Chapter Twenty-one

MATTHEW'S POV

There was no way I was going to let the nurse put a catheter up inside where she was intent on placing it.

"I can use a bedpan," I argued.

"The doctor has requested it. You have to stay off your leg," the nurse said impatiently. There was a good chance she was going to beat me down if I didn't give in.

I sighed and watched the nurse leave, knowing she'd be back in an hour to repeat the same argument we'd already had three times now.

The prognosis was good. I'd be back to full health and mobility as long as I rested after my surgery to put a pin in place.

The surgery was scheduled for the next morning and then I'd be discharged the following day. I had two options. Go and stay with my friends again, but that wasn't really an option at all. The surgeon had assured me I'd be back on my feet within six weeks. Six weeks? There was no way I could crash on my friends' couch and expect them to help me for that long.

That left the second option, which was really my only option. I'd have to go stay with my parents. That was almost worse than the surgery. The idea of being trapped with my mother for that long was unbearable. She'd be faffing over me, giving me her best 'I told you, you should have done this,' and 'if only you had listened to me,' and she'd be onto her favourite rendition of 'Sure, well, you're back here now, you may as well stay. What's the point of going back to Dublin when you could live here and get a job at Darcy's pub?' It was the reason I'd accepted near homelessness rather than going back home to her.

But this was different. I was injured, and I'd be incapable of caring for myself. I needed to be looked after, and right now, my mother was the only option I had.

My phone flashed with an unread message. It was scratched from the fall and the corner of the screen had a nice big crack, but it still worked. I certainly couldn't have afforded to replace it.

My friends had been texting all day to check up on me. I should have been grateful, but instead, I was still waiting, hoping for a message or a call from Remi. I still didn't understand what had happened. Was he angry with me? Annoyed that I'd caused so much trouble? Or was it something else?

I was confused, desperate for an answer, and hurt that he had seemed to cut me off so easily. But of course, this was my fault. I'd jumped in the deep end, rushing into things like I always did, and I should have known better. Why would he want me? I had nothing, just credit card debt and now a messed-up knee.

No, I'd never suit someone like Remi. He'd want someone like him, powerful and wealthy and, ideally, not homeless. I was none of those things. Not even close.

I grabbed my phone and rang my mom, bracing myself for her barrage of questions.

"Hey mom, how are you?"

"Good, nice of you to call me. I was starting to think you'd cut me out of your life for your exciting city living."

"I had an accident. Don't panic, but I'm a little injured."

"Jesus. Jonathan, Matt was in a car accident! What happened, tell me everything."

"No, mom, it wasn't a car. I tripped on a hike and-"

"What? Yes, I'll tell him. Your father wants me to tell you that you should have got the private health insurance like we told you. See, this is what happens. You get injured, and then you're stuck on the public waiting list. Are you in the emergency department?"

I rolled my eyes, defeated already. "No, mom. I was brought to the hospital, seen immediately, and I'm scheduled for surgery on my knee tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yup. Then I'll have to recuperate for a few weeks, and I was thinking... maybe I'd come and stay for a while."

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat, and I glanced to the doorway and froze.

"Mom, I have to go. I'll call you later."

"When are you coming? Matthew, what did you say?"

I hung up the phone and dropped it in my lap, suddenly wishing I'd been able to have a shower or at least brush my teeth. "Hey."

"I see you're alive and well. Are you up for visitors?" Remi looked tired, his skin pale and dark shadows hollowed his eyes.

I nodded, afraid to say anything. He'd shown up. He'd actually come back.

"I spoke to the nurse. She told me you were doing well. The benefit of youth, I guess. Are you in much pain?"

"No, they've given me this really nice morphine drip. It feels like ants are crawling on my skin, but it also feels amazing. I'm liking it." I clicked the button on the morphine drip again, the pain in my knee gnawing at me.

Remi chuckled and sat at the edge of my bed, so close but out of reach.

"I'm sorry, Matthew."

"For what?"

"For leaving you yesterday. For telling you lies when I said I didn't want things to work. I didn't mean it."

Maybe it was the morphine kicking in or maybe it was his words, but I felt like my body was made of marshmallow, and my head dipped and swooped even though I wasn't moving.

"I was scared I wasn't going to see you again. I thought you'd just wanted me for the weekend and then..." I trailed off, my head far too heavy for my neck as I flopped back onto the pillows.

"Lie down. You're not fit to have a conversation. We can talk about this more when you're better."

"I want to talk about it now." My voice sounded funny and I giggled. "I sound strange. That sounds strange. Straaaange. That's a weird word. We-ird, wo-rd. Ha. That's also funny."

Remi's expression changed from serious to amused, and he shuffled up the bed so he was sitting at my hip.

"Wow, those drugs are really hitting you now, sweetheart."

"What did you call me?"

Remi froze, eyes wide, and he took my hand in his and kissed it gently. "I was so scared of losing you. I thought you were dead. I've already lost someone I loved more than life. I never thought I'd survive that, let alone meet a second person that I could be with. If anything ever happened to you, Matthew..." His voice cracked and he broke down, sobbing as he rested his head on my chest.

I couldn't believe it. Remi did want me. He was scared of losing me. Oh my god, it wasn't all a dream or my imagination.

"I'm not going anywhere. It's okay. I'm fine. My knee is totally banjaxed, but the rest of me is still good. Except for my brain, because these drugs are really sending me loopy."

Remi smiled and leaned forward, kissing me gently. As his lips touched my skin, I felt a jolt of static electricity and I shivered.

God, I needed this man. His eyes were dark pools, and I felt my eyes sting, tears threatening to strike at the thoughts of losing him.

"Matthew, I'm so sorry for walking away like that yesterday, for being so cold, and for not even giving you an explanation. I've been so terrified of losing someone I loved again. I thought I'd moved on from the past, left it there as a dark painful memory. But I hadn't. It was in me, deep within me, and behind my poor decision yesterday. The more I'm with you, the more terrified I am of losing you. Of something bad happening to you."

Suddenly, I understood. Oh god, he was thinking something bad would happen to me if he loved me. And wait, did he say he loved me? "You know it was just a random accident and that I'll be fine?"

He nodded, and I could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard.

"You know that, don't you?" I repeated.

"I do."

My heart broke for him. "I'm not going anywhere. If you want something to happen with us, to see if we can make this work, then I'm in. All in. Every part of me, including my disfigured knee." I smiled at my feeble joke, and Remi hugged me into him, sending me to a realm of calm once again. Making me safe, and whole.

"Are you going to stay with your parents while you recuperate? Is that what you want?" He looked at me intently, and I started to feel even more out of it. It was trippy.

"Only because I have nowhere else to go."

"That's not entirely true. You can stay with me. I'll look after you. I feel sort of responsible for what happened in the first place."

"That wasn't your fault. I ripped on the slock."

The rumble of laughter made me giggle and Remi kissed my temple. "You mean you slipped on the rock?"

"Huh?"

His laughter was infectious, and I giggled again.

"I think you need to get some rest. Those drugs are really taking effect. Do you want to think things over? I'd really like you to come back with me. Let me look after you until you're back on your feet. Unless you'd rather stay some other place?"

"You're the only safe place I know," I whispered as I slipped in and out of a wonderful drugged headrush.

Maybe I imagined it, but as I drifted off, I could have sworn Remi whispered in my ear and told me what I'd longed to hear.

"I'm lost without you, nothing makes sense. I can't walk away from you, even if I'm afraid of loving you too much."

"Mmm." I couldn't get any words out, the drug-induced slumber hitting me hard.

"I promise I'll give you everything you ever wanted. Everything you deserve. You're the most incredible person, Matthew. You've helped me feel alive again, to breathe."

"I'll stay. You... place... no chickens."

"Yes, sweetheart. I'll keep the chickens away from you." He kissed my cheek and then trailed kisses along my jaw until he was brushing his mouth against mine. He pulled back, and I blinked my eyes open.

"I know I'll have to check when you're not totally drugged up, but is it decided? Are we doing this?"

"I'm off my rocker right now, but yeeaah, lez do dis."