Chapter 35: Silence Speaks More than Words

ELAINE

I’d spent my whole life pretending to be happy. I’d smiled. I’d laughed. I’d even forced myself to feel. But it was never genuine.

I’d faked so many emotions just to get by with my family, especially my father, who had only ever caused me pain.

My brothers knew what our father was doing. But none of them ever stood up to him, or challenged his rules and his picture-perfect family.

He took away the most important person in our lives, and no one ever talked about it, even though they were hurting too, feeling the same pain and anger.

I’d always wondered why they never fought back, why they never yelled at him, defied him, or went against his orders.

I didn’t understand until I read my mother’s diary, the one Jyn secretly gave me without my father knowing.

The day I was born, my father killed our mother for a simple mistake—giving birth to a girl.

And because of that, I became who I am today, and I decided to take matters into my own hands, even if it meant severing my connection with the Moon Goddess.

Over time, I had my doubts.

I was even scared to do anything that might anger my father, anything that might make him send me away to the cities under the guise that his only daughter was ashamed of being a wolf.

But what he didn’t expect was that I was born a lycan.

I had the blood of a lycan, like my brothers, but mine was pure like my mother’s and her family’s.

My brothers’ lycans were ordinary. Mine had a red mane that marked us as descendants of true lycans. And because my lycan looked exactly like my mother’s, he had no choice but to accept it.

Of course, he didn’t know what I really looked like, since he never paid enough attention to me to see me shift. Eventually, I had to, and my brothers discovered that I was a pure lycan like our mother.

My father despised me, and he despised me even more when he found out what I looked like.

Only my father and I knew about the conversation we had just before my wedding ceremony, a secret conversation that not even Connor knew about.

And, as expected, it didn’t go the way he wanted. I take pride in saying that I laughed in his face when he saw my true form, when he discovered what he had been so foolishly unaware of.

Still, he looked down on me. Still, he called me a disgrace and a daughter he didn’t love.

Was I surprised? No. But what made me the angriest was that I often blamed Jyn for everything.

As the oldest, it was his job to protect me. But he was a coward, and even though I never said it out loud, he knew that deep down I had no respect for him.

Still, I loved him too much to hold onto that anger for long.

My brothers had always been there for me—through every fight, every victory, every word. They slowly earned my trust and respect, and behind their backs, I betrayed them.

I did the unthinkable. I ruined their lives, and everyone else’s, including my own.

I felt all that start to change when ~he~ came into my life.

When Connor barged into my life and turned everything upside down. When he decided it was his job to make my life a living hell every single day.

And yet, I kept pushing him away. Every chance I got, I fought the urge to put him in his place, to keep him away from me and any feelings he stirred in my heart.

I foolishly and blindly rejected him.

I rejected the love he offered me.

***

I stared at the white and blue ceiling where a small chandelier hung, swaying in the slight breeze that blew into the room.

It took me a moment to realize I was in a hospital room inside the castle.

How long had I been there? I didn’t know, but it felt like I hadn’t been awake for a while.

Slowly, I lowered my gaze to the shadowy figure standing in front of the large window.

I blinked a few times before noticing he wasn’t standing. He was leaning out the window, the wind tousling his messy brown hair.

His hunched shoulders and the occasional flexing of his muscles were signs of stress.

It was strange seeing him like this, since he was always so alert, but right now it felt like we were strangers, like he didn’t care that I was awake.

I tried to sit up slowly, but that was a mistake. My whole body ached, forcing me to lie back down with a groan.

I called for Ashina, but she didn’t respond. I tried again and again, until I started to worry. Why wasn’t she responding?

I couldn’t feel her at all.

Panicking, I rubbed my hand over my chest. I closed my eyes and tried to summon her, but nothing.

I rubbed harder as I started to have a panic attack. As I mumbled her name, someone grabbed my wrist, stopping me.

I gasped as I opened my eyes and saw Connor’s angry face.

For a moment, we just stared at each other until he finally let go of my wrist and I took a deep breath, realizing I was dizzy.

“Calm down,” Connor commanded.

His voice sounded different, which was strange.

I looked at the nightstand next to the bed. There was a small tray with some water and pills.

I quickly reached for the water, ready to take some and clear my head.

“No,” Connor said, grabbing my arm.

“What?” I stuttered.

“Don’t. You need to calm down, Elaine,” Connor said, forcing me to turn away from the table. “I need you to listen to me.”

“Can you let go?” I managed to say.

I bit the inside of my cheek, annoyed that the only way I could respond to Connor was with hostility.

He blinked before sitting down and holding both my arms.

“Connor!” I protested.

“Ashina is gone,” Connor blurted out.

All my annoyance vanished as I processed what he had just said.

I stared at him—really stared—before I started laughing.

“Stop joking,” I laughed. “Ashina is there.”

Connor’s lips formed a hard line while his fingers tightened around my skin.

“Ashina’s just resting,” I assured him. “I can feel her.”

But it was a lie. A blatant, desperate lie.

I wasn’t sure why I said it. Maybe I was trying to convince myself more than anyone else. To keep the panic at bay.

Connor’s gaze dropped to my lips, and I felt them quiver in response.

Embarrassed, I looked away.

Without another word, I pulled back, climbed out of bed, and bolted from the room.

If anyone had the answers I needed, it was her. And to find her, I had to get to the temple. No matter what.

Behind me, I heard Connor’s shouts. My body was screaming in protest, but I forced myself to keep moving, to keep running, to stay conscious.

Just like I’d been doing ever since I discovered my life meant nothing to my father.

I burst through the doors and kept running. Several members of the pack, my brothers included, spotted me.

They gave chase, but I knew the layout of the pack lands like the back of my hand. I veered off, slipping through a narrow passage that led outside the castle walls.

Barefoot and clad only in a camisole, I sprinted through the tight space between the castle and the pack lands. It was a secret passage I’d memorized during my explorations.

Pausing to catch my breath, I leaned against the wall. My chest was on fire, each breath a struggle.

I was well and truly fucked, in every sense of the word. I couldn’t feel Ashina, couldn’t sense the bond that connected us.

It was a terrifying realization, especially knowing I still owed the Goddess. Her games were beyond my comprehension, but the more I played, the clearer her goal became.

She wanted me to become human.

Pushing off the wall, I continued on my way. I glanced around. I was alone.

As quietly as I could, I climbed over the fence and jumped. The dense forest greeted me with an unsettling silence.

Without Ashina, venturing here was risky, especially with hunters on the prowl.

But I had to reach the temple. I had to confront the Goddess and demand answers. Why was she doing this to me? Why break our agreement?

I tripped over a branch and fell to my knees. I groaned as the sharp edges of branches and rocks dug into my skin.

Panting, I got to my feet. My vision swam for a moment and I reached out to steady myself against a tree.

The night was eerily quiet, the only sounds the chirping of crickets and the babbling of a stream nearby.

Was this what it felt like to be human? To be without Ashina?

Swallowing my fear, I kept running until I reached the stream.

“Finally,” I gasped, collapsing onto the ground.

The world spun around me, making me nauseous. I rolled onto my side and rested my head on my arms.

The temple was still a three-hour run away. I needed all the strength I could muster, and I had to avoid the patrols so they wouldn’t find me.

I lay there, panting, until a distant howl made me curse.

Connor must have sent the guards or the patrol to look for me. He wanted me back, but he wasn’t going to get me.

I got up, weary but determined, and followed the stream until I heard a rustling from the other side.

Panic surged through me and I froze. Was it the patrol? Or my brothers?

I clenched my fists and glanced over my shoulder. Someone was definitely hiding there.

Pretending not to notice, I kept walking, hyper-aware of the presence behind me. I rounded a bend in the river and picked up the pace when I realized they were falling behind.

Grinning, I broke into a run, but something appeared out of nowhere and knocked me off my feet.

I gasped as the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. Someone had hit me square in the face, aiming to knock me out.

“Well, well, aren’t we lucky,” a deep, gruff voice chuckled as I cradled my injured mouth. “You came right to us.”

I opened my eyes to see a slender figure looming over me. His face was hidden by a black hood, making him unrecognizable.

All I could see were his blue eyes, staring down at me.

I tried to scramble away, but he grabbed my ankle. I kicked at him, but he caught my other leg, laughing at my feeble attempts to fight back.

“You’re wasting your energy, Elaine,” he said.

I stiffened at his words. He knew my name?

“Now I see why he’s so smitten with you,” he chuckled. “You’re quite the looker, despite being rotten to the core.”

Furious, I swung my arm and slapped him. The sound echoed through the silent night.

I cradled my aching hand to my chest.

I expected him to retaliate, to hit me back. Instead, he snapped his fingers and six more men emerged from the trees.

“You’re going to regret that, Elaine,” he hissed, standing up.

I watched in horror as four of them circled me and grabbed my arms, pinning me to the ground.

“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded as they forced my arms above my head.

One of them pulled out a knife and leaned over me, tearing my camisole to shreds.

I watched in horror as they laughed.

“Cut her hair, and tie her up,” the leader ordered.

“No!” I screamed, struggling against them. But it was no use. I was weak, and Ashina was nowhere to be found.

As I fought them, a loud roar echoed nearby. The men continued to bind me, seemingly unconcerned by the approaching threat.

They forced me to my feet, one of them yanking my hair so hard I cried out. Weak and exhausted, I dropped to my knees as the knife glinted ominously in the moonlight.

“No, no, please!” I begged as another man held my head steady.

Tears streamed down my face as they cut my hair.

“Time to go,” the leader ordered, turning away.

I tried to wriggle free, but someone hit me hard on the neck, making my vision go black for a moment.

Without a second thought, they hoisted me over someone’s shoulder and took off running.

My head lolled as the sound of heavy footsteps grew closer. I tried to lift my head, but my vision blurred again.

With a loud roar, the group sped down a cliff.

“Say your goodbyes,” the hunter murmured, his breath hot against my cheek.

The final image that seared into my mind before darkness claimed me was Khan’s face—twisted in fury, his howl echoing through the night.