Chapter 8. Overthinking

🎶 Locha-E-Ulfat

Published on 09.05.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

Ayansh wasn't an ardent nature lover but he loved rains. He was a pluviophile. Maybe it was the soothing sound of the drizzle or the splatter of downpour or maybe it was the way the whole world would appear blur, the people would seem alike when you gaze at them through the droplets. It was the way how these uncountable tiny drops encompassed the ability to bring so many people, so many places under their wrap. It made everything look so insignificant. Him, his problems, his insecurities, his worries everything seemed like a tiny droplet amongst many others; so small that you can't even make it out, so tangled that you can't even separate.

Rains were a perfect distraction for him, a perfect escape. It was perfect because when it was gone, it would take away most of the hurricane of emotions that he would be feeling. It would make him feel better, so much calmer.

"So how's it going in the office?" His Dad asked him while having dinner.

Ayansh looked up from his plate. "It's good. It's a nice learning experience." He replied in a small voice.

"You should talk and interact with people more. Come out of your shell." His Dad said in a monotone since he was repeating the same thing for the millionth time and he knew that it was futile.

"I'm trying." Ayansh answered with his patent response. It was true though. He did try but it was never enough.

"That's what you always say Ayansh." His Mom said disappointedly.

Ayansh's grip tightened around the fork.

"Mom Dad," Rahul intervened, putting an arm around Ayansh's shoulders. "Calm down. He's trying. He's just a little introvert and takes time to mingle with all. Y'all need to stop worrying about him. He's gonna slay." He said confidently.

Ayansh didn't know what his parents reactions were. He didn't look up to meet his brothers gaze either. He simply carried on having his dinner and spaced out. It was probably the first time ever that someone, his brother defended him, supported him. It felt good. It felt lighter to have someone on your side to share the weight. He had craved for this his entire life and he would like to believe that it was genuine and not conditional, that his brother being on his side wasn't just a result of Ayansh agreeing to him and even if it was then he would like to believe that there's nothing wrong in it. It was justified, it was fine and it was normal.

Later that night, his thoughts drifted off to the incidents that happened earlier. It's not new when he feels embarassed of himself. He can't even take a stand for himself so doing it for others doesn't even stand a chance. He can't bring himself to think about what Inaaya must be thinking about him. First, he tried to stop her, urged her to leave and then left as if two seconds more did he spend surrounded by people, he might get an attack.

He doesn't even know how did he even manage to speak those few words. It just happened in the spur of the moment. He couldn't see any way the argument would end soon and he wanted to leave, desperately. He also felt scared for Inaaya. The man was threatening her and although now when he thinks he knows that he couldn't have done anything to her but in that situation, he did feel scared. Also awful because she was alone taking a stand for a completely unknown person and the least he could've done was atleast stand beside her but he couldn't even do that at first. Maybe it was reckless, impulsive what he said later because the Ayansh he's familiar with isn't gutsy. He's far from that.

A moment flashes in his mind. The instance when Inaaya spilled water on that man's shoes. A ghost of a smile makes its way on Ayansh's face. He couldn't laugh when it took place but now as he thinks of it, he realises it was hilarious. The man was so shocked while Inaaya didn't even flinch at his yell. She stood her ground throughout. And then he sighs. That's something he'll never be able to do. He has already tried so much and yet keeps failing every time.

Or maybe you haven't tried enough.

The voice in his head says and he groans. Trying is tiring. He huffs and lies on his stomach. Pulling the pillow over the back of his head to shut the voices, he drifts off to sleep.

~

It's Sunday evening. He needs to make a call to Inaaya and it's been fifteen minutes and still he hasn't been able to gather up the courage to do that. What if she asks him about that evening? What would he say if she asks him why did he run away suddenly out of the cafe? What would she be even thinking about it? She already doesn't have a good opinion of him, does she? And he keeps making everything worse.

"Did you make the call?" Rahul sees Ayansh pacing in his room and he asks leaning against the door.

Ayansh whips his head towards him. "Yeah... ," he instantly shakes his head, "I mean no. I mean- I- I was just making the call." He replies anxiously.

"Do it." His brother commands calmly.

Inhaling sharply, Ayansh makes the call. After a few rings, Inaaya picks up.

"Hello."

"Hey, Ayansh here." He introduces himself, rubbing his sweaty palm on his pants.

"I know. I do have your number saved." She says, amusedly.

"Oh yes." He chuckles nervously. "Sorry."

"Why did you call me?" She asks softly and Ayansh feels like slapping himself for being such a nervous wreck.

"Uhm yes. Sorry I just got distracted." He cringes internally. He doesn't even make an effort to look at the disappointed face of his brother.

"It's okay."

"I'll come to the college on Monday and Thursday. You'll be there tomorrow right?" He asks directly and squeezes his eyes shut. He looks at his brother who's facepalming himself.

"Ofcourse." Inaaya laughs. "I do have regular college at 9 am. Although I need to leave from home early tomorrow but why do you ask?"

"I didn't mean to ask that." He says immediately and regrets his choice of words. "I mean- I actually wanted to ask if I should come in the morning or in the evening. I have to meet a client tomorrow so I'll schedule it accordingly." He corrects himself and sighs.

"Evening around 3 or 4 pm is fine since we usually gather along those hours. Is that okay with you?" She asks courteously.

"Absolutely." Ayansh smiles on his side. A relieved smile. "Thanks."

"Anytime. See you tomorrow."

"See you." Ayansh retorts back and hangs up the call.

"You're terrible." Rahul speaks, shaking his head in disbelief. "Get better at this I beg you." He warns and leaves.

Ayansh exhales loudly and throws himself on his bed.

God! That was nerve-wracking.

~

Inaaya has her own car and she absolutely hates it. No, not the car. How can she hate the car when it has been a gift from her brother? She hates the fact that she owns one at this age. She hates it because she never got a chance to learn two-wheeler but she knows how to drive a car. She had been told, more like ordered by his brother to go to college daily by the car and not take the bus or other vehicle. Inaaya objected to it fiercely. So they settled on an agreement where she leaves the house in the car, goes to Alisha's place and they walk their way to college which hardly takes fifteen minutes from there.

It's around 7:30 am when she's at Alisha's place and has been calling for her to hurry every few seconds.

"Two seconds Inu." Alisha yells from her room.

"Alisha, how much more time will you take? Inaaya has been waiting for so long." Her mother too scolds her.

"Mom, it has just been two minutes since she arrived." Alisha whines. "Don't disturb me you two! I'm doing my eyeliner."

"I swear if we're late, I'm not going to leave you." Inaaya warns.

"Her flight is at 10:30 am. Chill. We're anyways going in my scooty." Alisha says coming out with her bag.

Inaaya ignores her and stands up. "Let's go." She intertwines her arm with hers and starts dragging her. "Bye Aunty. I'll make sure she eats something in sometime." She shouts behind her and Alisha's mother chuckles.

"I'm sure you'll. I trust you." She shouts back.

Alisha wears her helmet and hands the other one to Inaaya. Inaaya wears it and sits behind her.

On their way, Inaaya fills Alisha about her conversation with Ayansh that she had just a day before. She lets Alisha know that she's trying her best to be civil and nice and she feels she has let go off the grudge she had been holding for Ayansh confessing his so called feelings.

"Woah." Alisha expresses. "Took you a long time but I'm glad you're over that silly thing. I like when you're nice." She grins and then all of a sudden, she applies the brakes and Inaaya jerks forward, her face slamming with Alisha's back.

"Ouch." Inaaya winces but then looks at the direction from where a harsh piercing cry is coming.

Alisha and Inaaya both get down, remove their helmets and rush towards the girl who looks around their age. She was crying in pain, holding her left leg, her scooty lying over it. They were about to move the scooty when they see a car coming to a halt near them.

Ayansh comes out of it and jogs towards the girls, an expression of concern etched over his face.

His eyes connect with Inaaya's for a split second before he averts them. He picks up the scooty.

"Did you call someone?" Inaaya asks the girl who was now sobbing inaudibly.

"It hurts." She whimpers. "My scooty just slipped. Rainy season afterall. I think I might have broken my ankle." She manages to say.

"I think we should take her to the hospital. We can take her in my car." Ayansh offers, looking at Alisha and runs his tongue over his lower lip nervously.

"Your office isn't in this direction." Alisha points out as she wonders what he's doing on this road which is usually quiet.

"My client. I had a meeting. His house falls on this way." He reasons out. "The one I told you about yesterday." He adds looking at Inaaya trying to look as calm as possible.

He looks nervous, a little shaken up maybe and Inaaya doesn't know why he seems to be avoiding her but she doesn't tell that. "Yeah. He told me." She agrees. "Won't you be late?"

"No, it's fine." Ayansh says as Inaaya and Alisha manage to make the girl stand with their support. They take her to Ayansh's car and make her sit behind.

Alisha then goes and parks her as well as the girl's scooty on the side on the road.

"I'm sorry but I can't actually come." Inaaya says guiltily when Alisha comes back. "I need to see my aunt off at the airport. It's really important."

Ayansh blinks. "It's fine." He doesn't know what else to say.

Alisha puts a hand over her shoulder. "No need to be sorry. You should actually leave."

"I'll take a cab. I hope it's nothing serious with her leg."

With that, Inaaya leaves on her way while Alisha and Ayansh leave in the car.

~

"It was just a sprain." Alisha said again. "Just a sprain Niki, just a sprain!"

"She got you Alish when you said for the first time. You can stop repeating." Inaaya intervenes while scrolling on her phone.

They'd got a free period after lunch and Nikita was busy writing her assignment.

"But I'm not getting the desired reaction." Alisha whines. "Neither from you nor from her."

Inaaya scoffs. "Because it doesn't deserve."

"The girl was literally crying like she had broken a bone or two. And then we get to know that it's a sprain? Just a sprain? She was wailing so much for a sprain?" Alisha says in disbelief.

Nikita looks up from her sheets. "Sprain hurts too." She says pointedly.

"But not to the point where you cry so much!" She argues.

"Not everyone sprains their leg after every two week." Inaaya counters. "Her leg was must be hurting more due to the weight of the scooty. Also, the sprain was a little severe."

Alisha huffs because she knows Inaaya has a point too. "Yeah but still. I don't just find this whole thing convincing. The girl and then Ayansh there at the exact time. It's just so..... " She furrows her brows.

"You need to make up your mind because one moment you're sceptical and next moment you're fanning over how Ayansh helped the girl and the way he behaved at the hospital and everything and then talked to us." Inaaya glares at her.

"That just means I'm not being biased." Alisha holds up her palms in defence. "He was really kind towards the girl. Shy but still kind. Nervous but still very helpful. And I give points to him for that. And I also feel you should appreciate it."

"That was nice of him to do. Fine?"

"You aren't doing some favour. It isn't coming from your heart."

Inaaya slams her hand on the desk softly and stands up. "So what should I do? Make a stan account or tell something like 'hayee mai marjawan'?" She says sarcastically, threading her fingers and bringing it to her chest and faking a dreamy grin. "Or maybe I should go with nimbu mirchi and ward off evil eyes." She adds pressing a finger behind Alisha's ear. "Tumhe kisi ki nazar na lage." She grits.

Nikita laughs.

Alisha swats her hand away. "Asshole." She mutters to Inaaya.

"Always for you." She blows a flying kiss in return. "Anyways I'm going for the project and stop watching those stupid movies and TV shows. They're messing up with your brain."

"Shut up and leave!" Alisha snaps grumpily while Nikita waves at Inaaya.

~

Inaaya takes her seat behind everyone. Ayansh had already arrived till she came in the classroom. A couple of students were remaining so everyone was waiting for them. Ayansh had messaged earlier in the group that he had some suggestions and also he had few recommendations to make changes in the dimensions. Inaaya didn't want to look at him for the fear that she might again get hypnotized by him like it had happened for the previous two times and will end up forgetting everything around her. Again.

Somehow she had managed to convince herself that it was his white shirt that stood out in the dark and she couldn't help but notice it and him. A voice inside her laughed at her silly reason to delude herself so she blamed her mind for getting so easily distracted by a handsome man's sight. She even blamed her hormones saying it's the pre menstruation phase.

"You can sit forward." Ayushi who was sitting two benches ahead turned and said to Inaaya.

"I'm comfortable here. Don't worry." Inaaya dismisses her. She notices that everyone has gathered in the room so she finally looks at Ayansh to listen to what he has to say.

Ayansh keeps his stare on the papers that lie on the table as he pretends to search something through them. Inaaya frowns noticing he isn't speaking anything. She gets a feeling that he's nervous and immediately the instinct to want to make him feel comfortable is back. She doesn't know how to do it when he isn't even looking anywhere other than the papers.

"We don't have the whole day." Tushar, one of her group members says and everyone looks at him. As if realising that came out harsher than he intended, he adds, "Sir."

Ayansh looks towards him, trying to keep a neutral expression, trying to mask away the waves of anxiety that he has been feeling. What if his suggestions aren't impressive? What if the students think that bringing him for helping them is a complete waste? Yet through his doubts, he manages to nod at Tushar. He was about to turn back to his papers to get himself a moment when he notices something odd in someone.

Inaaya.

She had her eyes squinted, nose scruched up and lips settled in an irritating pout. The kind of pout where you push your lips way too forward which people tend to think is sexy and makes up for a good pose but in all honesty is nothing but cringe and too extra. His brows furrows in confusion. Then she sticks her tongue out with her hands near her ear and starts moving her fingers to and fro childishly. Ayansh's eyes widen in disbelief. He doesn't understand what's wrong with her and then suddenly he has an urge to laugh. He bites the inside of his cheek to stop the grin and looks down. Not even a moment later, he moves his eyes up to look at Inaaya who now is doing some weird eye movements. As if sensing something is going on, everyone turns around to look in the direction Ayansh has been looking for a while now.

Inaaya had a pen in her hand and her head was pressed on the fist of her other hand propped on the table. She was pretending to be busy in whatever the hell was written in the notebook. Slowly she looks up and gives all of them a curious look.

Ayansh on the other hand was having a hard time suppressing his laughter. The girl was doing some weird antics a moment before and was now pretending like she's unaware of everything. It was funny how quick she was to change her whole demeanor.

"Is anything wrong?" Inaaya asked innocently.

"Okay so let's start now." Ayansh says with a smile on his face, catching everyone's attention and begins their discussion.

Inaaya let's a small smile creep up her face watching that.

When Ayansh finishes explaining his changes and ideas, everyone looks at him impressed and with understanding. For another hour, they all discuss and finalize everything about the project. There are inputs from everyone and it makes Ayansh glad that everyone is so involved and really wants to be a part of it. Inaaya doesn't miss out how

the entire time, he was back to avoid looking at her. It was frustrating because she really couldn't figure out why was he blatantly avoiding her but she thought maybe she's just overthinking and she should just focus on the task at hand for now.

It was decided that in a couple of days, they'll start working on making the model.

Inaaya thinks that she'll talk to Ayansh when they'll be leaving and she hints him about the same by constantly looking at him but he leaves as she's packing her bag and she's sure he's avoiding her for some forsaken reason and she's definitely not overthinking about it.

***

Writing these days is just being such an escape and it's terrible because I need to channelize all my energy and time into studying since exams are going on and I can't and it sucks but moving on. Hope y'all are doing good :)

Vote and comment ❤️

• Thank you for reading •