Chapter Thirty-two

MATTHEW'S POV

"I have an idea. Wait here." Remi smiled and disappeared inside the small corner shop in the village. He had driven us down to the other side of the village near the river bank and parked. It meant a much shorter walk for me. My leg was healing quickly, but I still needed to be careful and not overdo it.

Minutes later, Remi reappeared with two ice cream cones, large chocolate flakes sticking up and calling to be bitten.

"Yum. I feel like a kid." I took a long lick of my ice cream and felt Remi staring at me.

"You are a kid. I'm the one that should be saying I feel young again."

"Do you?" I asked as I followed him over the old stone bridge as he turned to walk along the river bank.

"I do. I think you're making me feel younger. Eat your ice cream, then we’ll walk by the river. I want to show you something."

We ate our cones in silence and slowly walked along the narrowing river bank. The pace was slow, and Remi helped me along until we arrived at a weathered wooden bench which faced out onto the part where the river flowed into the sea.

"Wow, this is beautiful. I bet you come here a lot."

Remi stared off into the distance, his eyes heavy with memories, and I knew this place held some significance. "Let's sit here for a while. See that?"

He was looking over his shoulder, but I couldn't make out what he meant.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" I said, squinting in the bright sun.

He smiled at me, and I loved how the light made his amber eyes look golden. He looked so perfectly at home here.

"This." He pointed to the small, bronze plaque on the back of the bench.

I leaned closer, reading the inscription out loud. "‘The light that falls between day and night, that magical place where all love resides. I'll find you there my love, when I'm once again by your side. In loving memory of Geoffrey Collins.’"

My heart thundered as I read the name. Geoffrey.

"We used to come here a lot. Just to look at the view. On a really clear day, you can see right up to Howth Island."

I stared out and had to wonder if maybe I shouldn't be here, encroaching on his special place with whoever this Geoffrey was.

"It would make a beautiful painting," I said, and Remi nodded, still fixed on the distant waves.

The sunlight was sharp, and it highlighted the silver-grey strands of his hair. He was so handsome, and right now, he looked so sad.

"This place is special, isn’t it?" I whispered, trying not to disturb his thoughts.

He nodded. "Someone showed it to me one time, and it became a special place. Now, I'm showing it to you."

I saw it then. That flicker of something dark that crossed Remi's features every now and then. And I finally recognized it for what it was.

Pain.

"He was someone important?" I said.

"Yes. Very. Geoffrey was my partner. We lived together in London, but whenever we visited home, we'd come here. It always reminds me of him."

I took a deep breath and stared out at the sea. "Can I ask what happened?"

"He passed away. We'd been together for five years, and then he got sick. Cancer."

"I'm so sorry, Remi." I didn't know what else to say.

"It's okay. I don't know why I wanted to bring you here. I just felt like I needed to. I think he'd have liked you, Matthew."

Instead of responding, I just nodded and stayed quiet. I really didn't know what to say.

"Anyway, what would you like to see after this?" Remi's voice was cheery and sounded forced as he changed the subject. I didn't want this thing hanging over us. I wanted to know about it, about Geoffrey, and have it out there, in the open.

"Tell me about him."

The hesitation was clear on Remi’s face. "We don't need to talk about this. It was a long time ago. Eight years now."

I shuffled closer on the bench and pressed my shoulder against his. Looking around quickly, I slipped my hand over both of his, stopping them from twisting in his lap. "Tell me. Please? How did you meet?"

Remi's hands relaxed, and he twined his fingers with mine.

"I was working in London, and I missed my flight home to Dublin. I ended up getting the last seat on the next flight, and he was sitting beside me. We just hit it off. The chemistry was so amazing right from the start. We spent the entire flight getting to know each other. By the time we landed, we had exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up."

"Sounds like a movie,” I said, leaning against him more and nestling into the warmth of his body.

"I don't know about that, but it was different. It felt special. He was a lecturer and taught history at Cambridge. We had a lot in common, and we started seeing each other. It just worked between us. Effortless." Remi paused and shifted, a look of discomfort on his face. "You don't want to hear about this. Let's talk about something else."

"No. I want to know. I love a good romance."

He blinked slowly, and his hands gripped around mine tighter. "Okay then. We moved in together, fell in love, and planned to live happily ever after. Then the short version is that Geoffrey got sick, and it was bad. He died at our home in Cambridge, with me by his side, four months later."

I felt the tears as they slid down my cheeks, but I didn't catch them in time before Remi noticed.

"Christ. Are you crying?"

"Sorry," I said, my voice tight with emotion. "That's fucking heart-breaking."

Remi held my gaze and then burst out laughing.

Shit, why is he laughing?

"Are you okay?" I asked, worried that he was having some sort of mental breakdown.

"I'm fine. I just..." He laughed louder and reached his other hand out, placing it on my knee. "I wondered why I wanted to bring you here. I argued with myself the whole way down the street, because it was a place that belonged to me and Geoffrey. It was our memory. But I wanted to bring you. And now here you are, making me talk about him and remember him and it’s..." He exhaled long and deep.

"Maybe I shouldn't have asked. I just wanted to hear about him."

Remi nodded and squeezed my thigh, sending a pulse of electricity up to my groin. "No. It's good. Trust me. I'm just laughing at the fact that I wanted to bring you here, and then you want to hear all about him. You know how many dates or boyfriends want to hear about a dead ex-partner?”

I shook my head and placed my hand on top of his as he gripped my thigh, needing to touch him and keep the connection.

"None. Nobody wants to hear that. They want to pretend it didn't happen, or they want me to forget. But I don't want to forget it, you know? I don't want to forget him."

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. Remi’s mouth was warm, and he leaned into me, deepening the kiss. I pulled back and stared into his eyes, his pupils now large and surrounded by that amber fire that made my heart thunder. It was as if I could see right into his soul. He was a good man.

"I want to know the things that matter to you. You never have to hide that from me, Remi. You should celebrate him. He was part of what made you the person you are. His life was with you, and just because he's gone doesn't mean his memory should be." I meant every word of it.

"You are the most wonderful, incredible soul, Matthew. You know that?” He was looking at me, eyes drunk on something. Passion? Lust? Something more?

"I'm just me. And you should just be you. And then we have a chance of maybe having us."

A smile spread across Remi's face, and he leaned back into me, brushing his lips against mine and murmuring against them. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For understanding why I need to keep those memories alive. It's all I have left of Geoffrey. I knew you were special, Matthew."

Maybe it wasn't the right moment, but the way he was looking at me made me question everything I'd ever thought. This all seemed bigger than us, larger somehow, as though some divine intervention had pulled us together, magnetically, serendipitously.

"I think I like you more than I've ever liked anybody." My lip trembled, and I sucked it between my teeth, hoping I hadn't said too much.

Remi's hand was warm against my cheek as he brushed the back of his fingers against my skin. "I like you too, Matthew. More than I should after such a short time. There's something different about you. I just can't seem to look away from you. You’re practically ethereal."

"I don't know what that means," I whispered, leaning into his touch as the salty sea breeze bathed us.

He chuckled. "It means otherworldly. You have a lightness that radiates from you that's not of this world. I can't look away from you. I don’t know how to." His eyes held mine, pupils heavy with want, and I needed to feel his lips on mine, to taste him.

"That's such a lovely thing to say. Ethereal. I like that word. I'll keep it."

"Keep it?" Remi smiled, sliding his hand around my waist and pulling me against him, all the while never breaking eye contact.

I nodded. "Yeah. I like to keep things that make me happy." It was true. I was a sentimental fool, keeping ticket stubs, mementos, matchboxes. Anything that brought me back to a happy moment. They had been so few in my life that I saved any semblance of a happy memory, storing it away, to be taken out when the darkness came.

"Maybe you'll keep me?" Remi murmured.

There was no time to reply, to tell him I wanted to keep him more than anything. I didn’t want him to be a memory; I wanted him to be my reality. His lips landed on mine, and I reached up, raking my fingers through his hair, his mouth eating at mine and sending me soaring.

We sat there in the sunshine, kissing, tender and slow, the breeze gently caressing us. I'd never had this before, something so raw. There'd been no man in my life that ever kissed me like Remi, tugging at my lip with his teeth, his tongue exploring my mouth and turning me on so much I was afraid I’d never feel like this again.

I drew long lines with my fingertips from his earlobes to the nape of his neck, brushing the soft hair at the back of his neck. We broke apart, and we were both struggling for air.

I looked around quickly, the river bank empty, and I smiled as I held out my hand. "Come on, help me up."

Remi's curious expression made me giggle, but he stood up and then took my hand in his, helping me farther down along the path. After a few minutes, we rounded a corner, and the sea seemed to span out majestically, the river long gone. There was a small row of stones that separated the walkway from a field of wildflowers and large beech trees.

I attempted to step over them, wobbled, and was grateful when Remi caught my elbow and steadied me.

The grass was long, filled with tall pink daisies and yellow buttercups. Clumps of purple clover peaked through the grass, and the flash of red wild poppies made me smile.

I stopped in the centre of the field and carefully lowered myself down onto my bum before falling back into a starfish and flattening the long grass. Remi hovered over me, staring down, the sun framing him from behind and shading his face.

I wanted that man.

Easing up onto my elbows, I smiled at him. "I want to lay in the grass and feel the earth, so I know I'm not dreaming. When you kiss me, I think I'm going to float away."

He knelt down slowly and lay beside me on his side, his hand landing softly on my stomach. "I fear it's too late for me. I'm already in outer space."

I giggled and pulled him onto me, finding his mouth and sliding my tongue in the wet heat, eating him up, craving him like I'd just realized he was what I'd been missing all my life. His erection pressed against my thigh, and I arched against him, devouring the groan that he released into my mouth.

The grass swayed around us, the noise wonderfully soothing as we kissed.

If this was all we had, it would be enough.

This memory would be my happiest.