62: Where Do We Go

SASHA POV

Sunlight filters down through the pine trees around me, bringing a bit of warmth to the snowy courtyard in which I sit, bundled in sweaters and blankets and a thick knit hat. Thanks to some clever dwarven construction techniques and Rika’s incredible stealth cloaking technology, this courtyard at WASP HQ doesn’t look like a courtyard at all, but rather a remote, secluded part of a national park or something. If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t have any idea that I’m surrounded by a building I’ve hated for most of my life.

If I had my way, we’d be back with Drake’s pack or Samson’s Underground, or even in Columbus—anywhere but here. But I was just granted the privilege of leaving my bed in the infirmary for more than a quick trip to the toilet, so I suppose I should count my blessings. I certainly have plenty of them to count. Rika and Zoe made it out of that battle unscathed. Berach is dead. Zoe handled meeting with Samson and the other people who actually want to be in charge of WASP while I was indisposed, and they liked her suggestions so much they haven’t even bothered consulting me. I even asked Samson about retiring from WASP and he seemed favorably disposed towards the idea.

What a dream that would be. I have no idea what I might do with my life, once WASP isn’t in control of it anymore, but for the first time since my family was killed, I’m starting to wonder if maybe life could be worth living.

“Sasha?” a familiar, deep voice calls from the direction of one of the doors to this courtyard.

“Drake?” I reply. He survived, too. Against all odds. We were both too close to Berach in that battle for our survival to be anything less than miraculous. But I suppose that’s another blessing to count.

“Cold out here,” he remarks as he approaches through the snow to settle next to me on my bench under the evergreens.

“I just needed some fresh air, and Rika said I was allowed to get out of bed, so—”

“Same for me. Finally. Even if it is colder than Frosty’s—”

“You grew up in Maine, right? WASP HQ isn’t that much further north than your pack lands, from what I remember.”

“All I know is that it was not this cold when we stopped at home on our way to HQ to bail you out.”

“Fair enough, I suppose.” Silence blooms between us, but for once it’s not super uncomfortable, heavy with the weight of a future crisis or feelings left unspoken. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Obviously. Good enough to get out of bed. But….”

“I’m sorry about Xander. And the others from your pack who died.” And I am, even though that battle could have gone much, much worse for our side, and I’m more grateful that it went as well as it did than I am sad for any particular casualty.

“Thank you. I know you didn’t like him much, but he was…like a brother to me.”

“I know. It wasn’t hard to see how close you were. And Callum, too. How is he?”

“Still bedridden. The vampire bites did a number on him, from what Rika said. But he can sit up and talk for a bit now, at least.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

“So am I. And glad that you’re…better.” His hand finds mine, resting between us on the bench, and a flash of fire sparks up my arm from his touch. What the fuck?!

“Drake….”

“So. What do you plan to do now? I know you weren’t expecting to survive, again, but…. Here you are.” There’s a pleasant warmth in his golden eyes, but the snowy grass underfoot is easier to look at.

“Yeah. Here I am. Still at WASP HQ. I hate this place so much.”

“Once you’re discharged from the infirmary they’ll probably let you leave. Unless you want to continue with Special Ops.”

“Not a chance. I’m resigning as soon as I can. Samson seemed like he might be willing to let me, even. I expected I’d have to fight for it, but….”

“I think the general consensus is that you’ve done enough for WASP. For all of us. And you were robbed of so much of your life. It’s more than time you should be able to live how you want to.”

What a novel idea. Too bad I have no idea what I’m after, at this point. I never thought I’d get here.

“What about you? What are your plans, now that…everything is different?”

“Well, um. I’ve talked with my parents and with Samson, and…. Have you heard Zoe’s plan for how to deal with the whole climate change mess?”

“Yeah. Fucking brilliant, right?”

“Absolutely. And they’re going to need people to help with logistics and management, and…. I think that’s something I want to do. A way to help people, supernaturals and humans regardless of their circumstances. A way to make sure justice is served.”

“A way to save the world, so to speak.”

He blushes a bit. “If you want to put it that way.”

“Will you have to stay here at HQ to do that work?”

“I’ll probably have to travel here from time to time. But most of it can be done remotely, and after all this excitement, I’d like to go back to the pack house. It’d be good to spend time with my family again, now that there’s…less pressure.”

I smile, but my heart hurts all the same. I’ll never get to spend time with my family again. Vengeance didn’t bring them back. Nothing ever will.

“I know you don’t want to stay here. Do you know…where you do want to go?” he asks me. His hand is still on mine, and I don’t know how to handle it. Every other time a guy’s tried to get close to me, I’ve been trying to get information out of him or I’ve had a million reasons to push him away.

“Not really. I told you before. I’ve traveled the whole world, but I haven’t had a place that felt like home since….”

“Then…. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but…. I know there’s space for you in the Linto-Gizos pack house. Even for just a little bit, while you figure out what it is you want to do, once you’re free from WASP.”

“Your family won’t mind? I find it hard to believe that a pack of lycans would welcome a feline shifter. Especially one with my assassination record.”

“They saw your video. The call to action. They know…that your reputation isn’t who you are.”

“That’s…great to hear, if a bit…unbelievable.”

“I know it must be. You’re under no obligation. Just…think about it?”

“I’m thinking about it. If I were to…come stay in Maine with your pack…. Would they think that I…that we….?”

“That depends on you.”

I’ve been studying the snow between my feet, but these words make me look up at him in surprise. “Beg pardon?”

“I know we’ve talked about…us before. I know it doesn’t work the same way for you as it does for me. But we haven’t settled things one way or another, like, formally, y’know, and….”

“Things are different now, than they’ve been any other time we’ve talked about it.”

“What?” His eyes widen; this wasn’t the response he was expecting. “I mean, yeah, you’re not wrong, but I didn’t mean…. I’m not trying to pressure you or anything—”

“I know. And I appreciate that. If I thought you were, I wouldn’t still be sitting here.”

“Then….”

“I like you, Drake. I just…don’t want to commit to forever. We just met less than two weeks ago. If you’re willing to take things slow and just…see how things go, then I….” Bast, why is this so hard?! Deep breaths, Sasha. You’ve handled situations way harder than this. “I would be willing to give a relationship a try, now that…. Now that I feel like I can.”

“Sasha….” His eyes search my face, torn between excitement and hope and hesitation. “You’re sure?”

“I can’t make you any promises. I don’t want to hear people talking about marriage or mating or children—”

“Right, right, that would be super premature. I’ll tell them all where the line is. Once we’ve figured that out. When you say, take it slow, would you be okay with….” His eyes drop to my lips for a second, and I can’t help smiling.

“You’ve kissed me before.”

“Yeah, but, like you said, things were different then, and—” The rest of his words evaporate as my lips meet his.

Oh, damn. Kissing him was good before, but this…. Maybe there’s something to his ‘mate’ claim, after all.

But we have time to figure that out. Hopefully, the rest of our lives.