrated and angry but also so sad and hurt.

Another step closer to Jimin, causes the younger to back off once again.

„Please Jimin-"

„S-shut up!" Jimin says, burring his face in his palms, heavy sobs leaving his lips in between, „L-leave me the fuck a-alone!"

„Don't push me away, Jimin." Yoongi says softly, approaching the younger who stopped backing off.

„It- it happened b-because- of my feelings!" His voice shakes while he tries to control his sobs but there's nothing he can do.

„My feelings.. for y-you." Even though those words came out as a whisper, they were more than loud to Yoongi. He heard- no, he fucking felt them. Like a sting in his chest, a sharp pain in his heart. He fucked up, badly. He broke Jimin's heart to the point that Jimin lost control over his powers.

Why was he so stupid? Why did he reject the younger even though his heart aches for nothing more than holding Jimin close, to be with him and never let him go?

He rejected him because he was scared. Scared that he wasn't worth loving someone as wonderful as Jimin. The younger deserves someone who's just as amazing as he is himself. And there's nothing amazing about Yoongi - at least that's what Yoongi thinks.

What matters now is that he has broken Jimin's heart and it's his fault that the younger is being like this.

„M-my heart- it hurts.. so bad, Hyung." Jimin mumbles between his sobs and tears, the rain got stronger and was so loud, he was afraid his voice would get lost in it.

„I know.." Yoongi sighs out, he feels bad and guilty, „I'm sorry for being the one- who broke your heart."

Jimin looks up, his hands finally removing from his face, revealing the red puffy eyes, the desperate look, eyebrows drawn together.

Yoongi took his silence as a signal that he's listening, that he can come closer.

„I'm so sorry, Jimin. I'm so stupid- I never meant to hurt you like this." Yoongi admits taking another step closer now finally standing in front of the younger male. Reaching out, Yoongi grabs Jimin's cold and wet hands into his own bigger ones, looking from their hands into Jimin's red eyes.

„I was a coward and scared of my own feelings- I pushed you away and it was my biggest mistake." He continues, softly squeezing the smaller hands of the younger male, „I was scared of losing you- but pushing you away from me was the wrong way. I'm so sorry for causing you pain."

Jimin just looks at him, tears fall from his eyes, but he remains silent, trying to collect his thoughts.

Carefully Yoongi pulls Jimin's trembling body closer, giving him a few seconds to be able to say something or to react. Sobs were still leaving his lips, making his whole body shake whenever one left his mouth, tears and raindrops covering his face.

„I-I'm scared." Jimin whispers and Yoongi nods, softly squeezing his hands before removing his hands from Jimin's to place it on his cheeks the next moment.

„It's okay Jimin. We will figure everything out, together." Yoongi says, removing the tears under Jimin's eyes with his thumbs.

„I won't let you down ever again. I promise." Softly he pulls Jimin's face closer, placing one and then another kiss on Jimin's closed eyelids.

With that he pulls Jimin into a long embrace, hugging him so close, that all the pieces that were about to fall off Jimin, were held together. Yoongi holds him as if he's afraid to lose him.

A part of him was, seeing him on a bridge having a mental break down reminded him of that night he lost his first love to suicide.

But Jimin is in his arms - save and warm. And Yoongi will make sure that it will always stay this way. That no tears fall down his cheeks ever again, that his heart isn't in pain instead filled with happiness and love. He will make sure that Jimin is full of joy and has no worries, that his mind has only cheerful thoughts, that he never forgets how important and wonderful he is.

„I- failed Hyung. I'm such a failure- I don't d-deserve to w-work with you-" Jimin cries into his chest. He feels tiny compared to Yoongi's strong arms and well built chest even though they're the same height, he feels small but also save in his embrace.

„No Jimin you're not a failure. You're amazing, you're smart, ambitious, strong and so much more. You deserve to work with us more than anyone else." The elder holds him close, tries to reduce the sobs and trembling by tightening the grip around Jimin's slim body.

„We will get through it, together like I said." Yoongi adds before softly pushing Jimin's fragile body off him to place a long kiss on Jimin's wet forehead.

He looked at him with his sad eyes, like a lost deer, but Yoongi is there to hold him, to show him the path, to be there for him.

„Now let's get you home, angel."

⟭⟬

It felt good to feel the hot water on his ice cold skin. Jimin closed his eyes to enjoy this moment a little bit longer.

They got home a while ago, Yoongi brought him to his room after taking some fresh clothes from Jimin's room. The elder insisted that Jimin stays in his room that night.

Yoongi is preparing his bed while waiting for Jimin to finish showering. His mind is full of thoughts, it took him a few seconds to realize that Jimin has already finished and entered the room.

„I- can go to my room, Hyung. Seriously you don't need to worry-"

„No, Jimin- it's fine I want you here tonight. To make sure you're okay." Yoongi interrupts him after being able to leave the trance he had fallen into. Approaching Jimin, he softly grabs his arm to pull him to his bed.

Jimin gives up, he's too tired to fight against it and secretly he can't think of anything more comforting than lying in Yoongi's bed and sleeping next to him.

Lying down, Jimin is already surrounded by a scent that gives him comfort but at the same time takes away his breath and makes it hard to breathe. It's both wonderful and painful.

Yoongi also lies down, facing Jimin, who's pulling up the blanket closer to his chin. Even though he just showered with hot water, his body feels cold. The elder somehow seemed to notice it.

„Are you cold?" Yoongi asks with his voice quiet and soothing.

„Slightly." Jimin whispers, feeling like a child, so small and fragile.

„Come closer, I can keep you warm." The elder responds, picking up the blanket so that Jimin can lie right next him. Hesitating slightly, Jimin then scooted closer, his heart beating fast at their closeness. Putting his arm around Jimin's slim body, Yoongi pulls him closer, making the younger rest his head on his chest.

A comfortable warmth embraces Jimin's cold body, while he snuggles his face against Yoongi's chest. Carefully he puts his arm around the older male's waist, still hoping that this isn't just a dream but reality and that lying on Yoongi's arms isn't just a one time thing.

„Are you feeling a little better?" Yoongi asks quietly as he starts caressing Jimin's slightly wet hair, causing a shiver to run down Jimin's spine. It feels good, so comforting and amazing. He feels cozy and tired, so fucking tired.

The sudden wave of tiredness that has hit him is making it almost impossible for him to keep his eyes open. The warmth of Yoongi's strong embrace, gives him the closeness and security he needed so much. It was all he asked for. It's all he ever needed. Just someone to hold him tight, to tell him he's good enough, that everything will be alright, someone who stays by his side no matter what. Yoongi is that someone. Yoongi is all Jimin ever wanted.

Ever since getting to know the elder, Jimin has experienced feelings he never felt before. Even though their story, their path has been hard, with many ups and downs, with rejection and heartbreak, with good times and bad times, it was still the best thing that ever happened to Jimin.  Meeting Yoongi, getting closer to him and becoming his partner gave Jimin the feeling of being alive. Working for the Swat gave his life a purpose for once.

For the first time he feels alive. His powers and him being different is for once not making his life hard but instead giving it a purpose. Today's loss was huge, it was painful and heartbreaking, bringing him on the edge of giving everything up, but failure is sometimes necessary to do better and get even stronger. Jimin is just at the beginning, his life just has started.

The younger nuzzles his face closer to the crook of Yoongi's neck, letting the tiredness take over his body completely, "Yes I feel better now."

It was just a whisper but Yoongi heard him, understood him. Like always. It has always been Yoongi. The one by his side, understanding him, supporting him even in times when he was so far away. It has always been Yoongi, and it will always be him. No matter what. Jimin knows.

"That's good. Try to sleep now."

Jimin knows.

It's love.

His eyes are closed, his breath is quiet, his heartbeat is steady, he's almost asleep. Oh so tired.

Yoongi pulls him closer - he wants him even closer. Breathing in, Yoongi smells the scent of Jimin, making him feel at ease. Jimin turned his life upside down, confused him but mostly brought him back the peace he thought he has lost forever. Jimin touched his heart way before touching his body, he brought warmth to his chest and peace to his mind. Being with Jimin, made Yoongi feel alive after his biggest loss.

Jimin makes him laugh, makes him mad, he impresses him, makes him sigh but also smile, he makes him feel light headed but also stronger, he makes him frown but also enlightens him, he pleasures his body and his mind, he makes him angry but also happy, he brings him peace. He brings him peace. Jimin is his source of light, his happiness - all he ever wanted.

"Hyung.." A small whisper, only loud enough for Yoongi to hear it. He hums, waiting.

"I love you, Hyung."

A lump in his throat, relief in his heart.

Yoongi knows. It's love.

-

A/N: THE long awaited, most wanted, most wished for & my personal favorite chapter

How did you like it??

I loved it :') it was intense and long but I didn't want to go short on the details, and I want to make it as emotional as possible. Pls tell me how you liked it, would love to hear your opinion <33

I've decided that this book will have about 60 chapters, it's a good length but maybe it will be slightly more than that. Let's see!

Thanks for being this patient with me, from now on you will love me for sure ;)

The chapters was inspired by the song added in the beginning I really love it <3

& ofc thanks for your support as always!! <33