champagne problems

Thursday came, and I was back in the oh-so-fancy allure of Oikawa's world. Not to be dramatic, but adult birthday parties might be what we'll endure in the depths of hell. Upon entering, I immediately hated these people. They stood with their chins up and paraded the room wearing their fancy cocktail dresses and fitted suits. I especially hated how they all settled in glassy-eyed pods while exhausted servers circled them with trays of champagne and chocolate cake. I was stuck in-between the two worlds: one that belonged to the rich, and the silenced one that belonged to the poor. I hated it all. Why was I even here, shifting through crowds of opulent strangers?

Have to find Oikawa. Have to find Oikawa.

No matter how many times I called him on my phone, I could't find Oikawa in his own house. I floated through endless rooms, searching for him, like some moth lost in the darkness. I did not belong... God, I really did not belong.

Then, I heard a familiar voice.

"Iwaizumi?" a honey-sweet voice called out.

I turned around, locking eyes with a stunning face. She stood across from me in a scarlet dress, pushing her side-swept bangs behind her ear. Her smile, like Oikawa's, was one that could be spotted on billboards and magazine covers. Nakamura Ainu. It was as if time had not passed; our cheeks turned red upon recognizing each other.

"Miss. Nakamura," I called out, stepping toward her, "you look lovely tonight. I'm honored to be invited to your birthday celebration. Thank you for having me here."

"Please, just call me Ainu." She placed her delicate hands on my shoulder. "Well, look at you! I'm happy that you're here. Oikawa was so excited about your reunion, and truly, it makes me happy to see you two reconnect. I guess you can say that we've both grown up since we last saw each other."

"Ah, yeah. Time is weird. I'm glad that high school is over with."

"Oh, me too. I just got a flashback of those years of getting bullied and feeling like a nobody. Tokyo is certainly a different world. Dreams really do come true here."

"I don't think I'm there yet," I replied with an embarrassed earnestness, "but I agree. There's something about this place. Dreams feel less out-of-reach? Ah, adulthood, amiright?"

Before Ainu could respond, the clink clink of a wine glass silenced the entire room. On the kitchen table, Oikawa stood, tall and proud. "HELLO, EVERYONE! Woo-hoo! Up here! I'd like to make a toast for a spectacular human being!" he exclaimed to the entire room. Ainu covered her rosy face, and the crowd broke out into a cheer. I stepped away and hid within the crowds of unnamed folks.

"Oh my. Oh my," she whispered to herself.

"Ainu, my beautiful partner, inspires me each and every day. Today, we've come together to celebrate her life and the extraordinary things about this woman," Oikawa laid his piercing, brown eyes only on Ainu's. As he spoke, the room melted into a buttery pool of infatuation.

"I met Ainu in high school when we were young and clueless teenagers, and since then, she has been my rock and source of light. For so many years, we've supported, uplifted, and loved each other through the ups and downs of life. She taught me more about passion, trust, and friendship than any other woman on this planet. She is more than a lover. She is an inspiration to us all, the hardest worker on this planet, and a symbol of selflessness."

The entire room gushed, and Oikawa continued, "Many people don't know this, but while I'm on this table, I just have to share a bit more about her. You see, growing up, Ainu worked two jobs, supported her entire family, and still managed to chase after her goals. From painting murals for the world's biggest cities to opening her own art gallery, she never ceases to amaze me. Ainu, you are the most inspiring person I have ever met. Thank you for your love and kindness. I don't know what I would do without you. That's all from me, folks! Happy Birthday, Ainu!"

Everyone cheered, clapping and applauding with a ferocious zeal.

I too celebrated with those around me, but for some reason, an inexplicable emotion pierced my insides. My chest was met with an invisible blow. It was a feeling I had not experienced in a long time. I couldn't pinpoint why a beautiful speech would leave me in such a puddle of melancholy. It was a strange feeling. I wondered if anyone else in the room felt the way I was feeling.

The crowd formed a walkway for Ainu. It was as if they were recreating Moses's parting of the Red Sea. Oikawa hopped off the table and dashed toward her. I thought people only did these melodramatic gestures in Korean romance flicks. I knew Oikawa always loved attention, but this perception of him was unlike anything I'd seen before. This was certainly a performance for a room of origami people. I watched everyone's fake smiles, over-the-top expressions...

When Oikawa kissed Ainu, the people cheered again. Wow, so much cheering.

Their kiss was gentle and passionate. I stood in silence, watching them and not knowing how to respond. The night I walked in on them, my muscles and bones locked into place. Now, here I stood, once again, frozen in fear. My heart beat to a rapid rhythm. Oh, I did not like this feeling. It was an awful, awful feeling to have.

Oikawa words, from five years ago, echoed in my head. Iwaizumi... Why are you still here? Please just leave. but this time, I stayed. There was no reason for me to leave.

_____

Oikawa never got the chance to really be with me... not that he had too; it was his girlfriend's birthday. Yet, I couldn't lie to myself. Disappointment became my best friend for the night.

Although it was Ainu's birthday, people were so focused on Oikawa. Conversations were about his volleyball career, his projects, his retirement, his future plans. Ainu's presence felt like subcategory in these people's discussions. I almost felt bad for her.

When Oikawa did spot me in the crowd (finally), he was already tipsy off of many rounds of champagne and whiskey shots.

He uttered a drunk mumble. "Iwaizumi... oh my... oh my god... I couldn't tell you... really... I could not tell you... just how... happy I am... that you are here. You... and Ainu... are... ah, are so special to me... It is so nice that... you're here... I'm so happy you're back in my life... I couldn't even express how much I've been missing you... You don't even know... It is so... Oh. I have something to say. A secret is that—"

I grabbed Oikawa's shoulders before he tipped over and fell into the crowd behind him.

"Oikawa, I think it's time for you to go to bed."

Ainu found us and gave me a hand. "Sorry, I'm so sorry," she apologized for Oikawa. "You shouldn't be worrying about this. He gets... he's been getting carried away at parties. This is a pretty recent thing, him getting a bit too... drunk." I gave her a curious look. I'd never experienced Oikawa's destructive side before. "He started acting like this a few days after the announcement of his retirement. I think he's been adjusting and coping."

His weight fell into mine. I pulled his arm around my shoulders.

"Let's bring him to bed?"

She nodded. Ainu took his other arm, and slowly and carefully, we walked Oikawa to their room. For a moment, Ainu and I were like two, exhausted parents who wanted nothing more than their high-energy son to fall asleep. It was a team effort between the two of us.

Once in bed, Oikawa curled up like an innocent child. Eevee hopped onto the mattress and fell asleep by his legs. Ainu laughed. "Sometimes, I have to fight both Oikawa and Eevee for a spot in bed," she bent down and kissed Oikawa's nose. "Thanks for helping me, by the way. It hurts seeing him like this."

Her voice shivered. A blue heartache cloaked every word.

We left their room, and Ainu led me to the balcony. Most of the guests had gone home at this point. She let her hair down, threw her high heels off, and wrapped her body in Oikawa's leather coat. She looked ethereal yet ghostly beneath the moonlight.

"I never liked big crowds," she revealed, letting out a relieved sigh. "Do you want to know something funny?"

"What is it?" I smiled.

"Keep this between the two of us, but I couldn't name half of those people!" Ainu looked down at the streetlamps, illuminating the roads below us. "Oikawa got really excited about my birthday, but I've always been a bit too introverted for these things."

"Do you think you've changed?"

"Hm, perhaps. I don't know how to tell him that I'm not as wild and out-there as I once was... Those early days, when we first moved to Tokyo, feel so far away. Less parties. More work to get done. Acquaintances come and go. People can be tiring."

"I understand how you feel." I really did relate with Ainu. "I hope you had a good night, despite it all. I have to say, I learned a lot about you tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah, it made me happy to hear about your gallery's success. I didn't even know that you were the one who created those murals around Tokyo and in this house until some random person told me! You're no longer the shy girl I saw when we were kids, making art even after school hours. You're this accomplished human being... It's cool seeing you in this light."

Ainu blushed. "That means a lot coming from you, Iwaizumi."

"Well, I'm just a nobody, so remember all of the people who came tonight and literally applauded their admiration for you. A lot of people love you, you know?"

"Don't say that about yourself. You deserve to see light in yourself too, so be kinder to yourself." She paused, staring at the moon. "This may sound like a stupid question, but what was Oikawa like before him and I met?"

I remembered us as best friends again, years before we drifted apart from each other. "Oh, easy. He always had an adventure and loved dragging me out of my room and into some crafty scheme he'd plan out for us." I thought about Oikawa and our old memories. "However, I've been realizing that, deep-down, he's still the same guy. Kind of funny how life changes, but some people remain the same old, same old version of themselves. In the best way possible, of course."

"Hm, that's pretty interesting." She rested her cheek against the metal rail. "You're right, it's funny how life works out, uh?"

I glanced at her delicate features, elegant and melancholy. Ainu was everything I was not: intelligent, successful, and beloved. She had Oikawa, her dreams, and accomplishments. I had five bartending shifts each week, expired noodles, and a shoebox apartment.

I imagined Oikawa, reaching for Ainu's hand in the rain, touching the softness of each other's lips, and wrapping his arms around her waist in their king-sized bed.

After Ainu, why would he ever kiss me again? Seeing her, I understood why. Years ago, when we were young and foolish, why did we do the things we did? Ainu's beauty explained why Oikawa wanted "to be a normal guy again". Even today, those words still stung, but her angelic nature made me understand a sliver of Oikawa's past reasoning.

She was perfect. Bright and kind. Generous and inspiring. We were the same age. We came from the same hometown. We had similar upbringings. Yet, she was everything I could not become, and she had everything I did not have. For so many years, she had Oikawa and all of his love.

I was your average joe, another person lost in the crowd.

When Oikawa fell in love with her, I lost everything we'd built since we were five years old. My childhood best friend slipped away for what felt like forever. For years, I was no longer in his life.

Though, I could never get upset at Ainu. As we sat together, I saw the shy and innocent parts of her high school self. I wondered if she also saw parts of the old Iwaizumi. What do we still carry as adults? How are we all living in the madness of Tokyo? Perhaps, even as grown-ups, humans never fully abandon their childhood selves.

"I know we never got to know each other very well back in high school," I admitted, "but thank you for what you've done for Oikawa. He really wouldn't be where he is now if it weren't for you."

"You really think so?"

I remembered seeing Oikawa and Ainu stay on campus, the two of them always on their daily grind. Oikawa practicing his serves for endless hours. Ainu, who turned the art classroom into her second home. The two of them worked harder than anyone else at Aoba Johsai High.

"Of course."

"That means the world, Iwaizumi."

I settled into my vulnerable honesty. Ainu wiped the fading lipstick off of her lips. I closed my eyes but could still sense how the moon illuminated the dark sky. One by one, guests left the building. After a few yawns, Ainu and I wished each other a restful goodnight. She soon slipped into bed with Oikawa. I slowly made my way back home.

Walking across the street, back to my small apartment, I couldn't help but recognize an unbearable loneliness fester within me. I wanted to cry, but I was not able to give myself a reason or explanation to why I should. I couldn't just mindlessly sob.

In bed, I quietly recited Oikawa's speech. I met Ainu in high school when we were still young and clueless teenagers, and since then, she has been my rock and source of light. For so many years, we've supported, uplifted, and loved each other through the ups and downs of life.

Oikawa spoke about Ainu with an outpour of memories.

Ainu spent these last few years seeing Oikawa grow into the person he'd always wanted to be, and I was completely absent from his life. I grew up with Oikawa, but Ainu got to see him actually, truly grow up.

In elementary school, Oikawa and I promised each other that we would be friends forever. I couldn't wait for us to grow up together. It was my biggest wish, something I'd always hoped for since we were kids.

Tonight, I realized how we weren't able to fulfill that promise.

I think this is what we call sadness and remorse, Iwaizumi, I could almost hear my mother say.

They had each other, but I could not tell you a single thing about this new, adult Oikawa beyond what I had already known. After our rift, I could no longer say that I truly knew Oikawa. We were children at the time. Too much time had passed.

I would do anything to rewind time and repair our friendship. I would be a happy man if I got to see what Ainu got to experience, to see Oikawa grow out of his teenage years and into who he is now, but there was no way to make up for our lost time.

All I could do was grieve for the memories I never had.

I touched my bare chest. The sadness and loneliness made my skin cold to the touch. I finally understood why I felt the way I did, and once the realization settled in, I cried. That night, I cried until I was left with nothing except my fragile body, the empty silence, and the cloudy stretch of twilight.