Chapter 5. Library

Published on 26.04.2022

| AUTHOR'S POV |

Inaaya skipped her piano classes and went back home. She was frustrated, angry but more than that she felt hurt, she felt pain.

"And this time, the challenge is you and he's going to win it."

The words kept echoing in her mind, haunting her, taunting her. Maybe she was overthinking, overreacting - hell yeah, she was overreacting! But how can one control their thoughts when all it wants is to run away from your reach? That's the reason she despises being alone. Her thoughts always find a way to wander off to places where she never wants to visit.

Her mother was surprised to see her back home. "Did your class get cancelled?" She asked although she was certain that wasn't the reason. Even if her class had gotten cancelled, she would've been anywhere but home.

"I just didn't feel like going today." Inaaya answered while taking a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" She asked softly watching her daughter take two gulps of water.

"Nothing. Don't worry." Inaaya answered and turned back to leave.

"Do you want me to make you something?"

"No, thanks."

"You can tell me if something is bothering you. Maybe that will make you feel better." Her mother said wanting to help her.

Inaaya turned around to face her. "I'm just overreacting. Fine!?" She said bluntly and without an ounce of regret for being rude to her mother, she left.

Her mother gripped the counter and sighed. It wasn't unusual. She trying to reach her, wanting to hold her hand and her pushing her mother away or running away from her. Most of the times, she convinced herself saying that this behaviour was just because her daughter was a grownup now. She likes to have her own space and doesn't want mollycoddling. But a small part of her knew that wasn't the reason. That was never the reason.

Inaaya laid down on her bed. Her legs hanging from the edge, her hands intertwined and placed on her stomach and her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. She started taking steady breaths and then she clenched her jaw when she felt her eyes brimmed with tears. She tried to blink them back but it didn't help. So she closed her eyes and tried to just focus on her breathing as the teardrops slipped through the corners of the eyes leaving streaks.

She hates being angry. She hates how she ends up hurting others when she's hurting. She hates how suffocating she feels when she's at home. She hates when she finds herself entangled in the web of her thoughts. That's the reason she doesn't like to be left alone. After college, she goes for piano and singing classes. And on days where she doesn't have classes, she spends her time with Alisha before coming to her house around dinner time. She knows her mother craves to shower her with her love. She too wants to feel loved. But she doesn't want to be at home. She feels too fragile, too helpless to face him everyday, to be in his shadow and act as if nothing had happened, nothing had went wrong. And she's too weak to let it go, to forgive, to move past it.

Inaaya didn't know when she drifted off to a light sleep. It was broken by the continuous knocking on her door. Instantly, she knew it was her brother. She sat on her bed rubbing the sleep off her eyes. She didn't answer. She didn't want to. She just wanted to go back to sleep and avoid everything, be ignorant, be oblivious. It feels better that way.

"Inu," Kartik called out softly. He was five years elder to her and loved her the most. If there was anyone who could actually miraculously make her smile, make her feel loved without her wanting to run away from it then it was Kartik. He was her favourite person, closest too. "If you're awake then please open the door. I want to talk to you about my day and then we can have dinner in your room."

Inaaya didn't answer. She was scared she won't be able to speak a sentence without her voice breaking. She just felt a little too vulnerable.

"Inu?" Kartik asked again. Getting no answer, he sighed. "Fine, I'm starting to believe that you're actually sleeping. I hope I'm not wrong. But just in case you aren't then letting you know that Mom has made doodhi ka halwa and it's in the fridge. Also," his voice fell an octave lower, "you've been quite busy these days. I really- really miss you, miss talking to you but it's fine. I love you by the way, more than my future girlfriend." He said the last sentence loudly in a gleeful way.

Inaaya blew out a breath when she heard his retreating steps. If there was anyone who could make her want to break into a cry and fits of laughter at the same time then it was him. The best thing about Kartik was he never rebuked her for her conduct, be it with her mother or anyone else. Maybe it was because he loved her too much to scold her or maybe he understood her deep down but whatever it was, it made her feel grateful for having atleast one person who looked beyond her flaws always.

Inaaya hardly slept that night. The recent incidents kept playing in her mind like a broken record, so did the words said by so many people.

The next morning she got freshen up, put on her denim jacket over her white crop top and wore her high waist dark jeans. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail, securing the wisps of hair that frames her face with pins. Carrying her backpack over the shoulder, she went downstairs.

It was already 9:30 so she knew her father would've already left for work. Her mother was watching television. She noticed Inaaya but didn't say anything for the fear that even a word from her mouth could upset her. Inaaya awkwardly made eye contact with her and then went to the kitchen. She opened the fridge and served the halwa in the bowl. With hesitant steps, she came and sat beside her mother. Her mother gave her a weird look when Inaaya pushed the bowl forward and asked with the raising of eyebrows if she needed some. The woman then shook her head and gave her a small smile and Inaaya nodded a little.

"I'm sorry." Inaaya said taking a spoonful of halwa and putting it in her mouth.

Her mother didn't know how to react. Having somewhat argument with Inaaya was normal, regular even but Inaaya apologising was a first. Her daughter was unpredictable, you can never tell what goes on with her. She knew it so she didn't want to say anything that would end up offending her.

"It's okay. I understand." She said carefully.

Inaaya brought a spoonful of halwa near her mother's mouth and this time, she happily obliged and opened her mouth.

"It's not, I know that," Inaaya said sincerely. "I really don't know how you actually put up with me," she chuckled sadly, "but it surely must be requiring a hell lot of patience."

Her mother who felt pretty much at ease now shrugged. "I won't deny that it's not tough but then I remind myself that it's better than other things. You wanting your own space, not wanting your parents to interfere in your life and wanting to handle things on your own is so much better than many other things."

Inaaya eyed her mother curiously. "Other things like what?" She questioned.

"Other things like drugs." She answered casually and Inaaya gasped.

"Mom!" She exclaimed in horror.

"What?" Her mother said defensively. "It really makes me feel tons better. So what's the harm?"

"You're unbelievable." She shook her head. "But you're incredibly nice as well," she added softly. "I wish I could have your strength."

"Wow wow wow." Their conversation was interrupted with Kartik who looked at them with accusation in his eyes. "You two seriously forgot me? Bonding and sharing food without me? I really feel hurt."

Inaaya rolled her eyes at him. "You're so greedy I swear Bhai. You're literally the favourite of both the women who are sitting here and then you act as if you've been ignored and left alone for years."

"Ignore him Inu," Saniya, their mother said smugly. "Don't you've to go to college?"

Kartik's jaw fell open but he didn't say anything more. He couldn't help but adore the two most important women of his life smiling in each other's company and having a normal conversation.

"I'm going to the library. Swati ma'am needs some help with arranging the new edition of books. So bhai," she turned her face to her brother, "please drop me at the library. Thank you very much." She drank water from the glass in front of her and got up. "Bye Mom."

"I should really stamp the tag of use and throw on my forehead." He said sarcastically and followed Inaaya out of the house after kissing his mother on her cheek.

After entering the library, Inaaya kept her backpack on the chair back in the corner near the window and hung her jacket around it. She went to the store room to check the books. Swati ma'am told that a guy was going to come in a while so it won't take much time for them to arrange the books in the racks. She was a woman in her mid fifities who had known Inaaya since over an year now. Somedays Inaaya used to skip college or attend just few lectures and then come to the library for reading or studying. She preferred this than the college library. Many times, she would approach the librarian if she needed any help and Inaaya would gladly oblige to everything she said. This was how the librarian had grown to be so fond of the girl.

Inaaya was almost done with removing the papers that covered the stack of books when a guy entered the room with another pile of books and kept it in a corner.

"Which books are they?" Inaaya asked, his back facing her.

Instead of answering, the guy swiftly turned around. "You!" He exclaimed.

"You!" Inaaya mimicked the action, not intentionally though. "You're stalking me." She gritted.

His jaw ticked. "I'm not stalking you." He said in a low voice. Not wanting to have a further conversation, he started picking up the books near Inaaya. He winced due to the pressure on his burnt hand yet he didn't say anything and went out of the room. Inaaya noticed it. Picking up another pile of books, she went behind him.

"Hold on," she said keeping the books over the desk. "Are you the one supposed to be here to help ma'am?" She asked sceptically but when he didn't say anything, she already knew the answer. "Show me your hand?" She asked. Probably the first time when she actually spoke to him softly. It actually surprised Ayansh. He looked her with a blank stare.

"My hand is fine." He replied assuringly.

Inaaya wasn't apologetic for what she had said. In her opinion, she was right on her stand but she did feel guilty when she thought about spilling the coffee on his hand at night. He hadn't even said those words directly or indirectly that provoked her action.

"Let's do one thing." Inaaya said without any malice or anger or resentment. "I'll bring the books, hand them to you and you can put them on the rack." She raised her eyebrows, hoping he would agree because to speak nicely to him wasn't easy for her.

Ayansh wanted to protest but then simply nodded and Inaaya felt relieved.

The next one and half hour they spent sorting out the books, arranging the new edition of the books in their respective sections, removing the books that were worn out and keeping them in the store room.

"The last. Literature section." Inaaya said and started handing him the books.

"Hey! These are all the classics." Ayansh said in awe as he arranged the books.

"Yeah. You've read them?"

"Ofcourse." He said, a little too excitedly. "I actually love reading," he admitted sheepishly.

Inaaya looked amused at that admission. "That's- that's really amazing." She said and he was taken aback.

"You think so?" He asked uncertainly. "People actually find it weird to know that I've such a keen interest in reading."

"It's not weird. I'm not a very ardent reader but I too love to read books. My time gets spent well in doing so." She said casually and they started walking towards the librarian.

Ayansh didn't want to meet Inaaya again let alone have a calm and normal conversation even if it was short. They hardly talked when they were working together but Ayansh did notice her. She looked tired and pale. So different from the fierce version of what he had encountered yesterday. He remembered the words Neha had said to him after Inaaya left.

"I'm damn sure she doesn't have a boyfriend. I mean it's impossible to keep up with someone who's so stuck up, so stubborn and refuses to see beyond themselves."

Ayansh even agreed to it mentally. But right now, he felt conflicted in a weird way. He also understood that her behaving civil with him, not wanting any argument had to do more with the fact that she felt weary and weak than guilty. He wasn't a great conversationalist but he was a good observer for sure.

"We're done." Inaaya said to the librarian and Ayansh's trance was broken realising they were already standing in front of her desk.

"Thank you so much, you two. I'm so grateful." Swati smiled at them.

"Anytime." Ayansh smiled back.

"So are you two gonna wait?"

"I need to study so yeah." Inaaya replied.

"I've work on my laptop so I'll complete that and leave." Ayansh said picking up his bag.

"Great. Then I'll get something to eat for both."

"It's fine. You- "

"Shh." The librarian hushed Inaaya with a finger on her lips. "You anyways look pale. So go and study while I bring something." She commanded.

Inaaya sighed and walked to her chair. Ayansh chuckled and went to the other side of the library.

After an hour, Inaaya had fallen asleep. The tiredness due to crying and sleepless night getting better of her. Swati had brought two Mexican wraps for them. She went and gave one to Ayansh and he proposed to her that he'll give the another one to Inaaya. She doesn't have to bother going from one side of this big library to the other just to deliver wraps.

Ayansh found Inaaya with her hands folded clumsily under her head above the desk, the pen in her hand on the verge of falling on the floor. He thought to wake her up. Hesitantly, he brought his hand near her shoulder but then withdrew it back and shook his head. It didn't look like a good idea to wake her up considering how tired she had looked earlier. Carefully so as not do disturb her, he placed the wrap under her desk and pulled the pen slowly from her fingers and kept it beside her book. He was about to leave when the jacket caught his attention. It was cold in the room due to the air conditioner. He took the jacket that was hanging around the chair and draped it around her shoulders. He stared at her for a few more seconds and then left the library after taking his bag and bidding goodbye to the librarian.

Inaaya woke up after a good two hours. She actually felt somewhat relieved. She noticed the jacket around her shoulders and smiled. She pushed her arms through it. Clasping her fingers, she stretched her hands in front of her. She checked the time and it was already three pm. While she was packing her bag, she found the wrap beneath the desk. She made a mental note to thank the librarian right now as she was leaving.

"Thank you so much." Inaaya said gratefully, making the librarian look up from the register.

"For what exactly?"

"For the wrap," Inaaya brought the wrap in her hand forward, "and also for placing the jacket since I was cold."

"Oh," the woman laughed. "It wasn't me." She said and Inaaya frowned. "It was Ayansh who must have done it."

Inaaya pressed her lips together. That wasn't something she expected. She suddenly felt uneasy. To not make it look weird, she let out a chuckle for the misunderstanding. "I'm sorry." She said awkwardly.

The librarian simply dismissed her with a wave of her hand.

"I've never seen him here before today." Inaaya said.

"It's just two months since he returned to the country after completing his studies. And hardly a month since he's coming to the library. He usually comes in the morning and you come in the afternoon so there's hardly a chance you would see him." She explains and Inaaya finds herself nodding at it.

"Oh, that's nice I guess."

"He's nice. I've known him since five-six years maybe since his father is the trustee here. He loves reading books. He was in high school when I'd asked him who are his best friends and he replied so shyly 'does book counts." Swati laughs at the memory and Inaaya finds herself smiling. "He almost visited the library regularly during his vacations, used to spend his whole day here and would help me so much." She added fondly.

"That's really sweet of him." Inaaya cringed internally at her response but she didn't know what else to say. She felt confounded. The idea of standing here and praising him felt too strange and absurd. She needed to leave before she ends up creating a bad impression of herself.

"Anyways, I should leave now. Bye ma'am. Have a good day." She said politely.

"You too." The librarian said back and Inaaya waved at her while leaving out through the door.

***

No proofreading so if there are any mistakes, forgive me. Hope everyone is doing well and is happy and grateful. Thankyou for 5k+ votes on Unravelling You and hope y'all enjoy this chapter. Lots of love :)

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