Chapter 54: A Token of Gratitude

ELAINE

I found myself standing before the gates of what used to be my home. It was the place where my brothers and I had grown up, where we’d laughed, cried, and fought. It was the place that led to the castle I shared with Connor. But it wasn’t home anymore. We didn’t belong there.

I took a step back as everyone else moved through the gates of the Black Rose Pack. It had been so long since I’d been here, and all I could remember were the painful memories, the hurt I’d caused those who once looked up to me.

Connor paused, sensing my absence. His face filled with concern as he turned to look at me.

“Elaine?” he asked softly, causing everyone else to turn and look.

“I can’t,” I said, my voice barely a whisper.

“What are you talking about?” Yuki asked, moving to stand beside Connor. “Let’s go home.”

A pang of guilt hit me, and I dropped my gaze.

“This isn’t my home…,” I murmured, hoping they wouldn’t hear me.

Regulus frowned. “What are you saying? This is your home. You belong here, with us.”

I shook my head, clutching my arm. This place hadn’t felt like home since I’d hurt the pack, since I’d been punished by the Goddess.

Connor gently lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze.

“This will always be your home,” he said, smiling softly.

“How can you say that?” I asked, forcing a smile. “I’ve hurt so many, including you. I don’t belong here.”

Jyn grinned. “Well, dear sister, you’ve been forgiven.”

I looked up, shocked. “Forgiven?” I echoed. I turned to Connor, who was smiling at me, his hand gently caressing my face.

“Yes, although we should make you work for it,” Yuki joked, leaning against Arye, who had been silent. “I could use an extra hand with the pack, if you don’t want to stay in the castle with your brothers. You’re always welcome in my pack.”

Something inside me shifted. Was it relief? Happiness?

I blinked back tears, managing a smile.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” I said, my smile awkward.

“Yes, we do. You’re family, sister,” Arye said, catching me off guard.

Regulus nodded. “He’s right, Elaine. How could we not accept you? We’re a pack, a family. We stick together.”

I swallowed hard, shaking my head.

One by one, they smiled at me, then turned and walked into the pack.

Connor was still standing in front of me. I looked up at him.

“If you don’t want to stay here, we can find a house in another pack. I like Yuki’s pack,” he suggested.

“But you have a house, your home…,” I said, trying to understand.

“Right, but only if you want to live there with me,” he said, smiling. “We could make it our own, ~our~ new home. What do you say?”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I smiled at him. He pulled me into a hug.

“Let’s go home.”

***

After a day of rest and food, I told Connor I had some things to take care of. The first was to visit my father.

The walk from the pack to the place where he was being held was about an hour. It was a secluded spot near the Goddess’s temple, surrounded by the pack’s border.

Warriors guarded the place, and no one could visit without the king’s permission.

Connor wanted to come with me, but I asked to go alone. It was something I needed to do by myself.

A guard led me down two floors, through a maze of tunnels, to a metal door.

My father was sitting in a corner, lost in thought. It felt strange to see him like this, so distant and unreachable.

“Alpha,” I called out, my voice echoing down the hall.

A pair of guards stood at a distance, giving us some privacy.

Leaving Connor’s house had been the second hardest thing I’d ever done.

When Connor offered to walk me to the castle, I felt the weight of judgmental eyes and heard whispers of both loathing and happiness.

My father turned to look at me, his eyes slowly taking me in. He seemed different from the last time I’d seen him.

“You’re alive,” he said, his voice devoid of emotion.

“Yes, sorry to disappoint you. Sorin couldn’t kill me,” I retorted.

He said nothing, his face an emotionless mask. It annoyed me.

I sighed and began to pace.

“I heard you’re going to be punished,” I said. “The Goddess won’t show mercy.”

“Like she didn’t with you,” he shot back. I bit my tongue and turned to look at him, forcing a smile.

“I should have killed you when I had the chance,” I said, my voice filled with contempt. “But it doesn’t matter. You’ll rot here.”

“You think I wanted to kill your mother?” he asked, causing me to frown.

“You did kill her, didn’t you?” I spat. “You hated that she gave birth to a daughter. Me!”

He just stared at me.

“I never hated you, Elaine.”

“Wow, what a joke,” I said, shaking my head. “What’s next? You’re going to tell me you loved me? You’ve never said that to me! You’ve always looked at me with such contempt, such hatred, like I was the one to blame!”

“Maybe I did, but it’s because you look so much like her,” he admitted, his gaze falling to his hands. “You remind me of her to the point that all I can feel is revulsion when I see you.”

I recoiled, as if he’d physically struck me.

“Then why did you choose her as your mate?” I asked, my voice shaking. “Why be with her if you didn’t love her?”

“I did!” he shouted. “You don’t understand. Your narrow-mindedness prevents you from seeing things clearly. That’s why you’ll never be a worthy queen.”

With that, he rose from his chair, closing the distance between us until only three feet and a door separated us.

“There was a time when I loved her, when I believed in her promises, her love. I was overjoyed when she left her pack to be with me. After all, she was my mate,” he said, his gaze heavy on me.

“Your mother was deceitful. All she wanted was to be queen, to escape from her controlling mother.

“And even though she was with me, she was never truly free. She was never truly happy because of her lycan blood.

“Your own mother looked at me like I was an insect, and your grandmother continued to control her, manipulating her every move. I’ll never understand what she truly wanted.”

I clenched my fists at my sides, took a deep breath, and tried to relax. My head was pounding.

“Yeah, but it was all a fucking lie,” I said through gritted teeth. “Mother just wanted to get away from Enora. Sure, she wanted the throne, but she was happy, Alpha.

“In her diary, she wrote that she loved you.”

My father’s eyes widened.

“Diary?” he murmured.

I raised an eyebrow. He didn’t know, did he?

I reached into my pocket to pull out the diary, but stopped. I couldn’t give it to him. Not when I hadn’t yet had the chance to fully understand her, to know the whole truth.

I left the diary in my pocket and turned to leave.

“I’ll come see you another time,” I said, walking away.

“You should never have been born,” my father said, stopping me in my tracks.

My eyes widened and I spun around to glare at him.

“What did you just say?” I asked, anger rising in my chest.

“I said you should never have been born,” he repeated, and I lunged at him, but he evaded my grasp.

Growling, I tried to grab his shirt, anything to get my hands on him.

“Bastard!” I snarled. The guards were quickly approaching. “I should kill you!”

“But you can’t,” he smirked. Leaning in, he smiled. “You know, you were an accident. I was content with my boys—my pride. Of course, your brother turned out to be a disappointment. I expected more from Jyn.”

“Don’t talk about your king like that!” I roared. “He’s your son.”

“Yes.” He shrugged. “They all are, except you.” He turned away. “You’ll never be my daughter.”

I rattled the bars with all my strength, trying to tear them apart, but it was impossible. Snarling, I pushed harder. The smell of burning flesh filled my nostrils. But I didn’t care.

As the guards grabbed my arms, I growled. Ashina, taking control of my mind, wanted to rip his throat out.

As they dragged me away, I saw him glance over his shoulder. For a moment, I thought I saw a flicker of sadness cross his face, but it was gone as soon as I lost sight of him.

***

“That was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let you go there,” Jyn said, rubbing his face.

I looked to Connor for support, and he chuckled.

“It’s okay,” Connor said, reaching for my hand. The faint marks from the silver were already fading on my skin.

I pulled away. None of them understood how much it hurt, how much pain I felt hearing my own father say those things.

I rubbed my chest and closed my eyes. Tears fell into my lap as I bent over, hiding my face from them.

Blaze, Jyn, and Connor gave me space, standing at a distance. I cried until I had no more tears left, waiting for one of them to say something, but all I heard was the office door closing.

An arm wrapped around my leg, then my waist. Connor pulled me into his lap, holding me as I cried.

“Feeling better?” he asked after a while.

“I feel awful,” I whispered. My voice was hoarse from crying. “I just… he never said those words to my face before.”

I sniffed, burying my face in his neck. “I always knew he hated me, but hearing him say I was a mistake… it hurts, Connor.”

Connor didn’t say anything, which I understood. His life hadn’t been any better than mine. But at least his parents loved him in their own way.

When I heard a knock at the door, I looked up. Connor lifted me off his lap and set me in the chair. He brushed my tangled hair away from my face.

“It’s probably my mom,” he said, smiling. He kissed my temple before going to open the door.

I used my skirt to wipe my face. I must have looked a mess, with a runny nose and swollen eyes. I straightened my clothes and hair, standing to greet Connor’s mother.

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but the woman standing before me wasn’t it.

She was dressed in a forest green suit and a long fur coat, with knee-high boots and modest heels. Her hair was neatly pulled back into a bun, and her makeup was flawlessly applied.

I raised my eyebrows as I looked between her and Connor, who bore a striking resemblance to her.

“Pleasure to meet you,” she said, her smile reaching her eyes. There was a warmth in her gaze that made me feel nostalgic. “You’re the spitting image of her.”

“Mom,” Connor interjected, moving to my side and wrapping an arm around me. “Now’s not the time to stir up emotions.”

She let out a soft laugh.

“I see.”

“Nice to meet you too, and thanks for the welcome,” I replied, managing a smile. She nodded in response.

“I’ll head out. If you need anything, just mind-link me. I’ll be downstairs with Jyn,” Connor said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

He shot his mother a warning look before leaving the room, the doors closing behind him.

An awkward silence filled the room until she cleared her throat.

“Shall we sit?” she suggested, moving to take a seat.

I watched her like a predator studying its prey. She appeared fragile, but I knew there was more to her than met the eye.

From the little Connor had shared about her last night, I had a better understanding of who she was.

“I heard my mother blessed Connor when he was a baby,” I said, turning to look out the window. “You were friends with my mother, weren’t you?”

“We were more than just friends.”

“You were her beta,” I added, not taking my eyes off the view outside.

“Exactly.” She smiled, as if lost in a memory. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to endure. I may not be able to do much, but if you ever need someone, I’m here.”

“Thank you,” I replied, forcing sincerity into my voice.

She sat quietly, her hands folded in her lap, studying me.

“I heard you have her diary, the one she wrote for your grandmother,” she said. “I’m sorry it’s brought you nothing but trouble—”

“Why did my mother bless you?” I interrupted, curiosity getting the better of me. She looked surprised before letting out a chuckle.

She sighed deeply, leaning back in her chair.

“After Sorin was born,” she began, “I had trouble conceiving again. I had a miscarriage before Connor, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have another child.

“That’s when the miracle happened. I got pregnant with Connor. But I was weak. So your mother offered to help, and I accepted.”

“So she cast a blessing on you?” I asked, furrowing my brows.

“Not exactly. Well, yes, but what she really did was to help my son become stronger—”

“By giving him a lycan,” I finished for her. She looked at me as if I was the most peculiar thing she’d ever seen.

“Yes, Elaine. She saved Connor, and out of gratitude, I suggested that you two should be mates,” she said, causing me to frown.

“I know. It sounds strange, right? But I had this feeling that you two were meant to be together, and here you are. It’s a shame your mother couldn’t see it.”

I turned to face her.

“You know Enora, don’t you?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. Down on the castle grounds, I could see some pack members training. Some were sparring, while others were engaged in one-on-one fights.

I watched them with a sense of pride.

“If you’re wondering about Sorin…,” she trailed off.

“I am. I need to know why she let him escape.”

“You already know, don’t you?” she asked.

I growled in response. “Just answer the damn question!” I demanded. “Why? Why let that traitor get away?”

“That’s my son you’re talking about,” she retorted.

“And a traitor!” I shot back, my anger flaring. “He’s been playing me all along. He tried to kill me! Can’t you see that?”

Her expression hardened as I huffed, struggling to keep my inner wolf, Ashina, under control.

“I once loved him,” I admitted, closing my eyes. “I trusted him.”

“I know,” she whispered, catching me off guard. “You loved him more than anything in this world.”

I clenched my fists, my knuckles turning white from the pressure.

“And I’m grateful for that.” I looked up, surprised by her words.

“You’re grateful?” I echoed, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Leaving him when he was young, I know, damaged him in some way, and now I understand the price I had to pay.”

“But he never loved me back,” I said, taking a seat across from her. “He only wanted what I had.”

“And that’s still what you want, isn’t it?” She smiled at me.

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out.

“Don’t look so shocked,” she laughed. “I can see it’s always been your dream, and your mother would have been proud.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” I murmured, feeling defeated. “I would have only disappointed her.”

“Maybe because of the way you got there, but she was your mother, and mothers always forgive their children’s mistakes.”

A small smile tugged at my lips.

Without thinking, my hand moved to my belly, where memories of that day came flooding back. I quickly pulled my hand away, aware of her gaze on me.

“Someday you’ll be a mother,” she said, causing me to look up. “And when you are, you’ll understand.”

I shook my head.

“A mother… I can’t be that,” I replied, looking out the window where dark clouds were gathering.

“It’s going to snow soon,” she commented. “You have a lot to think about, Elaine.”

I glanced at her.

“Like what?” I asked.

She gave me a knowing look and rested her cheek on her hand.

***

“Elaine, wake up,” Connor’s voice drifted into my dream, pulling me back to reality.

I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. I was no longer wearing the clothes I had on earlier, but a crumpled camisole.

“When did I fall asleep?” I yawned, stretching.

“After you left the table,” he began, taking my hand and pressing a kiss to my palm.

The bracelet on my wrist slid down, reminding me of something I needed to do.

“Is Darian okay?” I asked. Connor just hummed in response. “I’m asking you something serious.”

“And I’m not in the mood to answer,” he shot back. I tried to pull away, but his grip was firm, pulling me into his chest. “You can talk to him tomorrow. He asked for you earlier, anyway.”

“He did?” I asked, as Connor leaned in to kiss me.

“Yes,” he murmured between kisses. “I know you two have a lot to discuss, but I want my time with you too.”

I shook my head, a smile playing on my lips.

“I missed you,” I admitted, tugging at his hair. His curls bounced around his face.

“I missed you a thousand times more,” he whispered back.

I gave him my best smile, pulling him closer until our breaths mingled. His skilled mouth consumed me as if there was no tomorrow.

“Connor,” I murmured against his lips. He hummed in response. “I need to go to the temple.”

He stiffened at that. His face twisted into a scowl as he pushed me away.

“You have no business there,” he retorted.

I moved to get off the bed, grabbing my robe and turning to face him.

I knew this would upset him, but I had something to discuss with the Moon Goddess.

“Connor, please,” I pleaded, but he just shook his head. He stood then, running his fingers through his hair, making it a wild crown of curls.

“You can’t go back!” he argued. “What’s so important that you have to go there, huh? Do you want her to despise you? Are you so desperate to reclaim that throne?”

At that, I flinched. Connor noticed and sighed, his shoulders slumping.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, reaching for me, but I stepped back.

Feeling as if he had slapped me, I turned and left him.

***

The night breeze and falling snow brought a sense of calm to my anxious mind. Small flakes of snow fell into my open hand, melting into tiny droplets of water.

I lowered my hand and looked out into the woods. The castle stood in the distance on a hill, its lights watching over us.

I could hear the distant sound of footsteps. Patrols were likely scouting the area at this time.

With a smile, I leaned over the rail, my gaze still on the castle.

My brothers were now living as a family. I didn’t feel resentment, but a sense of distance. It might sound absurd, since I could be there if I wanted, but it didn’t feel like my place.

Not after Connor saw my pain and stopped insisting that I move back to the castle with him.

It was true we had a place there, since my brother was king and we were once king and queen. But I felt like I didn’t belong there.

I didn’t fit in there.

Turning away from the castle, I was about to head back inside when I caught sight of a shadow near the edge of the woods. I pretended not to notice and closed the curtains, leaning against them.

Connor was still in the room. I could hear soft music playing. Wrapping my robe tightly around me, I hurried down the stairs and out into the garden.

The figure was still standing in the shadows of the trees.

“Come out,” I commanded. Sorin stepped out, a smile playing on his lips.

I glared at him from where I stood.

Looking closer, I noticed he was missing an arm. So it wasn’t a lie that one of his arms had been torn off.

“It’s good to see you looking so well, Elaine.” Sorin smiled. I glanced around us. We were alone.

“I can’t say the same,” I smirked, looking at his arm. “How does it feel? You know, not being able to ~shift~.”

Sorin maintained his smile, as if my comment didn’t faze him.

“You have something I want,” he said, tilting his head as if he was enjoying my anger.

“I have nothing,” I retorted. He just chuckled.

“You have more than you think, Elaine. For starters, that crown that belongs to you,” he smirked.

I watched him, confused.

“I’m no longer queen,” I replied. “So I can’t give you that, and if I remember correctly, the packs are hunting for you, so you should leave and never come back.”

“Can you stop acting so high and mighty?” he snapped back. “It seems your arrogance is the only thing you haven’t lost. I don’t want to be king of this place.”

“Then what?” I asked.

Sorin moved closer until we were just a few feet apart. I glanced up nervously at the windows.

I didn’t want Connor to know his brother was here. It would cause chaos, alerting the entire pack, and I didn’t want that.

I needed information from Sorin.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gone before he notices me,” Sorin assured me.

“You haven’t answered my question.”

Sorin circled me, his eyes raking over me with a hunger that made me uncomfortable.

He was acting like the psychopath I had met back in the city.

Unaware of his presence behind me, I was looking around when his fingers curled around my hair and tugged hard. I bit down, suppressing the pain.

~This isn’t the time~, I told myself. ~Everything in due time.~

Taking a deep breath, Sorin smiled.

“There’s only one place I want, and it’s by your side on that throne you so desire deep down,” Sorin hissed in my ear.

“There’s no such thing!” I snapped.

“Oh yes there is,” he chuckled, his breath tickling the back of my neck. “You know exactly what place I’m talking about.”

I extended my nails, turning to swipe at him, but he jumped back. His laughter echoed into the night.

Seeing the lights coming on out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at Sorin, who stood calmly.

“You’ve got two weeks to make up your mind. Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about. You crave it,” he said, a smirk playing on his lips.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” I shot back, my words coming out through clenched teeth.

“Sure you do,” he replied, turning his back to me. I could hear the sound of Connor’s hurried footsteps echoing down the staircase.

“When you’re ready to stop playing dumb, let me know. I’ll send someone with a way for you to reach me once you’ve made your decision.”

With that, Sorin vanished into the shadowy depths of the forest. The front door of the house swung open and Connor rushed to my side.

I stood there, lost in my thoughts, barely registering Connor’s frantic shaking. Sorin’s words were all I could focus on.

I stepped back from Connor, wrapping my arms around myself. The night seemed colder than usual.

“Elaine!” Connor’s voice cut through the silence, but I shut my eyes, trying to block out the world. “Where did he go?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered.

“That’s a lie! You saw him leave!” he accused, his voice rising. “I’m going to mind-link the pack.”

“No!” I protested. Connor’s expression hardened, a low growl escaping his lips.

“Why not?” he demanded. His question hung heavy in the air.

I glanced over my shoulder towards the edge of the forest, then turned and walked back into the house.